


In the Rain, I'll Give You Sunshine

by OneHundredSuns



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, BAMF Isabelle Lightwood, Canon - TV, Canon Divergence, Dancing, Demons, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Jealousy, M/M, Magic, Past Mentions of Alec/Lydia, Romance, Series Spoilers, The Circle, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vampires, Violence, Warlocks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 03:50:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 91,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6549409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneHundredSuns/pseuds/OneHundredSuns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Magnus doesn't interrupt Alec and Lydia's wedding, they get married as planned and Magnus escapes to parts unknown. Yet it's never too late to get a second chance for something real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Off The Path

**Author's Note:**

> I said I wasn’t going to start this until I was done with something else, but thanks to an enabling Beta and my lack of self control, here it is. Besides more Malec in any form is never a bad thing, right? No worries though I haven’t abandoned by other movie!Malec fics—in fact I am in the middle of the next chapter for ALGW. In any case I’d just like to thank everyone for all of their support on all of my Malec fics; you guys make writing this pairing even more fun. <3
> 
> I’d try to explain when this starts but it’ll be unraveled in fic so I’ll just warn for spoilers for the entire first season to be safe. Expect more tags/rating to rise.
> 
> To Becky, Lacey & Jonesy; thanks for letting me whisper Malec at you. xD

Chapter One: Off The Path

To Alec Lightwood the world was divided into absolutes and it had been that way since he was a child. He knew that if he obeyed his parents and the Clave he would never have any serious problems in life. Well perhaps the tough heat of battle but that was to be expected when you were a Shadowhunter. However all of that changed when he began to slowly realize none of the Shadowhunter girls interested him. In fact _no girls_ interested him at all, especially not as much as Jace did. Being an intelligent sort of person he understood quite quickly what was _wrong_ with him and resigned himself to a life of outright denying the strange feelings he was experiencing for his adopted brother. Those feelings only intensified as Jace grew stronger, more handsome and eventually suggested they become parabatai. Alec knew he’d never have Jace the way he wanted—the depraved, hidden way he wished wasn’t true—so he agreed to the parabatai bond because at least it was something.

At least it meant they were closer than two people possibly could be.

And for a while that was okay. For a while things were normal and he hunted with the people who meant the most to him. Ran the New York Institute with the blessing of his parents and the Clave, and kept the little mundanes of the city safe. Of course all of that changed the moment Clary Fray tripped into their lives and spun it upside down. His feelings for Jace brought out jealously in him he’d never experienced before where she was concerned. Caused him to put them all in danger and pull away from Jace in order to keep his deep dark secret hidden.

Not to mention her true parentage of being the dreadful Valentine Morgenstern’s daughter _and_ her connection to the Mortal Cup set them all on a path of no return; throwing them into Downworlder business and dangerous situations. In essence her “awakening” screwed up everything and forced them all to make decisions they otherwise wouldn’t have had to.

His sister Isabelle gave up her faerie boyfriend and adopted a more…subdued disposition.

His parents lost their foothold and respect with the Clave and became desperate to regain it.

He lost the Institute because of so many unsanctioned missions and had to follow the lead of a stranger. And while Lydia Branwell hadn’t been totally horrible she was still an interloper. The Clave’s artful way of saying the Lightwoods had failed in the mission appointed to them and now needed to be supervised for the first time in years. Isabelle and Jace rebelling against Lydia’s authority to side with Clary just made him want to cling to the rules even more. So he had and…well things got a lot worse before they got better.

And the one bright spot in the form of dark eyes and a rakish grin was snuffed out before it really started to shine because of duty and honor. Alec wasn’t stupid; there was no way he could keep Magnus Bane in _any_ capacity when the reputation of his entire family name was at stake. When he was the only one who could mend ties and perhaps fix the horrible mistakes Maryse and Robert Lightwood had made in the past when it came to the Circle. 

_Maybe you should start living for yourself…_ Magnus had said.

 _The Branwells are an old, respectable family…_ others’ whispered.

 _We rule with our heads, not with our hearts…_ Lydia had told him.

For as cold and repressed as he undoubtedly was, Alec _loved_ his family with every fiber of his being, way more than he loved himself. So in the end he’d pushed down his own wants and desires and did the only thing he thought actually made a certain kind of sense. He’d asked Lydia to marry him for the good of their species and their combined interests. He’d wanted to fix the Lightwood name and she’d wanted her own Institute to run and this way they both got something out of the deal.

Alec wasn’t dumb however. Arranged marriages hardly ever worked out in that fairytale way they did in stories even if they were quite common among Shadowhunters. Marrying for anything other than love had disaster written all over it but he convinced himself it was for the best and refused to be moved. Besides at least this way his secret—such as it was—stayed buried. His parents would never find out and since Lydia knew this was about power not love; there were no expectations beyond a simple fortuitous match.

In the end after all was said and done—after Isabelle’s anger finally cooled and Jace finally deigned to return to the Institute with Clary, Magnus had been the one he’d dreaded finding out the most. They hadn’t exactly had a lot of time to blossom into anything more than flirting and a few profound conversations, but Alec knew he was giving up something special to fix the mess Clary had helped put them in. And if he hadn’t seeing the expression on Magnus’ face when he broke the news made it all too clear. It sucked because Magnus was _magical_ and he had a way about him that Alec wanted to lose himself in for days. But that wasn’t his fate and he decided—quite emotionlessly—to play the hand life was dealing.

It hurt even more that Magnus _understood_. He was hurt and dejected but he _understood_ and Alec realized if he allowed himself to focus on what he was honestly feeling it would make everything crumble around him. It was easier to keep fighting with Jace and listen to what Lydia was whispering into his ear. And then the Inquisitor showed up and Isabelle was on trial for treason and for one brief moment nothing else mattered but taking care of his little sister like he’d always promised he would. 

Thankfully Isabelle had been saved and the Clave mostly placated once seeing the Cup was safe. Though their disdain for the Lightwoods remained intact, probably rushing to the surface after years of being forced to _play nice_ due to past deals and pardons.

Anyway although everyone put up _very_ compelling arguments as to why he didn’t have to marry Lydia with Magnus’ being above and beyond, he did it anyway. He stood before family, friends and the entire Institute and took the marriage runes with a woman he hardly knew and would never love. For one small second when the front doors had rattled he’d thought it was Magnus coming to interrupt but it had just been the wind.

Fifteen months later and he _still_ wondered what would he have done if Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, had actually strolled through those doors.

The world would never know.

“Alec? Alec are you listening to me?”

Alec blinked and turned his attention to where Isabelle stood, hands on her hips and eyebrows raised. “Sorry. What were you saying?”

She smiled gently and squeezed his shoulder. “It’s okay. You have a lot on your mind and I suppose technically I shouldn’t even be bothering you with this.”

He gazed at the computer screen in front of him. “It’s fine. No matter what is happening I am still the head of this Institute and Valentine is still out there.”

Isabelle nodded. “Why do you think he’s been doing these random skirmishes lately?”

He folded his arms over his broad chest. “Trying to draw us out? Hoping that we’ll make a mistake so that he can get his hands on the Cup? Who really knows why Valentine does what he does. But now that he can’t use Hodge as his errand boy I guess he’s trying a new course of action.”

Isabelle sighed. “I still can’t believe Hodge tried to betray us…and after all we had done for him. We treated him like family.”

Alec shrugged. “Family doesn’t mean to others what it means to us. And we’re not blood so…”

“Still…we’ve known him all our lives.” Biting her bottom lip, she frowned. “You’d think that would count for something.”

“Well it didn’t.” He replied tonelessly. “He wanted to be free of this place more. Now he has to answer to the Clave for trying to steal the Mortal Cup from under our noses. Mother said his cell in Idris is especially _cozy_ , not that he seems to care. Sometimes I think we should have let Jace beat the shit out of him.”

“Yeah like that would have solved anything.” Isabelle mused. “Jace has enough on his plate without adding that particular dose of guilt into the mix. He’s been searching almost non-stop for Valentine. I thought after what happened with Lydia he would take a breather but…”

Alec hummed and slid his fingers across the touch screen, soft hazel-green eyes tracking a small red dot as it flowed across the map of the city. “Jace needs to sort things out for himself and I respect that. And it’s not like he hasn’t offered to talk if that’s what I need. I just—I don’t…need to. Does that make me a bad person?”

Isabelle stepped closer so she could hug his upper arm. “Of course it doesn’t big brother. It’s not like you’re skipping through the halls without a care in the world. You’re reacting the way we all are. It’s a sad, shocking loss but in some way that is what being a Shadowhunter is all about. It’s considered a miracle if we live to middle age.”

 _She’s not wrong._ “I am sad and upset over what happened. I cared about Lydia, maybe not in the way I should have but she was a good person. She just wanted to uphold the Law and I respected that. It was part of the reason I married her in the first place.”

Isabelle rested her head to his bicep. “We all mourn in our own ways. Besides…you _do_ have other stuff to focus on. I think she’d want you to do your duty, among other things.”

Exhaling deeply, Alec pinched the bridge of his nose and let her words settle his racing mind. He didn’t know what he would do without Isabelle and hoped he never had to find out. “The healers were here this morning but they don’t know what’s wrong with him. They chanted and rubbed this salve on him that smelled like beets but it didn’t do any good. It doesn’t make any sense, Iz. He’s the son of two Shadowhunters, he shouldn’t be this susceptible to disease or whatever. I mean it’s not like you or I ever caught so much as a cold.”

She poked his side. “True but germs have a way of evolving or so I have heard anyway. Don’t worry. We are _going_ to help Nathaniel. In fact…” Letting him go, she swirled around him and over to the conference table in the ops center. “I put in a call to someone a little earlier. After it was clear the healers didn’t exactly know what they were doing.”

A prickle of suspicion rolled down his spine. “To who?”

Perching on the edge of the table and crossing her legs, she smiled. “Magnus. He got back into town last night or so I heard.”

The breath rushed out of his lungs in a huff and it actually took him a moment to gather his thoughts. He hadn’t seen Magnus since the day before the wedding and they’d had the world’s most awkward conversation in which Magnus was snappy and Alec felt like someone had punched him in the stomach with a mace. After the wedding Magnus had told Clary thanks to Ragnor’s notes, he knew what he needed to wake Jocelyn up but he had to leave the city in search of it. As far as Alec knew he kept in touch with _her_ but not anyone else.

Now though as he watched his sister play innocent he wondered if that were the case. “Where has he been all this time?” he asked before he could stop himself. “Do you know?”

She played with the necklace around her neck, dark eyes coy. “Looking for the _Book of the White_. As you know he needs it to wake up Clary’s mom.”

Alec stared at her. “Okay. So you called him and what? What happened?”

She tilted her head to the side. “I told him that we had a serious emergency at the Institute and needed his help.”

“So you didn’t mention me or Nathaniel?”

“Did you want me to?”

“No I—no. I just—you know if he—if he knows it’s for me he probably won’t come.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“I got married and Magnus _left town_. I’m sure I am not his favorite person right now. Or ever.”

“Alec I love you but sometimes you can be so short sighted. To answer your earlier question; yes. I told him about Nathaniel in the short voice mail I left him.”

 _That, well that…_ It wasn’t a secret that Alec had a six month old son. It had been a surprise after the fact because he and Lydia had only been together intimately once and that was on their wedding night because tradition demanded it. And he had found it awkward and said in no uncertain terms would it happen again, figuring Lydia didn’t care since it wasn’t like the marriage was real anyway. He supposed he could have _tired_ but whenever he gave it a fleeting thought, Magnus’ words about being lonely for the rest of his life gnawed at his insides like a parasite. He didn’t want to pretend and Lydia had said she understood.

When she told him she was pregnant they both decided to look upon it as a good thing. The Branwell/Lightwood lines would continue and both of their parents were thrilled with the news of a grandchild. As terrible as it probably sounded Alec found himself comforted by the fact that he’d have someone to help him with that aforementioned loneliness.

Nine months later and little Nathaniel Henry Lightwood was born and he was—of course—perfect. He also seemed to be the one thing Lydia and Isabelle could agree on, in that he was adorable and amazing. After he got a bit older and didn’t cry when left with strangers, Lydia decided to go back into the field. Valentine was laying low but his Forsaken weren’t, neither were the demons he could somehow control. He appeared to like unleashing them in various parts of the city to go after unsuspecting mundanes. In one attack a young nymph had been torn apart.

The mission had been very run of the mill especially for a Shadowhunter of Lydia’s caliber that none of them had expected any complications. None of them had expected an ambush. Along with Lydia they lost five other Shadowhunters that day and received a message from Valentine that he would keep coming after them until he got the Cup. Considering he wanted an army of Shadowhunters killing them seemed counterproductive but the guy was a psycho.

With Lydia dead it put Alec in the position of raising their son basically alone although naturally he had help from his siblings and Clary, though she admitted she had no idea what to do with a baby. He didn’t either but he thought of himself as a fast learner and by now he was pretty in tuned to Nathaniel’s needs.

And then a week ago he came down with the sniffles which turned into a fully fledged sickness of some sort. Nothing they did helped. When the fever came on about a night and a half ago Alec requested healers from Idris but they were useless. Clary suggested baby aspirin but what good was mundane medicine on a Shadowhunter child?

Alec felt he was hiding it well but he was terrified that Nathaniel was going to die. It didn’t take the sorrowful look on Healer Hornsby’s face to know that was exactly what would happen if he wasn’t cured and soon. His tiny body could only take so much fever and rattling cough. Nathaniel’s conception wasn’t standard—or perhaps it was with their lifestyle and traditions—but Alec loved him more than life itself. He would gladly die if it meant Nathaniel was safe.

At this point he was willing to try _anything._ If Magnus refused to come he’d go to his apartment and beg for his help.

“Maybe I should go see him,” he said after a couple of minutes of silence.

“I don’t think that will be necessary.” Isabelle responded. “He just stepped onto the properly.”

 _There is definitely something I am missing here._ “Guess he got your voice message sooner than expected.”

She flashed him a big red lipped smile. “I guess so.” Easing off the table with all the grace of a sleek cat, she waltzed to the frosted sliding doors just as they opened. “Magnus, it’s so good to see.”

They hugged and Alec suddenly didn’t know what to do with his hands. He settled for letting his arms hang loosely at his sides so that he wouldn’t come off as hostile. Because he wasn’t.

The first time he’d seen Magnus, really seen him after saving his life he’d been struck by how gorgeous he was. Most men wouldn’t have been able to pull off the eye shadow and the snake-skinned jackets but Magnus just made it all work. Even the pink hair. But more than that was his welcoming aura and the way he could look at you and just telegraph that everything was going to be okay. Immortal and full of magic, they didn’t have much in common yet Alec could tell him things so easily because he knew there would be no judgment.

Or he supposed he could have. Now he had no idea where they stood.

Except that Magnus was still gorgeous—maybe even more so—with eyes rimmed dark, wearing a red scarf for a splash of color with his otherwise gray outfit. Silver fingers sparkled on his long elegant fingers and Alec could detect a light bit of facial hair that made him look just a bit older.

For a moment they just stared at each other and then Alec remembered this wasn’t about _him_ but about Nathaniel. “Thank you for coming.”

Magnus spread his hands as if to say _what can you do_. “Of course. When Isabelle told me what was wrong I knew I didn’t really have a choice.”

Alec wet his lips. “There is always a choice.”

Magnus’s lips twitched. “Well, yes.” He crossed over to the table. “I would like to offer my condolences about Lydia. She was a remarkable young woman and I am sorry for your loss.”

He was completely sincere and it made Alec swallow hard. “Thank you. She liked you.”

Magnus nodded. “I liked her…”

Watching them, Isabelle pointed off towards their bedrooms. “I’ll go get Nathaniel.”

As she left Magnus pulled out a chair and flowed into it. “So you’re a father now. My how the times have changed. Though I guess Shadowhunters popping out kids right into adulthood hasn’t changed at all.”

Alec resisted the urge to fidget. “Nathaniel was a surprise but a welcomed one.”

Magnus hummed. “Then I suppose everything worked out for the best…in a way.”

Alec glanced away. “I wouldn’t say that. It’s not as clean and cut as you’re thinking.”

Magnus chuckled. “Oh believe me Alexander that is the very last thing I am thinking.”

Not reacting to being called _Alexander_ after so long wasn’t easy but Alec managed. No one else called him that but whenever Magnus had said it, it felt heavy. Like it was more of a title than just a simple name. “So um, how have you been? Isabelle said you were looking for the book to help Clary’s mom. Did you find it?”

“Not as of yet but I’m closing in.” Magnus tapped his fingers on the table, nails shiny and black. “Ragnor liked riddles and he had a tendency to hide the very important artifacts extremely well so that they wouldn’t fall into the wrong hands. But I am confident that I will find it eventually. I have a theory.”

“That’s good.” Alec responded. “I think the only reason she hasn’t been totally beside herself this past year is because she’s been too worried about Jace going off the deep end. We all are to be honest.”

“Yes. Must be rough to find out you share a homicidal maniac for a father.” Magnus sounded bored but Alec knew he was anything but. “Oh goodness, well will you look at this little angel.”

Alec turned just as Isabelle came into view and walked over to them, heels clicking on the polished floor. In her arms she carried a chubby little baby with silky black hair, fat cheeks and tired hazel-green eyes. “Magnus meet my nephew, Nathaniel.” Isabelle was beaming with pride. “Nathaniel, this is daddy’s special friend Magnus Bane.”

Magnus smirked and Alec rolled his eyes before taking his son from his sister’s embrace. Nathaniel went willingly and cuddled close, small fist curling into the material of Alec’s shirt. He was lethargic and too warm but he still managed to watch Magnus curiously, recognizing his face as one he’d never seen before.

“He’s beautiful.” Magnus cooed. “He looks just like you except I _think_ I detect Lydia’s nose.” Leaning forward a bit to get Nathaniel’s attention, he snapped his fingers and produced a small bluish ball of light. “Hello Mister Nathaniel.”

Nathaniel’s eyes stretched wide and he reached for it, grabbing Magnus’ fingers when it disappeared and pulling them closer as if to say _hey, where did it go!_ He leaned and reached for Magnus a second later so Alec handed him over and released the breath he hadn’t even known he was holding. Nathaniel was a friendly baby in general since he was surrounded by so many people on a daily basis but he seemed utterly enraptured by Magnus already, patting at his face with one hand while still holding his fingers with the other. It made Alec’s heart swoop pleasantly in his chest.

Magnus laughed lightly. “Alright, alright how about this?” Another snap and a blue rabbit leapt around in his palm. Nathaniel gurgled at it and smiled, jiggling from side to side. He let out a rough cough afterwards and Magnus pouted, pressing their cheeks together. “Poor little biscuit is really sick, isn’t he? I’m glad you called me. I don’t know if I can heal him but I think I know someone who can help.”

 _Oh thank the Angel._ “Yes, thank you. Whatever you want you can have just please help him.”

Magnus snorted. “I’ll wave my usual fee just this once. Do you want to go now?”

Alec nodded. “Yes if that’s okay with you.”

Conjuring a shimmering purple portal he said, “Just think of apartment 5B on Silver Wings Street, Woodstock New York. As for you little one luckily you’re too young for the portal to recognize just yet, so as long as I don’t accidentally get butter fingers you’ll be fine.” Alec blinked and Magnus snickered. “That was a joke. Daddy can’t take a joke, can he? Daddy’s wound very tightly.”

Nathaniel giggled and tired to copy the sounds Magnus was making before he was totally overwhelmed by the sight of the portal looming closer. Magnus disappeared through it with his son and Alec cut an eye to Isabelle who seemed too much like the cat who got the canary. “I want to talk to you later.”

“Okay.” She shoved him. “Go on and help your son. I don’t _think_ Magnus would kidnap him to raise as his own but you never know.”

 _This is going to be a long day,_ Alec thought before he stepped through the portal.

On the other side was a warm, rather cozy living room in earthy browns and greens. Books were scattered everywhere and on a large desk burned a tiny pot of sweet smelling incense. Magnus was already sitting on a sunken couch with Nathaniel in his lap, whispering lowly to him about the rings on his fingers. Alec’s heart thumped loudly to his own ears and he was struck with a sudden, dizzying thought. He was _not_ over Magnus Bane, not by a long shot.

But now wasn’t the time for that. “Where are we?”

Magnus looked up at him. “A very gifted healer lives here, one that I have known for many years. If anyone can heal your son it’s her.”

“Oh don’t listen to him. Magnus always likes to butter you up before he unravels his scrolls worth of favors,” called a new voice from around a corner. A woman entered the room in white scrubs and a pink smock, long black hair pulled tightly back. She was obviously a warlock with a warlock’s mark a bit more severe than Magnus’ in the form of pointed ears and an almost lioness sort of nose. But it was also kind of blink and you’ll miss it and he wondered if she had used a glamour to make it so. “My name is Catarina Loss.”

“Alec Lightwood.” He shook her hand. “I’m sorry if this is a bad time—”

“Oh don’t be silly.” She interrupted. “There is never a bad time to help someone in need. This is your son I take it?” Alec nodded and she smiled. “What a cutie pie. What seems to be the problem?”

“ _Angelum lapsum Rebrum_.” Magnus whispered and her expression sobered. “He has all of the signs. Fever, coughing and I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before the redness of his veins begins.”

Catarina kneeled in front of Nathaniel and cupped his cheeks, feeling underneath his ears and along his throat. For his part Nathaniel let her and simply cooed, too tired to be fussy or overtly curious. He was practically slouched back into Magnus in his rumpled blue onesie.

“Ah yes you’re right. His little nodes are starting to swell already.” Standing, she tapped her chin and then was off gathering bowls and jars of liquid. “I can brew up a potion that will help him but it will take at least an hour. You are welcomed to wait however.”

Magnus blew her a kiss. “That would be wonderful. Thank you Catarina.”

She winked and disappeared down a hallway but Alec could hear her tinkering. He rubbed the back of his neck and allowed his shoulders to slump for the first time since Nathaniel started showing symptoms of being ill. He couldn’t ever remember feeling this tired in his entire young life. “Magnus, what is _Angelum lapsum Rebrum_?”

Magnus pressed his lips together and shifted Nathaniel in his arms so that he rested comfortably in his lap. “At the risk of alarming you further…it’s a sickness I have only seen in Shadowhunters. The last time was in the early nineties if I am not mistaken. If left untreated it can be fatal and since it’s not very common, the cure isn’t widely known. Lucky for the both of us Catarina has made it her life’s mission to heal the entire world. She’s studied basically every illness on the face of the planet.”

Alec found he was glad to hear it. “Good, that’s good. As long as Nathaniel is going to be okay I don’t care about anything else.”

Magnus gazed at him. “Your son is going to be just fine, Alexander. You have my word.”

Alec ducked his head as his cheeks heated; he really hoped he wasn’t blushing right now. “I believe you. Not like you’ve ever lied to me or anything so I doubt you would start now.” Reaching over he fixed his son’s sock. “It’s uh—it’s nice to see you again. Probably should have said that sooner.”

Chuckling, Magnus smoothed his fingers over Nathaniel’s scrunched face before producing a duck shaped pacifier out of thin air for him to suck on. “It doesn’t have to be spoken if it’s not meant.”

 _True but…_ “I mean it. It’s foolish but I never expected to just never see you again after…the wedding. With the threat of Valentine continuously looming and Clary’s mom still unconscious I thought you’d be around. Isabelle would say that was very naive of me.”

Not surprisingly Magnus did not agree nor disagree. He was quiet for a long moment that stretched rather uncomfortably between them. “I didn’t leave the city because you got married,” he murmured finally. “It was partly that but I _was_ also following a lead. Between Ragnor’s death and your—what I am told were very lovely nuptials—perhaps I did relish the thought of having to go away. Sometimes running is easier.”

Off and on throughout his short marriage Alec had often thought about Magnus and his emotional state. He’d convinced himself that Magnus would be fine while trying to shut out a few of their past conversations because remembering was just too painful. He _hated_ the idea of Magnus closing himself off again because their “whatever” hadn’t worked out. He hated knowing that deep down he would be the cause. Yet a selfish part of him had looked up whenever someone new entered the Institute hoping to see a shock of dark hair and shimmering jewelry.

Clearing his throat, he lowered his voice. “You told me that I had a choice to make… I made the wrong one.” Magnus opened his mouth to reply but Alec cut him off. “I don’t regret helping my family or Nathaniel being born but I’ve always known marrying Lydia was the wrong choice. As a Shadowhunter it was practical but as a—as _me_ —I shouldn’t have done it. Lydia was a good friend but I didn’t love her. I _couldn’t_ love her in the way a husband is supposed to love a wife because…I’m not built that way.”

Magnus’ face betrayed nothing. “I’m sure you were willing to give it the old college try. You two did make a baby after all.”

At that Alec _did_ blush. “Consummating a marriage is Shadowhunter law. It only happened once. We were both shocked when she turned out to be pregnant.”

“Do Shadowhunters not practice safe sex?”

“I—it—there was—”

“Oh and he is speechless.”

“I just wanted it over and done with, alright? It was awkward enough as is without having _that_ conversation.”

“Did she know you weren’t physically attracted to her?” Magnus asked bluntly. “Or any woman for that matter?”

“I think so. It was never discussed but she knew the marriage was in name only. In hindsight I suppose that made Nathaniel even more of a miracle since there would never be an opportunity for another kid.” The mood turned somber. “She loved being a mother. Took to it pretty easily and even read some of those mundane books for new moms. I hate that Nathaniel will never get to know her. How strong she was and how kind...”

“You’ll tell him.” Magnus replied. “And he has his grandparents for the details you don’t know.”

Alec clasped his hands together between his knees. “They wanted him you know. After Lydia was killed they showed up at the Institute a week later saying I should let them raise him because I’m too young to know what to do with a baby. And that now that I was head of the Institute again I had too many responsibilities to be an attentive father.” He frowned. “Before I could say anything Isabelle told then in no uncertain terms that Nathaniel would not be going anywhere with them. She’s been really great through all of this.”

Gently shifting Nathaniel so he could move around his hand which was no doubt falling asleep, Magnus grinned. “Your sister is a force of nature and I am glad she considers herself a friend of mine. I would hate to be on her bad side.”

“She’s been on your side since the night you first met.” Alec revealed. “Though giving her a priceless necklace probably helped. She never much cared for Lydia for obvious reasons.”

“Do you miss her?”

“Not in the way a widow should. I wonder if the others at the Institute are talking about me behind my back because I’m not more broken up about everything…”

“Only if they are assholes with no life. Anyone can see you cared about Lydia in your own way.”

Nathaniel stretched and whined in his sleep so Magnus began to rock him delicately from side to side. Alec watched as his son calmed and said, “You like kids?”

Magnus smiled. “I do. I’m not exactly around them much but I have a fondness for the little buggers. And yours is cuter than most. The last child I had dealings with was Clary. Her mother showed up at my apartment when she was two asking for help and protection from Valentine.”

 _Right. Immortal._ “Is that why you call her biscuit?”

Magnus snickered. “I call her biscuit because for a brief moment she wandered out of our eye line. Jocelyn and I found her in the kitchen, sitting in front of the stove with a biscuit pan on her head.”

Alec’s laughter bubbled up and out. “There’s an image I will never get out of my head.” Idly he scratched at his wrist and the wedding rune there, drawing Magnus’ eyes to it. “I thought about having it removed but I’m told it’ll fade in time.”

Magnus shrugged and Alec hated that he couldn’t get a good read on him. _Unless his heart is breaking…_

“Here we go.” Catarina announced as she returned, waving a pear shaped bottle filled with glowing white liquid. “Now the top is a little suction so all you do is drop one to two drops onto his tongue in the morning and at bedtime. By the time you run out he’ll be good as new.” She handed the medicine to Alec. “I added a bit of honeysuckle so it tastes good.”

“Thank you again so much.” Alec squeezed her hand.

She bowed her head. “You are very welcome. Feel free to bring him back after he is done with the medicine for a checkup if you wish.” A pause. “And you Bane don’t be a stranger.”

Magnus kissed her cheek. “I’ll call you later tonight after your shift so _pick up_.”

And with that he was creating another portal and they were back in the Institute seconds later.

“You’ll be needing this back I suppose.” Magnus teased as he put a sleeping Nathaniel into Alec’s arms. “Well this has been a delightful evening but I should be getting home. I have clothes to unpack and silk wrinkles if you don’t take good care of it.”

“Right. Thanks again for your help, so much. I’ll call you?” It came out more of a question than he’d intended.

“Sure,” Magnus said coyly. “You can do that. Good-bye Alexander.”

Alec stood and watched—rather dumbly he felt—as Magnus strutted through the sliding doors and out of sight. The few Shadowhunters scattered around the ops center eyed him curiously and he patted Nathaniel’s back, jogging up the stairs and hanging a right towards the sleeping quarters. He found Isabelle in his room lounging in a chair, fingers working quickly over her cell phone.

“Who are you texting?” He asked, closing the door behind him.

“Simon.” She mused. “So how did it go? Did Magnus’ friend help Nathaniel?”

He showed her the bottle. “She said this will cure him with no problems. Magnus trusts her so I do too.”

Isabelle sighed in relief. “That’s great! I knew Magnus would come through.”

Alec decided to let Nathaniel sleep on and give him a dose later. He placed him in his antique bassinet—one he and Isabelle had used at one point—and touched his forehead. “Maybe tonight I’ll finally be able to get some sleep.”

Isabelle came to stand beside him. “How are things with Magnus?”

Alec bit his bottom lip. “Okay I guess? He doesn’t seem angry so that’s progress. He seems…” _He seems over me._ “Normal.”

“Normal?” Isabelle asked. “Now that he’s back in town you two should get together and hang out. You know you want to.”

“What I want or don’t want is not the point. Nathaniel is going to be fine but Valentine is still out there somewhere which means Jace will continue to be out of his mind and taking risks. Which also means Clary will be right behind him trying to make sure he doesn’t slip off the deep end.” Digging the heel of his palm into his eyes, he groaned. 

“Alec.” Isabelle sounded long suffering. “You married Lydia and I respected your wishes because you stood by me during my trial. You brought honor back to the family name and even produced an heir. Just this _once_ I think it would be okay to think about yourself for a change. You’ve done your duty. Besides I’m here to pick up the slack and honestly, we’re going to need Magnus one way or another.”

“I don’t think we can just step back into where we were.” Alec said. “By the end he was hurt and I was stubborn, and it’s been over a year.”

“Hm. And yet when he heard your son was in danger he didn’t hesitate to come help.” Isabelle reminded him. “Perhaps this is your second chance for…something real.”

The muscles in Alec’s stomach twisted unpleasantly. “Honestly? I’d rather not put myself out there especially if it’s just going to blow up in my face.”

Isabelle patted his chest. “It won’t. Switch places with me for just once. You be the dreamer and I’ll be the realistic one. Ask Magnus to lunch tomorrow.”

“Isabelle—”

“Look answer one question for me and then I’ll leave it alone.” A beat. “I invited Magnus to your wedding. If he had shown up, what would you have done?”

Alec’s lips parted but no sound came out. That was very path not taken territory and it was silly to dwell on it, right? Then again there was a whole alternate universe out there where Shadowhunters weren’t needed and Clary’s parents were happily married. Maybe there was a universe where he hadn’t married Lydia and was with Magnus right now. That Alec didn’t have Nathaniel but he supposed you could never miss what you never had.

“I’m not sure.” He said eventually. “Probably something stupid that would have made mom’s head explode.”

Isabelle laughed. “Stupid can be fun.”

Wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her close, he huffed. “Fine I’ll ask him to lunch but if he says no that’s the end of it.”

ᛟ

_Are you really going to risk your life for a Shadowhunter?_

Once upon a time they could have been the famous last words of Magnus Bane and he supposed he would have been alright with that. At the time he was helping his warlock brethren get to safety and the thought of doing anything for one of the Nephilim just didn’t make sense to him. Perhaps being enchanted with Alec Lightwood was karma for not helping Dorthea when he’d had the chance. In any case he’d ran to escape being hurt—or worse—by Valentine and yet just ended up hurt in a different way.

Alec had gotten married and left on his honeymoon, and he’d skipped town thankful for something else to focus on besides his aching heart. Ragnor’s ghost had followed him around the globe berating him for not going to the wedding, for simply rolling over and letting life break him once again. But it just hadn’t felt right storming up to the Institute especially not after what Alec had said to him earlier… 

_But at the end of the day, what do you risk?_

How do you tell an eighteen year old boy fresh on the cusp of manhood that you were risking everything to allow yourself to feel something for him? Perhaps not family standing or honor but your very heart? That thing that beat inside your chest and kept you from turning to stone from the inside out? Did you tell him about the love that had destroyed you so badly you hadn’t been able to _feel_ in almost a century until he came along? That was a lot of pressure and in the end Magnus had decided to let it weigh only on his shoulders.

And maybe there had been a bit of fear on his part too. Fear about going to the wedding and his presence not changing anything.

He figured the best thing he could do was _back off_ so he had.

Back in the city almost one day and already the little Shadowhunters were calling for favors. A part of him was close to deleting the voicemail from Isabelle Lightwood without even listening to it but he found that he couldn’t. They’d kept in touch while he was away but spoke only about Clary and the book though he could tell she’d been practically salivating to mention her brother. He knew the minute her name flashed on his phone _this_ call was definitely about Alec. He’d been half right.

It didn’t seem fair that little Nathaniel was cute and adorable with chipmunk cheeks and his father’s eyes. Nor that something so young and innocent come somehow contract such a ghastly disease. Magnus hadn’t wanted to alarm Alec anymore than needed but the fever and cough were early stages. By the end the last person he’d seen infected had been choking on their own blood; it was almost like the body was rejecting the angel side for some reason.

Thankfully Catarina now had that sort of thing under control.

“Oh drinking the good Bourbon I see. You must be pleased with yourself.”

Magnus snorted and kept filling his glass. “I helped save an infant’s life. Yes I am pleased.”

Ragnor sprawled artfully across the arm chair. “Interesting.”

Magnus sighed. “If you insist on haunting me could you at least do it quieter? I’m actually pretty tired from those last few portal jumps.”

Ragnor smiled. “Oh my dear heart, if you notice I haven’t said one thing out of turn. Although I find the course of events that happened since you did not go to that wedding intriguing. Fate always has a way of correcting itself.”

Frowning, Magnus flopped onto his sofa and put his feet up on the coffee table. “I don’t think a young mother losing her life is fate correcting itself. No matter how I felt about the situation it was obvious Lydia Branwell was a good person. I am truly sorry that she died.”

“I know.” Ragnor said. “But that _is_ what Shadowhunters _do_. I am just curious—had you interrupted the wedding do you think she still would have perished?”

Magnus blinked. “I do not know. That is not a question that can be answered. Besides what’s done is done. I’m just happy I could save her son.”

Ragnor surveyed his nails. “And the father? Still prettier than you?”

Magnus chuckled. “Unfortunately.” He took a sip of his alcohol. “Alexander is…perfection. I’ve never seen lips that pink without the help of some type of tinted gloss. He is just as handsome are the day I first laid eyes on him…Just as devoted to helping his family no matter the cost.”

Swerving around to put his feet on the floor, Ragnor grinned. “So what are you going to do about him?”

 _Why do I have to_ do _anything?_ “I just got home.”

“Excuses are what got you into this mess in the first place. I realize you are wary that this will be another Camille situation but I don’t think it will be. Keep in mind she was callous as a human—I’m sure of it—and played games for the hell of it.” Ragnor said. “This young man has been thrown back into your path for a reason. It would be remiss of you not to find out why.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re dead. You can’t get hurt anymore.” Magnus stared at the floor. “I’m tired of always being the one left behind one way or another. As I said before maybe Camille was right. Love is an anchor that will drown you if you let it.”

“You only drown if there is no one there to reach for you.” Ragnor whispered sagely. “Perhaps you should tell the boy to reach and then judge.”

Magnus closed his eyes and let the words settle; there was a wise truth in the message that only Ragnor could bring across. When he opened them to reply he saw that Ragnor had disappeared as he was so fond of doing lately. Leaving Magnus with a cold drink and his many confused thoughts.


	2. The Chase

Chapter Two: The Chase

As usual with Catarina she didn’t show up to his apartment until after midnight, wired on coffee and exciting tales of working in a mundane emergency room. But it was fine with Magnus because he was used to being a night owl anyway, and probably would have tripped out to Pandemonium to make sure it was still standing if she hadn’t _promised_ to come by. She wasn’t known for keeping her promises since the health of others always came first but he knew her curiosity would get the best of her this time. She’d show up for an hour at least just to find out more about the Shadowhunter’s son she’d helped heal. And because Magnus was a spectacular friend he had a lovely dinner already sitting on the table when she breezed through the door.

“Oh something smells delicious.” She said as she removed her coat and tossed it over his couch. “Did you actually cook, darling?”

Magnus kissed her cheek and pulled a chair out of her. “In a fashion. The pasta is imported but I did slave in a hot kitchen to make that alfredo sauce you can’t live without. Call it a thank you for helping…a friend of mine.”

Catarina eyed him as she sat down. “A very handsome friend. A _Shadowhunter_ friend. I thought you’d given them up since the last of Tessa’s line had put you right off?”

Magnus waved a hand. “Do you remember that gorgeous necklace I gave Camille back in the 1800s?” When Catarina nodded he continued. “Well it _just_ so happens Shadowhunters had it all this time. They offered it back to me for a particular service a little over a year ago and I jumped at the chance to get it back. That’s how I met Alec and his little team.” Flopping down, he fluffed out a napkin and stretched it across his lap. “As far as Shadowhunters go they aren’t the worst I’ve dealt with. Young and idealist of course. One happens to be Jocelyn Fairchild’s daughter.”

“Ooh that is interesting.” Catarina mused. “So this _Alec_. Is it strictly platonic or…”

 _At this point? I think we need to develop a word that means super platonic._ “Platonic I suppose. There was a time when I thought we could be something more but he apparently didn’t feel the same way. He got married and had an adorable little baby.”

Arching a brow, she tucked into her meal. “Something tells me you’re leaving an awful lot out of the story, my love. You know you’ll receive no judgment from me.”

Magnus sighed and reached for the bottle of red Chateau Mouton-Rothschild 1945 wine. “Fine. If I’m going to go skipping down memory lane I’m going to need a drink.” He poured them both a heavy glassful each. “I—well I really liked him. He’s the first person I’ve felt anything for in many years. Perhaps I did come on too strong but you know better than anyone what it’s like to _feel_ again. To have every sense suddenly wake up and take notice of someone new.”

She smiled. “I do. And he didn’t feel the same way?”

Magnus shrugged. “Honestly? I have no real idea how Alexander felt. He could be very cold, and he was terrified of others finding out that he’s gay. One night we talked until the wee hours of the morning; about life and philosophy and emotions, and it was amazing. Yet the next time I see him he’s pricklier than ever and literally pulling away from me when I offered to heal him.” Shaking his head, he took a hefty sip of his expensive wine. “I understood that he was nervous about coming out but sometimes he was just plain hostile. I feel stupid saying he hurt my feelings but…”

Catarina squeezed his hand. “Oh sweetheart there is nothing to feel stupid about. Just because we are immortal doesn’t mean simple slights don’t work on us. Besides you already said you liked him and the ones we have feelings for can always hurt us more than any other.”

And this was one of the reasons Magnus loved to have conversations with Catarina. She was direct but extremely sincere. He would have called her motherly if he didn’t fear her wrath. “Yes well…” He cleared his throat. “A few days before his wedding I put some of my cards on the table but it—it didn’t matter. Everything continued as planned.”

“So you ran?” She tilted her head. “Understandable. Are things better now?”

“I left for a reason but I wasn’t exactly upset said reason arose and gave me an out.” He admitted truthfully. “As for better I don’t know. His wife is dead and he has a child. We didn’t really talk much because he was worried about his son. Honestly I’m not sure what I would have said either way.”

“Hm.” Winding thick noodles around her fork, she ate and chewed thoughtfully. “You just got back into town quite recently, yes?” When he didn’t reply she continued, “Yet you seemed to drop everything to help this young man and his son. Now I know better than anyone that you have a soft spot for cute faces and sad eyes. But perhaps you’re not…over him?”

“I wasn’t about to let his son die if I could do anything to stop it. I’m not _that_ petty.” Magnus nibbled on his bottom lip. “Seeing him again after so long _was_ harrowing; my heart actually fluttered. I hated it.”

Catarina chuckled lightly. “Oh you did not. I don’t know the boy but I saw how he looked at you. Especially how he looked at you holding _his_ child. He thinks you’re magnificent.”

In all honestly Magnus wasn’t sure he wanted to hear things like that. It just brought back memories that were pleasant and yet utterly painful at the same time. Made him question why he was ever silly enough to open his heart to someone who had no clue, no _idea_ of what love could even be. Perhaps if Alec had been older he would have understood but there was no real way of knowing. No way to go back in time and whisper _just let it be_.

He could see himself mixing an elaborate drink as Alec cleaned his leather sofa and being so very charmed that such a gorgeous creature seemed to care whether he used up all of his magic or not. Shadowhunters in general tended to not care about the after effects such things had on warlocks as long as they got what they wanted. However Alec was different right from the beginning. Alec had shared his strength without a second thought, no worries that he’d tap too deep or take too much. 

And then they’d toasted said drinks and Alec had scrunched his face up in the most adorable way possible because of the bite of alcohol, and Magnus had thought _I could love this boy_. Maybe that’s why he’d felt the need to be so candid afterwards though in hindsight of course he’d chastised himself many times over for it. _‘Never let them see your weakness’_ was what Camille would have told him and considering how his brief infatuation with Alec had gone, she wasn’t one hundred percent wrong.

Wetting his lips, he reached for his wine glass again. “Still you can’t say I shouldn’t have left well enough alone. I’d be much better for it right now. And the worst part is I don’t even think he cares.”

Catarina tsked him. “I don’t believe that for a second. Magnus, Ragnor and I made no secret that we hated Camille because of how she treated you but we tried to at least respect the emotions you held for her. While some of us can lock ourselves away and have no ill effects that has never been you. _You_ my love are always better when your heart is bursting with love or a sense of justice.” Her eyes softened. “Your first reaction when it comes to heartache is to retreat into yourself and I don’t think you should.”

Magnus pouted. “I’m not _retreating_. In fact I went on several dates while I was away. With very handsome and beautiful people. I could have taken all of them to bed but I decided not to. They were fun but…”

She smirked. “But they weren’t Alec?” Magnus huffed and she giggled. “I want to meet him again. Make sure he brings his baby back for a post check up. It’s only logical.”

 _Fine fine fine._ “As you wish. I find it tiresome that I’m probably going to have to work with these Shadowhunters for the foreseeable future. Especially with Valentine on the loose. I’m not sure I want to see Alexander every other day no matter how good he looks in black.”

Catarina shoveled a bit of salad onto her plate. “His hair was so fluffy. Do you think they have a rune from that?”

Laughing, Magnus pushed a meatball around his noodles. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they do. Nephilim tend to look good no matter what. I’ve never seen an ugly one. Lydia—Alec’s late wife—was very pretty. Lovely skin. It’s no wonder their child is beautiful.”

Catarina nodded. “Is that odd for you? Seeing the man you…were interested in with a baby by someone else?”

Magnus conjured another bottle of wine just as pricey as the first. “A little however I’ve been trying not to think about _how_ that baby came into being otherwise I might accidentally spell myself into a coma.”

Catarina watched as he idly played with the label. “Not if you focus on how bungling it most likely was. Or what your lovely Alec may have thought about to…get the job done.”

 _I take back all of my nice compliments about you._ “Now you are just being cruel—has Ragnor possessed you or something? Do I need to start reciting some Latin?”

Laughing, Catarina squeezed his wrist. “No you dork. Besides I think what I just mentioned has actual merit. Consensual sex might eventually feel good no matter whom you are having it with, but attraction plays a large part. Gay men can find women gorgeous or even sexy but that doesn’t mean they want to stick their cocks in them.”

With a cough Magnus choked on his sip of wine, shaking his head as it turned into a strangled laugh. How had he managed to forget what a dirty bomb Catarina could be at times? “Our friendship is over. Kindly put your remaining food in a doggy bag and exit my home.”

“You know I’m right.” She teased happily. “I’d bet money you were his… _inspiration_.”

Magnus said, “Are you drunk? Is that it?” She giggled—brown skin flushed and warm—and he rolled his eyes but the gesture lacked heat. “Alright so perhaps you are right but even with those wonderful thoughts in mind it doesn’t change the outcome. Alexander got married and had a child with someone else. And had she not passed he would be married to her right now. I did like Lydia but if we are being frank, I was also a bit jealous of her. Alec wasn’t interested in her romantically but it was more socially accepted for them to have a political marriage than anything I could have given him.”

“Yet now she’s no longer in the picture.”

“You sound like Ragnor.”

“Not really. I didn’t say something totally inappropriate like her loss is your gain.”

“Yes that would be something he would say.”

Slapping his hand away so that she could top up their glasses this time, she then rested her chin in her hand. “I could hear your conversation with him while I was mixing the _Angelum_ antidote. He said you were right and that he had made the wrong choice. Doesn’t that count for something?”

 _Something, yes but is it enough?_ “He still made it. I don’t know, Cat. For as much as I wanted him for _myself_ I also just wanted him to do what was right for him. You and me; we can look into the eyes of someone and get wisps of their secrets. I could tell that first time I met Alec that while he was hiding this huge part of him, he was also used to playing second fiddle to Jace Wayland. I wanted him to know not everyone would put Jace before him. That Jace wasn’t preferred.” Pleasantly buzzed, he slouched in his chair. “He assumed it was all a game.”

Catarina smiled. “That doesn’t seem to be the case now. I think you should give him another chance to understand what was happening between you two. To fully grasp the severity of what you wanted from him. But this time hold back. Let him chase you.”

Magnus groaned. “With how Alexander reacts to anything homosexual he could be forty before he catches me. If he even _wants_ to chase me or catch me in the first place. Yes he was grateful I saved little Nathaniel’s life but that is a very parental reaction. Doesn’t mean he wants to date me.”

She poked his shoulder. “Darling give yourself more credit. While you’ve been guarding your heart all of this time people have practically been throwing themselves at you. You just haven’t noticed.” A beat. “Probably because like you mentioned you want a real relationship and not just a passionate one night stand. However the reason those other people covet you so badly is because you often seem aloof and unattainable. Isn’t there some mundane saying about always wanting what we can’t have?”

“Something like that.”

“Look just rein in your obvious flirtations and see what happens. Sometimes when you lose something you realize how much it meant to you. I think that’s the case here so give the boy a chance to woo you.” Catarina explained. “Or miss you so much it drives him crazy with desire and he rips your clothes off somewhere.”

That made Magnus laugh. “I don’t think Alec will ever be capable of clothes ripping. Perhaps a light rough tugging.”

Catarina snorted. “If I remember correctly according to that handsome Greek gentleman you love a little rough tugging.” Magnus laughed harder and she winked. “But you know what I meant. There is no harm in taking a step back from the pursuing with this one. He’s a Shadowhunter; don’t they love challenges?”

 _I think they just love being contrary._ “I suppose we’ll see. Though I can’t help but wonder _why_ you and Ragnor seem so content in pushing me towards this relationship. Is it just because I haven’t cared for monogamy in decades?”

Biting her lip, she shrugged. “A little. You said this boy made you _feel_ again and I don’t think that is something you should just let slip away. Not for his benefit but for you own. You deserve to be happy. _If_ there is a chance Alec can make you happy then of course I’m for it. Unlike Ragnor however my advice is to let him come to you, not portal into his bedroom covered in whip cream.”

 _The nerve!_ “That was _one time_ years ago and it was chocolate sauce, not whip cream. I—” His cell phone chimed cheerily and he idly glanced to it, brows shooting towards his hairline. “Speak of the devil; Shadowhunter ears must have been burning. Alexander, what can I do for you this fine evening?”

“Magnus, hi.” Alec said on the other end. “I—I don’t need anything I just wanted to check in and say thank you again for everything you did earlier. I gave Nathaniel his dose before bed and he’s actually sleeping without coughing fits. Which means I might get a full night’s sleep too.”

“Oh well that is wonderful. I told you Catarina was a godsend when it came to medicine.” Magnus glanced to the woman in question. “And she truly _wants_ to heal people which can be a rare trait even in mundane doctors.”

“Yeah but you’re the one who took us to see her so…” Alec trailed off awkwardly. “Anyway I’m grateful. I felt so powerless before. Losing Nathaniel would have crippled me so I just—I wanted you to know how thankful I am for your help.”

Magnus got up and went with the need to walk around. “Well I won’t say it was nothing because it was obviously something. Really I’m just happy everything apparently appears to be working out for the best. Nathaniel is a treasure and he deserves to grow up into a strong, stubborn Shadowhunter like his father.”

Alec chuckled softly. “Actually I’m hoping he takes more after Izzy when it comes to the Shadowhunter way.”

“Amazing fashion sense?”

“More like willing to go against the rules and do what _he_ thinks is right, not what everyone else says is right.”

 _Okay…interesting…_ “I’m sure he’ll be a perfect mix of Lightwood and Branwell…”

“Lydia mentioned that you knew one of her ancestors. That you invented the portal together.” Alec cleared his throat. “Actually she mentioned quite a lot.”

Magnus detected a story there but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the details. Lydia had been lovely but she wasn’t someone he actively cared to learn about, as horrible as that probably sounded. “Oh? I suppose living in Idris as she did she was privy to all sorts of information. The Clave does gift those it trusts with perks…or so I have heard.”

Alec replied with, “They have been more forthcoming with us since I got married and especially since finding the Mortal Cup. Suddenly my family is worthy of being leaders again. Our voice is worthy of being listened to.”

There was bitterness in his voice and it made Magnus feel bad for him albeit somewhat reluctantly. “I wouldn’t take it _that_ personally, Alexander. The Clave operates on a strict set of rules that they are convinced keep order within the land. They’ve been doing it so long they honestly can’t dream that their antiquated ideals are not made for a modern society.” And then because he was a little evil he said; “Besides you never seemed to have a problem with following their rules beforehand. In fact it is my understanding that is one of the things you enjoyed most about Lydia. Enough to marry her anyway.”

An audible click sounded before Alec apparently found his voice again. “It’s—you know it was more complicated than that. You said you understood.”

Steeling himself against the adorable kicked puppy tone, Magnus balled his hands into a fist. “Just because one understands a situation doesn’t mean they accept it. But it doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done. So I—”

“Would you like to have lunch with me tomorrow?” Alec blurted out.

Magnus arched a brow. “Lunch tomorrow?” He shot another look to Catarina who thrust two thumbs into the air. He shook his head but she pointed at him and mouthed the word _yes_. “Sure lunch sounds nice. Do you mind if I pick the place? I know this lovely little Mexican restaurant that I’ve been dying to get back to but haven’t found the time.”

“Yes. Yes that would be great.” Alec sounded like he was smiling. “I’ll uh—I’ll come to you and we can walk there if it’s not far. Or we can meet there. Whichever is easiest for you?”

 _None of this is actually that easy for me._ “It’s closer to me so you can come and pick me up. Say eleven forty five?”

“It’s a date. I mean no it’s not a date. It’s a _lunch_ date which isn’t a date at all. I mean it is but it’s…” Trailing off, Alec sighed. “I’ll see you at eleven forty five. Goodnight.”

And then he was gone.

Hanging up, Magnus placed his cell gently on the table and dropped back into his chair with huff. He pinched the bridge of his nose and turned his attention to Catarina who seemed totally unfazed by his bubbling ire. “All right you despicable shrew. _Why_ did I just agree to lunch with him? It’s going to be extremely awkward and I might end up saying terrible things in the heat of the moment. It will murder our working relationship.”

Catarina picked up their near empty plates and strolled into the kitchen to scrape off the remaining food and put them in the sink. “It could but more likely it will improve your personal relationship. I said let him chase you. He just asked you to lunch.”

Magnus folded his arms over his chest. “Lunch isn’t exactly the beacon of romance it was in our day.”

She giggled and returned to continue clearing the table. “Darling stop being pouty and take my advice. It’s obvious a part of you still wants a connection to this boy and personally I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. Go and _be_ a dickhead if you want, but just go. Be snappy and don’t let him off the hook.”

“Wait so what? I should go and ignore him?” Magnus asked incredulously.

“No of course not.” She tsked at him. “I said be aloof not outright rude. Just go and be your charming self but no flirting.”

“How am I supposed to be my _charming self_ if I don’t flirt?” He winked at her. “Those two things aren’t separate you know.”

“Magnus.” She tried to look severe but there was an amused twinkle in her eye. “Treat it like you’re just two friends going to lunch because that _is_ actually what you are. Just…act how you would with me.”

“I see. With all due respect there is a vast difference between the two. No matter how gorgeous I’m sure you look, I don’t want to see _you_ naked.” Magnus teased.

Catarina laughed. “Your loss.” A pause. “Seriously though don’t push down your emotions or hide them from him. You said he hurt you so he needs to see that hurt.”

Magnus stood and trudged over to his leather couch. He stretched out his long legs and stared at the ceiling, the silence weighing heavily on his mind. Catarina gave sound advice but she wasn’t factoring in how short his attempted dalliance with Alec had been. Wasn’t he just making a mountain out of a mole hill? “Life would be so much easier if none of this had ever happened. If I had never gone for that damned necklace. Once again Camille manages to screw me over, this time by proxy.”

Moving over to sit in the chair Ragnor was fond of when he popped in, Catarina eased down and placed her hands in her lap. “I don’t believe that. Well I could believe Camille managing to be a bitch without actually being near but I don’t believe you wish you hadn’t met Alec. We are warlocks my love. Even pain is to be treasured because it reminds us that we are not yet hollow.” Wetting her lips, her voice grew softer. “You know I keep _his_ picture with me always even though he’s been dead for quite some time now. It hurts to look at sometimes but I do it because he was my fiancé and he loved me unconditionally. If it ever stopped hurting then I’d be a bit worried...unless I was with someone new.”

“Our lives are so tragic.” Magnus mused without humor. “Ragnor spent most of his time in hiding only to die without seeing the one person he always claimed he disliked, and we all knew was a total lie. You devoted your life to healing others to the detriment of your last relationship. And I became infatuated with a _Shadowhunter_ whose parents used to happily slay my kind. It’s like a sick joke.”

“Or a romantic drama.” Catarina glanced to her watch. “I should head home and get at least a few hours of sleep before going in to work tomorrow. Are you going to be alright alone?”

“I’ve been alone for decades now. One more night won’t kill me.” Magnus waved a hand. “Shall I tell you about lunch tomorrow or will you be too busy repairing spleens?”

“Probably but I’ll want to hear anyway.” She grabbed up her coat and slipped it on. Her lips brushed across his forehead. “Calm your mind. And don’t let Ragnor’s spirit or what have you rile you up. I suggest getting a good night’s sleep so that you’ll be crisp for the morning.” As she headed for the door she called back, “You don’t want under eye bags!”

Magnus snickered but figured she wasn’t wrong. Tomorrow would be weird enough; there was no need to go into everything looking like death warmed over.

ᛟ

Alec showed up at eleven forty five on the dot and Magnus had to commend him for his punctuality though he didn’t do so out loud. Together they walked the three blocks to _El Taquito_ and were seated near a wide square window in view of the street. The restaurant was homey and family owned, and Magnus had been popping in over the years almost since its construction. If the mundanes who owned the place realized he never aged—and they sort of had to—they never said anything about him. Just continued to serve him with smiles and cheer. Although he did tend to leave big tips so perhaps that was why.

Magnus scanned over his menu and watched Alec do the same with a deeply furrowed brow as if he was trying to solve a great problem. It was a wonder he was visible to humans but lunch and eating would have been awkward had he not been. Still it stood out for obvious reasons. “I’m glad everyone can see you and not just me. I don’t mind people think I am talking to myself but I draw the line at ordering two meals.”

Alec’s pretty eyes lifted and he swallowed noticeably. “You thought I would be glamoured?”

Magnus shrugged. “The last time we were surrounded by so many people and I asked to heal you, you reacted badly. I recall you looked around to make sure no one had seen and then ran away. I wasn’t sure what to expect today.”

Biting his bottom lip, Alec slowly put his menu down. “I. I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t you I promise. A lot was going on that day and I—I was acting like a jerk to most people. Jace and I were fighting, _Isabelle_ and I were fighting and of course there was the whole mess with Meliorn. I wasn’t thinking clearly and I was majorly stressed out.”

Magnus rolled up the sleeves of his dark blue shirt, showing off thin wrists and elaborate silver bracelets. “And you didn’t want anyone to see you standing too close to the very male warlock.”

Alec exhaled shakily. “Maybe. But that wasn’t about you it was about me.” He sighed and put both elbows on the table. “Magnus I am _sorry_ if I—I am sorry that I did hurt your feelings. I didn’t mean to. I was just so angry about finding out my parents were in the Circle and that they had hid it from me for so long. All this time I thought I wasn’t good enough but they only pushed me because they wanted me and Isabelle to fix the damage _they_ did years ago. I gave up so much to be the best for them, to make them proud and come to find out it was never about _me_. It was about their mistakes all along.”

Against his will Magnus felt a thread of sympathy wind itself around his heart and tug. His first reaction was to comfort Alec but he reined it in and remembered Catarina’s words. “I guess I understand. Still it is nice your misgivings about being seen in public with me seem to be over.”

“It would be rude to invite you to lunch and then show up invisible.” Alec smiled, turning his attention back to his menu. “I’m not sure what to get. What do you recommend?”

 _Damn that smile. I should call the cops because it has to be criminal._ “I could order for us both if you like?” Alec nodded and when the waiter drifted over Magnus placed their orders with his usual flare. Enchiladas and rice for Alec with extra cheese and fajitas with a side of lettuce, tomato, bell peppers, rice and beans for himself. Agua De Horchatas to drink.

The waiter Oscar jotted it all down, plucked up their menus and disappeared towards the kitchen but not before giving Magnus a rather dreamy smile. _That must be the type of thing Catarina mentioned when it came to other people and myself. Huh._ While the smile almost went unseen by Magnus he did notice Alec noticing it and was surprised to see his tiny scowl return. Even though it was a near fixture on his perfect face.

_Interesting…_

“You know I wish I had let you heal me.” Alec took a sip of his complimentary water. “That Forsaken wound hurt like a bitch and later I reopened it after Jace and I got into a fight. You were just trying to help and I acted like an asshole. Jace would have said it was my default setting back then.”

“Alexander…” Magnus could feel himself breaking his new rule. “I understand that you were in a state of turmoil over the information you’d discovered about your parents. The Circle was a catastrophic time in Shadowhunter history to the point where they love to pretend it didn’t even happen. To find out one’s parents used to be a part of it; well it is an upsetting matter. I don’t blame you for how you handled that. You were due an erratic tantrum or fifty.”

“Yeah.” Drawing himself up straight, Alec met his gaze full on. “Still I wish I’d…handled a lot differently back then. But it’s silly to dwell on what can’t be changed, right?”

Against his better judgment Magnus held his hazel-green eyes for a long moment and felt his traitorous heart flutter once again. It would have sent blood rushing to his cheeks had he not had more control than that. Yet there was sincerity in Alec’s eyes and Magnus would have been lying if he said it wasn’t nice to see. He wasn’t certain it changed anything but at least it meant at some point Alec had thought about his feelings and been sorry for the way he treated them.

Now there was warmth mingling with the apology; better late than never especially from someone wound so tightly.

Thankfully Magnus was saved from answering by the arrival of Oscar and their food.

“I had them give you extra meat.” Oscar said with a cheeky grin. “I hope that was okay?”

Magnus snorted in amusement. “Of course. I’m never one to turn down extra meat, particularly when it looks this tasty.”

Oscar laughed and eased away…with Alec frowning after him. “So,” Alec said a bit too loudly. “Isabelle said you searched all over the globe for that book. Did you go anywhere interesting?”

 _If I were so inclined I would say jealously looks good on him. If that is in fact what he’s feeling._ “Egypt, Greece, a small remote village in China only accessible by pack mule. Ragnor thought he was funny but really he was just annoying as were his riddles. But it was nice to get away and see the world. See how it’s changed. When it was clear the book wasn’t in some cave in New Zealand I decided to spend my time like I was on vacation.”

Alec slowly lifted his enchilada and took a big bite, eyes fluttering at the delicious taste. “This is amazing,” he moaned and Magnus dug his nails into his palm to remain quiet. “On vacation. Is that where you have been all this time?”

Magnus picked up his fork. “Not exactly. I did spend many months searching for the book or at the very least, a spell that would help Clary’s mother. However when a specific clue pointed back to the city I said fuck it and spent two months on a beach in Ibiza. I needed a cool down and time to recharge.”

Alec nodded. “What was that like?”

Taking a bite of his food and finding it just spicy enough, Magnus chewed before answering. “Refreshing. Ibiza has everything you could want in a vacation destination. Culture, scenery, touristy places and hot night life. I shopped and I bar hopped and I danced until my feet ached.” And because he could be Machiavellian he added, “Went on a few dates here and there too.”

Alec’s lips pressed together tightly, brows lowered. “Yeah? Sounds like you had fun.”

“I did.” Magnus replied truthfully. “It was nice to get lost and forget my problems for a while. Forget feeling sad and disappointed with the world around me. The people around me… There was just silence.”

“You’ve never struck me as someone that likes silence.”

“I am a man of many faces. You only saw a few before you…chose not to see anymore.”

“We established that I made the wrong choice.”

“As fun as it would be to simply leave it at that, I can admit while it was stupid of you to enter into a marriage where there would never be any love, your reasons were at least noble. I’m sure that counts towards some type of cosmic karma.”

Stirring his rice around with his fork, Alec shifted in his chair. “I hope so. Like I said last night things are sort of mellow with the Clave so that’s one less thing to worry about. Jace and I made up which is also good. It’s just everything else that appears to be falling down around me.”

Magnus reached for the plain looking salt shaker. “Am I detecting shoulders that need some of their weight lifted? Go ahead then. What is bothering you if you got everything you wanted where your stellar family reputation is concerned?”

Alec arched a brow and slowly shrugged out of his leather jacket, putting all of those lovely runes on display. He was in his usual black but surprisingly seemed to make a real effort this time; the shirt a simple cotton button down that hugged his shoulders in a decidedly _non_ simple way. The top three buttons were undone and his neck was slightly flushed.

It was something Magnus noticed because while he was holding in his flirty comments with metal hands, he wasn’t blind and Alec’s appearance was still as striking as ever. He could hide his emotions well—probably years of Shadowhunter training at work to be robotic and clinical—but that smooth fair skin was the worst for hiding blushing. Even his ears were a little pink.

“I’m worried about Jace.” Alec eventually said. “I don’t know what he’s taking harder, finding out that Valentine is his father or that Clary is his sister. He’s been going nonstop for a while now and I—I don’t know how to get through to him. So far I’ve just been letting him go on patrols and I think killing demons is helping. But he is _obsessed_ with finding Valentine and a part of me is scared he’ll actually pull it off. And then what? He kills him? Or ends up dead himself?”

“Jace is a very capable Shadowhunter but it’s been my understanding he’s been a hot head for years now. You’re all under an enormous amount of stress where Valentine is concerned, as is the entire Downworld. My advice would be just to continue talking things out with Jace and being there for him. Sometimes a friendly ear helps more than actively trying to shield someone from pain.” Magnus replied. “Besides you’re parabatai and that is a bond not easily broken. I’d wager he knows he can be stubborn and impulsive because you’ll always be there to have his back. And once I wake up Jocelyn he’ll get answers which I am sure will help.”

“Are…you charging us for that?” Alec’s eyes crinkled at the sides with delight.

“I probably should.” Magnus feigned dismay. “Otherwise it’ll just feel like you’re trying to get a leg over.” He didn’t mean for it to come out low and full of provocative innuendo but he realized the moment it had from the soft rush of air that slipped past Alec’s lips. _It’s okay to be flattered that that caused a reaction, right?_ “But we’ll work out the details later after I fulfill my end of the arrangement.”

“You’ll have to do that with me…as I am head of the Institute again.” The words were said to Alec’s food and his cheeks reddened, and it took a huge amount of willpower not to take it and run with it.

 _I should get a medal for being so good today._ “That’s fine.”

Magnus was quite perceptive and he could tell his toned down demeanor was throwing Alec for a loop. Usually _he_ was the one to carry their conversations, to put his interest out and see how it would be received. Though with Alec it had often been like throwing pads at a stone wall and just hoping something stuck. However it was intriguing to treat the situation like a mine field and maneuver it carefully. To let Alec cover the brunt of their interactions…even if it made him act like he was having a minor stroke.

They ate in silence for a few minutes and it was nearly comfortable thanks to a radio droning on in the background. It didn’t exactly feel like lunch between two friends; the tension was thick on both sides but Magnus honestly couldn’t figure out why that was true for Alec. Unless it was family drama but he didn’t think it was. Perhaps it was just their fifteen month separation finally coming to a head.

Wiping that obscenely pink mouth on a brown paper napkin Alec blinked slowly and asked, “You mentioned dates? While you were traveling I mean. Does—does that mean you’re seeing someone? Now?”

Magnus looked at him through his dark lashes, utterly tickled that he’d somehow found the nerve to ask. “I’m single. For now.”

The hand resting near his plate twitched—just barely, but Magnus still saw it—yet Alec’s expression remained blank. _I wonder how much energy he is expending not to react? Or maybe there_ is _no reaction. Hm._

“So I guess once something is unlocked in a warlock it can be accessed by anyone?” Alec inquired offhandedly.

 _That’s new. Snark._ “When the person that unlocked it doesn’t _want it_ , sure. Why let it go to waste?”

Alec’s jaw clenched and he glanced away, stoic and sexy.

Ambling over from behind the bar with his pencil tucked behind his ear, Oscar gestured to their plates. “Can I interest you in dessert? Our _Arroz Con Leche_ is pretty good.” He leaned a bit into Magnus’ space. “The sopapillas are good too; topped with cinnamon, sugar and honey.”

Magnus regarded him speculatively. He was handsome for a mundane though it wasn’t like Magnus discriminated with that sort of thing, he was just mentioning it. Dark silky curls pulled back in a tight bun and brown skin; he carried himself with a confident yet lazy air. And it was obvious he wasn’t put off by Magnus’ dark eye shadow and black lined eyes like some guys were, even non-straight ones. But different strokes for different folks and all that.

He opened his mouth to reply but Alec beat him to it. “Actually we’d like the check.”

Oscar side eyed him and looked to Magnus for confirmation or denial. “We’re done already?”

Alec slouched. “I was thinking we could go back to the—back to my place and you could see Nathaniel. I think he’d like that.”

Magnus squinted at him but relented. He did want to see the little sunbeam and check on him. “Alright. The check please, Oscar. But please know the service has been impeccable as was the meal.”

It wouldn’t be wrong to say Alec and Magnus had a type of starting contest in the time it took Oscar to get their check and for them to get sorted out. Alec paid, Magnus left his usual too big tip and then they were off. 

He couldn’t help but wonder how they looked to the people they passed; the handsome man in black and his companion dressed like an ostentatious professor. _Do they think he’s gunning for a really good grade?_

Heh. “Did you enjoy lunch?”

“I did.” Alec shoved his hands into his pockets. “Really. Next time I can pick the place if you don’t mind.”

“Next time?” Magnus asked.

“Yeah. If you want…” Alec stepped out of the path of a little old lady.

“Anything is possible.” Magnus said coyly and hoped Catarina would be proud. So far her advice hadn’t been too far off if he was reading things correctly. “Can I ask you something extremely personal that will probably make you very uncomfortable?”

Alec exhaled deeply as if preparing himself. “Okay.”

 _Okay._ “Your marriage to Lydia was based on family and tradition and honor, or so you told me anyway. Not love. And you said she knew it wasn’t going to be the type of marriage where you close your eyes and bear it to make more children while hoping for the best. How was that going to work, exactly?”

Alec blinked. “I don’t understand. I mean it wasn’t like Lydia married me because she was in love with me. The whole arrangement was about being mutually beneficial. We both got something we wanted out of it. I got renewed social standing for my family name and she got her own Institute to run.”

Studying his black nails for a moment, Magnus hummed. Truthfully he’d never one hundred percent believe Lydia’s motives were that altruistic and he hated speaking ill of the dead, but lying would just be silly. Alec may not have been sexually attracted to her but seeing as how Lydia was a red blooded woman with eyes, well, he wouldn’t have been surprised to learn she thought differently about him.

He tilted his head to the side and wondered if he could get away with saying that. “Fair enough. Though something tells me she didn’t totally hate having to consummate your marriage. Anyway my question is where does all of this leave _you_? Sexuality wise.”

A comical look passed across Alec’s face like he’d been punched in the stomach. “Oh. I uh—I’m not sure. If I ever get married again it won’t be—it’ll be for real. I’d say I’m not hiding anymore. I mean I haven’t _came out_ or whatever but I realize my happiness now is linked to Nathaniel’s and I want him to be one hundred percent happy without my choices hanging over his head. And I don’t want him burdened by the strict rules my parents always enforced. I still believe in the Law but I’m trying to not be so rigid.”

 _How does one shake nearly eighteen years of repression? Skinny dipping?_ “I do suggest being better to yourself.”

“I’m trying.”

Upon reaching the Institute and slipping through the shoddy looking doors, Alec gestured for him to wait in the ops center while he went to fetch Nathaniel. All around him were busy little Shadowhunters looking at screens and poking buttons that made beeping sounds. A few spared him a glance and suddenly he remembered the days when things were much less high tech. When they relied on giant tombs and massive scrolls for information instead of computers and security cameras. Such a contrast to Idris as well which still boasted car free cobblestone roads and witch light made lanterns.

Magnus heard Nathaniel before he saw him; his baby babbles were loud and unintelligible but clear. When he turned around he had to admire the sight of Alec carrying his son; what was it about handing a hot guy a kid that just made them even hotter? 

“Look who came to visit you again.” Alec kissed Nathaniel’s chubby cheek and handed him over.

Nathaniel went willingly and while it was clear he was still sick he did look better. More alert. “Hello rabbit. Do you remember me?” Magnus snapped his fingers and conjured a sparkling ball of blue magic. The baby grinned and immediately reached for it, fat fingers passing through the sphere over and over again. “No you can’t eat my magic. It would give you an awful tummy ache. Plus I’m sure it doesn’t taste very good.”

“ _Pfffffft_.” Nathaniel blew a big raspberry at him and Magnus laughed and responded by blowing one of his own against his neck, making him squirm happily.

Meanwhile Alec had perched on a table and was watching them with a cute little smile, body relaxed and feet planted on the floor. “He really likes you. I mean he’s friendly with most of the people here except for Jace who tends to hold him like he’s a live bomb. They just end up staring at each other.”

Magnus snorted. “Perhaps your little Natty is looking for his weaknesses. My advice? Grab his nose and refuse to let go. It’s what I would do.”

Nathaniel however turned his attention to Magnus’ necklace and tried to put the glittering bauble at the end in his mouth before giving up and simply holding it tight as if to say _mine_. He was downright precious and Magnus was happy that he’d been around to help him get well. Pulling out a chair, Magnus sat down and put Nathaniel on the end of the table in front of him, hands holding tight to his waist. “You are such a handsome little Shadowhunter. I bet you grow up to have all of the girls and boys chasing after you.”

“With any luck he’ll be able to chase them back.” Alec said softly. “Thanks to you and Catarina.”

“Daddy is being maudlin again.” Magnus said to Nathaniel. “How can he be so mopey with such a cute little rabbit around to make him smile?” He took the baby’s wrist and made him give Alec a floppy wave. “Say don’t be weepy daddy, I’m fine. Just fine.”

Nathaniel giggled and chewed on his fist, legs kicking out lazily. Alec shook his head but he was grinning. “You two ganging up on me already? Maybe you should wait until Izzy gets back so she can help.”

Magnus chuckled and ran slender fingers through Nathaniel’s riot of soft black hair. “I’m just letting him know he has the option to not side with you. He can side with the incredibly gorgeous warlock that can pop him in any toy his little heart desires.”

Alec looked pleased. “The incredibly gorgeous warlock that is going to spoil him rotten? Mom and dad will _love_ that.”

 _Pissing off your parents would give me such a thrill._ “I’m sure they would love you calling me incredibly gorgeous even less.”

“They’ll get over it.” Alec replied matter of fact. “Besides they’ve been drilling into my head that being honest is a virtue. Or being honest when it suits me I guess.

 _Well then...that was actually a pretty sweet round about compliment._ “I—”

“Hey Alec, can you take a look at this?” One of the elusive Shadowhunters that meandered about strolled over with a tablet in his hand. “It might be a glitch in the system but it’s showing a disturbance down at the docks.”

“Sure.” Alec took the tablet and fiddled at the screen.

Elusive Shadowhunter bopped Nathaniel on the nose and then turned his attention to Magnus. “I’m Thomas. Thomas Bloodmoon. I don’t think we have ever really met.” 

He held out his hand and Magnus shook it. “Magnus Bane.”

Thomas smiled with his perfect teeth and brushed strands of floppy brown hair out of his blue eyes. “Yeah, I know. You’re a big deal around here.”

“Am I?”

“To some of us, yeah. High Warlock of Brooklyn is a pretty grand title. We figure you didn’t get it just making portals or whatever.”

“No there was more to the…audition process than that.” Magnus smirked. “But in the end I was deemed the best candidate for the job.”

“I’ll bet.” Thomas flashed him a cheeky grin. “Ya know I was around when you were fixing up the wards and it was really cool to watch. I’ve always been sort of fascinated by warlocks and their magic. Not in a creepy way though.”

“I should hope not.” Magnus mused and kissed the fist Nathaniel thrust at him rather unceremoniously. “The last thing I want is to end up chained up in your closet.”

“Oh it wouldn’t be my closet.” Thomas said voice laced with coquetry. 

_That_ made Magnus look up at him again just in time to see Alec shove the tablet a bit too forcefully against his broad chest. “It was a glitch. Why don’t you go make sure it doesn’t pop up anywhere else?”

Thomas nodded easy as you please. “Oh, okay. Thanks. It was nice to meet you Magnus.”

“You too.” Magnus said as he walked away. “Well. I’ve never met a _Bloodmoon_ before but they certainly make a lasting impression.”

Alec huffed. “He’s a jackass. Clowns around too much.”

Nathaniel grunted as if to say _Daddy’s right. We don’t like him._ And then he let out a whine, face scrunching up and lips sticking out into a pout.

Magnus reckoned there had to be bottles of formula somewhere so he concentrated and then snapped one into his hand, immersing it in magic until it was nice and warm. “Is this what you want, sweetheart?” He teased his mouth with the nipple and Nathaniel latched on, sucking greedily with wide eyes. He then transferred the baby to his arms so that he was more comfortable while he ate.

“You’re a natural.” Alec whispered in amazement. “Is there anything you aren’t good at?”

 _Yeah. Deciphering the code that is Alexander Lightwood._ “Racket ball.”

Alec laughed, seemingly content to watch Magnus feed his son. That was until the front door opened with a loud bang and Maryse Lightwood breezed into the room, high heels making a right noise. She smoothed down her smart navy blue dress and glanced around, expression appeased at all of the order and lack of fun. And then she noticed Magnus and it was like someone poured a bucket of cold water over her.

She stalked over like a woman on a mission. “What is the meaning of this?” She demanded. “What is this warlock doing here?”

“At the moment? Giving Nathaniel his bottle.” Alec sighed and folded his arms over his chest. “He was hungry.”

Maryse if possible held her back even straighter; it was a wonder her spine didn’t crack. “Do you think it _wise_ to have your young son around a Downworlder? My grandson. What is he even doing here?”

“Upsetting the natural order?” Alec posed it as a question but his tone made sure it was anything but. “Magnus is my guest and after what he did for _your grandson_ he is welcome here any time he pleases. I formally offer up the invitation. Instead of throwing barbs at him you should be thanking him for saving Nathaniel’s life especially when none of the healers from Idris could so much as dampen his cough. Or have you not noticed that he’s feeling better?”

Magnus chose to stay quiet and just see how things played out though he was pretty ecstatic to see Alec standing up for him, and against his harshest critic. _Wait until I lay this one on Catarina._

Maryse pursed her lips. “Thank you, Magnus for your assistance with Nathaniel. We are grateful.” A beat. “How much did you charge this time?”

“Oh the little rabbit here has to work off his debt as soon as he learns to walk.” Magnus taunted. “Otherwise I break his baby ankles.”

“Charming, as always.” Maryse rolled her eyes.

Alec pinched the bridge of his nose. “Magnus healed Nathaniel for free. Why are you here? There is no new information about your ex buddy Valentine, if that is what you are looking for.”

Like a powder keg rigged to explode, Maryse was so angry she was near trembling with it. With the urge to burst open. “I don’t _understand_ this new insufferable attitude you insist on adopting when it suits you, but I do not approve of it. I expect a full update when you are done with _whatever_ this is.” And with a swing of her long ponytail she was striding up the stairs and away.

Sitting the now empty bottle on the table and gently patting Nathaniel’s back until he burped, Magnus stood and settled him in the crook of his arm. “Grandma’s gonna kill daddy in his sleep for getting stroppy with her. Then you’ll be all mine.” 

Nathaniel gurgled and Alec smiled. “I’m sorry about that by the way. Things have been tense between us since Lydia died and she started questioning my parenting skills. Guess it wasn’t enough to make me feel like I was never good enough as a Shadowhunter, she has to do it for the dad stuff too.”

Magnus reached out and squeezed his shoulder before he could stop himself. “You are an excellent father, Alexander. Never doubt that about yourself because I never will.”

And then Alec did something completely unbelievable. He placed his hand over Magnus’ in full view of anyone who cared to see and clutched at his fingers as if he needed the grounding touch. It wasn’t expressly wise to let him and it wasn’t keeping in line with his plan to remain aloof but there was no way Magnus could have pulled away from him. In fact he didn’t even try to.

ᛟ

_“Life is not about what you want to do; it’s about what must be done.”_

Alec was pretty sure that was the running commentary in his brain the entire time he stood up before friends and family and took Lydia as his wife. Now however after all was said and done he didn’t put much stock into _what must be done_ considering it was all a lie anyway. Just pretty words to keep him and Isabelle under control. In hindsight he could understand why his parents had never enforced such rules and limitations on Jace. He was their brother but he wasn’t a _Lightwood_ so his compliance wasn’t expressly needed.

As head of the Institute he still had a duty to fulfill but there were certain things he just wasn’t going to do anymore, one of them being shunning Downworlders because it’s what his mother wanted. Her time of having this grip over his life was over.

A furry foot hit him in the face and he smirked, glancing down to where Nathaniel was sitting in the middle his bed. In his hands he clutched a medium sized yellow teddy bear that hummed a sweet lullaby when you squeezed his stomach. Magnus had conjured it from somewhere and it was quickly turning into Nathaniel’s favorite toy. He sat chewing happily on the ear in between wide yawns.

Reaching for the medicine on his bedside table, he gently pulled the bear away and put it behind him. Nathaniel grunted and reached for it, lower lip quivering dangerously. “Come on.” Alec said. “I know that’s a fake crying face. You can have it back as soon as you take your medicine.” He filled the dropper and slipped it between his son’s lips, slowly pushing the liquid into his mouth.

Nathaniel smacked and swallowed and his little cheeks glowed white just like they had the last time. It was painless and after the sweet taste had left his mouth, Nathaniel reached for his bear again which Alec handed over.

“You really like Magnus, huh?” Alec asked thoughtfully. “But then I suppose you would considering babies like shiny things and he’s…shiny.”

His son cooed and watched him patiently like _Whatever you say, daddy._

Alec sighed and kissed his forehead. “I have no idea what I’m doing with Magnus. But I’m trying so I guess that’s something, hm?” He smoothed a hand over his face. “No matter what happens, you never have to worry about anything. You are _so_ loved, Nathaniel. I’m sure you’ll miss your mom when you’re old enough to realize what’s going on and that’s okay. But she loved you so much. And I’m going to tell you all about her. You will have so many people there for you. And…hopefully you never have to make the hard choices like I did.”

Nathaniel’s reply was to sneeze and surprise himself so much that he toppled right over.

“I’ve never seen such a cute way to deal with you and your speeches before.” Isabelle teased as she strolled into the room. Nathaniel squealed at the sight of her and she scooped him up, raining kisses all over his face. “Cute bear. Where did it come from?”

Alec stretched. “Magnus gave it to him. It sings or something.”

Isabelle grinned. “So how was lunch?”

 _How_ was _lunch?_ “Izzy I—I don’t know what I’m doing. I have no damn clue what is going on between Magnus and me. Like lunch was good and there was no pressure. It was nice and we talked but he’s not—he’s not _acting_ like himself. Before his attraction to me was so overt you know? It was always there every time he looked at me or every time he said something to me. Now it’s like this black hole.”

Humming Isabelle let Nathaniel paw at her snake bracelet as she said, “You mean he’s no longer flirting with you.” At Alec’s rather constipated look, she chuckled. “Have you tried flirting with him?”

Alec snorted. “We already established I am terrible at that remember. You know back then it sort of irked me. Not really but it made me so flustered and I never knew how to react. Now I really miss it because I don’t know where we stand.” _Still…_ “I guess I could try to flirt again though. Maybe he’ll find it the type of horrible that’s actually endearing.”

Thoroughly amused at his pain, Isabelle snuggled a slowly beginning to doze Nathaniel and rubbed his back in a soothing circle. “I think you should give it a try. I mean he _did_ accept your invitation to lunch in the first place and that has to mean something. He wanted to see you at least. And I’m guessing from the teddy bear he stopped by to see Nathaniel too?”

Alec nodded. “He’s _so_ good with him. And Nathaniel seems to like him so…but I mean Nathaniel likes his feet so…”

“Sure.” She winked at him. “Well I’m glad lunch wasn’t a total disaster. Means there is a chance you’ll get a real date next time.”

“Speaking of dating…” Alec frowned. “Magnus has been. Dating. He went on dates while he was looking for that book.”

“And…how does that make you feel?”

“Isabelle.”

“Humor me, Alec. You promised you’d talk to me more about your personal life once you got one.”

“Anything I say will be hypocritical.”

She shrugged. “So? Say it anyway. Bottling things up is half of the reason you ended up where you are.”

 _When did she become so smart?_ “Fine. It made me feel angry to think he was out there seeing other people. And that’s bullshit because I got _married_ so he was free to do whatever he wanted. We were never together and yet I’m jealous of strangers. It’s pathetic.”

Isabelle delicately put Nathaniel in his crib and sat his teddy at the foot where he could see it. “I don’t think so. Whatever spurns you into action… My advice? Keep it up. Ask Magnus out to dinner or something. Some place romantic this time with candlelight and soft music. Hell, we just might get you laid yet.”

 _By the Angel. I don’t need those images in my head I’m already high strung enough as it is._ “It’s not just about… _that_. I have Nathaniel now so it has to be about something more.”

Isabelle patted his shoulder. “I don’t think Nathaniel cares who you have sex with though. But I think it’s sweet you want an actual relationship with Magnus. You’re growing as a person.”

Alec didn’t know if that were the case but he knew once upon a time he and Magnus could have ended up somewhere nice but he destroyed that chance when he married Lydia. Now he just wanted to get things back on track if that were possible. If Magnus still cared or felt anything romantic for him. Yes it had been over a year and emotions tended to wither away, but they hadn’t for him. It was like once being with Magnus was formally off the table he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

About that night in Magnus’ loft when with magic alone he’d made his heart race and his pulse rise…among other things.

“What if I’m too late?” Alec inquired. “What if he’s not holding back and he’s honestly not into me anymore?”

“Then I suppose you’ll just have to accept it.” Isabelle murmured. “I know you’re sincere big brother but it’s not a stretch to think you probably hurt Magnus a lot by marrying someone else. I do think he understood your reasons but when it’s personal sometimes that’s not enough. I broke up with Meliorn because I needed to be more reserved, and he got it but it still hurt. Both of us.”

_Fuck I really made a mess of things._

They heard the sound of severe heels before their mother popped around the corner. Isabelle gave him a look and then left without a word. Alec found himself wishing he could do the same.

“Have you calmed down?”

“I was always calm.” He said. “You were out of line with Magnus. He saved Nathaniel’s life.”

Maryse drifted over to the bassinet and peered inside. “One good deed does not erase who he is. It’s utterly foolish to let him have such access to your son. You can’t trust him.”

Alec huffed. “Noted.”

Maryse arched a perfectly styled brow. “Alec I am only trying to protect you. There is _so much_ that you don’t know about him. You have worked _so_ hard to get where you are right now and I would hate to see all that you have accomplished stripped away because of one bad decision.”

“You mean you would hate to see the Lightwood name tarnished.” He said icily. “Again. I got married to fix _both_ our messes—your Circle ties and all of the unsanctioned missions I allowed to happen on my watch. The Clave was placated so back off. If I want to hang out with Magnus then I’m going to hang out with him.”

“First a member of the seelie, then a vampire and now a warlock. Getting so deeply involved into Downworlder affairs will only end in tragedy.” She replied evenly. “When it comes time to pick a side, when _Valentine_ forces a rift between our kind and theirs you’ll see that everything I have ever done and pushed you to do was for your own good. To make you stronger. If a rebellion happens you will have some important choices to make. And this time you won’t have a suitable match to fall back on.”

Replying would make no difference so he just stared at the floor until she left the room.

With a groan he fell back onto his bed and squeezed his eyes tightly closed. Unfortunately she wasn’t wrong especially about Valentine and perhaps having to pick sides. He would have to do his duty and lead in whatever battle they would have to face. Everyone would expect his first priority to be to the Shadowhunters no matter what. It just begged the question; would he ever find time for his needs?

Or had he already missed his chance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact; the restaurant mentioned in this chapter is an actual place in Austin so my friend told me.
> 
> I want to thank all of you for your thought provoking comments on the previous chapter. This was only going to be a fluffy little ficlet of four chapters to sate my need for tv!Malec but you guys went in depth so now I'm hopefully rising to the challenge, and just seeing where it takes me. I hope you enjoy the ride. :) 
> 
> Also there are a few book spoilers mingled in when it comes to Magnus' warlock friends but nothing too spoiler-y, mostly just used to flesh them out more.


	3. Healthy Competition

Chapter Three: Healthy Competition

Most of the training equipment that Shadowhunters used was specially made and imbued with magic so that it could withstand their super sized punches and kicks. One of Alec’s favorites to use when he wanted a work out but didn’t want to get especially overhyped was the rubber punching bag—that was actually more a column—that had been rooted to the floor. It swayed back and forth with his strikes, sometimes curving off to the side and swinging towards him almost as if it were trying to catch him off guard. But that was its appeal…that and usually no one tended to use it much because it didn’t pose enough of a challenge.

Alec had been using it more however probably because while he ducked and danced with its movements, he remembered how Magnus had stood and watched him with something like awe in his dark eyes. At the time he had not known how to process such a look and had immediately wanted to cover up, feeling way too naked in the presence of someone who could see all of him even when he was completely dressed. Magnus had flirted and attempted to make him feel better about Lydia taking over that day while also offering up some great advice. If only he’d really paid attention to what he’d been saying.

Shirtless and sweaty, Alec rolled his shoulders and tightened the fingerless gloves on his hands before delivering another round of punches to the bag. Across the training area he could hear a few other Shadowhunters lazily sparring; could see their reflections in the crystal clear windows. It was about noon by his count but he’d been up since seven and out, following the trail of several demons that were obviously spoiling for a fight thanks to Valentine’s influence. He and a couple of others had found them slithering inside of a cupcake shop run by a friendly old faerie, ready to do some major damage to everyone inside. While Downworlders serving mundanes enchanted food wasn’t exactly legal the Clave had “ruled” it was fine because the sweets did nothing more than offer a pick me up. Like coffee but with magic. The place was utterly harmless so to someone like Valentine it was ripe for the pickings.

Alec and his crew had managed to kill the demons without causing _too_ much trouble. No fatalities and one or two destroyed glass cabinets could easily be repaired as far as he was concerned. The owner had been quite surprised that they’d shown up to help, and Alec figured if his mother found out about it he would hear an earful later. But courting good favor among the Downworlders—especially the Seelie, considering—just made sense to him and in the long run it would bear fruit. He was positive of it. United against Valentine was the only way they would ultimately end up defeating him and what was left of the Circle.

Besides if Shadowhunters and Downworlders were supposed to be some type of allies thanks to the Accords, shouldn’t they be acting like it? And shouldn’t he be doing what he could to make sure his mother’s prophecy of “picking a side” never came to fruition?

For as much as he didn’t want to give Clary any accolades he had to admit her ability to unite the vampires and werewolves to save Meliorn all of those months ago was pretty extraordinary. Their strength and cunning and the use of their different talents was the only reason Meliorn was free. At the time Alec had of course focused more on the huge betrayal dealt by Jace and the continued weakening of their parabatai bond, but in hindsight the strategy had been sound.

Shaking damp strands of hair out of his eyes, he reared back and delivered a hit to the bag that sent it reeling to the right. The left side of his ribs protested the pull and he winced, stepping back to catch his breath. While those demons hadn’t been too horrible they were still _demons_ , and getting out of a fight with them without a few bruises was pretty unheard of. So far his worst was black and blue and plastered across his side, sore to the touch and if he moved the wrong way. He figured he would work out first and then give himself a healing rune after he was done with his shower.

In the past he would have pushed himself to exhaustion and though he was tempted to pick up a staff and see if anyone wanted to spar he reframed. Unless of course Thomas was game but he couldn’t honestly say he wouldn’t go a bit overboard there. _Bloodmoons…they never know when to quit._

“Alec!”

Turning towards the sound of his name, he pressed his lips together to see Clary sprinting around the corner, flaming red hair flying behind her. “What?” Their relationship wasn’t as volatile as it used to be but sometimes he couldn’t help the attitude that still cropped up around her. Perhaps it was misplaced but a part of him continued to blame her for the state of his life and the choices he’d been forced to make since her arrival.

She however reacted the way she always did to his tone; ignored it completely and flashed a smile. “Isabelle said that Magnus is back in town and that you guys have seen him. Does he have any information on how to wake up my mom?”

Alec sighed; she really had a one track mind. “He said he has a theory about where the book is and that’s why he’s back in the city. I guess that means he is close to finding it.”

Clary nodded. “I’m sure he is doing everything that he can. Maybe I’ll give him a call later and ask him to come over. Just…to check on her. I mean she hasn’t changed but maybe he’d be able to see something we can’t.”

The thought of seeing Magnus again made Alec perked up. “That sounds like a good idea.”

Arching a brow, Clary’s green eyes twinkled with mischief as she looked at him. “I also heard about your lunch date and that it went pretty well.”

 _Izzy…_ “It wasn’t a date.”

Clary giggled. “Either way I’m glad you’re reaching out again. It might sound weird but I’d never seen you smile at anything or anyone the way you did with Magnus. Your whole face lit up. And Isabelle is right—you should flirt with him.”

Swallowing down his first snippy response, he simply shook his head. “Isabelle needs to learn to keep her mouth shut.”

Apparently Clary didn’t agree. “C’mon Alec, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. You like Magnus and you were into him before you got married. Attempting to rekindle an old romance after the fact is actually pretty normal for some people. Now that Lydia is gone and things have settled down it makes sense you’d want what you thought you couldn’t have back then.”

Alec frowned and turned his back to her. “You make it sound like he’s my consolation prize or something.”

She folded her arms over her chest. “No that’s not what I meant. I—I know it was hard for you having to uphold the family name and deal with finding out your parents were in the Circle, all while trying to stay afloat in _other_ areas. You did the best you could. Marrying Lydia seemed like the right thing to do and in a way it was. It got the Clave off your back and the Institute is yours again.”

_Yeah. Lucky me._

Clary touched his arm. “I know I’ve never apologized for all of the rules I had you breaking but I _am_ sorry. I get the situation it put you in steamrolled and helped lead to Lydia having to come here in the first place. I was just so focused on finding my mom that I…” Trailing off, she shrugged. “I can’t fix the past but I can help with the present. And the future…if you’ll let me. I guess in an odd way we’re like family.”

Alec glanced at her. One thing about Clary was that her sincerity was usually written all over her face. He used to think it was a weakness having your emotions near the surface and so often for all to see. Shadowhunters were taught to control them or more like suppress them and seeing her be ruled by hers just proved how dangerous they could be. Now however after everything that had happened and the things he was trying to do moving forward, he _almost_ envied her. It was easy for Clary to be thoughtful and warm because no one would judge her for it. No one would judge Jace or Isabelle either but for some reason he’d always been singled out. Even now when people saw him playing with Nathaniel they sometimes appeared confused as if they never thought him capable of having such a tender side.

At least not to the point where he’d engage in a game of peek-a-boo…

“Don’t you have enough on your plate?” He inquired slowly.

“Not really. Until my mother is up we won’t have a real foothold where Valentine is concerned. And Jace and I won’t get the answers we need until we can talk to her.” Her expression became pinched like she had sucked on a tart lemon. “Raphael is helping Simon every day with vampire stuff so he’s doing a lot better. Luke’s worried about mom but knows she is safe here. And the Cup is locked away so…I’m in limbo.”

It was no secret Clary’s relationship with Jace continued to be awkward and strained. They could stand to be around each other better than in the beginning but their easy going air had been completely demolished by the reveal that they were related. Jace was taking that and the Valentine thing a lot harder than Clary and Alec knew why. Jace had never really thrown himself into a girl the way he did with Clary because deep down he hadn’t wanted to be hurt. He would pretend he just didn’t care for love but it was a smokescreen. Everybody wanted love. And as for Valentine, well, that spoke for itself.

Alec went about removing his gloves. “If you have so much free time you should be using it training. Demon and Forsaken attacks are on the rise and it would be prudent for you to know what you’re doing before you run off again.”

Clary hummed but her attention was on his chest. “Did you hurt yourself?”

He waved a hand. “Got thrown into a cupcake case. It’s nothing.”

“Yeah. Where is your phone?” She questioned out of nowhere.

“In the pocket of my hoodie.” As she bounced over to retrieve it he asked, “Why?”

Digging out his cell phone, she fiddled with the touch screen and then shoved at him until he was facing her. The flash of the camera went off and her tapping thumbs signaled she was typing. “Got banged up fighting demons. Does this look like it could use special healing to you? And _send_.”

Alec blinked. “What did you just do?”

Clary was smug. “I just sent that picture and message to Magnus.”

For a moment he was speechless. When he could finally gather his thoughts all he said was, “What?”

Chuckling, Clary sought out the nearest leather bench and plopped down onto it. “Flirting, remember? You’re supposed to be doing it.”

 _Are you kidding me?_ “How is sending a picture of my bruises flirting?”

“It’s not _just_ your bruises, duh. Look Alec I don’t know what you see when you look in the mirror but you’re gorgeous. It was one of the first things I noticed about you, Jace and Isabelle after the fear of everything else died down. When Magnus first saw you it was like you literally took his breath away. Reminding him of the goods is flirting.” She grinned widely. “The bruise is just an excuse to show you off.”

“I don’t know if I am comfortable with that.” He admitted as his phone vibrated and chimed, alerting a new message. “Is that him? What did he say?”

Clary read the message and then turned the screen so he could see it. _Magnus Bane: It doesn’t appear life threatening but I’d have to get my hands on you to really tell..._

Alec flushed pink. “I uh—should I say something back? Was that—was that meant to be suggestive?”

Clary typed out a reply for him. “Clary wants you to come over later and check on Jocelyn, so you can get a better look then. Adding winky face and send.” A beat. “See? Easy.”

He didn’t find _any_ of this easy and what in the hell was he supposed to say to Magnus if he showed up? Or more like when he showed up because checking on Jocelyn was probably something he wanted to do anyway. _Should I not heal myself? Should I actually expect him to want to see the bruises up close? Maybe I will just leave it for now and see what happens if/when he gets here._

“Alec, breathe.” Clary mused. “I can hear you freaking out from here. Flirting is supposed to be cute and playful and that’s all this was. If Magnus asks you can tell him you just went ahead and used a healing rune. He won’t be mad or whatever.”

Alec groaned inwardly; he was taking dating advice from the little girl. Could he fall any lower? Still he supposed Magnus replying at all _and_ with a vaguely flirty message was a good sign. It wasn’t a flashing neon sign that would ultimately put him at ease but it was better than nothing.

“Is this what mundanes go through?” He wiped his wrist across his forehead. “Is this why you are so clueless about the world around you?”

Clary rolled her eyes. “This is what people in general go through. In some cultures arranged marriages are a thing but I’m a firm believer in finding love for yourself. _Real_ love that is about emotions and happiness not riches or standing. You’re having trouble with this because you’ve been repressing since you were a kid and now you want to actively show something but you don’t know how. It’s probably the most normal thing about you.”

Alec made a face. “What’s that supposed to mean? You know what? Never mind. This is none of your business.”

Biting her bottom lip, she lifted both hands in a placating gesture. “I’m just trying to help. When I said normal I meant being nervous about a boy. That’s a very _normal_ sort of thing for someone our age. You’ve had to deal with a lot, Alec especially in the past few months. I realize I showed up and threw everything you thought you knew for a loop, upset the careful balance you’d been maintaining for years. First with Jace and then your parents…and I’m the reason you even formally met Magnus because I needed my memories back. But things are different now and you’re adapting extremely well.”

Alec grabbed a towel from a low hanging rack near the back of the room. “You’re babbling. I have no idea what you are talking about.”

She snickered. “Basically Magnus makes you stupid and it’s cute to watch. I don’t think you have to become some super flirty person for him though because that’s not the guy he first became attracted to. I think—think he just wants to know you want him as much as he wanted you.”

That uncomfortable knot appeared in his stomach like it did every time things got a bit too real for him but he ignored it. He _hated_ having to admit that Clary was right but she was. “Well like you said I’m fighting against years of conditioning.”

Clary stood and gathered up his hoodie so that she could stuff his phone back into the pocket. “True. Good thing you’re such a kick ass warrior then.”

He smiled against his will. “Yeah. Start training regularly and you might be too one day.” Draping the towel across his neck he glanced to a clock and then headed towards the ops center.

Clary walked quickly to keep up with his longer strides. “So Nathaniel is doing better? I’m really glad to hear that. I meant to say something sooner but got side tracked.”

 _Right._ “He’s coming along quite nicely. I don’t know what is in that medicine Magnus’ friend Catarina brewed for him but it’s amazing. I’m sure if he didn’t need all of it Isabelle would be pilfering a sample to test in her lab.”

“Maybe after he is done she can break open the bottle and get whatever is left.” Clary suggested lightly. “You know my offer to babysit is still on the table. Especially if you find yourself preoccupied on dates with a certain someone.”

“You said you didn’t know anything about babies. Why would I let you watch mine?” He arched a brow.

“I _said_ I didn’t know what to do when they are sick but Nathaniel will never get a regular cold. Besides at any given moment we’re surrounded by like twenty people. One of them would know how to correctly put on a diaper.” She teased. “And I’d have Simon to help me.”

“That vampire is not allowed around my son. You know the rules.” It wasn’t that Alec didn’t like Simon—he liked him well enough—but Simon was still pretty much a fledgling. Until he could control himself one hundred percent it was better to be safe than sorry.

“Simon would _never_ hurt Nathaniel.” Clary said. “Nathaniel likes him you know. Simon makes the best funny faces.”

 _Let me guess? Isabelle strikes again?_ “Fine but if he ever looks at him like he’s an appetizer I’m killing him, no questions asked.”

Clary snorted. “Simon has learned a lot of control this part year. Raphael has made him his _special project_ or something. He pretends that he doesn’t like him but I know he does. He’s always keeping tabs on him and lending him clothes. And thanks to Simon being such good friends with Luke it means the vampires and werewolves haven’t been fighting as much.”

That was actually a good thing. “You could take credit for that I guess. Your pep talk to them while trying to save Meliorn must have made a lasting impression.”

Clary traipsed over to the main control panel and stared at the screen, trying to make heads or tails of it. “Or they’ve realized fighting against each other is stupid when the _real_ enemy is Valentine.”

“Now if only we could _find_ that son of a bitch.”

Alec and Clary both turned to see Jace lounging in a leather chair in front of a set of computers, slender fingers swiping rather angrily at a tablet.

“He’s making himself known.” Alec replied.

Jace looked up at him, eyes zeroing in on his bruise. “I can see that.”

Alec didn’t feel the same for Jace anymore as he had most of his life but being on the receiving end of such a stare made him shiver regardless. He took his hoodie from Clary and slipped it on, zipping it up and shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’m fine in case you were wondering.”

Jace cracked a smile. “I can see that too. I heard about Nathaniel; glad he’s going to be okay.”

Clary wet her lips. “Magnus is back in town and he has a lock on the _Book of the White_. I don’t think it will be long before my mom—our mom is awake.”

Jace shifted uncomfortably. “Until we know what’s going on let’s just stick to calling Jocelyn your mother.”

Clary bristled. “So Valentine can be _our_ father but she’s not _our_ mother? Seems kind of backwards when she is the one you should be claiming. Seeing as how she is not a murdering psychopath.”

“As fucked up as it is I have memories of Valentine, not her. You say she is this sweet and caring woman but I don’t remember any of that.” Jace scowled. “I have memories of Valentine being my father. Not a lot but some.”

“Yet you _know_ he’s dangerous, Jace! We have seen that first hand.” Clary exhaled deeply. “Look I just—just give her a chance okay? When she wakes up just give her a chance.”

Jace grunted and that was the end of _that_ conversation. 

At first Alec had been happy to hear that Jace and Clary were related because it helped sate his jealously but now he found himself wishing that it wasn’t true. Jace was devastated by the news and he wasn’t getting any better. If anything he was slipping deeper and deeper into his rage, throwing all of his focus onto finding Valentine so that he could kill him. As if that would change his sibling status with Clary. Alec couldn’t imagine in a million years what he was going through but it wasn’t like it was his fault or even Clary’s. Their attraction had built organically before they knew what they were to each other. It was…awkward but they were blameless and Alec had put a stop of the whispers months ago.

Though knowing something about shame himself he understood how such things didn’t just evaporate. It took time to rewire yourself if you were able to do it at all.

“Where have you been?” Alec pinched the bridge of his nose. “We could have used you earlier.”

Jace appeared nonplussed. “Why? From the write up it seems everything was routine and you guys handled it. No casualties.” He paused. “And I was looking for Valentine. Following a few leads that were ultimately dead ends, as most tend to be these days.”

 _Patience._ “Then maybe you should stick around for longer than five minutes and work _with_ us to find Valentine. We all want the same thing.”

Jace huffed. “I know. I just feel like it’s my responsibility to find him and deal with him before he hurts anyone else.”

He’d never said but sometimes Alec got the feeling Jace sort of blamed himself for Lydia’s death. In a sort of odd roundabout way because of his connection to Valentine and it being Valentine’s monsters that killed her. “Valentine is _all_ of our responsibilities. If anything we should be blaming the Clave since they willfully ignored all of the evidence that he was alive and causing trouble.”

Jace’s jaw clenched. “Oh I do blame them.”

“I’m gonna go check on my mom.” Clary drifted away without another word and Jace watched her go with a longing he couldn’t hide.

Alec tried to think of something that would cheer Jace up but drew a blank so he decided to leave it. Perhaps later he’d offer to spar with him so he could work out some of his aggression.

_I should go shower now just in case Magnus does show up to see Jocelyn._

“You want to tell me about your date?” Jace’s voice broke through his thoughts. “With Magnus.”

“Did Isabelle tell the whole Institute? And it wasn’t a date.” Alec scuffed at the floor with his boots. “It was lunch and it was nice. We are getting to know each other again.”

“Good. That’s good.” Jace said earnestly. “I got my own shit to deal with but I’m glad you two are reconnecting or whatever. Though it would no doubt be easier if you just dropped trou in front of him and pointed.”

Alec laughed. “That used to be your answer to everything especially where the nymphs were concerned.”

Jace winked. “Hey I never heard any complaints.”

Thoroughly amused, Alec turned to head for his room and caught sight of Thomas at one of the computer stations, jotting down notes onto a plain white notepad. He wasn’t a bad guy—he was a pretty decent fighter—but he’d always kind of rubbed Alec the wrong way for one reason or another. Back when Alec had been all about the rules Thomas usually followed them but he would question the whys and the hows, not wanting to dot every I or cross every T. It was as near to insubordination as one could get and Alec detested it.

And now apparently he wanted to chain Magnus up _somewhere_ and it was his bed—he wasn’t fooling anyone—and Alec wanted to send him to Mumbai with Max. Or Siberia. Might as well throw in Oscar the waiter too.

And yes he realized that he was a giant hypocrite and that other people were allowed to find Magnus attractive. They should because he was but it was—Alec didn’t have to like it especially when one of those people was a bloody Shadowhunter. In all of the times Magnus had waltzed into the Institute to fix the wards or answer some inane question no one had ever paid him any attention. Except _someone_ had he just hadn’t said anything before now.

_Could there be others out there just waiting for their turn to speak up? And would I blame them if they did?_

Thomas who no doubt felt that he was being watched looked up and met Alec’s gaze. Alec narrowed his brows suspiciously and continued to his room, stripping off his clothes once he was inside and making a beeline for his expansive bathroom. Like most of the Institute it was old world mixed with modern; sturdy marble counters and gilded golden mirrors with state of the art faucets and wonderful water pressure. The bathtub was wide and ivory and sat off to itself under a round stain glass window. Directly to its left was the shower, a square cube of frosted glass nestled artfully in the corner.

With a sigh Alec slipped into his shower and turned on the water, stepping under the warm spray once it was to his liking. He turned his face up to the water and let it douse him from head to toe. Let it soothe his aching muscles and rid him of dirt and sweat. Unlike Isabelle his shampoo and soap were practical but lately—he would begrudgingly admit—he’d been wondering if he should actually put more effort into such things. Clary had called him gorgeous but honestly he’d always saw Isabelle and Jace as the beautiful ones. They got noticed more and chatted to more but unlike him they tended to be more outgoing. He could see how his surly demeanor put people off but it wasn’t like he’d been looking. Back then the only person he wanted to share anything romantic with was Jace no matter how impossible it seemed.

Now though…now was a different matter.

“Shit.”

Pulling himself out of his thoughts he started his usual routine and washed himself efficiently, barely resisting the urge to take his half hard cock in hand and stroke himself to completion. If he did it would be to thoughts of Magnus and he wasn’t sure that was…right? Though Isabelle would no doubt tell him that fantasies were healthy especially for someone like _him_ who was wound so tight it was a wonder he still had circulation. It wasn’t like he didn’t masturbate it was just usually there were other things going on. More important things.

_What is wrong with me?_

Alec showered—didn’t molest himself, for now—and then quickly dried off before getting dressed in his usual black and grabbing his cell phone. Afterwards he made his way to Laurel Hardcastle’s room, Nathaniel’s current babysitter to make sure that his son was okay. He found them both relaxing in a wooden rocking chair with Laurel reading some children’s book to Nathaniel, stopping to let him look at the pictures. Alec smiled at the image, kissed Nathaniel on the forehead and then continued on his way to the ops center.

It was weird to walk into the area and see it bustling with people but have none of them be Hodge. His betrayal after so many years was a pain Alec felt he was still coming to terms with. Not to mention it made him wary to trust his own people and that wasn’t good for anyone. But he reminded himself that none of the others were basically prisoners in their own home. Yes Hodge had motive for wanting out but to turn his back on the very people that had welcomed him? Alec and his siblings had never treated Hodge like a traitor because he was once a part of the Circle. It was a blight on his reputation but not his character, not anymore.

Yet the entire time he’d been working with Valentine. Setting up traps that could have easily killed any of them just like they did Magnus’ good friend Ragnor. Hell _Magnus_ could have died that day or the night they first met and all because of Hodge. _I guess you don’t really know anyone._

Jace was no longer lounging around but his leather jacket was still slung over the chair he’d vacated so Alec supposed he was at least on the grounds somewhere.

“Glad to see you are still in one piece.” Isabelle said as she strutted up to him, hair pulled back tastefully from her face. 

He shrugged. “It was a routine mission for the most part. Hey…” Taking her arm, he pulled her over into a corner. “Did Clary tell you what she did earlier?”

Isabelle grinned indulgently at him. “About the picture? She might have mentioned it. Why?” When he didn’t immediately reply she socked him lightly in the side, smirking when he winced. “You are so cute.”

Alec glared at her. “And you have a big mouth. What? Did you put the news of the lunch date on a marquee or something?”

She laughed. “No I only told the people that care about you because I know they would want to know. I was right by the way. Both Jace and Clary just want you to be happy. Just like I do big brother.”

Alec kissed her forehead. “I know that. It just feels weird to have my love life—or lack thereof—be the subject of gossip. You know I value my privacy and it’s not like I’m even—that anyone knows I like guys.”

Nodding, she wrapped both arms around his waist and gave me a gentle sideways hug. “Contrary to what you think I only told them not anyone else. Though if you did decide to shout it from the rooftops I doubt anyone would care. Well, the Clave might but considering their stance on simple things would you really be surprised? The people here would support you because they know you and they trust you.”

 _I wouldn’t be so sure._ “Even after I married Lydia under false pretenses?”

Isabelle moved over to the square wooden table used for meetings and sat down. “I think as Shadowhunters they are used to things happening with ulterior motives.”

“Not everyone will be on board.”

“You mean Raj? He’s just still mad he got his ass kicked by the werewolves and vampires.”

“He seemed happy enough when Lydia was in charge and handing out orders.”

“Well sure, because he’s a petty little weasel who thought he’d gain her favor if he followed her around like a puppy.”

Nervously Alec rubbed his right thumb against his left palm in a slow circle. As far as anxious ticks go that was his. In the end however the others felt about him didn’t matter as long as they remained loyal. He’d proven—he hoped anyway—that he could lead well before Clary showed up and now after that things had settled down a bit. That had to count for something.

The main glass doors of the Institute hissed open and everyone turned as what could only be an origami dragon sailed into the room trailing blue sparks and blowing blue fire. It looped around the main terminal and then sailed through the archway to land rather daintily in front of Isabelle. She grinned and tapped its head, watching as it exploded in a puff of smoke to suddenly be a cream colored card with curled gold lettering.

“Magnus Bane formally invites you to his welcome back to New York party at the club Pandemonium tonight at 10pm. Prepare for an evening of which the likes you have never seen before. Pants optional.” She read aloud. “Well looks like I know what we are doing tonight. Also I love Magnus’ flare for the dramatics. He put this together quickly but I bet it’s going to be amazing. What am I going to wear?”

Twitching, Alec plucked the invitation from her hands and read it over. “It doesn’t say _we_ are invited. Besides I don’t think it’s a good idea. We need to focus on finding Valentine.”

Isabelle rolled her eyes. “It says _you_ and I’m pretty sure he means the universal you. As in all who dwell within the Institute. Either way we are going and I won’t take no for an answer. In fact I think we should make a night of it so I’m gonna text Simon to meet us there and go help Clary find something suitable to wear. _You_ find Jace and tell him he’s coming with us or there will be hell to pay.”

Before he could say anything else she was gliding hurriedly across the floor with an obvious bounce in her step, disappearing up the stairs and around the corner.

Clubs weren’t really Alec’s thing and dancing was completely out of the question but he could see the merit in going since Magnus _had_ invited them. They’d never received an invite to one of his parties and usually only went to Pandemonium when there was trouble afoot with a demon or whatever. He didn’t want to be excited but he was. His mother would probably explode when she found out because _Shadowhunters don’t get nights off_ but making sure the party went smoothly was just common sense. So many mundanes and Downworlders in one place? Having “security” would be prudent.

“Has anyone seen Jace?” He asked aloud.

“Check the library.” Someone said. “He headed that way.”

Alec nodded and went to the library; sure enough there was Jace sitting with his feet resting on a table, a thick worn book in his lap. “What are you doing?”

Jace glanced to him. “Trying to be good and not go out half cocked. Also looking for any mention of the Circle that I can find. But I guess I’d have to go to Idris for any real information.”

Alec moved around to perch on the side of the table. “Or you could just ask our parents. Maryse will probably pretend she has no idea what you are talking about but we both know dad has always been more forthcoming and…civil.”

“I would pay to have you call her _Maryse_ to her face.” Jace snapped his book closed. 

“Look Magnus has invited us to his welcome back party tonight and Isabelle has issued a decree. Instance death to anyone who refuses to go, meaning you.” Alec explained. “She’s making me go too if it’s any consolation.”

Jace snickered. “Like you would have said no to being in the same room with Magnus.” Smoothing a hand across his mouth, he hunched his shoulders. “Maybe being outside for a reason that doesn’t involve stabbing something would be okay. And it’s not like I want Isabelle poisoning me if I say no.”

Alec was shocked he was agreeing so readily but slightly pleased. “I’m pretty sure we could drink for free if we wanted.” A beat. “I should warn you though that Isabelle plans for Clary and Simon to come too.”

Jace frowned but it was gone in a flash. “Of course. Well, here’s to tonight not ending in bloodshed.”

ᛟ

By the time they arrived at Pandemonium fashionably late according to Isabelle, things were already in full swing. The place was packed with dancing bodies and people laughing, drinking and generally having a good time. Even though Isabelle had adopted a more sedate demeanor to please their parents tonight she was in a striking red number with no back and a split inching its way up her thigh. She’d put Clary in one of her slinky dark purple dresses that fastened by chain behind her neck.

She had tried to get him and Jace into something more colorful but they’d both declined. Black leather worked for them and plus jackets were good places to hide their swords. He’d rather have his bow but he wasn’t going to make anyone assume he was looking for trouble.

Isabelle was already bopping to the song playing; Clary and Simon were smiling at her. Jace didn’t look happy but he didn’t appear to want to punch anyone either so that was a plus. Alec on the other hand was scanning the club for a familiar face, finding it lounging like a king on a plush velvet sofa surrounded by adoring subjects.

Magnus was in dark silver and under the flashing lights he looked ethereal; soft skin shimmering with a light sheen of glitter. His black hair had streaks of baby blue and his dark eyes had been rimmed with the same color, practically making them pop out of his head. But it was the long slither of exposed flesh from his neck to ribs that ultimately caught and held Alec’s attention. He knew he was staring but it was like he couldn’t look away—somehow that bit of skin was sexier than any of the times he’d seen Jace completely shirtless. And that used to be the standard by which he judged all sexy things.

 _Okay. You can do this. You can do this._ “We should—”

“Wow. This place is awesome!”

Alec’s spine turned rigid and it was all he could do not to have a visceral reaction to the person that had just walked up behind him. “Thomas. What are you doing here?”

Thomas smiled. “The invitation said everyone. Or rather it didn’t say only Shadowhunters I’m friends with so I thought I would come and see what the fuss was about. I’ve never been to Pandemonium before, this place is wild.”

_Why is this happening to me? Am I being punished?_

Arching a brow, Isabelle turned on the charm. “Thomas, why don’t you and Jace go get us some drinks? You haven’t fought in here before so you might get lucky.”

Thomas laughed but loped behind Jace as he headed off towards the bar, chattering excitedly as he went. Clary snorted and whispered something to Simon which made him chuckle and say _a healthy bit of competition never hurt anyone. I don’t think._

Alec was just about to mutter something snappish when Magnus pulled away from his group of friends and strutted to where they stood, looking even better up close. “Hello Shadowhunters and vampire,” he said smiling. “Don’t you all look extremely handsome and beautiful although I expected nothing less when Isabelle is in control…”

Isabelle kissed his cheek. “Thank you for inviting us. A little playtime is just what we all need to cool down.”

Magnus smirked and motioned for them to follow him. “Please come and join me. I’ll shoo the others away.” With a delicate wiggle of his fingers his friends scattered and he sat down, crossing his long legs. “I suppose you’re feeling better then, Alexander?”

Alec—who was not even a little bit discreetly maneuvered by Isabelle—until he was sitting next to Magnus, smiled. “I uh—yeah. I mean it wasn’t as bad as it looked but I…thought a second opinion was sensible.”

“So you don’t need me to take a look?” Magnus inquired lightly. “Later of course. I wouldn’t ask you to strip in front of so many people.”

“Uh we’ll see.” Alec managed, what he hoped was bravely. “I am still a bit sore.”

The corner of Magnus’ lips twitched but whatever he was going to say never came because Clary touched his arm, distracting him. “Magnus, have you made any headway with that book you need to wake up my mom?” she asked him. “I don’t want to be a bother but…”

He patted her thigh. “No bother at all my dear. I haven’t found the book yet but I am exhausting all of my resources. But if you like I will come visit tomorrow and make sure Jocelyn is still well. Although I don’t see any reason why she wouldn’t be.”

Clary’s face brightened. “That would be great. Thanks so much.”

Simon took that moment to chime in. “So you did all this yourself? This party I mean?”

Magnus nodded. “Throwing a party is easy when you have magic at your disposal. Then I just sent out the invites and opened the doors to anyone else that wanted to come in. Some of these people don’t even know who I am but they’re buying my ridiculously expensive drinks so what do I care?”

Simon laughed. “But we drink on the house, right? Well them.”

Magnus winked. “Of course. Raphael is here somewhere if you feel yourself getting peckish. He usually brings his own supply since I instituted a no biting rule.”

 _Say something._ “You look really good. Being back in the city must agree with you.”

Magnus fiddled with the tiny snake cuff attached to his ear. “Thank you. I must admit it is nice to be back in my own space and sleeping in my own bed. I enjoyed traveling but this city is my home. And it’s nice to be back among friends.”

Alec was about to say _we’re glad to have you back_ when Thomas and Jace reappeared, several drinks between them.

And of course Thomas was all smiles for Magnus. “Magnus, hi! Your club is great.”

“Thank you. Thomas, right?” Magnus questioned and Thomas nodded. “I’m glad you find it to your tastes.”

“Sexy with great music? Pretty hard not to love it.” Thomas mused as Clary and Isabelle took their drinks. “This is my first time here though. But as first times go it’s getting better and better.”

“You must be a lucky man to be able to say that about first times. At best they are awkward but adequate.” Magnus joked.

“Well I’ve learned it’s all in the framing.” Thomas mused. “Besides adequate is a step above passable. As long as fun is had I always count it as a positive.”

“Are you having fun? Or should I wait to ask that at the end of the night?”

“So far I’m having a good time. But like I said I expect it to get better.”

Magnus tilted his head to the side. “Oh? How do you figure? Just what are you hiding up your sleeve? Not chains I hope.”

Giggling, Thomas shook his head. “No chains I promise. Just…a _Stamina_ rune and a can do attitude. I’m a real people pleaser.”

Alec’s jaw tightened so painfully he was worried it would lock and he wouldn’t be able to eat solid foods. How _dare_ Thomas basically crash this party and then just blatantly start to flirt with Magnus like none of them were around? Didn’t he care about rules and the Clave’s stance on relationships with Downworlders? Was he—was he gay or just being overly friendly?

Either way it all needed to stop.

Salvation however came in the form of Clary Fray. “So Magnus, how do you manage to run a club when you seem to have so many other things to do? Or does it just seem like that because I dragged you into my mess?”

Magnus laughed and his eyes twinkled. “I suppose it’s the same way Dot worked for your mother and yet had other warlock responsibilities. I opened this place a long time ago as a sort of sanctuary to our kind and a bit because I was bored. Plus I have always loved the club scene.”

As Magnus continued to reveal his reasons for opening Pandemonium, Alec exhaled as carefully as he could and slouched just a little. He was pressed against Magnus from shoulder to knee; could feel the heat of his lithe body all along his side and thigh. Magnus was thin and agile but Alec could sense the strength in his limbs whenever he moved to explain something with his hands or simply shifted on the couch. A man smoother than him would stretch his arm across the seat so that it fell across Magnus’ shoulders but he couldn’t bring himself to be so bold. Not with several sets of eyes that would no doubt look on in interest.

However when Clary recounted her earliest memory of Magnus to the group he did find the courage to whisper in Magnus ear, “You smell really good.” And he did. Like smoky sandalwood and roses. That smell would follow him to sleep tonight and frankly he found nothing wrong with that. _I hope it’s transferred to my clothes…_

Turning his head just a smidge so that he could catch Alec’s eye, Magnus said, “Thank you, Alexander.”

His breath tickled Alec’s jaw in a way he’d never experienced before and he swallowed hard. “You’re welcome.” It came out breathless and his cheeks immediately heated.

Feeling eyes on him, Alec blinked to find Jace giving him the widest shit eating grin he could muster behind his glass. Alec was tempted to give _him_ the finger but knew everyone would want to know why he was doing it. Instead he kept his expression neutral and pretended to be listening to Clary’s story, curving forward so that Magnus’ bicep touched the space underneath his collarbone.

_Think how much better this would be if it were just the two of you._

A young man in a lace mesh shirt ran up to interrupt all conversation. “Magnus! The dishwasher is making that weird noise again and it is _freaking_ Candy out. I’m scared she is going to burst a blood vessel.”

“Oh dear. Please excuse me for a moment.” As Magnus pushed himself up he braced a hand on Alec’s thigh to help.

Desire pinged through Alec’s system like lightning and the hairs on his arm prickled pleasantly, his cock giving an interested twitch in his jeans. Oh god he could _not_ get an erection just because Magnus accidentally touched his thigh. He wasn’t sixteen anymore when a stiff wind would do the trick. He had more control than that.

Didn’t he?

_Apparently not._

Isabelle flicked at his coif of hair, voice low. “Are you okay?”

He nodded. “Yes. Why? Am I making a weird face?”

She chuckled. “No but you do appear to be a bit shell shocked. But in a good way.”

Alec grinned. “Tonight isn’t as horrible as I thought it would be.”

Her _told you so_ wasn’t said out loud but he could tell she was thinking it.

“So did the others not come because they are scared of the Clave?” Thomas asked out of nowhere. “Or…Mrs. Lightwood. No offence guys.”

 _None taken. She can be a scary lady._ “Maybe they just don’t like parties. Or maybe they are having one right now.”

Thomas snickered. “I’ve never had a problem with Downworlders. And honestly I think it’s kind of silly for Shadowhunters to act all high and mighty when we regularly ask warlocks for help. Sure we compensate them but if we were as amazing as we think we are, we wouldn’t need them at all.” He ran his fingers through his mop of brown hair, leaving it disheveled in a way Alec knew some of the female Shadowhunters liked. “I don’t know. I _do_ know however I want more of that fruity thing. What was it called again?”

“A Bahama Mama.” Jace replied draining the last of his. “Luke told me about them. Get me another one too if you’re going.”

“Okay.” And then he was weaving through the crowd to the bar.

And naturally it was his luck to run into Magnus before he got there. Veering off course to perch in front of him and shove his hands into his pockets, flashing a smile and rocking back on his heels as he engaged Magnus in conversation.

“Okay.” Isabelle stood and yanked Alec up with her. “No more kid gloves. Go ask Magnus to dance.”

Alec suddenly felt like he was about to spar for the first time. “What? No. You know I can’t dance like, at all. I’d just make a fool of myself in front of everyone.” 

The fast song playing switched over easily to something slower with a thick bass beat that blasted from the speakers and caused the lights to flicker slower; blue to silver to white and back again. No longer was a man crooning about reaching out and touching faith. Now it was a woman—Rihanna if Simon was correct—singing _sex with me, so amazing_.

“Isabelle, I _cannot_ ask Magnus to dance to this.”

She grabbed his chin and turned his head towards the bar. There Thomas was leaning into Magnus’ space, grinning as whatever he said made Magnus laugh quite heartily. “Well if you don’t, he will. Your choice but I doubt you want to sit here and watch that.”

_By the Angel!_

Honestly he wasn’t cognizant of his feet carrying him to the bar. He just knew one moment he was staring at Isabelle like she had three heads and the next he was touching Magnus’ shoulder, watching as he claimed his full attention. Really anything could have burst from his mouth but Alec was shocked when _do you want to dance_ actually managed to beat the other nonsense to the punch. However he could tell the whole thing surprised Magnus; his eyes stretched wide, eyebrows climbing towards his hairline.

He regarded Alec speculatively like he was conducting an experiment before saying, “Sure. If you’ll excuse us Thomas.”

Alec could have vibrated right out of his skin as they stepped away from Thomas—who’d looked suspicious but nodded when they’d left—and found a spot on the dance floor. _Now is the part where I flail around and make everyone reconsider the whole thing about Shadowhunter reflexes._

Magnus’ smile was indulgent. “You can’t dance, can you?”

“Not really. But I’m game to try.” Alec said honestly. “I—I do want to dance with you.”

Magnus murmured what sounded like _Catarina is going to kill me_ under his breath. “Alright.” He put his hands on Alec’s hips and turned him so that they were chest to back and flush together. “I’ll lead. Just…relax and move to the music.”

The feeling of Magnus so close, fingers wrapped tight around his hips made Alec’s head spin and his brain disconnect. Magnus was only a few inches shorter than him but all at once he felt overwhelming; larger than life. Alec had a delirious thought that if he were to faint Magnus would definitely catch him, maybe even carry him to a soft, flat surface.

“You don’t feel very relaxed.” Magnus whispered into his ear. “Dancing is…it’s not a big deal. You just pick a beat in the song and move to it. You’re a Shadowhunter Alexander; surely you have some type of rhythm.”

“There’s no dancing rune.” Alec huffed, eyes rolling up towards the ceiling. “Besides everyone is watching.”

“They watch you fight.”

“This is different.”

“You can leave any time.”

“No. I’m…choosing to stay.”

Magnus chuckled. “Very well. Close your eyes and focus on me and the music. On the feeling of my hands and the way I’m moving.” His fingers dipped under the fabric of Alec’s shirt to touch bare skin and Alec jolted. “Just sway. You don’t have to be fancy or elaborate. You just have to enjoy yourself.”

Idly Alec wondered if this was what dying felt like? Every nerve ending and synapse firing all at once, building to a fevered pitch before exploding in a giant ball of white. All he could concentrate on were _Magnus’ hands_ on his bare skin, so hot and grounding. Magnus was already swaying from side to side but it was more, it wasn’t just some random two-step it was rolling hips and coaxing until Alec began to mimic his movements. Began to fall into a slow sensual grind, putting their bodies in perfect sync to the lazy thump of the music. Everything and everyone fell away for a moment and if Alec kept his eyes closed tight he could pretend it was just the two of them. That he wasn’t melting from the inside because his heart was about to pound out of his chest.

Alec had _never_ been this close to someone else before. With Jace and their bond even when they tracked it wasn’t—it wasn’t _sexual_. While he’d always liked the closeness and sometimes wished for more, he knew that for Jace it was one hundred percent about the job. And that had been okay. It had been safe. This was more.

This was what he’d been missing. What he wanted to wrap himself in. What he’d denied for years that he really needed. What he told himself he could live without because making sure the Lightwood name remained untarnished was more important.

_This is what you missed out on when you married Lydia._

Shivering, Alec grabbed Magnus’ wrists and just held on, letting his head drop back to Magnus’ shoulder. He felt Magnus nuzzle the side of his neck and he had to bite his lip to keep from reacting. As it was it took most of his concentration not to tent his pants—for the second time that night—but Magnus had a light scruff and it tickled and… _by the Angel I can’t do this._

“Magnus,” Alec croaked out. “I...can we…”

That was of course when all hell broke loose in the form of several Circle members storming the club.

ᛟ

If asked Magnus would always claim to be more of a lover than a fighter but that didn’t mean he was scared of getting his hands dirty. Circle members bursting into _his_ club and threatening his patrons, well, he really had no choice but to kick some ass. The poor mundanes thought a fire had broken out and immediately ran for their lives. A few Downworlders stuck around to fight but most also got the hell out of Dodge and Magnus didn’t blame them one bit. His was a long and extremely contemptuous past with the Circle and while Shadowhunters liked to pretend all of the murders and executions never happened, Downworlders were very different. Magnus could still remember each raid Valentine headed in the name of _justice_.

One minute he’d been dancing with Alec and obviously making the young man question his life choices and the next he’d been blasting strangers in the chest with orbs of his magic. Alec and his Shadowhunter friends had immediately stepped up to help; pulling weapons from God knows where to do battle. Even his biscuit had jumped into the fray—no pun intended—brandishing a glowing seraph blade. And of course Simon followed her lead.

Magnus wasn’t certain how it happened other than the fact he refused to lose anymore friends to death, but he’d been creating a shield to defend a young faerie from some bulky Circle jerk when a sharp burning pain suddenly ripped through his shoulder. His magic had faltered but thankfully Jace had been there to pick up the slack, saving the faerie and sending the Circle guy into the great beyond. It was then Magnus realized he’d been stabbed, that someone had thrown a dagger and hit him in the back.

Warlocks were immortal but not invincible and they bled just like everyone else. He’d left the knife in and kept fighting and by the time the danger was over he’d become too weak to heal himself. So instead he’d sunk down onto the floor near his favorite couch and just tried to catch his breath. The wound wouldn’t kill him but it hurt. But then all stab wounds hurt and unfortunately he wasn’t a stranger to them.

“Oh my God! Magnus!” Clary noticed him first and stumbled over to him on her black high heels. “Oh god! What—what do I do? Should we take you to a doctor?”

He smiled thinly at her. “It’s okay, biscuit. I am not about to expire anytime soon. And I’m sure Catarina has her hands full with more deserving patients so you can just pull out the knife and I’ll heal. Eventually.”

“What happened?” Thomas dropped down beside him. “Shit. Can we get some towels over here?!”

Magnus liked Thomas. He was sweet and funny and in another life would have been the perfect sort of person for Magnus to go after. But while he did enjoy the flirting, he didn’t _feel_ that spark like he did with Alec. However he wasn’t about to push Thomas away, not when he would probably make a wonderful friend. And if it ruffled Alec’s feathers well, that was simply an added bonus.

_This has been a strange end to a strange day._

_I should have known getting that shirtless selfie was a bad omen._

And yes it was still on his phone. He was playing hard to get, he wasn’t an idiot.

Thomas gripped the hilt of the blade in his strong hand and with a deep breath, yanked it out as quickly as he could. Magnus winced and exhaled with a hiss, blinking yellow cat eyes as he was fussed over.

“Magnus?” Alec rounded the corner from behind the stage, his pretty eyes widening at what he saw. “Oh. _Oh no._ ” 

“I’m fine.” Magnus said softly. “It’s just a scratch.”

Clary frowned. “He was stabbed.” She slipped to the front so that Alec could flank his right side.

Without waiting for an invitation, he gently eased Magnus’ arm out of his jacket and ripped the hole in his shirt bigger so that he could get a better look at the wound. Magnus could tell it was sluggishly bleeding; could feel the tiny rivulets running down his back. “Nothing important was hit,” he replied lightly.

Alec poked at its edges before pressing his palm over its expanse and applying pressure. “I wouldn’t say that. This should have never happened. I can’t believe the Circle would do this. That they would attack when so many Downworlders and mundanes were here.”

Thomas watched them. “They want the Cup and they’ll stop at nothing to get it.” Someone handed him a thick white terry cloth towel and instead of giving it to Alec, he inched closer and pressed it to the front of Magnus’ gash.

_Surrounded by gorgeous men doting on me. This is going to lend more credence to Ragnor’s teases about my harem._

Clary sighed. “But they had to know it wasn’t here.”

Magnus nodded. “This was a message to _me_. Obviously Valentine knows that I am helping you and I suppose this was his way to showing me the side I’d chosen. In his eyes it was the wrong one.”

Clary looked devastated. “I am _so_ sorry Magnus.”

He tucked pieces of red hair behind her ear. “No worries sweetheart. This is not your fault. The Circle has been a menace since before most of you were born. And even if you hadn’t contacted me for help with your memories I was already in the middle because once upon a time I helped Jocelyn hide from Valentine. I don’t regret my decision. He can _never_ get his hands on the Cup.”

“We won’t let that happen.” Thomas vowed. 

Magnus hummed and felt exhaustion set in. “Could one of you be a dear and help me home? I’d create a portal but at this point it’s liable to disappear and strand me in limbo.”

“I’ll do it.” Alec and Thomas said in unison.

Clary cracked an amused smile that Magnus mirrored. “I’m going check on Jace and Simon.” She patted Magnus’ leg. “I’ll call you later.”

After she had wandered away Magnus slowly made it to his feet with Alec holding one arm and Thomas holding the other. “Alec. Shouldn’t you be heading back to the Institute and informing the Clave about this? They want to be kept abreast of all Circle activity, right?” Thomas inquired. “I can help Magnus get home.”

Alec’s face was blank. “Do you even know where he lives? Besides there could be more Circle members out there lying in wait to attack so I should take him home. I can protect him if it comes to that.”

Thomas twitched. “I could protect him as well. I am a Shadowhunter too.”

“You’re a good fighter Thomas but you’re not exactly seasoned.”

“Hey I’ve killed my fair share of demons. I held my own tonight.”

“Yes but this is _Valentine_ we are talking about. And men trained by him.”

“Maybe. But I’d think someone with a young son at home wouldn’t be so quick to throw himself into danger and possibly leave said son an orphan.”

Alec tensed and realizing the situation was about to get heavy, Magnus cleared his throat. “I haven’t been offered a royal escort since the 1700s. Lucky me.”

Thomas grinned at him. “Alec you’re the _Head_ of the Institute; surely you have reports or something to fill out. I’ll make sure Magnus gets home safe and then I’ll add my own thoughts to what happened.”

“Actually,” Isabelle said as she breezed into the area; whip still loose in her hand. “I can do those. I’ve did them before. But it would be good to get your side of things Thomas while it’s all still fresh in your mind. I’m sure Alec can handle Magnus by himself.”

 _Oh Isabelle, how I wish you were my sister. You are flawless._ “I—”

“ _I_ will take Magnus home.” It was Raphael and his expression brooked no argument. “We need to have a private conversation without angel ears around.” With a little push he shoved Thomas away and let Magnus lean against him. “Come on old friend. You can be fought over later.”

Magnus smirked and waved goodbye to the Shadowhunters, catching the hostile looks Alec and Thomas were shooting each other. Thankfully Raphael had the decency to wait until they were outside to say, “Must you always be the center of attention? I see some of Camille has rubbed off on you.”

“This was _my_ party.” Magnus pouted. “And that hurts. Seriously. Anyway what did you want to talk to me about?”

Raphael’s grin was downright evil. “Nothing. I just wanted to stir the pot.”

Magnus laughed. “Take me home you devious little genius and I’ll tell you all about it.”


	4. Making Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the love, guys. I really appreciate it. :)

Chapter Four: Making Memories

Hours later and Magnus could still hear the sound of Raphael’s laughter after he’d explained his predicament when it came to the Shadowhunters. It seemed in the midst of such troubling times, one of them being engaged in a quote unquote love triangle was just the thing to ease tensions if just for a little bit. Magnus assured him there was no triangle and he was _not_ to use this information to be a nuisance and Raphael had begrudgingly agreed. Although he said he reserved the right to bring it up if he were in _dire straights_ thought Magnus had no clue how mentioning two handsome Shadowhunters vying for his attention could say get him out of a life or death situation. Unless of course it happened to be Alec and Thomas arguing about who would kill Raphael and he threw out Magnus’ name to distract them while he ran away.

Anyway once Raphael had left he’d taken a nice nap so that his body could heal itself. He wasn’t a stranger to stab wounds unfortunately but he’d never had one that could be classified as mortal. While he’d slept the muscles and skin had sealed themselves back together leaving nothing behind but a rip in his clothing and dried blood. Which he’d fixed by tossing the shirt into the trash and indulging in a longer than usual shower, scrubbing off not only the blood but sweat and glitter.

Now he stood in his kitchen in nothing but a deep navy blue sarong that brushed the tops of his feet and hung low on his hips, his dark eyes focused on the platter of food he had conjured for himself. He was just about to reach for a small turkey sandwich when his phone chimed loudly from the table. He checked the caller ID and smiled, pressing the button to put it on speaker. “Catarina,” he said happily. “To what do I owe this impromptu pleasure? Have you cured the world of disease yet?”

Catarina snorted on the other end. “Alas, no. However I did hear about the dust up at your club and that you were hurt. I wanted to drop by but there was a bad car accident so we got swamped for a while. Are you alright? _Do_ I need to come over?”

He moved to his table of expensive liquors and fancy glasses. “No my dear I’m fine, all healed. Really it wasn’t as bad as I’m sure the rumor mill has made it seem. I’ve had worse.”

She hummed. “That may be but I still don’t like to hear about you in danger. Especially not after what happened to Ragnor. Is it true they were Circle members? I’ve always dreaded the day they would amass more numbers…”

 _So have I._ “Yes they were Circle members. While I’ve had them in my club before this is the first time in years they have outright targeted me in such a public place. I was hoping my year away would have put me off their radar but if Valentine knows I am attempting to wake up Jocelyn… In any case I guess it is what it is. I will just have to be more vigilante.”

The sounds of the hospital echoed in the background and Catarina sighed. “That is true of all of us. Anyway besides being stabbed how was your night?”

Magnus grinned. “I…might have done a bad thing.”

His friend snorted. “That my sweet is what we’ll put as your epitaph if it ever comes to that. What did you do _this_ time?”

Pouting, he fixed himself a martini. “I danced with Alexander. In my defense he asked me and I felt it would be rude to say no.”

Catarina snickered. “Sure you did. Well sounds innocent enough. Dancing.”

 _Er…_ “I…danced with him to Sex with Me.”

Catarina _cackled_. “Magnus! I must say though I am not surprised you hear you fell off the wagon. Happens to the best of us. At least you didn’t _sex_ him to Sex with Me.”

Taking a sip of his drink, Magnus smirked. He could still feel the shape of Alec’s body aligned with his; strong and warm and closer than they’d ever been before. Coiled tight like a snake and ready to strike. Hell the strength in Alec’s thighs alone was enough to send his brain crashing like a Windows XP computer. “Oh don’t think it didn’t cross my mind. He was being all shy and gorgeous and I had to basically teach him how to grind on me. Surprised I didn’t accidentally blow the lights out. He was just about to ask me something when the Circle burst in and ruined all of my fun.”

“Probably for the best except for the part of you getting hurt of course.” She mused. “This way you can go back to the original plan of letting him chase you. Though if he’s gathering up his courage to ask you to dance the plan is working wonderfully.”

“Thomas seems to be helping whether he knows it or not.” Magnus explained lightly. “Another pretty Shadowhunter that has apparently taken a liking to me and is not shy about showing his…admiration. He’s quite the flirt.”

“I see. Does this mean you’ll be trading Alec in for another model?” She inquired curiously. “I guess he does have less baggage.”

“He does but…he’s no Alexander,” Magnus said truthfully. “I enjoy his attentions but I don’t plan to pursue them or lead him on in any way. It’s just nice to talk to someone who is very frank and who isn’t scared of how others might see him. Though I have noticed a change in Alec; whether it’s because of my toned down demeanor I’m not sure. He stood up to his mother for me and I thought her head was going to rocket to the moon.”

Catarina whistled. “That must have been interesting to watch. By the way how was lunch?”

Magnus drifted over to the couch and sat down. “Lunch was nice. Started off a little rocky but we ended up having a very nice conversation and then he took me back to the Institute to see Nathaniel who is doing splendidly by the way. I will say this for Alexander; he is an exceptional warrior and a great leader but he can’t hide his jealousy to save his life.” He chuckled as memories of the waiter and Alec’s reactions floated through his mind. “If only he didn’t look so cute with a pouty face.”

Catarina huffed. “You’re suffering will be noted. Somewhere.”

Magnus put his feet up on the coffee table. “I’m detecting a note of sarcasm. Am I to understand you’re making fun of my very real plight here? Do you have any idea how stressful it is to go from not caring about Shadowhunters to lusting after one, to losing him, to suddenly have two vying for your attention? It’s almost a terrible joke.”

“And yet you are powering through.” She giggled. “Say what you will Magnus Bane but I can tell you are enjoying yourself. A part of me envies you.”

“You need not do that when you are gorgeous and smart, really the whole package. If you would just work less you’d actually notice the fair share of men I know are clamoring for your attention.” Magnus wiggled his toes. “Then we could double date.”

“One day,” she said wistfully. “So am I to understand you’ve decided you _do_ want a relationship with Alec? You seemed torn before.”

 _Denial._ “Simply a symptom of the last conversation we had before he married and I left the city. I was worried he wasn’t serious but his performance tonight proved he is. Not that I’m going to immediately drop my pants for him or go back to flirting like I used to but I am receptive. I’ll try to remain moderate.”

Catarina stifled a yawn. “Well let’s hope he doesn’t drop his pants for you or I’m sure you’ll have him bent over the nearest flat surface.”

Magnus nearly spit his wine out. “Again with the uncalled for vulgar images I could do without. What happened to the proper young lady I met so many years ago? The one never seen in public without her bonnet?”

Catarina sniggered. “She grew up. Anyway I have to get back to work but I had to make sure my sweetie was okay. You know where I am if you need me.”

That he did. “I do. Don’t work too hard my dear.”

“I’ll try not to,” she replied, blowing kisses into the phone before hanging up.

Just then his stomach grumbled loudly and he remembered just how hungry he was and the food waiting for him. He sent his wine _away_ and returned to the kitchen, smiling as he thought about how lucky he was to have friends like Raphael and Catarina. Even if they adored busting his chops more than anyone else he knew except for Ragnor of course.

“Mm.” He muttered aloud and then clicked his fingers to turn on the stereo; the sounds of The Weeknd’s _Earned It_ starting up effortlessly.

Rubbing his chin, he inhaled the sweet smelling fruit arrangement. 

Magnus dipped a strawberry in honey just as his wards jingled to let him know that someone was entering his apartment through the front door. Since he’d moved to a place overlooking the river he’d basically hidden the building from anyone he considered bad news except for a few choice Shadowhunters and the Downworlders he trusted. Normally the door was locked but he’d honestly forgotten about it what with being stabbed and all. _Let’s hope it’s not someone here to kill me. I’d hate to die because I’m absent minded._

“Magnus?” Alec slowly walked into view. “Are you here? I knocked but I guess you didn’t hear me.”

Magnus strolled out of the kitchen. “Alexander. Did you come all of this way to make sure Raphael didn’t murder me and throw my corpse into the harbor?”

Alec opened his mouth to reply but apparently the words were stolen from him as he took in Magnus’ half naked body. His eyes actually trailed from Magnus’ head to his feet and then up again, his lips parting on a soft exhale that sounded suspiciously like an _oh_. “I didn’t know you looked like that,” he said and then cringed so hard it was surprising he didn’t pop a blood vessel. “Oh god. I—I didn’t—I mean it’s just—your body is—”

Magnus laughed, delighted with his embarrassment. “I will take that as a compliment.” He smirked but didn’t make any move to put on clothes. While it was true he adored his fancy suits and expensive shirts he supposed he could see how one would get the impression he was weak, physically. His clothes were cut and tailored to make him look long and lean yet underneath, well, he wasn’t a stranger to working out. He had abs—nice ones—and his biceps were toned and harder than one would expect. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Blinking, Alec thumbed off into the distance but his eyes stayed glued to Magnus’ stomach. “I—Isabelle suggested I come by and make sure you were okay. Not because of Raphael but because you were hurt and—and it would be the right thing to do.”

Unable to resist himself, Magnus flowed closer to him. “That is very sweet of her but you needn’t have bothered. I’m all healed.” He ate the rest of his strawberry and licked the juice off his fingers, not missing the way Alec’s hazel-green eyes followed the movement. “And like I said earlier nothing important was punctured. I didn’t even need a bandage.”

Nodding, Alec’s fingers flexed and he frowned before squaring his shoulders. “Can I see?”

Magnus tilted his head to the side but lazily turned so that Alec could get a good look at his back. “See? It’s like I was never hurt.”

Alec brought a hand up and it hovered over Magnus’ shoulder a moment before slowly—gently—brushing the place he’d been stabbed. His touch was fire hot and shot through Magnus like a bolt of lightning. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he replied softly, drawing invisible designs with light fingertips. “I was worried about you.”

Magnus shivered and reminded himself to be calm. It wouldn’t do to turn around and pull Alec into a kiss that would no doubt make him weak in the knees, no matter how much he desperately wanted to. “I must confess I am happy to hear that. Although it is not something I have heard from many Shadowhunters in my time.”

“I mean it.” Alec dragged his knuckles down Magnus’ spine in a distinctly _not_ checking for an injury sort of way. It seemed almost…absent and Magnus knew he should step away but he didn’t. “If anything had happened to you I’m not sure what I would have done. By the angel, I was such an _asshole_ to you when you tried to say that to me. How are you even able to look me in the eye after the way I treated you?”

Against his better judgment Magnus turned just slightly and the hand on his back wrapped around his upper arm. “Truthfully? It’s not as hard as one would expect; you do have such pretty eyes.” Smiling, he sighed. “To be honest with you Alexander I am no stranger to loss or pain or heartache. I have been alive for over three hundred years and I’ve experienced my fair share of emotions. As I mentioned those many months ago eventually one learns to stop feeling.”

Alec got this adorable kicked puppy expression and swallowed noticeably. “Don’t. You shouldn’t shut down because—because things are tough. I know that’s probably very ironic coming from someone who’s been taught to keep a firm hold on his emotions since he was old enough to walk but we’re different so…” Idly his thumb smoothed back and forth over the taunt muscle of Magnus’ bicep. “And it’s not like it’s exactly served me that well.”

“I won’t ask you to renounce all of your beliefs, Alexander. I have a feeling they’ve gotten you this far and I’m glad they have.” Magnus glanced from his hand to his gorgeous face, their eyes meeting and holding as if it was impossible for either of them to look away. “It’s okay to be proud of who and what you are. It took me a long time to learn that but now that I have I am myself, unapologetically. You should be the same.”

“Sometimes I’m not sure who I am.” Alec admitted lowly. “It’s like I was one thing for so long that I pretended the other parts of me didn’t exist. I pretended all I had to be to survive was a Shadowhunter. And then…” His left hand came to rest on Magnus’ lithe waist dangerously close to the knot that held the two sides of the sarong together. “And then I met you.”

A dizzying thought blazed through Magnus’ mind; _I could have him right here, right now if I wanted_ and it was all he could do not to act on the tantalizing images suddenly saturating his brain. Yanking Alec close and kissing him breathless. Wrestling him out of his jacket and shirt, all while driving him back towards his bed and its firm mattress. Climbing on top of him and kissing every inch of his pale skin that his lips could reach, dragging down his jeans and underwear so that he could get his lips around his delicious hard cock—

— _Oh Jesus…_

And the worst part was that Alec looked totally game. A lovely flush had made its way up his neck and onto his cheeks. His chest was heaving just slightly and his pupils were dilated. It was almost as if he could read Magnus’ mind.

“Surely I can’t take all of the credit.” Magnus grinned and slipped Alec’s right hand off his arm. He thought to just let it go but because Magnus was _Magnus_ he kissed his knuckles and then escaped to the other side of the room, putting the coffee table between them. “After all Clary started most of this.”

Alec exhaled deeply as if gathering his bearings but Magnus didn’t miss the way he shifted from foot to foot, obviously adjusting himself. He touched the hand Magnus had kissed and ducked his head with a smile that was probably meant to be hidden. “Uh yeah she uh, she definitely got the ball rolling. On several different fronts. She sends her regards by the way.”

For both of their sakes Magnus snapped his fingers and produced a sleek robe to match his sarong. He slipped it on and tied it tightly around his waist. “Naturally. Please sit if you wish. Though I really am alright now. I had a nice nap that allowed me to replenish my magic.”

Flopping down, Alec nodded. “Yeah I know. Still it’s nice to see it with my own eyes.”

 _Something tells me you saw a bit more than you bargained for. Catarina will never let me live any of this down._ “Speaking of your eyes, how is the little rabbit doing?”

Alec’s face light up. “He’s great. You know I think he’d like to see you again and spend some actual time with you. Maybe I could bring him over later if that’s okay? You could show him all of your stuff.”

Magnus chuckled. “I’m not sure a baby would have much use for fourteenth century literature but I have been surprised before. However there is the little matter of me checking on Jocelyn like I promised.”

Alec shrugged. “She’s fine to be honest. You don’t have to come by just for that especially when she’s still in the protective coating.”

 _You mean I don’t have to show up and accidentally run into Thomas…_ “I suppose though Clary was adamant about me making sure she is okay. I could be quick and then you, Nathaniel and I could go elsewhere?”

“I’d like that.” Alec rubbed the back of his neck. “You should know I sent a message to the Clave about the attack at your club. They were sympathetic after a fashion and say they trust that I will handle the situation to the best of my ability. Which I will. Keeping Valentine from getting his hands on the Mortal Cup is priority but so is your safety. We dragged you into this mess so we’re going to make sure that what happened tonight never happens again.”

Charmed, Magnus wanted to say that was very ambitious of him but he kept the words to himself. It was sweet that Alec wanted to protect him and caused pleasant clouds of warmth to arise in his chest, but he was a realist. Things were going to get worse before they got better and while he would have wished for otherwise, he was going to endure the best he could. Aligning with the Shadowhunters—honestly, as much as he loathed admitting it—was just a smart tactical move.

Patting at the pillows on either side of him, Alec bit into his plump bottom lip and looked at Magnus through long dark lashes. “Was it this bad beforehand? With the Circle I mean. As you know we’re not allowed to talk about it.”

 _I’m going to need wine for this,_ Magnus thought so he conjured up a glass and took a slow sip. “The time in which the Circle stalked the shadows was fraught with death and destruction. Even the gentlest of Downworlder found themselves living in fear that they would be targeted simply for existing. Valentine grew extremely jealous of the powers we possessed and that jealously made him lash out in the worst way possible. So many of my friends were killed by him and his group; they never found all of the bodies.”

Alec’s fists clenched. “Like my parents. They did those types of things.”

Magnus nodded though reluctantly. “I would love to lie to you to spare your feelings Alec but I won’t. Though I do wonder if they and the others actually had all of the information when they went out on their little missions to _do their duty_. Regardless however they did murder countless of innocent Downworlders and the Clave let them because Valentine had everyone convinced the attacks were warranted. That the _Downworlders_ were guilty of whatever silly charged he’d accused them of.” With a shake of his head he nearly drained all of his wine, his thoughts drifting back to a time he would love to forget. “It wasn’t until the Uprising that the Clave finally understood just how mad Valentine had become but by then it was too late. He and his followers had nearly decimated the Shadow world.”

Stricken, Alec exhaled deeply. “And my parents?”

“It is my understanding that your parents—in exchange for immunity—named names.” Magnus explained. “They gave up other members of the Circle and thereby secured their position. Though heading an Institute is as much as a reward as it is their punishment.”

“Valentine is back, he wants the Cup and yet my mother seems to have learned nothing from the Uprising. She is still so critical of Downworlders and us mixing with them. How can she be so blind?”

“Maryse has always been the sort of person to protect her own first. Over the years status and prestige has come to mean a lot to her because it’s a form of protection. Anything that threatens that power she considers dangerous. Shadowhunters think of themselves as elite so why would someone so elite care to have dealings with those beneath them? Especially when it makes them look less important in the eyes of the Clave.”

Alec pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yeah well if Valentine ever gets his hands on the Cup I doubt he’ll be lenient on the ones who sold him out. Whatever. Her ideals are her own problem—I’m done taking everything she and my father say at face value.” His eyes shifted to the windows and then the clock resting on the mantle. “You know I…could sleep over if you wanted. Keep a lookout.”

Even with a willpower and constitution as impressive as his Magnus wasn’t going to tempt fate in the form of a sexy Shadowhunter sprawled on his sofa for the rest of the night. He was liable to forget he was supposed to be playing hard to get and crawl between those long legs for a little taste of Heaven. “You will do no such thing,” he snickered. “ _You_ have a six month old son at home and I wouldn’t dare steal his father away from him. At least not this soon anyway. I’m touched but I will be fine. Contrary to what happened tonight I’m pretty good at handling myself.”

Smirking, Alec pushed himself up off the couch and tugged at his sleeves. “I remember from the night we first met. Fine but if anything and I mean _anything_ happens please call me.”

With a hand on his lower back Magnus guided him towards the front door. “I will you have my word. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Alec stared at his mouth, eyes round and wide before clearing his throat. “Tomorrow. Good night Magnus.”

“Goodnight Alexander.” Magnus called as he exited the building. “There is no justice in the world when I have to let a man with an ass that tight just walk away.”

Hissing, Magnus reached down and gave his semi hard cock a squeeze and then went back into the kitchen to finish the dinner he’d been interrupted from eating several times though he wasn’t complaining. This being woo’d business was quite fun and so far it was turning out splendidly. Alec was still a bit conservative but that was okay because one didn’t get over years of conditioning in a few months. The fact that he was better at simple things like touching and soulful confessions meant he was better than he’d been a year ago. Perhaps more good than just little Nathaniel had come out of his marriage to Lydia.

_Perhaps…_

ᛟ

Jocelyn Fray was for all intents and purposes fine. Valentine had taken exceptional care of her besides the Circle rune he’d rebranded her with. But her vital signs were strong, her eyes moving behind closed lids as if she were dreaming. Magnus could only guess what fantasies were running through her mind. As far as he knew she wasn’t aware of what was happening or where she was, which he assumed was just as well. No sense worrying when there was nothing she could do. One thing was certain however, whatever spell or potion Dot had given her was powerful and nothing but a counter agent would be waking her up anytime soon.

Still he was pleased that she wasn’t suffering. They didn’t always agree but over the years she’d become something of a friend to him and their differences notwithstanding, he wanted her safe.

“How is she?” Clary asked with some trepidation, as if fearing bad news.

Magnus smiled. “She is one hundred percent fine…except for the not waking up part. Whatever she took is also sustaining her life force. Put her in a sort of suspended animation. She is our very own Snow White. Now if only we had a charming prince to come and wake her up.” He chuckled. “Though I suppose that would be Luke.”

Clary snorted. “Thank you so much for coming to check on her. I think I’d convinced myself that after this long _something_ had to be wrong. I just—I wish I could wake her up already.”

Magnus put his hand on her shoulder. “Completely understandable, biscuit. I know it’s taking longer than you thought and while I could try it with my own magic, I’d rather not. I want to be completely sure when I attempt to rouse her. There is no room for error with these types of things.”

Clary sighed. “I know. As long as she is okay I can handle the rest.” A beat. “How are you by the way? All healed?”

Magnus nodded. “Yes. It will take more than a little stab wound to stop me.”

“I am very glad to hear that.”

Before Magnus could reply the relative quiet of the infirmary was broken by the sound of _bababa_ being happily sung in the most adorable baby voice. Seconds later Alec rounded the corner with Nathaniel in his arms; his son chirping nonsense at the side of his father’s face like he was giving a wonderful speech. He grinned when Clary patted his fat cheeks and made a swipe for her hair, eyes widening when she laughed and ducked to the side.

When Nathaniel noticed Magnus he cooed and started tipping towards him. Magnus took him easily and kissed his cheek, letting him paw at his necklaces all he wanted. “Hello rabbit. My Catarina’s medicine is working wonders for you.”

“It really is.” Alec agreed. “It’s like he was never sick.”

“She is a miracle worker.” Magnus bounced Nathaniel lightly from side to side. “So are you ready for our outing, Alexander? I was thinking we could take this one to the park and let him enjoy some fresh air.”

“Yeah let’s go.” Alec said smiling. “We have a stroller for him around here somewhere even though he’s never used it.”

Magnus considered letting Alec search for it and then got a better idea, snapping a black strapped carrier directly onto Alec’s body. “There.” With a wink he gently lowered Nathaniel into the seat and got him buckled in.” This is called a papoose. I figured you’d want him close. Wait, are you visible to mundanes?”

Alec shook his head. “No. Why?”

 _Well…_ “As amusing as a levitating baby would be, I really don’t want to have to explain that to the cops.”

Clary giggled and Alec rolled his eyes, digging his stele out of his pocket and carefully drawing the rune used to make himself visible while Nathaniel watched on in awe. “Happy?”

Magnus gestured to the door. “In your company, always?”

Alec blushed. “Call me if you need me,” he told Clary before leading the way down the hall, through the opts center and out the front door.

It was unfair how handsome Alec looked with his son strapped to his chest, the baby’s feet dangling as he shoved his little hand into his mouth and “talked” around it. His eyes were bright and taking in all of his surroundings, marveling at cars, streetlights and the other people. Alec was seemingly content and wonderfully oblivious to how lovely he looked—he missed each time some passerby would do a double take at the sight of him and Nathaniel. When a group of women in yoga pants cooed outright at the sight of the “darling baby” and the man he was attached to, Alec simply blinked at them before edging to the side so that they could pass on the sidewalk.

Magnus shoved his hands into the pocket of his ruffled black coat. “The night we first met and you seemed utterly bewildered by my advances I honestly wondered whether you were _actually_ that obtuse or simply playing hard to get. I mean I realized you were so deep in the closet you had snowflakes from Narnia in your hair, but surely I thought even a closeted gay man would understand I was flirting with him. But you didn’t, did you?”

Narrowing his brows and pressing his lips together in a semblance of a frown, Alec huffed. “I wasn’t really paying attention. I wasn’t used to people flirting with me so I didn’t really know how to react. You weren’t exactly subtle but...it wouldn’t have mattered. It was a secret and you saw how I reacted when the memory demon showed Jace as the person I loved most. I nearly doomed us all by breaking the circle.”

 _Ah yes I remember._ “Hm yes. That was a wild night.”

Alec looked abashed. “It was the beginning of the end for all that I believed in. At the time I thought nothing could be worse than Jace finding out my secret and yet I think he knew all along, he just didn’t care. It was such a non-issue to him.” Nathaniel grabbed one of his fingers with his fat fist and gummed it while Alec spoke. “In a way that sort of made me feel even worse. Not exactly how I saw things going if he ever found out.”

Magnus made a face. “Let me guess. There was a lot less talking and a lot more nudity.”

“Something like that.” Alec laughed. “But I think things worked out for the best. Not everything but I’m not sure how we would have remained parabatai if he hated me because of who I’m attractive to.”

“Jace is many things but a bigot isn’t one of them. I suppose even if he didn’t agree he wouldn’t have treated you poorly.” Coming to the crosswalk, they crossed when the sign flashed and then continued until they were in the park. Magnus found a lovely spot under a large tree and magic’d up a blanket when no one was looking. “A picnic in the park.”

“We don’t have any food.” Alec unstrapped the carrier and plopped Nathaniel onto the blanket. “Shit I should have brought a diaper bag. This is his first time out of the Institute and I wasn’t thinking.”

“No worries Alexander, I can get you anything you need.” Removing his jacket with a flourish, Magnus stretched out on his side on the blanket, legs crossed at the ankle. “You’ll get used to having a child, or so I am told. At the very least you won’t accidentally misplace him anywhere.”

“Hopefully.” Alec mused. “Shadowhunters teach that having children at a young age is our duty and I have never disagreed with it. I—I can’t say that I ever really expected to have children but when it happened to others I supported it. If it had happened to Isabelle I could have supported her even if the baby was Meliorn’s.”

“Oh dear.” Magnus chuckled. “It’s different for warlocks as I’m sure you know. You tend to not think about the things you will never have because it’s just utterly depressing. Marriage, babies, social security…”

Nathaniel scooted on his little butt to the edge of the blanket and picked up a leaf, waving it in the air before immediately attempting to shove it into his mouth. Alec grabbed at it and tossed it aside much to Nathaniel’s chagrin. “Warlocks can get married though.”

 _Sure if someone actually wants to marry them._ “There has to be intent.” Figuring that Nathaniel needed something to play with so that he didn’t try to eat a dirt clot, he glanced around and then snapped several toys into being. A baby rattle shaped like a butterfly, a block toy that lit up and made noise when you squeezed it and a big round ball made of cotton with yellow stars painted on all sides. “There you are sweetheart. Go nuts.”

Alec handed him the block and Nathaniel banged it against the ground, squealing when it binged and dinged. “Magnus, has no one ever really wanted to marry you before? You’re three hundred years old. That just seems improbable to me.”

Magnus reached for the rattle just to have something in his hands. “Love is something that most strive for whether you are mundane, Downworlder or Shadowhunter. When your life is finite you realize how important some things are and you seek them out as boldly as you can. For a Downworlder when you live forever you know there is ample time to find someone else. Or you’re not even looking because you’d rather live to excess. I’ve known love, Alexander but mundanes tend to think about the future in terms of who will age and who won’t. Vampires and the like tend to think about not being tied down to one person so they can sample _every_ person.” A pause. “It is what is it. Finding someone to love you is rare in and of itself which is why I never even contemplated the bonds of marriage.”

Pushing the hair out of his face, Alec pulled his legs up so that his knees touched his chest. “Well when you consider a lot of Shadowhunters get married because of their sense of duty instead of love it kinda takes some of the shine off. Lydia only married me because we both wanted to run the Institute. In a perfect world her fiancé John would have lived and she could have had a real family.”

 _Hm._ “I am quite certain she thought you and her son were her family.”

Noticing Magnus’ legs, Nathaniel slapped his toy against them and grinned when Magnus tickled him under the chin. He let out a string of gibberish and seemed content to just scoot around. It made Magnus wonder about what other toys he may or may not have at the Institute; he decided he would check out his nursery and fill it to bursting if need be. There were _so many_ wonderful treats for babies his age and he should have all of them.

“I think we should go on a real date.” Alec said after a few moments of comfortable silence. “If you want to I mean. Some place nice…and maybe even romantic.”

“You wish to be romantic with me?”

“I find it hard to believe you didn’t know that.”

“How could I? I asked you on a date and you married a woman because you wanted a _solid partnership_. I am not a Shadowhunter, Alec. That hasn’t changed and while many of your kind don’t outright hate Downworlders _solid_ is not the word they would use to describe me.”

“I would. You’ve risked your life several times already just to help Clary, and now you’re doing it again to help us defeat Valentine. You saved my son’s life when no one else could. I trust you like I would trust Jace or Isabelle.”

So many years had passed since Magnus could boast having the trust of Shadowhunters. Sure they let him into their Institutes to beef up the wards or into their city when the threat was too much for even _them_ to bear, but he’d known they never trusted him. Had never looked upon him with actual friendship; he could count on one hand the rare few who honestly thought of him as a friend.

 _Would agreeing to a date no longer be playing hard to get? Couldn’t it be true that the offer of a date was the whole point of playing hard to get in the first place? It’s obvious Alexander is attracted to me and wants to be more than friends. It would be a lie for me to say I want otherwise so… And you can go on a date yet still hold yourself at bay until the time is right for other things._ “I…guess a date would be alright. What did you have in mind?”

Alec blinked. “I will get back to you on that I promise.” Magnus snickered and Nathaniel did his best impersonation of a snicker. “And you, stop helping others gang up on me.” 

Nathaniel offered his beeping block as if to say _I’m sorry daddy_ and Magnus knew if he had ovaries they would be melting. “You must have dozens of baby pictures of your rabbit.”

“My phone is nearly full.” Alec admitted with a grin, the one that made Magnus’ heart flutter. “Isabelle has already started with the albums. Gives her something to do between killing demons and worrying about Jace.” When Magnus didn’t reply, Alec gazed at him from under his long black lashes. “Making memories is important especially good ones. Nathaniel likes you a lot so it’d be great if you could help with that. For him. And…myself.”

“I will see what I can do.” Magnus responded softly. He was sort of at a loss for what else to say.

“Ooooo.” Nathaniel sung and eased down onto his stomach so that he could wiggle around like a fish. “Ooo!”

“Can’t argue with that logic.” Magnus snorted rubbing his back. “Can we rabbit?”

ᛟ

It wasn’t natural to find Alec staring into space with a silly grin stretching his pink lips but he couldn’t have stopped even if he wanted to. As he lazily twirled a bow staff between his hands he thought back to his time with Magnus and Nathaniel at the park, at how Nathaniel had rolled and babbled and eventually demanded food which Magnus had provided. He’d then popped in a picnic basket full of sandwiches and fruit and they’d simply flittered away the afternoon laughing and enjoying each others’ company. Nathaniel adored Magnus and his magic and he’d loved being outside, reaching up chubby little arms at the sky and birds jumping from branch to branch. He’d balked at the sight of a dog running by and then loudly proclaimed he wanted a closer look in baby jabber that made a few joggers cluck about how cute he was.

And it had been so easy; no one had given them a second glance except to mention how gorgeous Nathaniel was. Alec knew that wouldn’t always be the case because people could be cruel but he didn’t care. Being able to feel free—well it was something he’d always taken for granted before now.

And then of course there was the night before and Magnus half naked in his apartment looking much like a God. _And you embarrassing yourself…_ Still he’d been caught off guard at the actual part of seeing Magnus without a shirt since he usually dressed so elegantly. There’d been so much _skin_ and muscles and Magnus had stood so close and been so warm. Alec had been dying to touch him and in the end he hadn’t resisted. In hindsight he wished he’d done more; hugged him or cupped his cheeks.

Admittedly he’d been upset to see that in their war against the Circle Magnus ended up hurt. It didn’t seem fair since out of all of them Magnus was the one that wanted to be as far away from the fray as he could. More than that however was the overwhelming feeling of _what if I lose him_ that had grasped Alec’s heart and squeezed tight. Made him replay so many of their past conversations in his mind and just cringe at how callous he’d usually sounded. He hadn’t meant to—it was just his regular manner—but perhaps because of the feelings Magnus stirred he’d been a bit colder than he needed to be. Something he was desperately trying to rectify.

But Magnus was fine. In fact he was better than fine he was marvelous and he had Alec feeling things for him he didn’t think were possible. Things he assumed he’d languish away feeling for Jace. Of course with Magnus there was just more, always more. More sex appeal, more humor, more profound conversations about life and loss. Alec enjoyed every single side of Magnus Bane but the one that spoke from the heart was possibly his favorite.

_We have a date, that’s good news. And I got it while being a horrible flirter._

Alec had an inkling that had things not spiraled into a dark place between them what with the wedding and such; Magnus probably would have slept with him last night. He wasn’t one hundred percent sure but had it started in that direction he wouldn’t have stopped it. In fact although it made him extremely nervous, he would have jumped in with both feet. The idea of being intimate with someone he honestly wanted to be intimate with made him shiver. But he was getting way, _way_ ahead of himself.

First they would hopefully have a nice date and maybe a kiss at the end of it. No kiss would also be okay. Really he was just overjoyed to have a second chance with Magnus and he planned to continue working to make him feel appreciated.

_And keep him safe._

“Alec? Alec! Earth to Alec.”

Alec came back to the training room to find Thomas waving at him and he felt his hackles rise. “What?”

Thomas grinned. “I was just wondering if you wanted to spar or something?”

It would probably be a bad idea and yet… “Okay.”

Thomas fetched his own staff and they began. “Last night was crazy huh?” Thomas said as they circled each other. “Is that how it was for you guys when you were running in and out of the Institute with Clary?”

Alec blocked a jab to his stomach. “Maybe that’s how it was for the others, but for me it was torture.”

Thomas nodded and aimed for his legs. “Yeah I get that. I mean you’re always quoting that the law is hard but it’s the law. Of course you’d be against any unsanctioned missions.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Alec arched a brow. “Rules and order help us to maintain our society. Without them we are lost.”

“I know.” Thomas took a step back and then lunged at him again, hitting harder than necessary. “And I agree of course. But sometimes those rules need to be broken…like how Isabelle risked her life to help Meliorn to avoid an even bigger scandal or whatever.”

“Right.” Alec replied slowly. “Though we’re not supposed to pick and chose.”

“Sometimes you have to.” Thomas smiled serenely. “In any case I think you’re a good leader and I was happy when you took control again. Lydia was too strict; you two balanced each other really well. But I guess that is why you asked her to marry you… Ruling with your head?”

Alec rolled his shoulders. “I don’t see what business it is of yours either way.” He brought his staff down quick onto Thomas’ and drove him back towards the wall. “And you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead.”

Thomas shook his head. “I’m not speaking ill of the dead. Lydia was a ball buster but I liked her. She seemed like the kind of person who wouldn’t have made a big deal about Shadowhunters fraternizing with Downworlders even if she didn’t agree with it. Though you’re obviously less likely to torture one I might end up fancying for information so.”

As far as control went Alec had it in spades but there was just _something_ about Thomas that continuously rubbed him the wrong way and had even before Magnus reentered the picture. But now that he knew he had some odd type of competition—and from someone as annoying as Thomas—his usual dumb antics were more like anvils. 

At least that was the excuse he’d give if anyone asked why he suddenly started sparring with Thomas like he was fighting a demon.

People tended to think Jace was their best fighter and perhaps they were right, but Alec was no one to scoff at. He was _good_ and he didn’t pull any punches, using his impressive strength and speed to match Thomas blow for blow. The sounds of their staffs meeting were loud in the otherwise quiet room with Thomas grunting as he attempted to keep up. 

Thomas was a decent fighter but Alec was better and soon enough he put him on his ass, flipping him over his shoulder and sending his staff skidding across the training room floor.

“Ooh that looked like it hurt.” Jace was grinning from ear to ear as he walked up. “Why don’t you go get some ice?”

“I’m fine.” Thomas grumbled and pulled himself up. “Nice work out though.”

As he walked off Jace chuckled. “How long you been wanting to do that?”

Alec smirked. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” He put both staffs back with the others along the wall. “Surprised you’re actually hanging around here and not out being a nuisance. Not that I’m not thankful for it.”

Jace shrugged. “It hasn’t escaped my attention that you’re doing something like _courting_ and that I should ask more how it’s going. In other words Isabelle pointed it out but she’s right. Heard you and Magnus took Nathaniel to the park. How did that go?”

 _Surprisingly well._ “It was cool. We talked and had a picnic. Not a big deal.”

“Kinda is.” Jace replied. “You’re…doing your own thing for once. I’m glad. It’s only been a few days but you already look less miserable.”

 _I wish I could say the same thing about you._ “Well now that the Cup is safe and our blanket mission is to stop Valentine, I don’t have to worry about offending the Clave anymore. It helps that there is no other way for Clary to get us in trouble.”

“Yet.” Jace snickered. “So unless you’re otherwise occupied with Magnus I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight? Maybe you, me and Izzy can go hunting like we used to. I miss it.”

Alec thought about mentioning Clary and how there was no way she’d just let them go but he didn’t. Perhaps they could get Simon to entertain her for a while. “Sounds fun. I’m in.”

Jace smacked his arm. “Great. I’ll go see if Izzy is game.”

Smoothing a hand across his forehead, Alec slumped down onto the nearest bench, Jace’s footsteps disappearing down the hallway. Going out with his siblings would be good for all of them, remind them of what was important and provide that nostalgia they needed after such a trying year of things twisting out of control. And…he could discreetly ask them for much needed date ideas.


	5. Time of Self Reflection

Chapter Five: Time of Self Reflection

While Magnus would have loved to spend several nights in a row with Alec and Nathaniel doing nothing more than talking he did have other commitments that eventually demanded his time. So for the next two nights after their lovely time in the park he went on a sort of Shadowhunter blackout where he made sure they knew he was fine but otherwise didn’t communicate with them. It wasn’t easy to not engage in long conversations when Alec called but he figured only being available for a brief taste would make the hunger grow if such a thing actually happened. He wasn’t depending on it but it amused him and things that amused him were always thought of as wins in his book.

There was the matter of getting the club back into working order and strengthening the wards so that the Circle could never show up again. He considered moving it altogether but ultimately decided mundanes might notice such a prominent venue disappearing and reappearing in a different part of the city. After that was taken care of he went to visit Tessa and the warlocks that were still in hiding. He attempted to answer their questions about the state of things and if it were safe for them to return to the real world, such as it was. Honestly he wasn’t sure because while Dot had been taken and probably tortured for information, the Circle hated _all_ Downworlders so by virtue of simply being one they would be in danger. Most decided to remain where they were and he wasn’t really surprised. 

Self preservation used to be a skill he highly valued in himself until tiny red heads and tall Adonises shook it all up.

Moments alone were good for him however because it gave him time to contemplate his surroundings and the direction his life was headed in. A bit of the old fear and bitterness from Alec’s earlier actions concerning them and Lydia crept back in but he tried to keep that to a minimum. It was okay to be cautious—and he still planned to be—but he didn’t want to return to that place where he sneered whenever the word _Shadowhunter_ was mentioned. If nothing else they all still needed to work together to get rid of Valentine.

Standing out on the balcony with a glass of Dom Perignon in his hand and the sounds of Beethoven’s _Moonlight_ sonata droning almost drearily in the background, Magnus watched the sun disappear behind—what looked like from this distance—tiny houses until the only thing left of it was a violent orange glow that made it seem as if the sky was erupting into flames. There were some places in the world where sunsets and sunrises were so vivid and so close it was as if you could reach out and touch them. Sometimes he couldn’t help but marvel at the fact he’d been seeing them for over three hundred years. Idly he wondered if they would ever change.

So much of the world as it was now was something he could have never fathomed in the past. When getting in and out of fancy carriages that trotted along cobblestone paths were considered the height of transportation. When the gentle burning of a gas lantern provided all the light one would ever need for anything, whether it be dinner or reading satisfied everyone that managed to have such a thing. Yet little by little the buildings began to grow and stretch and the roads turned from jerky stones to smooth concrete streets. He watched it all without exactly being a part of it; partaking of everything it had to offer while still thought of as an outsider. Perhaps that was why he courted being an entrepreneur because it put him right in the middle of life.

Until of course it became safer to be invisible.

“Surprised you haven’t appeared to tease me about being overly-sentimental,” he said aloud to Ragnor even though he wasn’t there. “However I would not blame you if you did, old friend. It is simply one of those evenings. I know what you would say though. _At least you didn’t have to glamour yourself to go out…_ which is true. If I had to do it all over again—if my warlock mark was much more severe—I would have followed your example and not cloaked at all. After all you survived quite nicely…until recently.”

Magnus couldn’t help but blame himself for Ragnor’s death. Ragnor would never hold it against him or use it to torment him but the fact of the matter was; he was somewhat culpable. In his haste to wake Jocelyn and get answers about Valentine he led the demon to Ragnor’s safe house there by inadvertently causing his death. He was old enough to know revenge didn’t solve anything but he planned to seek it just the same. _That_ was a secret he was keeping to himself though.

Inhaling the sweet smell of his wine before taking a sip, he arched a brow when a hard knock sounded on his front door. He knew for a fact it wasn’t Catarina and Raphael was probably just waking up and wrangling his fledglings. To anyone with sour intentions the entire building appeared to be nothing more than an abandoned Starbucks. _I suppose it could be Alexander…_

Draining his glass and sitting it on a small end table, he strolled down the hallway and flicked a hand to send the doorknocker inching up so that he could look out. On the other side…was Thomas Bloodmoon.

“Well…this is quite the surprise,” Magnus said as he opened the door. “I wasn’t aware you knew where I lived…?”

Thomas smiled and tucked floppy strands of dark brown hair behind his ear. “I asked around the Institute until someone could give me directions. Apparently Simon let it slip or something.”And then his expression drooped a little. “I can go if you want?”

Magnus briefly entertained the notion of turning him away and then deemed it too rude. “No please come in.” He closed the door after he was inside. “So, what brings you by? No trouble at the Institute I hope.”

Thomas shook his head and looked around with wide eyes as he followed Magnus into the living room. “No, no nothing like that. I just—well you hadn’t been by in a couple of days and I wanted to make sure you were okay. Especially with the Circle lurking around and you seeming to have a target on your back.”

Magnus gestured to the couch and then took the chair across from it. “Your concern is touching, thank you. But I’ve simply been tending to my own matters now that I am back in the city. My employees are wonderful but they can’t run Pandemonium without a _bit_ of instruction. And then I checked on some friends.”

Nodding, Thomas rubbed his palms along his jean-clad legs. “That’s cool. As long as you weren’t kidnapped by Valentine or whatever.”

“If I were I doubt you simply dropping by would have helped me.” Magnus mused. “I don’t think he would kill me outright but staging any sort of rescue mission would probably be futile.”

“We’d still try. You’ve earned that much.” Thomas replied lightly. “And I’m sure Alec would pretty much demand it either way so…”

“Well he _is_ Head of the Institute so he can do whatever he wishes. Or whatever the Clave signs off on.” Magnus squinted at him. “Does he know you’re here?”

Thomas blushed and ducked his head. “No. I was sent out hunting near the farmer’s market and after I was done I decided to come and check on you. Not exactly against the rules but Alec will be expecting my report when I return. Might leave this little visit out though. He would disapprove.”

 _Heh…_ “Because you broke the rules?”

Thomas’ grin turned cheeky. “Yeah but that wouldn’t be the _main_ reason.”

Magnus played Devil’s Advocate. “Oh I don’t know. Alexander is a stickler for the rules and as I understand it has been for some time. Besides rogue Shadowhunters tend do go bad and I would understand him being concerned with that. First it’s not returning straight home after a mission and next it’s playing judge, jury and executioner on a Downworlder. Slippery slope for some.”

Thomas gasped as if punched and inched to the edge of the couch. “I would _never_ do that! I get that some Shadowhunters think less of Downworlders and even mundanes, but my family has never been one of them. I was always taught just because we are different doesn’t mean we don’t have things in common and shouldn’t offer up respect when it’s given.” He shook his head. “I’d rather die than join the Circle. What’s more… _none_ of my family has ever even come close to being in it.”

“Oh?”

“Shadowhunters talk too.”

 _I guess I should brace myself for an interesting conversation._ “You know the Circle didn’t start out this horrible gang of murderers that it has evolved into. Valentine used to be a man of vision and those who followed him appreciated that vision. It’s unfortunate that it was twisted into something so grotesque.”

The Shadowhunter before him shrugged. “Maybe. But once they saw that he’d lost his mind and was killing Downworlders for the thrill, they could have left.”

Magnus crossed his legs and leaned back. “Valentine was smart. Most of them didn’t find out what he was doing until it was too late.”

Thomas tilted his head to the side, gazing at him with calculating blue eyes. “Are you making excuses because Alec’s parents were in the Circle?”

 _Cutting right to the chase I see._ “No. I am simply educating you on the matter at hand, correcting misconceptions that second hand conversation has no doubt given you. As someone who _lived_ through the inception of the Circle and its false disbandment I have a bit of experience with it.”

Thomas nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to imply otherwise. It’s just—it’s just okay I like the Lightwoods I do. Maryse sort of scares me but on the whole they are a nice family. Before Clary, Alec ran the Institute to the letter of the Law and I’ve never had any issues with that because it might have been strict but he was more or less fair. Yet there was an obvious divide between _us_ and Downworlders or at least for those of us not Isabelle.” A beat. “She was able to hang out with Meliorn and while it wasn’t exactly accepted it wasn’t outright denied either. But I always felt like if _I_ became chummy with a Downworlder he’d hand my ass to me.”

Magnus found that intriguing. “Was there a Downworlder you wanted to become chummy with?”

Waving a hand, Thomas cleared his throat. “No but like I mentioned before I’ve always been more or less fascinated by them. Shadowhunter guys are nice but there is no real variety—not in beliefs and stuff. No real excitement. Plus sexuality is not something we talk about. At all.” That caused him to frown. “Downworlders are just so free and real. They live how they want to without limitations and I admire that. I admire _you_.”

Picking imaginary lent off his silk pants, Magnus thought about getting a drink and then dismissed it. Better to keep his wits about him. “You don’t really know me…”

Thomas wet his lips. “I’d like to. I know I have terrible timing but…Magnus I think you’re awesome and I have for a while now. I’d love to take you out sometime.”

 _Oh dear,_ Magnus thought to himself and tapped his lips as he searched for a reply. It was surprising in a way he knew it shouldn’t have been. As he’d told Catarina just because you missed being desired didn’t mean people weren’t desiring you, the trick was to actually be open to it happening so that you didn’t let it pass you by. Before Alec he’d usually been the hunter and after Alec letting himself be prey just seemed too exhausting. His few dates while away from the city had been nice but the kind of thing that happens when you’re in a foreign land looking for excitement. This—what Thomas was proposing—was so much more than that.

“You are a wonderful young man—”

“I know Alec likes you; I mean it’s pretty obvious.” Thomas interrupted though not unkindly. “And I don’t want to trash him because I’m _not_ that guy but I really don’t think he’s right for you. You’re so magnificent and he’s the very definition of a Shadowhunter. He’ll always put the Clave first.”

Floored, Magnus got up to make that drink after all. Perhaps it was because Thomas wasn’t wrong, not entirely. While he totally believed that Alec had gotten better when it came to obtaining what he wanted he also _had_ put the Clave and his duty first by marrying Lydia. And that would sting for some time yet. “Are you telling me you wouldn’t?”

“I’m saying I wouldn’t let them dictate who to spend my time with.” Thomas explained standing. “Maybe that’s not fair because as a quote unquote grunt I have that option but it doesn’t make it any less true. And my parents won’t care…for what it’s worth.”

“Well Thomas I appreciate your candor and I suppose you’re not wrong on some points.” Magnus poured a healthy amount of bourbon into a glass and swirled it around. “Frankly I don’t really know what to say to you though. Here I was having trouble getting _one_ Shadowhunter to notice me and now two are trying to court me. If Jace shows up tomorrow I’m going to inspect myself for Nephilim catnip.”

Thomas snickered. “Just…don’t count me out of the running because you and Alec have some sort of convoluted history. There is a very good chance he is _not_ the man for you.”

Magnus took a sip of his bourbon and hissed as it went down strong and warm. “Anything is possible but I should tell you Alexander is…special to me. I wouldn’t tell him that—not for a long while yet, of course—but that doesn’t make it any less true. I saw something exceptional in him from the moment we first met and though that glow may have dimmed considerably with his marriage, it didn’t go out entirely.”

Walking up to him, Thomas squeezed his free hand. “That’s cool. Hey I’m a Shadowhunter; I like a challenge.” Grinning he glanced to his watch. “I should be getting back to the Institute before they think something bad happened to me however. I’ll see you soon.”

Magnus watched him walk out and then pinched the bridge of his nose. “Excuse my blasphemy but _by the Angel_ …”

“Oh your torment gives me such pleasure,” Ragnor said suddenly from behind him. “Especially when it’s this type of dilemma and not something that would honestly make you depressed. Like the time you couldn’t decide between the Armani and the Gucci.”

“Shut up my dear little cabbage.” Magnus rolled his eyes. “You do remember in the end I decided to get both?”

“Well there you have it!” Ragnor exclaimed with only the sort of glee someone could have who no longer had any problems what so ever. “A threesome. Perhaps your Alec would enjoy a nice spit roast?”

That made Magnus laugh harder than it had reason to. “Go away, you! I need to make a call and I won’t have you in the background trying to steer the conversation like a backseat driver.”

Ragnor waved before disappearing to wherever he went when he wasn’t being a bother. Magnus smiled and fished his cell phone out of his pocket, scrolling through the names until he came to the one he was looking for. Seconds later a sexy, feminine voice said _hello_.

“Isabelle.” Magnus returned to his chair. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything important.”

“Oh no, just organizing my closet. Lamenting all of the outfits I had to put in storage when I adopted a more _mature_ look befitting a Shadowhunter.” She replied airily. “What’s up? Is everything okay?”

Her concern was touching. “Everything is fine,” he told her. “If a bit weird. I don’t know if I should be talking to you about this seeing as you’re close to the situation but I don’t want to bother Catarina while she’s at work. Not like she’d take my call this early in the evening anyway.”

Isabelle hummed. “Now I’m intrigued. Does this have anything to do with the date you promised Alec? He’s been so cute trying to figure out where to take you while pretending it’s not a big deal.”

 _Aw adorable._ “Heh actually no this is about Thomas. What can you tell me about him and his family?”

“The Bloodmoons are an old Shadowhunting family but then I suppose most of us are. Edward and Amelia are Thomas’ parents but they spend most of their time in Idris—they don’t like the modern technology very much. Thomas has two older brothers that are also Shadowhunters but they’re in London and California respectively. As for Thomas, he’s never been that remarkable. I mean he’s a nice guy but he doesn’t _stand out_ if that makes sense. He and his entire family are very much for not making waves but they respect the Law. Not afraid to question it though…” She responded. “Why? Are you…interested in Thomas?”

“Not in the way he’d like me to be.” Magnus smirked. “He paid me a visit earlier so I’m just doing a bit of homework. I like to know the people that I give access to my home to.”

There was a pause and then, “He came to see you? Hm…that’s going to send Alec through the roof.”

 _Well…_ “You don’t have to tell him. _Not_ that I want to keep it as some type of secret because it’s not.”

She giggled. “Oh no I am definitely going to tell him. Whatever lights a fire under his ass is good. Though next time they spar again might get even more interesting. I should hide his bow.”

“They sparred?”

“Thomas wanted to or so Jace told me. He saw the whole thing and watched Alec knock him flat. Said he seemed pretty happy about it too.”

“Sorry I missed that.”

“I can send you a copy of the surveillance footage if you want…?”

“Maybe you should. For science.”

Isabelle laughed. “I’m bored here; would it be alright if I came over? We can eat ice cream and talk about boys.”

Magnus hadn’t done anything of the sort in ages. Not since the nineties at least. “Sure sounds like fun. I’ll supply the ice cream and the Baileys we can pour into it.”

They hung up soon after and Magnus spent the next thirty minutes slapping pillows and putting away miscellaneous books. When he’d returned from abroad he’d expect life to go back to how it was before, barring doing anything for Clary and her friends besides trying to wake Jocelyn up. He’d been determined to put his foot down about “upgrading wards” or “creating portals”, electing to keep his distance as much as he could for his own sanity. Yet now here he was again becoming deeply entangled with Shadowhunter business but at least it wasn’t making him want to blow his brains out this time. He still didn’t know what to make of Thomas and his quite earnest invitation. If Alec wasn’t in the picture…

..but he was.

Technically.

Letting Thomas down easy would be the right thing to do and he planned to do that before things got too out of hand. Thomas didn’t have a romance chance with him but he _did_ want to be his friend if that were possible. Then again making friends with other Shadowhunters wouldn’t help with digging himself out of that hole if it ever came to that. _I’ll just see how the situation goes and make a decision then._

Isabelle arrived with her usual flare a few moments later, waltzing into the room like she owned it with a twist of her hips and a big dark red smile. Behind her was Clary in her so-called mundane clothes looking a bit unsure of her welcome but determined to make the best of it.

Magnus smiled at both of them. “Isabelle. Biscuit.”

Clary chuckled softly. “I hope you don’t mind me tagging along? I—I just wanted to get out of the Institute for a while.”

He nodded. “Of course I don’t mind. You’ve been coming here since you were two years old and I have never turned you away.”

Mollified, she loped over to the couch and flopped down. “Izzy said that you said Thomas stopped by? I had a feeling he was into you but wow, way to take the initiative.”

Isabelle snorted and waved a silver disc in front of Magnus’ face. “For your…scientific experiment.”

Magnus laughed but plucked the cd from her hand. “Thank you. Now ladies I believe we’re supposed to have ice cream and alcohol.” With a snap of his fingers the long coffee table went from bare to dotted with several different pints of Ben & Jerrys and a bottle of Baileys Crème Liqueur. “I know neither of you are allowed to drink by mundane law but I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Naturally Clary reached for the ice cream—cookie dough—first. “So what did Thomas say if you don’t mind me asking?”

“That he finds me utterly magnificent and wants in my designer pants.” Magnus winked. “Well I might be exaggerating the last bit but it was implied. Otherwise what’s the point? And my pants are very nice.”

“I don’t know much about him but he seems like a nice guy. He asked Simon what was Dragon Age once and seemed really interested in learning.” Clary mumbled around a mouthful of food. “Though if we’re picking sides I have to be on Alec’s or he’ll start glaring at me again.”

“There should be no contest, and I’m not just saying that because Alec is my brother.” Isabelle shrugged. “He’s stubborn, totally repressed and still tightly wound but he is sincere in his feelings for you, Magnus. He just…he was under a lot of pressure last year especially from our mother to do his duty. I don’t think I realized how much pressure until I tried to take some of it off him.”

“I understood his commitments,” Magnus said diplomatically. “It was his attitude that hurt more.”

Clary licked her spoon. “You know, I pegged Alec as gay early on. He wasn’t subtle with how he looked at Jace and then with how he reacted to you. I thought the whole wedding deal was bullshit from day one. More so after talking to Lydia about it.” She frowned. “Back when we thought she might have been the spy for Valentine I confronted her about it and I said that the Lightwoods were basically like my family now. And that if she did anything to hurt them she’d have to deal with me. She said she cared about everyone too but it was obvious she wasn’t _in love_ with Alec. Hell in fact she knew about his feelings for you.”

 _Surprisingly I am not surprised._ “Lydia was a very intelligent and insightful young woman. I’m not shocked to hear she noticed what others may have missed.”

Clary’s frown deepened. “Maybe but that never sat right with me. She went on and on about how Alec was full of honor and she thought that was amazing, and how it _honestly_ touched her. But it’s like if you really feel that way about him why help condemn him to a life of unhappiness all for some stupid title?”

Magnus uncorked the bottle of liqueur and gave it a sniff. “Shadowhunters believe in ruling with their heads, not entertaining the fancy of love.”

“Yeah I get that.” Clary murmured. “I don’t know. I could never keep someone from who they truly wanted. What about doing the right thing?”

“Alec thought he was.” Isabelle replied sadly. “He put restoring our family name and influence with the Clave above anything else though I didn’t know Lydia knew about his thing for Magnus. I’d never say this where he could hear it because it would annoy him, but, well it’s no surprise I never warmed up to her. From the minute she arrived she just rubbed me the wrong way and it never got any better. I’m sure in her mind she was being a good Shadowhunter—marrying Alec—but to me she was just helping my brother hurt himself even more.”

“Isabelle looked like she was attending a funeral at their wedding.” Clary teased. “Not one single smile. I think we all thought he wouldn’t really go through with it.”

“Speaking of, why didn’t you come?” Isabelle inquired. “I know you got my invitation.”

Magnus sighed. “I thought about it. I was close. I was thumbing through my wardrobe for something exquisite to wear and then I just…gave up. I’ve had a lot of experience with wanting someone more than they wanted me and I didn’t want to be put into that situation again. It seemed better to let Alec follow his path and make a new one for myself.” A beat. “Besides it got him his little rabbit and I know he wouldn’t take that back for anything in the world.”

Isabelle smiled but it didn’t reach her big brown eyes. “He loves Nathaniel more than life itself but you can’t miss what you never had. If the road had diverged and he got you instead of married he would have been content.” Offering up her glass, she watched the liquid splash around inside. “But I suppose the good thing is Alec has a second change now. Her death has given him that. I never wanted anything bad to happen to Lydia but I won’t lie and say I don’t care about my brother’s wellbeing more.” 

For a second Magnus expected to see Ragnor behind her giving his smile of approval at her words. “Naturally. I would feel the same way had I a brother or a sister.”

Switching to the chocolate ice cream, Clary struggled to remove the lid. “Their marriage was like a business deal with the occasional awkward family dinner. Maryse and Robert going on about what a great match they made while everyone else just sort of…focused on their food. Then it was Shadowhunter stuff even after Lydia found out she was pregnant.”

“So no tender words of affection expressed?”

“More like…good job on sending someone to deal with those demons. Thank you, we also saved a distressed nymph.”

“Sexy.”

“Hah. It’s bad to say but it made me feel a bit better about my problems for a bit anyway. Other times it was just sad to see Alec all about work again.”

To hear that Alec and Lydia had a neutral sort of marriage wasn’t shocking; what else were they going to have? Neither of them saw the point in pretending though he couldn’t help but wonder if that would have changed once Nathaniel got older? Once he was able to pick up on their interactions. Or would they have raised him to think everything was totally normal?

“You both know I do _care_ about Alexander, right?” Magnus felt it prudent to ask. 

Isabelle made a _please_ gesture. “I never thought otherwise. I fully support you making him jump through hoops. I love him but he’s never been a people person and his brush off of you before was shit. The worst part of course is that he knew it was shit but did it anyway. Our parents really screwed us up.” She touched his arm. “Even if you decide to never be romantic with him I’m happy you’re back in his life. He needs someone like you—someone to make him break out of his shell and seek out his own happiness.”

“Yes well…” Magnus sipped from his glass. “Where _is_ Alexander tonight?”

She grinned. “I left him giving Nathaniel a bath. It’s a whole ordeal let me tell you. Once Nathaniel gets into the tub he never wants to get out. He’s going to dog me with questions when he finds out we were hanging out. I might not tell him anything.”

_That sounds adorable and amusing._

Finally deciding she wanted a bit of whiskey, Clary motioned to the Baileys. “Alec’s a good guy to have in your corner, generally speaking. He’ll probably be glad we were here like your own security detail or something. He’s been thinking about assigning some people to watch your building ever since the whole Circle thing. Imagine if Thomas volunteered.”

 _Oh dear that would be something._ “I appreciate the sentiment but I don’t need guards. I’m not the President though not for lack of trying in the thirties. Besides the more attention that is drawn to me the more the Circle might think I’m important.”

“Well…you are.” Clary said sincerely. “And not just to Alec but to all of us.”

“Thanks biscuit.” Magnus responded quietly. “That is very nice to hear.”

She smiled and then coughed after her first sip of whiskey, pouting when Isabelle laughed—affectionately—at her. Magnus glanced between them and saw shades of Ragnor and Catarina in the old days; squirreled away in the back of some tavern with mugs of darkly colored ale wondering about the future. Who knew things would get so far off the rails for them? Ragnor dead, Catarina controlled by her desire to heal and him fighting a battle he’d tried so hard to not be a part of again. Raphael appeared to be the only one making out well considering he was now the leader of the vampires.

_Well there is always tomorrow. I hope._

ᛟ

The Infirmary was quiet except for the gentle hum of magic keeping Jocelyn safe. Sometimes when things got to hectic or loud Alec would slip away and just linger in the doorway to get his wits about him. Jocelyn looked peaceful and although he didn’t know her yet, there was just something comforting about her current state. Not in a creepy way or however Valentine had probably intended it but more just the silence. Not many people came into the infirmary if they could help it though Clary popped by every day to talk to her mother. Still it was the one place Alec could reflect for more than five minutes at a time. His room served a similar purpose but people weren’t shy about knocking and interrupting his _me_ time.

And yet standing here as he was staring into space he couldn’t help but remember a poignant moment more than a year ago…

_“I can’t believe she’s still asleep,” Clary said sadly. She was sitting on a vacant cot with her hands between her knees. “I thought that after we found her we’d immediately be able to wake her up and then…I’d have my mom back. Fully. But it’s been like six months…”_

_Simon nodded and bumped her shoulder. “Hey technically you do have her back. I mean at least this way she is safe and you can come talk to her anytime you want.”_

_Clary smiled a little. “You’re right. Getting her away from Valentine was a major win…even if it cost us a lot. But we have my mom and the Cup so technically we’re winning I guess. Well we won one battle but the war is just beginning.”_

_Simon patted her knee. “As long as we stick together we can do anything. And man I didn’t mean for that to sound as cliché as it did.” Clary chuckled and he continued. “I thought being turned into a vampire was the worst thing in the world but look at me now. Granted Raphael’s odd way of_ training _me actually makes me question my sanity most times but it’s helping. I haven’t wanted to eat anyone here in a long time.”_

_She smirked. “That’s good to know considering we’re in a building full of people trained to kill murderous vampires.”_

_He pouted. “You wouldn’t let that happen, would you? You’d try to get through to me right?”_

_“Of course!” Clary exclaimed. “We’d lock you up and do whatever it takes I promise.”_

_“Maybe Magnus has some type of spell that could cure me.” Simon suggested. “Of course that would be second on the list when it comes to waking up your mom.”_

_“No we’d move that to first. I need you with me in this.” Pausing, Clary’s shoulders slumped. “Magnus is really committed to finding that book and I know he is looking hard. Last time he called he was in Mexico or something.”_

_“How…is he?” Simon inquired. “I mean is he doing okay since…ya know?”_

_“I think so.” Clary bit her bottom lip. “He doesn’t mention anything or any_ one _if you know what I mean so I don’t either. We do talk about the stuff he’s seen but I don’t know. What happened hit him hard and I don’t expect him to just shake it off any time soon. I feel lucky that he even agreed to help me with my mom after the shit storm that was Alec’s wedding.”_

_“I can’t believe he actually got married.”_

_“Me either… Guess it’s something only Shadowhunters understand. Giving up the chance at something real for…duty.”_

_Cloaked in shadows near the door Alec stood with his arms folded across his chest and his jaw clenched so tight it would probably ache later. He could hear everything Clary and Simon were saying, and although he hadn’t meant to eavesdrop he couldn’t seem to drag himself away now that he’d started. Hearing them talk about Magnus just—well it was the first he’d heard his name out loud since their last conversation in the ops center. Isabelle took great care_ not _to mention him and Jace was too busy with his self destructive streak to mention much of anything that didn’t involve hunting down Valentine. It was almost like Magnus had never existed._

 _Which, whatever. Alec didn’t care. He’d brought honor and respect back to the Lightwood name and that was all that mattered. He’d_ done _his duty and made his family proud and he shouldn’t be meant to feel bad for it. He_ didn’t _feel bad for it._

_He didn’t!_

I wonder what Magnus is doing right now, _he thought absently._ Is he alone? Is someone helping him look for the Book of the White? Will he ever come back to the city?

_Alec recognized that he didn’t know much about Magnus, that he could have discovered more if he hadn’t—well if things had went differently. He’d thought there was time for frivolous things but apparently he’d been mistaken. Not that he thought Magnus was frivolous because he didn’t. In fact he thought Magnus was wonderful and graceful and perhaps in another life they could have…_

Was it possible to miss someone you didn’t really know? I suppose you can miss their presence. The spaces they fill.

Who knew I had so many empty spaces?

If he comes back I—

I suppose nothing. He probably won’t want to have anything to do with me and I wouldn’t blame him. I could have been less of an asshole to him, I could have listened when he talked, I could have not been so much of a freaking Shadowhunter for one second.

I could have gone after my own happiness instead of pushing it into the background.

_“There you are,” Lydia said as she walked around a corner, one hand on her lower back and the other on her round stomach. “Any change with Jocelyn?”_

_Alec shook his head. “No.”_

_She nodded. “Well as long as she is comfortable.” A pause. “I got the report back from Raj about the demon down in the subway tunnels. It has been neutralized but I’m thinking of sending out another hunting party just in case there are more hiding in the abandoned areas.”_

_“That sounds good.” Alec replied. “How…are you feeling?”_

_It was odd to think that Lydia was pregnant because of him; that she was carrying his child but it was a situation they were making the best of. He had never been against children and figured one day he would be pushed into a traditional Shadowhunter marriage, but a part of him had thought it would be years into the future. Or perhaps not at all if he were lucky. But no now he was married with a baby on the way and it was all Clary Fray’s fault. She’d stormed into his life, turned it upside down and forced him into an impossible situation where it was either restore his family’s good name or lose the respect of the Clave._

_Lydia smiled. “Honestly I feel fat but other than that I’m fine. Dying to get back out into the field though. But that will have to wait until this little one is settled.”_

_Alec’s eyes drifted to her stomach. “Are you sure you want to be surprised with what it is? Knowing would make picking out a name much easier.”_

_She shifted from foot to foot. “We can still pick out names. For example if we have a boy I was thinking of Adrian. It’s not a family name but I like it. And if we have a girl I’ve always liked Elizabeth. It’s my grandmother’s name.”_

_“I like Elizabeth.” A beat. “Not too sure about Adrian though. What about David?”_

_“David would be a fine name for a child.” She motioned for him to follow and reluctantly he did. “However I’m surprised you didn’t suggest Magnus.”_

_“I’m sure my mother would love that.” Alec forced his face to remain passive._

_Lydia snickered. “No she would go through the roof but it is a strong name. And the Branwells have always thought of Magnus Bane with a rather high esteem thanks to Henry. Besides I know you think highly of him as well.”_

_Alec kept his shoulders straight. “He’s a good warlock but it’s not like we were best friends.”_

_She hummed. “But you could have been, right? I mean had he not left town.”_

_He looked at her. “I suppose. Do you really like the name Magnus that much?”_

_Shrugging, she waddled over to a bench and slowly sat down. “I wonder how long it will take him to find that book? We don’t have a lot of time—we need to wake Jocelyn up so that we can learn all we can about Valentine. Especially since your parents aren’t talking and we couldn’t trust anything Hodge said. Clary must be in touch with Magnus. I should ask her to give me his number or something.”_

You do that. _“Perhaps we should just leave him alone and let him do whatever he’s going to do. Pushing him or trying to give him orders won’t work. That only works on our kind.”_

_Lydia arched a brow. “The others follow our orders because they respect us. In the few months we’ve been running this Institute we’ve had a high success rate when it comes to killing demons and keeping wayward Downworlders in check. We have to keep putting forth a strong partnership. We are in this together, aren’t we?”_

_Swallowing hard, Alec nodded. “Of course. Running the Institute as we saw fit was the whole point in getting married. It would be silly to do anything to jeopardize what we are building.”_ Too late to back out now.

_“Good.” She grinned up at him. “I just hope you keep that in mind for any…future developments.”_

At the time Alec hadn’t really focused on what she was saying but now he knew; she was talking about Magnus’ ultimate return. She was reminding him of his duty just like everyone else in his life had tended to do. He hated himself for thinking it—he truly did—but he was relieved she wasn’t around to _keep_ reminding him right now. Though he would take it if it meant Nathaniel got more time with his mother. If Lydia was still alive and they were still married he would have continued on as promised unless being around Magnus again was so strong, powers beyond his control caused him to act differently. One thing he knew for certain he wouldn’t have tried so hard to be perfect for anyone but himself. He would have made peace with Magnus anyway he could, anyway that would have kept him in his life even a tiny bit.

_I have to work harder to prove I deserve him. To prove that I—that I can be happy and make him happy as well._

Leaving the Infirmary he made his way to check on Nathaniel and found him sleeping peacefully in his crib. He smoothed a hand across Nathaniel’s black hair and exhaled deeply, jumping as his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. “Hello?” he whispered after finally getting it to his ear.

“Alexander.”

Alec grinned. “Magnus, hey.” Very slowly he eased out of his room and pulled the door ajar. “I was just checking on Nathaniel.”

“Ah yes I heard you probably had quite the adventure with him earlier.” Magnus chuckled. “I can’t say that I blame him though. I love my bath time too.”

Alec blinked. “How did you know I’d given him a bath earlier? Wait…Isabelle. I was wondering where she disappeared to. Is she still there?”

Magnus replied, “That she is. Her big doe eyes, Clary’s pouting and the whiskey convinced me to pop them in designer ball gowns from Milan. But then again I’ve conjured worse for less so I suppose it all evens out. How are you?”

Alec snorted. “I’m good. I’m glad you called. I haven’t worked out the details of our date yet but I’ve been thinking about it. Unless…you called to cancel?”

“No, no none of that. I just thought I would say hello.”

“Oh, well hello. It’s always good to hear your voice.”

“I’m happy you think so. Especially since I might call on you tomorrow for a favor of the Shadowhunter kind if you’re willing.”

“Of course. What do you need?”

“Well nothing yet. I’m waiting for an old frenemy to get back to me about business matters but it involves venturing into a sketchy part of town. Naturally I am not afraid but Isabelle suggested I ask you to join me. You don’t have to come though.”

“I’m coming.”

“So soon?”

“I…”

“Pardon me, that’s the whiskey talking.”

Alec heard peals of female laughter in the background and he rolled his eyes, biting the inside of his cheek to keep his smile to a minimum. He and Isabelle were going to have a chat about her running off to spend time with his—with Magnus later. “Maybe after we settle your business we can…spend some more time together?”

Magnus cleared his throat. “If you wish. Are you busy? I could let you go.”

Sliding down the wall to the floor Alec didn’t care how he looked or what anyone else thought. “No. Things are quiet and all of the scouting/hunting parties have returned. Now that demons aren’t killing mundanes for their blood anymore there is a bit less to do until Valentine sends his minions to do his bidding. It helps that the werewolves also patrol thanks to Luke.” Making himself comfortable, he stretched his long legs out in front of him and kept an ear open just in case Nathaniel needed him. “I have nothing but time for you, Magnus. We can talk for as long as you like.”


	6. Close Encounters of the Angel Kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is an Easter Egg in this chapter which I'm sure some of you will catch onto right away. :) Thank you for all of your wonderful comments and kudos; I really love hearing what you guys think and how you're enjoying everything. <3

Chapter Six: Close Encounters of the Angel Kind

It was distressing how the trail for Valentine could manage to be hot and cold at the same time but Alec supposed it made sense. After all he’d been able to somehow fake his death and stay off the Clave’s radar for _years_ , flying low up until the moment Clary popped up and got the whole unfortunate ball rolling. Still it was frustrating to actively try to find some trace of him and yet come up with nothing time and time again. Usually Alec would go about the situation in whatever way the Clave deemed acceptable but everyone understood how desperate times were so he was able to bend the rules. Interesting the things that had once been considered almost sacrilegious were now totally suitable as long as they garnered results. Such as working _with_ Downworlders in the search for Valentine.

Alec wouldn’t just go to anyone of course but he liked Luke and trusted his opinion on matters. And being on better terms with the werewolves was something he believed would only end up helping in the long run. As it was the wolves and the vampires begrudgingly helped because of Clary’s connection to both, and while that was good Alec wanted something more tangible. He never wanted them to be in the position again where torturing a Downworlder appeared to be the only way to get information. Perhaps it was stupid but now that he had Nathaniel he wanted to attempt to shape a better world for him. A world where Shadowhunters and Downworlders could come together for the greater good and then be civil afterwards. If not friends then at least able to have conversations without there being bloodshed.

Going to Luke—speaking on his turf while the rest of the Pack looked on—seemed to be a start in that direction. Not all of the wolves trusted him or even wanted him there but they wouldn’t go against their Alpha. Thankfully everyone realized that Valentine and the Circle weren’t just nightmares to scare children into behaving. Valentine hated anyone not on his side which basically meant every non Circle member, every mundane and especially every Downworlder. Apparently only Maryse had trouble seeing the big picture; safety in numbers.

Luke told him that it was possible Maryse wasn’t as uptight as she seemed. That maybe she was actually quite ashamed of the way they’d behaved when with the Circle and now she was hiding that shame by continuing to be problematic. That she held so tightly to the Clave and their Law because it was grounding and made her feel in control. Alec could understand all of that but he couldn’t agree with it, not anymore. Too much had happened and the future was continuously changing. Besides most knew the Lightwoods had once been a part of the Circle and pretending otherwise was just silly. Just because they couldn’t actively speak about it didn’t mean there weren’t whispers.

Even Shadowhunters gossiped.

Making his way through the opts center and towards the bedrooms at the back of the Institute, Alec exhaled deeply and nodded to the people he passed along the way. He forced himself not to check his phone _again_ for a message from Magnus; it would ring or vibrate when he needed him. Stupid as it was he was looking forward to going out with Magnus even on some potentially dangerous mission. The fact that Magnus trusted him like that to watch his back, well it _meant_ something. Something big and wonderful that he wasn’t going to dwell on but was excited about nonetheless. After all Magnus could have asked anyone to accompany him—Isabelle or even Jace, neither would have turned him down.

_Thomas damn sure wouldn’t have turned him down…_

But no. No he’d asked _him_ which meant Magnus thought he was capable of protecting him should it come to that.

_And I am. No question about it._

Alec sincerely hoped whatever they were going to do went off without a hitch but a tiny part of him wanted to see Magnus in action again. Wanted to feel the air grow hot and tight with the effects of his magic before exploding outward over everything. He’d never, _ever_ admit it out loud but that night meeting Magnus for the first time in his loft and watching him take out that Circle member; Alec could remember the taste of peppermint in the air and he didn’t realize until much later that it had been Magnus’ magic. Granted things had been insane and soaked in danger so even now he could be wrong but he didn’t think he was.

There was still so much they didn’t know about warlocks and their powers, perhaps with good reason. Why would a Downworlder trust a Shadowhunter and divulge all of their secrets when the risk of being betrayed was so high? And it wasn’t like the Nephilim would return the favor. Thinking about it, it was a miracle he and Magnus got along as well as they did considering all of the bad blood between their factions. And he wasn’t even going to _think_ about what his parents might have personally did to Magnus during the Circle’s hay day.

Naturally Alec felt that just made his mother’s attitude that much worse. She should be offering up apologies not encouraging the divide to widen even farther.

_It’s like Idris just makes her worse every time she returns from it._

Upon reaching his bedroom he tilted his head at the sound of a soft steady voice floating through the open doorway. Nathaniel’s babysitter tended to speak to him in baby talk to make him laugh but this person was almost formal and Alec sighed, not surprised to find his mother sitting in the antique rocking chair with Nathaniel perched on her lap. In her hands was an old book with fraying yellow pages; the looping white script on the cover declaring it _Idris Fairytales_. Alec remembered the book well because she and his father would take turns reading from it to him and the others when they were younger. Most of the stories were about brave Shadowhunters with white wings, swooping down to save helpless mundane villages while destroying dragons or what have you. Isabelle had always been partial to the ones with mundane princesses discovering they too were Nephilim, yet to access their powers because they had to go on a perilous journey first.

Nathaniel appeared enraptured by the tale he was hearing. His hazel-green eyes were stretched wide and staring at the pictures as he chewed on the ear of the bear Magnus had given him. He was too young to really understand the story but perhaps he just liked spending time with grandma.

Whatever else she was Alec could allow that Maryse had been a good mother if extremely strict. At the time he’d assumed it was to make him stronger—to show respect for the Law must always be a priority—but now he saw shades of other things. How demanding perfection was probably less about being amazing Shadowhunters and more about continuing to elevate the Lightwood name from the mud it had been dragged through. He’d been so _proud_ of his accomplishments during his training, having no idea one word from a haughty instructor or jealous classmate could have brought his entire world crashing down. Though perhaps if he’d found out their dirty little secret sooner his life wouldn’t have imploded the way it did.

But it was silly to dwell on past mistakes he supposed unless the plan was to remember so that you didn’t repeat them. His mother wanted him to raise Nathaniel to the letter of their traditions but he wasn’t going to do that. He wasn’t going to bury his head in the sand while attempting to get his child to rewrite history. Nathaniel would know all of the facts and when he was old enough come to his own decisions.

 _And I won’t make him feel bad for being_ too _passionate or_ too _free thinking like she did with Isabelle._

“Thought you would have gone back to Idris by now,” he said by way of greeting as he entered the room.

Nathaniel clapped at the sight of him and grinned, pointing to the book and babbling as if to explain the story he just heard. As usual Alec’s heart clenched right before pumping near-literal _love_ throughout his whole body. Very few people were that happy just to see _him_ and it was a humbling experience when it was something you’d help make.

Maryse watched him as he removed his jacket and hung it up on the back of his door. “While I am sure that is what you would preferred I have decided to remain for a couple of days. Spend some time with my grandson.”

Alec sat on the edge of his bed. “Okay. But if you’re going to be here I don’t want you meddling. _I_ am the Head of this Institute.”

She arched a brow. “I am well aware of that Alec since I am the one who helped you become so in the first place. And you know there are nicer ways to request that I…mind my own business.”

He glanced to Nathaniel. “Those never worked so well in the past though, did they? Since I’ve been old enough to listen you’ve been _telling_ me what I should do instead of asking. Which is interesting considering Jace was able to do whatever he wanted without consequence. He rebelled and went off half cocked and yet you’d immediately make excuses for him.” Shaking his head, he gestured at nothing. “But Isabelle and I would get the third degree if we put one foot out of place. I always thought you weren’t as harsh on him because he was adopted and because he was your obvious favorite, but the past year has really opened my eyes to the truth of things.”

Maryse’s face twitched. “If you honestly think for one second that your father and I don’t love you and your sister unconditionally…”

“No I think you love us but there were—are—conditions.” Alec replied plaintively. “Mainly doing everything you say to the letter or we’re somehow less than.”

“Well perhaps if you _had_ done everything I said the Clave wouldn’t have sent Lydia here to undermine our rule.” Maryse bounced Nathaniel when he began to squirm. “However everything worked out in the end so the point is moot.”

“ _How_ did everything work out in the end?” Alec asked, keeping his voice neutral. “If you mean our status as _Lightwoods_ then yeah I guess everything did work out. For _you_. But for everyone else that sort of remains to be seen.”

“What is this all about, Alec?” His mother inquired. “Why are you _so angry_ with me? Is it because we hid our involvement in the Circle from you? What were we supposed to say especially when we were forbidden to even talk about it? It happened but now is not the time to think about such things. There is a war coming and your head needs to be clear.”

“Are you even the tiniest bit remorseful for what you did back then? For all of the innocent Downworlders you murdered?”

“Not all of them were innocent. We thought we were doing our duty.”

“But you weren’t. You were following a madman that is now back to finish what he started. And the same Downworlders you turn your nose up at are actually trying to help _save_ everyone.”

“Somehow I am not surprised this is about Magnus Bane.”

The back of his neck flushed with heat and Alec ground his thumb into his palm to keep himself centered. “Magnus’ help has been invaluable in the fight against Valentine. When he manages to wake up Clary’s mother we’ll have a sort of secret weapon against him. _And_ her answers might finally make Jace calm down.”

Maryse hummed in thought. “If only I could believe those were your _only_ motives for defending him so staunchly. As it is I don’t see how picnics in the park help Jocelyn or her condition.”

Alec wet his lips. “I won’t apologize for being on friendlier terms with Magnus Bane. He is a powerful warlock—perhaps the most powerful in the city—and when he agrees to spend time with Nathaniel and me then I’m going to allow it. I _like_ Magnus. He’s funny and outrageous and extremely sincere in his dedication to helping not only Downworlders but mundanes as well. You’d know that if you spent five minutes not frowning your face up at him because he’s not a Shadowhunter.”

She rolled her eyes. “I _know_ Magnus better than you do. We’ve had quite a few run ins over the years and he is not all that he appears to be.”

 _Poetic._ “The same could be said for you and dad…especially if we are talking about secrets.”

Nathaniel banged his tiny fist onto Maryse’s arm and she smiled down at him. Alec could already tell she was about to change the subject so he wasn’t surprised when she said, “He’s getting so big. Soon you will have to think about his education.”

Pushing up the sleeves of his black shirt, Alec sighed. “Yeah well, I don’t think I’ll be sending him away. I’ll have tutors come here.”

Obviously that idea did not sit well with her. “Why? The Institute in Mumbai is excellent and has wonderful instructors. Max is being taught by the best in the world and his…affinity for fire aside, he is learning to be a very formidable Shadowhunter when the time comes. He can nearly recite points of our history to the letter.”

 _Our real history or the sugar coated version to make us look better?_ “And that’s great for Max but I don’t want Nathaniel that far away from me. Not unless it becomes dangerous for him to be here. Tutors can teach him the same things those instructors would. Besides I want to be involved in his lessons and answer any questions he might have with the truth.”

Maryse snapped the book closed and placed it on the small table beside the rocking chair. “Boarding school is not such a foreign concept you know. And with portals it would be quite easy to see Nathaniel whenever you wanted just like we do with Max. Or…is there another reason you are suddenly rebelling against all things tradition?”

Alec shrugged. “I am not against _all_ things tradition, just the ones that would lower his self esteem and make him question his place in my life. I don’t want him repressed or stressed out because something is telling him to react a certain way and yet he knows in his heart it’s wrong.”

Maryse’s brows narrowed. “I wonder what Lydia would say to this if she were here. If I remember correctly she was very fond of tradition.”

“I think she’d want what was best for our son above all else.” Agitated, Alec got up and went to fumble in his dresser drawers for something to do. His mother only brought up Lydia and her supposed preferences when she was trying to make a point. Mainly that Lydia would have been for the more conventional way of doing things which meant conventional was the _right_ way. “Nathaniel will be an amazing Shadowhunter but first and foremost I want him to be a well adjusted child. I want him happy.”

“A lovely sentiment. When you are older you will realize there are more important things than happiness.” She explained, attitude cavalier. “That sometimes doing what must be done comes ahead of everything else. I thought you’d learned this when you married Lydia but I suppose I was wrong.”

“I married Lydia because it was _clearly_ the right move, strategy wise. At the time I assumed it would solve all of our joint problems.” _Instead it created even more._ “I thought running this Institute and making you proud were the only things that mattered. I was wrong. There is so much more to life than honor and power. There is friendship and justice…and…”

“And what?” Her focus turned laser. “ _Love_?”

Alec ignored her. “The point is that Nathaniel is _my_ son so I will raise him how I see fit. And when he’s old enough I’d thank you to not fill his head full of _Nephilim are superior_ stories or what have you.”

“Bababababa!” Nathaniel chimed in as if he approved that idea. “Ffffft.”

Standing, Maryse plopped Nathaniel into the middle of Alec’s bed and kissed the top of his head, smiling when he grabbed her long braid and gave it a tug. “I love my grandson and I will do what I think is necessary to protect him and teach him about his birthright. Just like I did for you.” 

With a click of her heels she stalked out of the room and Alec stretched out onto the mattress. “Well, that was pleasant.”

Nathaniel giggled and scooted over on his little butt until he could use Alec’s shoulder to a drum. He was perfectly content to tap and chatter out nonsense sounds, before noticing his foot to reach and babble at that instead. Alec watched him keenly and thought back to the moment he was told he was going to be a father. It was shocking to say the least and threw him into a gambit of emotions that took months to fully settle…

 _Marriage wasn’t what Alec had expected but then it wasn’t exactly a_ real _marriage so perhaps that was the reason. He and Lydia were partners and tentative friends but everything else was in name only. She hadn’t even taken his last name and when his mother asked her why at one of their boring dinners, it was honestly the first time Alec had even considered maybe she should have. But Lydia made her excuses, said she would do it at a later date and the subject was dropped._

_Lydia Lightwood had a nice ring to it but Alec cringed when he thought about it. Just made everything that much more real._

_But anyway it had been a month and a half since his wedding and he was still waiting for the feeling of_ it was worth it _to come. He was waiting to be able to look at his wrist and not see the wedding rune as a shackle that chained him to a veritable stranger for the rest of his life. He was waiting for Isabelle to stop giving him pitying looks—there was no need really. What’s done was done and now it was time to move forward._

_To get the Institute back into order and prove to the Clave he and Lydia could do their jobs efficiently._

_First order of business had been to establish their new chain of command which had not been hard at all. Most seemed fine with Lydia slotting into the mix—Jace, Isabelle and Clary aside—and thought her ideas or changes were good. Besides it wasn’t like she rearranged their living quarters or anything; she just put the so called wayward Shadowhunters on a tighter leash. Or tried since Clary and Jace pretty much refused to do anything that would alienate the vampires or the werewolves._

_And then there was Isabelle who got selective hearing whenever Lydia said something she didn’t like._

_However if those three were the only ones they had to worry about things would be okay._

_Sitting in the library and staring at the book before him, Alec tired to make heads or tails of the information on the page but found his mind wandering. Jocelyn was safe but still asleep and so far none of them knew how to wake her up. He…well he’d expected Magnus to show up in his usual way with his usual flare rattling off ideas but apparently that wouldn’t be happening for a while, seeing as how he’d skipped town the day after Alec’s wedding. Just…left without a good-bye as if one wasn’t expected._

_The Institute was empty without his personality taking up the room._

I wonder when he’ll be back.

Has anyone even heard from him?

I don’t see why he’d leave unless the Book is off in the world somewhere. Not like—he _knew_ why I had to marry Lydia. He said he _understood_ so…whatever. I had a tough choice to make and I made it and he should respect that. Leaving like we couldn’t even be _friends_ …

The marriage isn’t even _real_.

I wonder when he’ll be back.

_“Alec.”_

_Blinking slowly and coming out of his thoughts, he glanced to the doorway to find Lydia lingering. “What’s wrong?”_

_She smiled and drifted closer, eyes skimming over the many books and weapons on the shelves. “Why do you always think something is wrong?”_

_He shrugged. “Considering our line of work and the threat of Valentine…it just seems right to assume. Not to mention you haven’t been feeling well so you could be coming to tell me you have some obscure Shadowhunter disease we’ve_ also _been forbidden to talk about.”_

_Lydia chuckled and took the chair across from him. “Everything is quiet. Well Jace is off doing something and Clary is with Simon but everything else is quiet. Actually I—I needed to talk to you.”_

_“Well, here I am. What’s up?”_

_“I realize that we both entered into this union with ulterior motives, mainly that we would get to run this Institute together without having to worry about overt influence from the Clave. I think we’ve been doing a good job. The Clave is pleased with the work we have been doing and seem to regard your family in high esteem again. I…know I wasn’t your first choice for a wife but we’re quite compatible.”_

_“I—yeah.”_

_“Anyway my point is that life never quite works out the way you think it will. I thought John and I would be married with children by now, yet that wasn’t what fate had planned for us. It appears my destiny was to help you stop Valentine which I am one hundred percent committed to doing.”_

_Alec was a bit confused. “I’m glad… Is this what you wanted to talk about?”_

_Lydia bit her bottom lip. “Alec, I’m pregnant.”_

_It was a testament to his Shadowhunter reflexes that he didn’t tip right out of his chair. “What?” Was it possible she had a secret lover that he didn’t know about? Not that he cared of course but she could have at least told him. “I—who—”_

_She snorted. “Really? Before you even ask_ you _are the father.”_

 _Exhaling deeply, Alec stood with the need to pace. “I’m not calling into question your honesty because I believe you I just—I don’t see how—I mean…” Trailing off, he frowned. “We were only together once.”_ Once for five minutes at that.

_“Sometimes once is all it takes. We are both healthy Shadowhunters in the prime of our lives, and our kind are naturally prone to marrying young and having families. I suppose it’s just nature taking its course.” She explained lightly. “In any case this is why I haven’t been feeling well and why the healing rune has had no real effect. We are going to have a baby.”_

By the Angel.

 _Alec was speechless. Duty demanded he get married and have children but now that it was_ actually _happening it was almost like it was happening to someone else. Or maybe he just wished it was happening to someone else. It was just supposed to be to get the Institute and restore favor with the Clave. It wasn’t supposed to be anything resembling reality._

 _The walls drew closer and he swallowed thickly, making a fist that dug his nails into the palm of his hand. His heart roared loudly in his ears and he blinked rapidly to keep his vision from going hazy. But what did he know about being a father? Sure he was good with Max and had often helped out when he was a baby but this would be so much different. This was_ his own child _with a woman he didn’t love and hardly knew. Was he now expected to be the doting husband to his wife? Would people expect more children?_

Magnus was right.

_Lydia’s expression turned sympathetic. “I know this is a shock, it’s a shock to me too. But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If anything it makes our marriage seem more real. Not that we should use a child as a prop but you know what I mean. I think this is a sign we can be happy…together.”_

_Alec nodded only half listening to what she was saying. “Right. Yeah.” Pulling on the restraint and training he’d been practicing all of his life; he stood straighter and squared his shoulders. “We are going to be parents. My parents will be thrilled especially my mother. I’m doing my duty and that’s what she’s wanted all along. I guess we can iron out the details later.”_

_Lydia moved around the table and hugged him and it was so foreign because they were not touchy feely people. He could count on one hand the amount of times they’d touched with most being the kind of accidental brushing that you didn’t even pay attention to. He wasn’t against hugs but it just felt sort of wrong coming from her._

_Spurious._

_Yet he bore it like he tended to bore everything else. This was his_ life _now. This was what he’d signed up for when he’d came up with the idea in the first place and spurned everyone who tried to talk him out of it. He would be a good father to his child and focus on that._

_At least it was something._

_“Have you told anyone else yet?” He asked slowly. “Or is it too soon?”_

_“Mundanes usually wait until the second trimester but if you want to tell people we can.” She gazed up at him calmly. “Perhaps sooner would be better since I won’t be able to go on missions like I used to.”_

_“Right. Let’s…go find Isabelle then.”_

Needless to say Isabelle had been beyond scandalized at the news but promised to support him no matter what. Even if she continued to do so like someone had died. Jace had thought he was joking and then just sort of went mute when he realized that wasn’t the case, while Clary and Simon shared surprised looks between the two of them. Naturally Maryse and Robert—especially Maryse—lit up as if Christmas had come early. As if having a child was some enormous feat he’d managed to pull off.

So many _I’m so proud of yous_ and _this is just the first of many_ while Alec’s bones turned brittle and he resigned himself to that life of loneliness Magnus had mentioned. Resenting Magnus for mentioning it and missing him for not being around to provide a tiny light amongst the dark. Hating himself for not thinking about the long term repercussions of choosing such a life.

“You are the best thing to come out of this situation.” Alec told Nathaniel softly. “I’d have been okay with just you.”

“Ooo…” Nathaniel replied, trying to mimic _you_.

Alec smirked. “But it appears life or destiny or whatever is going to give me another chance, and I don’t plan to be an asshole about it this time. Ack, don’t say asshole.” He tickled Nathaniel’s tummy until he laughed. “So I’m going to help catch Valentine and hopefully win Magnus back while doing it. Daddy can do it, can’t he? What do you think?”

Nathaniel declared _baaaa_ —Isabelle’s been teaching him animal sounds—and then handed over his teddy. Alec grinned and took it, making it kiss him all over his chubby cheeks before handing it back. Nathaniel squealed and returned to chewing on the ear.

“I guess that was a yes.”

_Knock! Knock!_

“Come in.”

“Hey…I got that report you wanted.”

Thomas’ voice made Alec’s smile disappear and he leveled himself up off the bed. Isabelle hadn’t told him the particulars of Thomas’ visit to Magnus’ loft, just that he apparently had dropped by to say hello. Alec knew that was only half the story but she refused—quite gleefully—to elaborate. It was times like that she reminded him what a little sister could really be like.

“No sign of the fae.” Thomas continued. “Seems they are still underground after the whole…envoys being killed by Valentine and Meliorn being almost tortured for information he didn’t have.”

Alec frowned at him. “Thanks.” He snatched the folder. “Anything else? Anymore unsolicited opinions I should hear?”

Thomas lifted both his hands. “Sorry I was just...doing a bit of a recap.”

Alec rolled his hazel-green eyes. “A recap? Is that what you also call turning up at Magnus’ apartment without an invitation?”

Thomas smiled just a little. “No I call that one friend visiting another to make sure said friend is alright after not seeing him for a while.”

 _Oh really?_ “I didn’t realize you and Magnus were that _close_. “

Thomas shrugged. “Do we have to be super close for me to care about his welfare? Besides he didn’t mind so.”

 _You can’t punch him. That would be wrong._ “Well Magnus is a nice person. He’d never be that rude.”

“Look Alec I—I know I’m kind of stepping on your toes here and I’m sorry. But I like Magnus and I think he kinda likes me too. A little. I won’t apologize though for thinking he’s amazing,” Thomas said. “I know it seems sudden but he hasn’t been in the city so I haven’t been able to say anything until now. I thought about _not_ saying anything but decided against it. If you want to hit me a bunch of times I understand.”

“Just…get out of here.” Alec waved him away before he took him up on the offer. “Get back to work.”

Thomas nodded and left without a fuss with Alec glaring after him. He didn’t think it was fair that the moment he started to _court_ Magnus in earnest or at least try to, some random guy pops up claiming he was interested in him too. Even though it made sense in a weird way; Magnus probably had lots of people wanting to be with him for one reason or another. Maybe Thomas _did_ like him and maybe he would be better for Magnus in the long run, but Alec wasn’t going to just step aside. His connection with Magnus was real and it deserved a chance to flourish…or rather another chance.

Alec could admit that one of his biggest regrets was pushing Magnus away so callously. He _had_ to right that wrong for both their sakes.

Also it hadn’t escaped his notice that he was apparently transparent in his feelings for Magnus or perhaps Thomas just had a keen eye. Like he’d mentioned earlier he wasn’t hiding he just wasn’t actively talking about the attraction to anyone but close family. And Clary. But if asked he’d be honest—what did he have to lose? Surely finding and stopping Valentine was more important than his sexual preferences.

_If anything they’ll probably have more issues with Magnus being a Downworlder…_

“Not that I care. Not anymore.” 

His cell phone jumped in his pocket and he yanked it out, quickly pressing to accept the call. “Hello?”

“Alexander.”

Alec’s smile widened of its own volition like it tended to do whenever Magnus was involved. “Magnus.”

Magnus chuckled. “If you’re not busy it’s time for that little…excursion I mentioned last night. You _did_ say you were _coming_.”

Alec cringed but even that didn’t stop his grinning. “No—I mean yeah I’m ready if you are. Do you want to meet up somewhere or…?”

Magnus said, “I’m at Pandemonium right now if you wanted to swing by. We can portal to our final destination from there.” 

“I’ll be there in about ten minutes.”

“Until then…”

Magnus hung up and Alec re-pocketed his phone before swinging Nathaniel up into his arms. Nathaniel wrapped one arm around his neck and happily pointed to the door, knowing they were going somewhere and looking forward to it. Alec took him to the main room where everyone was scurrying around with tablets and plopped him into Isabelle’s lap where she sat monitoring supernatural activity in the city. 

She blinked at the sudden armful of squirming baby and hooked an arm around his chubby waist so that he didn’t tip into the floor. “A present? But it’s not my birthday for another six months.”

“Ha ha.” Alec smoothed down his shirt. “Do I look okay? Should I change?”

“You look fine.” Isabelle smirked up at him. “Why? Hot date?”

“Magnus needs my help with something and I just want to look nice.”

“You look fine. Though as usual you could loosen a button or two.”

Alec’s face scrunched but he relented and unbuttoned his top two buttons. “How’s that? Maybe I should just go naked since that seems to be what you’re implying.”

His sister laughed. “Well you could but it might make things a bit awkward. How will you fight with Magnus’s hand around your—”

“Do not finish that sentence.” Alec interrupted. “Shit now I’m going to have that stuck in my head.”

“Breathe big brother. Every situation with Magnus doesn’t have to be so heavy. He asked for your help with something important so just focus on the mission like you would any other. Keep yourselves safe.” She poked him in the side. “And if things go well afterwards you can go out for drinks or something.”

 _That sounds good._ “Right. Okay. I’ll see you later then.”

ᛟ

Let it be said that Magnus Bane threw his all into a situation when he had to because that was just the sort of person he was. Yes going into hiding would have been preferable to slinking around shady buildings but sticking his head in the sand wouldn’t get Jocelyn back on her feet. Although that had once been the solution to remove a hex cast on him by a jilted lover who also happened to practice voodoo.

Anyway though he was currently in the basement of what pretended to be a quaint little antique shop but was really a hot bed for illegal Downworlder activity. Not all Downworlders were good guys—naturally—and some had unique tastes that veered towards the obscene. Worst than a vampire grabbing a jogger in the park and draining them dry; more like warlocks that needed baby teeth for dark magic and ghouls that only ate freshly removed organs. Magnus usually stayed far, _far_ away from such places but needs must and all that.

The witch light in Alec’s hand cast pure white light across the darkened room, chasing away the menacing looking shadows. He was armed with his bow and arrows but there was also the handle of a dagger sticking out the back of his quiver. Not that Magnus had been looking or anything.

“How do you know about this place again?” Alec inquired as he looked around. “I don’t think it’s even on our radar.”

“I keep my ear to the ground.” Magnus surveyed the shelves and pulled down a few boxes. “And I know a lot of people, not all of them savory characters like yourself. I try not to judge unless it’s disgusting or outright murder which is a deal breaker.”

“And you think the Book might be here?” Alec inched back from a large statue of an angel with its hands over its eyes. “What’s that smell?”

“That would be poppies. I believe it’s the main ingredient used to make opium. Don’t worry you’ll be fine it’s not enough to _really_ effect you.” Magnus explained lightly. “Ah, no none of that.”

Alec opened his mouth to presumably ask what was going on but Magnus had already snapped his fingers and surrounded the statue in shimmering light blue magic. “Am I missing something?” Alec asked slowly. “I—wait did that thing move?”

Magnus hummed. “Some of them do that. We’re safe now but perhaps dawdling wouldn’t be the best idea. Oh and don’t touch anything. If you see a book just give a yell and I’ll check it out. Wouldn’t want you to accidentally end up in the 70s. It was a bad year for pants.”

For the next couple of minutes they skulked around the area, opening boxes and pulling the tops off crates in the corner. Alec lingered close as if he expected something horrible to jump out at them at any minute—not that he was far off—and it made Magnus smile. It was heartwarming to see him taking everything so seriously. 

Unfortunately it appeared as if the _Book of the White_ was nowhere to be found. Naturally life wouldn’t let things be that easy.

“So…” Alec said as he put a jewelry box back where he found it. “Thomas.”

Magnus arched a brow. “What about him?”

Alec drifted over to where he stood; he smelled like expensive cologne and baby powder. “I heard he came to see you. I’m sorry if he was bothering you.”

 _Aren’t you trying to be a coy little thing? I’m impressed._ “Actually he was no bother, just checking in on me and making sure I was in one piece. I thanked him for his concern and then he was on his way.”

Alec’s expression was dubious. “Yeah I’ll bet. He told me that he has a _thing_ for you. He didn’t even seem sorry about it—not that I think he should be. Of course he can do whatever he wants. You too…”

Smiling at him, Magnus bumped their shoulders together. “That is very true however if we are being technical I believe _you_ are the one I offered to do…pro bono.” _It’s not flirting if you’re just counting the past. Right? Should I even bother not to do that now that I’ve already agreed to a date? I should ask Catarina._

A pink flush exploded across Alec’s cheeks but he looked inordinately pleased with their conversation. “I… Magnus I understand that I don’t have any right to ask anything of you. If you want to date Thomas you should.”

“Thank you for the permission.”

“What? No! No I—I didn’t—”

“Alexander I’m just teasing you.” Magnus sighed and turned to face him. “I understand that we are in a weird place right now but I wouldn’t date one of your fellow Shadowhunters while we are trying to figure _us_ out…if there will be an us to figure out. I do like Thomas; he’s very sweet and carefree but we are just friends. I can’t dictate his actions however so there is that.”

“As long as I still have a chance I can handle the rest.” Alec declared with just a touch of self consciousness. “Which reminds me for our first official date I was thinking…Clary told me about a very nice mundane French restaurant in Manhattan that Luke took her and her mom to for her mom’s birthday last year. How does that sound?”

“It—” Heavy footsteps sounded above them and Magnus frowned, listening as they thumped across the floor like a herd of elephants heading right for the door leading down into the basement. Before Magnus could react the door was thrown open to slam back loudly against the wall. Creating a portal would alert their presence so he grabbed Alec’s shoulder and shoved him into the nearest hiding place. A broom closet.

Granted they probably could have tried to fight their way out but Magnus was loathe to gamble with Alec’s safety that way. He could already detect one warlock and something that _felt_ like a demon though he could hear about four voices murmuring now in the center of the room. 

He moved to turn and make a little peephole in the wall only to realize just how _small_ the closet actually was. In fact there was practically no room what so ever; Alec was pressed very close. They stood chest to chest with Alec a few inches taller, eyes wide and glimmering from the witch light still clasped tightly in his hand. It should have been awkward and it was but it was also…comforting. Nice to be in a tough spot with someone that had your back instead of all alone for a change.

“I detect demons; a warlock and what I’m guessing are Circle members.” Magnus whispered, tilting his head so that his words flowed across Alec’s ear. “We’ll escape once they leave.”

“Okay,” Alec said breathlessly. “Though I—I think we could have taken them.”

Magnus grinned. “Perhaps. But if we tried and you got hurt, Isabelle would kick my ass. She’s tiny but she’s fierce.”

Alec shifted his shoulders and looked at the moldy ceiling. “Why would any warlock agree to work with a Circle member knowing what they stand for?”

 _Good question. I wish I could go back in time and ask Elias this._ “I don’t know. I suppose they’re promised sanctuary in the long run or maybe they think being on Valentine’s team will provide some type of cover if he wins. Then again like Shadowhunters not all Downworlders believe in unity. Some—most, I’d wager—are out for themselves. I used to be.”

“I can’t picture that.” Alec replied softly.

Magnus shrugged causing them to brush against one another. “You didn’t know me in the very early days. I came close to not helping with Valentine but Clary implored and apparently I can’t resist sad Shadowhunter faces.”

Alec snorted. “Well I’m glad you can’t.”

Someone outside said _Valentine_ and Magnus figured it was prudent to at least attempt to listen; perhaps they would hear something of note to report back to Clary and the others. He made out _Valentine needs it by midnight_ but he had no idea what the _it_ was, guessing it wasn’t good for their side however. Turning as much as the small space allowed he tried to press his ear to the wall, frowning as something suddenly poked him in the hip. His first thought was _broomstick_ but upon further…inspection he saw that wasn’t the case.

_Well…this is a new and interesting development._

Poor Alec looked like he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole; it was adorable. “It’s okay,” Magnus told him. “These things happen…close proximity and all. Congratulations on what feels like a…capable seraph _blade_.”

“By the Angel.” Alec groaned lowly but there was laughter in his tone. “I—sorry. This has never happened to me before.”

“Not even with Jace?”

Alec met his gaze and licked his lips. “No. I had more self control where he is concerned…”

 _That mouth…goddamn it._ “I see.” Any hope Magnus had of listening to the shady deal going on was effectively ended with thoughts of Alec’s pink lips and his cute caught in the headlights expression. Never had he known a grown man be able to be so strong and solid yet carry such a stark vulnerability on his shoulders. Alec was a lot more fragile than he wanted to let on but it made sense that he would hide it, coming from a Shadowhunter upbringing and all.

And the Lightwoods were stricter than most.

How trying his brief marriage must have been for him to be able to peel away his layers now. It was still no excuse for his behavior prior but Magnus had always understood his reasons, he just had not agreed at all.

Realizing that Alec was staring at him intensely, he allowed himself to look back without guile. Trapped in a closet by evil fiends and he was just one man looking at another, wondering if it was his future or his downfall standing in front of him. The air was charged with tension so thick he could almost see it and when Alec moved an inch closer he allowed the scant momentum to carry him back to the wall. Alec’s hands were on his waist, holding so tight there was a chance he’d be bruised later. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, the pulse jumping under his pale runed skin.

Magnus lifted his right hand to touch but waited for permission. Or maybe he just wanted to continue to make Alec come to him. Alec didn’t disappoint however; he fit his face easily in the cradle of Magnus’ warm hand. Eyes fluttering closed behind long perfect lashes. _This is such a bad idea,_ Magnus thought but it didn’t stop him from smoothing his thumb across Alec’s bottom lip, feeling his full body shudder. He’d wanted to do it since that night in his loft after Luke had been taken care of.

A dusty basement closet while hiding from bad guys wasn’t his _first_ choice for their first kiss—if there was to be one—but he wasn’t going to push Alec away. After all look what it had taken for them to actually _get_ there?

Alec dipped forward, their lips had barely brushed…and then claws came through the wall dangerously close to Magnus’ head.

“Holy shit!” Magnus yelled and they nearly fell through the door in their hurry to get out. The warlock and Circle members had disappeared but several burly demons were left in their place. “Raveners. I _hate_ Raveners.”

Mindless and bloodthirsty they practically charged Alec and Magnus like a couple of angry bulls before a red flag. Alec had an arrow ready in seconds; he let it fly and it hit one of the demons right between the eyes exploding it into a pile of gray ash. Undeterred the others lunged and Magnus forced them back with a wall of energy, holding it so that Alec could continue to pick them off one by one.

Without warning something behind them blew up, sending heavy pieces of debris flying. The top of a thick shelf tumbled forward and Alec yelled his name before shoving him to the side, propelling him out of the way only to be hit himself. The wood came down hard against Alec’s temple and he was knocked unconscious, slumping to the floor in a distressing heap.

“Alexander!” Magnus rushed to him and pulled him across his lap, remembering the demons just in time to create a white orb of magic around them. The Raveners pounded themselves against it at full force over and over again and hit each felt like a blow to Magnus’ chest. His hands shook as he poured more power into the shield—it was only a matter of time before he ran out of magic and the demons ripped them a part. “Plan…B…then.”

Drawing all of his strength inward, he coiled it as tightly as he could and let the creatures get close enough to smell before throwing his arms out wide to either side. A wave of blue magic burst out of him like a thunder clap sending the Raveners colliding into the nearest wall, a few bowling straight through in a very unnatural way, leaving pieces and limbs behind. 

Trembling and dizzy Magnus brought a shaky hand to his nose, his fingertips coming away red. He blinked to see the remaining demons attempting to pull themselves together and cursed. “Fuck. Plan C.” Cradling Alec the best he could to his chest and with a wobbly flourish of movement, he slammed his hand to the ground underneath them with a bang.

The purple swirling portal swallowed them down just as sharp talons slashed for his face.

Seconds later—although it felt like ages—they popped into existence in the middle of the ops center. People gasped, papers scattered and Magnus chuckled in relief. “Oh good, it’s not Guam.” He then promptly passed out.


	7. Relief In Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight lapse in updates but thanks for reading and commenting! I <3 you guys.

Chapter Seven: Relief In Recovery

Alec slowly opened his eyes and the world tilted before them, making him swallow down the rolling nausea in his gut. He took a series of deep breaths and as everything settled, tried to figure out where he was and why his head was pounding so much. He didn’t remember being injured but he supposed anything was possible; these were dark times after all and perhaps one of Valentine’s followers had gotten the jump on him. But where? And _where_ had Jace been while he’d been apparently tossed around like a rag doll?

Squinting and attempting to get himself together, he slowly realized he was in the infirmary on one of their nondescript yet surprisingly comfortable beds. Sleep threatened to pull him back under and he was tempted to let it. Now that he knew he was safe he could always get answers later. Not to mention Isabelle was no doubt taking care of everything and wouldn’t let him lift a finger even if he promised he felt fine.

Of course that was when a flash of blue light caught the corner of Alec’s eye and he gasped as his memories came flooding back so fast he nearly got whiplash. He remembered the dark room, the weird angel statue and then being trapped in a closet with Magnus so close they could have melded into one person. He remembered Magnus’ looking back at him with dark sparkling eyes and a little smile; his body throwing off heat and the smell of sandalwood. They’d been _so close_ and yet he’d wanted to be closer still. He’d wanted to slump against him and gather him close, feel the strength in his deceptively strong arms before fitting their lips together.

Naturally due to his sexuality and repression Alec hadn’t had many kisses in his lifetime. In fact he’d only had two and both of them were from women. One on his wedding day and the other when he was thirteen and a girl who’d had a crush on him decided to make her move. Jace and Isabelle had always talked about kissing like it was this exciting thing that sent electric currents all through your body when done right. He’d yet to experience that feeling but strongly suspected Magnus would no doubt be the cause.

Magnus.

 _Magnus!_ Here he was resting in a comfy bed when Magnus could be in grave danger! Was he still in that basement? Or had those horrible demons taken him to Valentine like they’d done Dot? Or was he…had they…

With a jolt Alec tossed the sheet back and attempted to rise but a soft yet stern hand pushed him back. He struggled for a minute before flopping back with a sigh. “Isabelle. I have to go; Magnus could be—”

Isabelle smiled gently and patted his bare chest. “Well least you didn’t head butt me. Relax Alec, Magnus is fine. In fact from what I gather he pulled some really badass warlock move and got you guys out of a bad situation.” She motioned to the right and sure enough there was Magnus in the bed next to his, eyes close and chest rising and falling slowly. “He passed out so we put him in here but he seems to be fine. Just exhausted.”

Alec felt himself go limp. “By the Angel… I was starting to think the worst.” At her questioning expression he sighed. “We didn’t find the Book but I suppose that’s pretty obvious. We were looking and then suddenly someone came into the room so we hid in a closet. There were demons and they attacked us so I tried to fight them off and keep Magnus safe. I—I’m not sure what happened after that.”

Isabelle tucked the sheet around him. “Perhaps I can help. Magnus portaled into the Institute with you draped across his lap, unconscious. It looked like the cover of a romance novel; I’m sure someone took pictures. Anyway I’m guessing after you were knocked out Magnus killed the demons and escaped with you. He must have used up a lot of magic.”

 _Getting knocked out, what a rookie move._ “I can’t believe I messed up like that. Getting knocked out so quickly and leaving him all alone to deal with those demons? What if they’d kidnapped him or worse killed him? Valentine probably would have tortured him for information and it would have been my fault because I wasn’t there to protect him. I bet he never asks me to help him again.”

“For the record I think Magnus can look after himself. I doubt him asking for your help was _just_ for your assistance.” Isabelle’s words were direct but not unkind. “And you know as well as I do that nothing in our line of work is certain. You can only do your best and try your hardest. I _know_ you were shielding Magnus from something and _that’s_ how you got knocked out. Either way you obviously gave him time to create a portal and get you both out of what I’m sure was a terrible spot. If he’d been taken out first you could both be captured or dead.”

“Good point,” he said reluctantly. “It’s just…I think I’m a pretty capable Shadowhunter and then this happens.”

“I see.” She grinned. “For the record I am sure Magnus knows how skilled you are with a weapon. I think he’ll be more touched that you jumped into the line of fire for him. Not many people would do that for anyone else let alone a warlock.”

Adjusting his pillows, Alec reclined back to them and let his gaze drift to Magnus for a second time. “Yeah well…it was sort of a gut reaction. I didn’t even think about it I just did it. Like I would for you or Jace.”

“What would you do for me?” Jace asked as he entered the room. “I’m not positive but whatever it is I hope it doesn’t make Magnus mad. I don’t wanna be a frog anytime soon.”

Alec chuckled. “Hey.”

Jace stood beside Isabelle and folded his arms across his chest. “Hey yourself. What’s this about you single handedly taking on demons and saving the life of the High Warlock of Brooklyn?”

Alec blinked. “Who is saying that?”

Jace smirked. “Just a few people. I’ll admit I’m not doing much to dispel the rumor. Figure there is some truth in there somewhere so might as well just let it continue. Nothing wrong with a bit more street cred.”

Snorting, Alec rubbed his temple and winced at the sore spot. “Yeah somewhere. Unfortunately the whole trip was a bust. No book, just a warlock and angry demons ready to punch our faces in.” He decided not to mention that they’d been working for Valentine lest Jace become obsessed with that tidbit and go off half cocked like he was prone to do. “Hell it might have even been a set up. I’m sure Magnus has made enemies because he’s working with us.”

Jace frowned. “Shit I was hoping you guys would find some clue as to where Valentine might be. And the Book of course. But I am glad you’re okay. Don’t know what I’d do without my parabatai.”

In the past hearing Jace say something like that would have filled Alec with warmth and had him struggling to control the flush of his skin. Now however while it was a sentiment he echoed the feeling was altogether different. It had twisted itself back into the familiar; that thing it used to be before Alec got a handle on all of his shifting and developing emotions. “Luckily you don’t have to find out. Wait if you two are here where is Nathaniel? With Laurel?”

Isabelle cut her eyes to Jace before saying, “Actually Clary is watching him. She knows you guys were looking for the Book and she felt bad that you got hurt trying to help her mother. So she volunteered to amuse him while you healed. Nathaniel likes her; I’m pretty sure he thinks her hair is some kind of brightly lit toy.”

 _As long as she doesn’t drop him._ “Good he’s happy then. I want to see him when I’m not so out of it.”

“Of course.” Isabella replied easily. “We should let you rest. Oh by the way if you even _think_ of getting out of that bed to play Head of the Institute I will take your bow and throw it into oncoming traffic. And if that doesn’t deter you just imagine Magnus getting a look of your embarrassing baby pictures.”

Alec chuckled, holding up both hands in surrender. “I’ll stay here I promise. Unless I get hungry.”

Jace smirked. “I suppose I could make you a sandwich. Oh on second thought how about pizza?” Winking he strolled from the room.

“I get the feeling you haven’t told us everything…” Isabelle whispered. “But it’s okay. I’m sure if you are keeping something to yourself you have good reason.”

 _She knows me so well._ “It’s nothing too serious. The warlock or whoever—down in the basement—mentioned something about Valentine needs it by midnight. Since we don’t know what _it_ is and it would only send Jace on another treasure hunt with a no doubt dead end I decided to not mention it.”

Isabelle stood. “I think you made the right call. No need putting it out into the open until we have more information. I’ll scan the city for anything strange like break ins of antique shops or something. Maybe we’ll get lucky. Can’t hurt.” She shrugged lightly before leaving the same way Jace had seconds earlier.

With a sigh, Alec rubbed his tired eyes and listened to the quiet hum of machines and voices from down the hall. His skin still tingled with the burn of the healing rune someone had given him and while resting was a good idea, he couldn’t help but turn his attention to Magnus. It wasn’t unnatural for Shadowhunter couples to go into battle together; his parents used to do it all the time. While it probably made more sense for one to stay home with the children—if there were children—that wasn’t how his people conducted themselves. They believed in strength in numbers and a glorious death…if it came to such. Going out with Isabelle and Jace had been fun but there was something altogether different and intriguing about going out with the person you—the person you cared about. It made the stakes greater but it also pushed you to be your best for their sake.

Next time he’d be better. Next time he would live up to the Shadowhunter reputation.

Biting his bottom lip, he slowly moved the covers back and put his feet on the cold floor. When his head didn’t swim too terribly he levered himself up with the help of the iron headboard and took the five steps over to where Magnus lay. He was just going to fluff his pillow and touch his pulse but when he leaned over his vision swam unpleasantly and before he could stop himself, he was tumbling onto the bed and face planting against Magnus’ shoulder.

Magnus awoke with a jerk, dark eyes blinking open and searching the room before landing on him. And then he smiled and covered his mouth on a big yawn. “Mm and here I thought I’d have to try harder to get you into bed.”

Alec righted himself the best he could, embarrassed and charmed at the same time. “You’ve thought about getting me into bed?”

Magnus snuggled to his pillows. “Don’t mind me I’m obviously concussed. Oh goodness, come here.” Sitting up, he took Alec by the shoulders and arranged him until he was stretched out along Magnus’ side, forehead barely brushing his bicep. “Wouldn’t want you tipping over and breaking like a tea kettle. How are you feeling?”

Comfortable, Alec pushed strands of dark hair out of his face. “At this moment? Perfect. In general? Sore and a little dizzy but it will pass. I’ve had worse.”

Magnus nodded. “Excuse me for saying so but you scared the hell out of me, Alexander. I saw you go down and I immediately thought the worst. I would have never forgiven myself if something extremely terrible had happened to you.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Alec told him. “I was distracted and I shouldn’t have been. We were in enemy territory and with my training I know that you’re supposed to keep your wits about you. That demons will take any inch you give them.”

“Then I am sorry for distracting you.” Magnus pursed his lips together. “Next time I will just go alone.”

“No don’t do that.” Alec grabbed his arm below the elbow. “You’ve been alive for many years and have probably known quite a few Shadowhunters. You know we’re not a breakable as we may seem. Besides I—I don’t like the thought of you in a heavy situation without back up. Next time we just won’t get caught up in um, other things.”

Smirking, Magnus reached up to run his fingers down the side of Alec’s face. He appeared pleased that whatever he was looking for he didn’t actually find. “Alright. And from here on out I will map a situation thoroughly before diving into it. Shame though when a friend turned frienemy has to be upgraded to full on enemy. I could be mistaken but I think I was set up. Then again we did learn that Valentine has shady warlocks working for him so… It’s a tossup.”

Satisfied with his answer, Alec drowsily enjoyed being close to the person he’d wanted to be close with for quite some time. Magnus was strong and warm, and now that he knew he was one hundred percent alright he could silence the little voice in his head telling him otherwise. “Isabelle said you brought us here. Did that use up a lot of your magic?”

Magnus shook his head. “No that would have been turning the Raveners into a rather tasteful art deco piece before opening a portal. In order to make sure you were safe I had to go all out energy wise but naturally I don’t regret doing so.” Pausing, his expression turned thoughtful. “Is that building even still there? I released enough energy that that angel could have sent the entire thing back to the 1920s.”

Alec wasn’t really hearing what Magnus was saying but he was enjoying the sound of his voice. It floated over his head and lulled him into a state of contentment. He was just about to truly doze off when the sound of hurried footsteps pulled him back towards the surface. He expected Isabelle to all but skip into the room to make sure he wasn’t up to something, only to grin like a Cheshire cat once she saw what was going on. However instead it was Thomas that broke through the doorway and skidded to a stop before Magnus’ bed. If he was deterred at all by the picture they made he didn’t let on one bit.

Actually he went around to the other side of the bed—the side Alec wasn’t lying on—and sat down near Magnus’ hip. “So the rumors were true. You _are_ here,” Thomas said eyes wide. “Are you alright? I just got back from a mission and everyone is talking about your magnificent entrance.”

_Are you kidding me?_

Magnus smiled. “It never hurts to be the talk of the town. But to answer your question I am fine. Usually a nice nap is all I need to replenish my magic unless someone is willing to share their energy with me. Seeing as how I was unconscious however I was unable to ask.”

“Do you want to do that now?” Alec asked before Thomas got the chance. “Do you need that now?”

“No Alexander I’m okay. In fact I probably feel better than the both of you combined. I wasn’t hit by a shelf or…” Magnus tapped the cut on Thomas’ cheek. “Mauled by an angry hedgehog.”

Thomas snickered. “You should see the other guy. I’m happy you didn’t get hurt though. You should have had more backup.”

Alec bristled. “He _had_ backup. Or do you not consider me backup?”

Thomas blinked at him in that infuriating way he had. “Of course I consider you backup. I’m just saying maybe he should have had more? I don’t think that’s too bad—I mean none of us ever go out alone these days. Except for Jace but I mean he’s _Jace_ so…”

Magnus cleared his throat. “Everyone is safe and that is all that matters. I’ve found that when diving into unknown territory you can be with one man or one hundred but it doesn’t matter if you don’t have enough information on the task at hand. Since that was my job—securing the area—whatever happened or didn’t happen is on me. I’m just glad no one lost any valuable pieces.”

 _Magnus shouldn’t have to take all of the blame just because Thomas has a big mouth. I swear I’m gonna end up punching this guy one day._ “Have you written up your report on whatever happened while you were on mission? I do plan to get out of this bed sometime today and I will want to read about this _other guy_ you mentioned.”

Thomas grinned. “I guess that’s my cue to leave.” He got up and stretched flashing what Alec considered to be way too much stomach. “I’ll check on you later though, Magnus if you’re still around. Until then...”

After he was out of the room and hopefully out of earshot, Alec grunted unhappily. The worst thing about Thomas was that he wasn’t _really_ a bad guy. Before he’d just been the jackass who clowned around a bit too much but Alec could put up with it because it had never gotten to a boiling point. Now he was still that jackass but his crush on Magnus amplified that by a thousand. Twice now Alec had been jealous of someone else intruding onto parts of his life and it wasn’t a feeling he enjoyed. With Clary he’d snarled and frowned his way through it, disenchanted because Jace returned her developing feelings _and_ because it just solidified that Jace would never look at him the way he looked at her. With Thomas he wanted to explode; why did he have to deal with someone stealing Magnus’ attention away when he’d _just_ managed to get it back onto himself?

Life wasn’t fair especially when your name was Alec Lightwood. Then again he supposed he deserved it after the way he’d behaved.

“Uh oh the return of the furrowed brow.” Magnus wiggled his legs under the blanket. “What weighs so heavily on your shoulders this morning or perhaps midday, Alexander? Or does Thomas just generally cause you to frown?”

“Most times.” Alec admitted. “It’s stupid and we’ve talked about it so you know. I just—it’s just this is all so new to me. It’s the one area of my life where I’m not sure or confident and I don’t like second guessing myself. I don’t like…this feeling.”

“I’m certain no one does.” Magnus glanced at his chipped nails and sighed, snapping his fingers and making them pristine again.

Alec forced himself to say, “This is how you felt when I was with Lydia, isn’t it?”

Magnus didn’t immediately reply. “A combination of despair and pity if you want me to be honest. It’s hard watching someone you care about turn to someone else. Time is supposed to heal all of that and it does for some people. For others it becomes an open wound that festers especially when anger is involved.” 

Shifting so that he could sit up and see Magnus properly Alec asked, “Are you still angry? Or in despair?”

Magnus snorted. “I should think if I were either I wouldn’t be sharing a bed with you.” He winked. “If you want a more in depth answer…well you have charms that I find myself hard pressed to ignore or deny. The little voice in my head that tells me to be wary of you is still whispering such, but I am willing to be a bit more open since you seem sincere. But this is a strike system Alexander and I have to protect myself, I just do. For so long my emotions were stuck in quicksand and now they are on the surface. Raw and a tad defenseless. As much as it would pain me if I ever feel like we’re falling back into that place we once were a year ago I’ll have to walk away. Except this time…I won’t be coming back.”

 _That_ chilled Alec to his very core. “We don’t—it won’t. I don’t care what happens next with Valentine or the Clave; I want you in my life Magnus. I’ve wanted that for a while even when I was too scared to admit it. I wanted to help my family and I downplayed what my marriage would do to you for my own sense of closure, telling myself I could have family honor and you…at least in some form. I realize now I was just being naive in a way. Or willfully ignorant. That won’t happen again.”

“That is all I ask for, a bit of consideration for my feelings.”

“Believe me since you got back you and your feelings are all I’ve been able to think about.”

“I’m flattered. Why don’t you get another nap though? Someone so young shouldn’t have such dark circles under their eyes.”

“Will you be here when I wake up?”

Chuckling, Magnus rested his head back to the pillows. “If you want me to be then yes. Anyway I’m sure if I tried to leave so soon Isabelle would put me in a headlock.”

 _She actually might._ “Okay. Thanks Magnus.”

Alec hadn’t shared a bed with anyone since he was a little boy; he and Lydia slept in separate rooms after their wedding night but he could get used to lying next to Magnus. Even waking up to Magnus if that was what the future held. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself but it was hard not to look forward to the way life could be now that things weren’t so dire, family wise anyway. He believed they could face down Valentine and his minions if they just stuck together, and really it was altogether easier to bash heads than play the political games his mother and father loved so much.

_Trying to play the game nearly cost me everything._

“Wow look at this.” Isabelle said softly; she probably thought he was asleep since his eyes were closed. “I assumed Alec was years away from crawling into bed with another man. I guess you really _are_ magical, Magnus.”

Magnus laughed lowly. “Alexander just wanted to make sure I was still breathing. I did insist however he gets more sleep though in his defense I didn’t stipulate where.”

Isabelle giggled. “No I think it’s adorable. Alec hasn’t been this relaxed and unguarded since we were children. And even then he was a bit more uptight than most for obvious reasons. If it weren’t for you and he was acting this way, I’d wonder if he were possessed or under some kind of spell. But…I guess this is just my brother happy. I’m glad; I never liked it when he was pretending to be someone else. Hurting and yet I was unable to do anything about it.”

Alec remained still as stone but made a mental note to hug Isabelle later on. She’d always been his champion and he just hoped he’d done the same for her whenever she needed it. Either way he was going to try harder where she was concerned especially when their mother started in on her. Content that things were calm for a while Alec finally let sleep claim him once again.

ᛟ

About four hours later found Magnus still relaxing in bed but with a different partner in the form of a bouncing baby babbling on his lap. Alec had awoken feeling much better and citing that he was quote unquote the boss, he needed to check to make sure things were going smoothly. So he’d crawled out of bed—telling Magnus to stay as long as he needed—and then ambled away to be the big man on campus. An hour later he’d returned with his son, asking if Magnus wanted some company. Naturally he wasn’t about to turn down the chance to play with a baby especially not one as cute as Nathaniel.

Magnus was completely healed but since he had no prior engagements he saw no reason to rush off to his apartment where Ragnor was probably waiting to haunt him some more. Besides he was enjoying the attention he was being given and he wasn’t afraid to say it.

“When you are older I will teach you all about magic. I think learning about it from someone who actually has it beats some stuffy old tutor droning on and on.” Holding Nathaniel’s chubby little wrists, he gently clapped his hands together. “Well if your father says that is okay. I don’t see why he wouldn’t though.”

Nathaniel stared at him with wide eyes, little mouth in the shape of an O.

 _Life and creation is so very strange._ “Can I tell you a secret? Hm?” He picked Nathaniel up and snuggled him close, smiling when the baby rested against his chest. “I haven’t always been the confident person that you see before you. I love what I am now but when I was younger I grappled with this knowledge of warlocks and demons and angels. It was a different time and people were terrified of their shadows, so naturally they feared the boy with blue sparking hands. Back then I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to be like everyone else. As I learned what it was to be a Downworlder—that I could do extraordinary things and live forever I focused on the things I would never have. Or that I assumed I would never have. Friends, family, love…children. Meeting others like myself helped and I realized if I didn’t take care of myself no one else would.”

Nathaniel patted at his chin seemingly fascinated by his facial hair. His tiny hand plastered over Magnus’ mouth and Magnus smiled, giving it a big kiss complete with _muah_ sound. That made Nathaniel laugh and try to duplicate the noise.

“You’re lucky. Even if you feel like you don’t belong—since it’s normal no matter your upbringing—at least you’ll know you’re loved. In fact you’re _so_ loved you’ll probably have so many people fighting over what’s best for you. And…” Smirking, Magnus smoothed a hand across his black curls. “When they all get on your nerves just come see me. I’ll take you to the country to play with ponies. Or Brazil to play on the sandy beaches. It’s not kidnapping if you ask to go.”

Nathaniel giggled and shoved his fist into his mouth.

The sound of severe high heels was the only warning Magnus received before Maryse entered the room, patented scowl firmly in place though it did soften minutely at the sight of her grandson’s big grin once he noticed her.

“I suppose I shouldn’t be shocked to find him in here with you. Alec appears determined to ignore my advice no matter what it is. A fact that nearly got him killed earlier.” She arched a brow. “You put my son in danger.”

 _Okay so we’re doing this today._ “I did and I apologize. I never would have forgiven myself if Alexander had been seriously hurt.”

She shook her head. “I told him cavorting with Downworlders is dangerous but he didn’t listen. Even now he’s pretending what happened was no big deal. Meanwhile because of you he could have left his child an orphan.”

Magnus exhaled deeply. “I accept the role I played in his injuries, Maryse. I’m not denying it or fostering it off on someone else. I am _also_ not sweeping it under the rug.” He conjured up a rattle with blinking lights so that Nathaniel would be preoccupied. “You came here to berate me and I’ll admit I do deserve some of it. But lest we forget _why_ Alec and I were in that basement in the first place. Trying to fix the giant mess started by Valentine with the inception of the Circle. Or are you still not allowed to mention that?”

Maryse’s eye twitched. “That was a law handed down by the Clave.”

 _Convenient._ “Law or no when whispers of Valentine’s name began to surface you should have told your children about your involvement in his past activities. Instead they had to find out from a stranger and then deal with the consequences on their own. Solve problems you caused years ago. Lecture me if you must but don’t pretend to be a saint when I know differently. When I’ve _seen_ differently with my own eyes.”

Maryse glared at him. “The past cannot be changed and to dwell on it would be senseless. Besides this isn’t about Valentine this is about you and my son. We do have a history Magnus and that means I know you. I know you’re not the serious type and I don’t want you filling Alec’s head with frivolous ideas. He needs to focus on the Institute.”

Magnus shrugged. “I happen to think he needs to focus on himself and what makes him happy for a change. Not what’s best for family or the Clave but for _him_ and this little rabbit right here. If he’s decided having me around fits that description then here I am. I guess you’ll just have to get used to it…or go back to Idris.”

“I have more right to be here than you do.”

“Actually I was visiting this Institute when you were still in diapers.”

“And who were you coming to see then? Some man? Woman? Do you even remember their names or faces? How far down the list would my son be?”

“Currently he’s right at the top.”

“But for how long? How long until your fickle nature rears its ugly head and you move onto someone else?”

“For someone who claims to know a lot about me you know nothing about my romantic past. Just because I’ve been alive to have a fair share of lovers doesn’t mean I didn’t treat each one with the upmost respect. I don’t cheat on my partners.”

For some reason that seemed to strike a chord with Maryse and her expression became thunderous. “I don’t care what you’re trying to do here or how much use the others assume you can be. I love my children and I will protect them anyway that I can. I will eliminate whatever and _who_ ever I consider a threat.”

Magnus bounced Nathaniel as he said, “You didn’t do a very good job of protecting Alec from Lydia or from himself so you’ll excuse me if your threats don’t exactly inspire fear.”

“Don’t you dare!” She shouted and Nathaniel jumped, face scrunching up as if he were about to cry.

“Perhaps you should go.” Magnus suggested as he shushed and rocked him. “You’re upsetting your grandson.”

Honestly Magnus expected her to rip the baby out of his arms but instead she swerved and cut a path out of the room; he felt sorry for anyone she encountered along the way. Leaning back to his wealth of pillows he made Nathaniel comfortable and hummed softly, stroking his back.

Shadowhunters like Maryse would never understand Downworlders because they didn’t want to, because believing things written in books was easier than gaining any real firsthand knowledge. Camille and her ilk regarded love and commitment as fleeting things an immortal could never grasp but he wasn’t like that. The pain of losing someone you’d been with for fifty or sixty years was unfathomable but it didn’t cancel out all of the good times. Granted he’d never actually made it to any of the milestones but he knew he _could_ given half the chance. He didn’t love often but when he did it was deeply and all-encompassing. 

Of course if he allowed whatever was slowly flourishing between him and Alec to continue he would have Maryse to contend with. But at least he had years of dealing with her under his belt although never about the welfare of her son. He didn’t blame her for being a mama bear but, well, wasn’t it a bit too late too late considering? More than a few of Alec’s insecurities were because of her parenting skills.

Yet he wouldn’t fault her if she were sincere in her desire to make amends. Turning some of that towards Isabelle wouldn’t hurt either.

Being with Alexander wouldn’t be easy on any front and it would no doubt reopen old grudges and wounds with Maryse and Robert; but nothing ventured nothing gained.

_Why do the pretty ones always come with so much baggage?_

“In for a penny,” he said aloud.

“Talking to yourself or the baby?” Clary inquired as she slowly stepped inside. “Fair warning he understands a lot more than he lets on. Especially when it comes to not pulling your hair.”

“He’s been the perfect little angel. Pun intended.” Magnus mused. “How are you biscuit?”

She wet her lips. “Okay but I feel really guilty about what happened to you and Alec. You were trying to help my mom and you got hurt, and I really hate that. I never thought searching for a book would be so dangerous.”

 _Such is our life._ “Maybe not for a mundane but this is the Shadow world. Pulling your socks out of the dryer could turn into a life or death situation if you have dryer trolls.”

Clary laughed. “Those aren’t real, are they?”

He winked. “I have personally never seen them but Ragnor swore they stole every pair of satin socks he ever owned. His life was full of embellishments however.”

She flopped down onto the end of his bed. “I want you to know that I realize everything you risk helping me and I really appreciate it. I plan to return the favor or at least have your back in the future. Until my mom wakes up I guess you’re the closest thing I have to family besides Simon. Like family I’ve known since I was a kid…even if I only have one memory of you.”

“Complicated family tree but I understand what you mean. Also I know there are risks when it comes to being associated with Shadowhunters. There always have been. But sometimes you have to take risks if you want to do what’s right. Defeating Valentine will benefit everyone involved and I believe in that. Besides I made the call to go to that basement not you. Next time I’ll be more thorough.”

“Alright. Next time I’ll go with you and Alec if you want. I’m a lot better when it comes to fighting now. Though…from what Isabelle said things appeared to have worked out for the best. Between you and Alec I mean.”

“Well you know what they say; head trauma brings people together.” Magnus joked. “We’ll see how the rest of the week goes. Alec has an Institute to run and I have a warlock to incinerate…if I can locate him. There will be time for frivolous activities later. Hopefully.”

Clary pouted. “It’s so weird to think that just over a year ago my main concern was getting into art school and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Sometimes I think about that girl and what I would tell her if I could go back in time. If I would make sure she never went into Pandemonium after the guy no one else could see. My mom would be safe, Simon would be alive and I wouldn’t know about any of this. But then I wouldn’t have met Isabelle and the others. I wouldn’t know about my actual heritage. Hard decision so I’m glad it’s not an option. Right?”

Magnus let Nathaniel squirm down onto the bed and paw at the rattle he’d dropped when Maryse raised her voice. “Time travel? It’s doable but it would take a massive amount of magic to open a portal back to the moment you met Jace. However that’s not what you really want. Things are hard now but they will get better and one day you’ll look back on your mundane life and wonder how you ever functioned without all of the details. And let me just say I’m glad you tumbled into our lives. If you hadn’t I never would have—well I wouldn’t have had more options.”

Clary sighed. “I guess in a way it’s all balanced. I lost my normal life but I finally know who I really am. I…screwed up stuff here but it now means you and Alec are on better terms so.”

Magnus found himself amused at her interpretation of _better terms_. “I like your optimistic outlook, biscuit.”

“Bisssss.” Nathanial shook his rattle at Clary enthusiastically.

“Ooh no buddy I know what you want. No more long red strands for you.” She tickled under his chin and he grinned at her. “Were you like this with me when I was little? So good I mean.”

“We met in intervals when your _sight_ started to flare up and you never really remembered me from other times, but we got along. You seemed mostly at ease in my presence until it was time for your memories to be taken and even then you were somewhat sedate. I think a part of you knew you were in no danger.” Magnus explained. “Though the first time I met you the moment your mother put you down you proceeded to get into everything. So cute.”

Clary wanted to know more about those times so he filled in the blanks the best he could. Unless Jocelyn considered it an emergency they would talk and perhaps have tea before he went about taking Clary’s memories. In those moments he learned about Jocelyn’s relationship with Luke while Clary meandered around his apartment, pretending she wasn’t touching everything. As odd as it sounded he’d come to enjoy those times, not the memories bit but everything else. It was like a little slice of humanity dipping into his world—a slice he’d probably never get to experience for himself.

They lost themselves to conversation about the past and before Magnus realized it an hour had gone by. Afterwards Clary excused herself to go do Shadowhunter things and Magnus dragged himself out of bed with Nathaniel on his hip to go find Alec.


	8. In the Thick Of It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the lapse in updates. I appreciate your support and I hope you haven’t forgotten about me!

Chapter Eight: In the Thick Of It

Even before his relationships with Magnus and by default Luke—thanks to Clary—Alec had never looked upon Downworlders they way certain other Shadowhunters had. Yes some were evil but that was true of any living creature as far as he was concerned, except for perhaps those with only a rudimentary understanding of emotions and motivations. Shadowhunters touted themselves as close to Divine but Valentine was proof that wasn’t true and no matter of shoving their heads in the sand could change that. He would forever be a stain on their record. A valuable lesson that everyone should be learning about instead of pretending didn’t exist.

It had been only a couple of days since the whole injury incident but he was in top form again, had even went out on a few skirmishes to prove to everyone that he was fine. There would never be a lack of demons but seeing ones that actually did Valentine’s bidding would never not be strange to him. In theory being able to control such creatures would be a good thing but only in the right hands. With someone like Valentine it was all about death and destruction, about needlessly killing to make a point that he could attack anyone at any time. Going after mundanes and harmless Downworlders seem to be his new thing and they all feared it was retaliation for taking the Cup right out from underneath his nose.

Valentine was a _very_ sore loser.

Alec had only spoken to Magnus once briefly in the past week and that had been when he’d returned Nathaniel before dashing off to track down the warlock that had tried to kill them. He wouldn’t say he was worried or yearning to talk to him but, well, perhaps deep down those feelings were bubbling inside of him. Having his way Alec would have kept him safely inside of the Institute even while knowing Magnus could take care of himself. You didn’t get to be a High Warlock by performing parlor tricks after all.

But Magnus was—he was _special_ and there was nothing wrong with treating him as such. Alec sort of got the feeling not many people treated him that way or even realized it because they were too busy demanding things of him. And Magnus being who he was he hid his sadness behind witty banter and quips because it was easier than actually talking about what was bothering him. The fact that he’d opened up so much in their short time being friends meant the world to Alec. And as promised he was going to continue to take Magnus’ feelings into consideration no matter what. Magnus was as much a part of him now as his own family.

Sort of. Mostly because this wasn’t something he’d discussed with Magnus.

_Do I even have to do that? Can’t I just decide it’s true?_

The Institute was buzzing with the latest attack for it was one of the most bizarre Alec had ever heard about and he’d watched Jace hit on a Selkie before. But apparently a warlock—working for Valentine possibly—had enchanted the raw meat inside of a meat packing plant to come alive and go on a rampage. Alec had sent Thomas and a group of Shadowhunters to put the things down and make sure any mundanes inside were safe. Hacking the walking, ramming corpses of cows and what have you had been the only way to put them down. As usual they hoped the humans believed their tales of toxic chemicals in the air affecting their minds and forcing them to hallucinate.

However it was now clear Valentine had his own personal warlock to do his bidding but why? And how? And was it the same one who’d tried to take them out in that basement? None of it made any sense. Yet it was a good reason to show up on Magnus’ doorstep with a manila folder in his hand under the pretense of _business_ just in case _I just wanted to see you_ made things go south.

Tapping the folder against his thigh, Alec knocked and glanced around the ornate hallway as he waited. He could hear soft footsteps drawing closer and then the door opened and Magnus smiled at the sight of him, wearing a loop of beads around his neck and a dark purple Bohemian style shirt. 

“Alexander,” he said and gestured for Alec to enter. “To what do I owe this impromptu yet not unwanted visit?”

Alec eased inside of the apartment. “I…” He trailed off as his eyes took in the new, well, everything. “You redecorated?”

Magnus chuckled and closed the door. “That I did. I figured it was time for a new look. Something lighter to air out the bad energy and vibes I’d been collecting since…returning to the city. I reminded myself that I am a powerful warlock and this is the result. What do you think?”

Naturally Alec didn’t know much about décor but he figured he knew what looked good and what didn’t. Isabelle would disagree with him of course. “It’s wonderful. I like the brighter colors for the furniture and throw pillows. Also the lilies are a nice touch. As is the art.” And then he squinted. “Is that a Rembrandt?”

Magnus smirked. “If I say yes will you have me arrested?”

Alec chuckled. “No though you might want to hide it whenever Luke comes over especially if there is a museum missing one. Seeing as how he is an _actual_ detective and everything.”

Drifting over to the dark green couch and sitting down, Magnus nodded. “I’ll take that under advisement. Now what brings you by?”

Alec sat down beside him close enough to touch yet with only a slither of space between them. “Honestly I just wanted to see you and I brought _this_ as a backup in case that wasn’t taken well.”

“Why would you wanting to see me not be taken well?” Magnus inquired taking the folder from him just the same. “I’ve never denied you, not even when I probably should have.”

“I don’t know. It’s been a few days without contact and I suppose my mind wandered,” Alec replied truthfully. “Plus when you left it felt…odd. Like there was suddenly all of this tension or something that came out of nowhere. I thought maybe I’d done something wrong.”

“Hm, you noticed that too?” Magnus smiled softly. “No Alec you didn’t do anything wrong. And I haven’t sequestered myself away from you for any particular reason other than actual work. I’ve been trying to locate the warlock that allegedly sent those demons after us to have a word, and I guess I find you as distracting as you find me. It wouldn’t help to be playing with magic while thinking about your eyes.”

Blushing but less anxious, Alec grinned. “Have you uh, have you made any headway?”

Magnus snapped his fingers and suddenly a map was spread across his glass coffee table. “He’s been jumping around the city quite a bit but as of six hours ago has been in held up in this abandoned barber shop in Harlem. I’d planned to go pay him a visit.” Idly his eyes scanned the papers inside of the folder. “I heard about this, the meat packing thing. Are we thinking it could be the same warlock?”

Alec scratched at his nose. “Could be. Unless Valentine has more than one working for him which would be very concerning. It’s bad enough we have to fight against Shadowhunter Circle members. Now Downworlders too? This war is just beginning and I already feel like we’re losing.”

Magnus bumped his knee. “There is nothing wrong with being the underdogs. Besides Valentine might have somehow swayed a few warlocks or whatever to his side but most of the Downworld is against him. Rightfully so.” With a sigh he stood and moved for his black jacket. “I am going to go see if this warlock is in a talking mood. You’re welcome to join me if you wish. I promise you won’t get knocked out this time.”

 _Even if I do it’ll still be worth it._ “Of course I’ll go with you. I don’t have any weapons though but if we could stop by the Institute…”

“Sword or bow?”

“What?”

“Do you want a sword or your bow?”

“Oh. Bow.”

His fingers curled into thin air that sparked white like electricity and suddenly Alec’s bow and quiver was held between them. “Here you go. Let’s hope we don’t need to use them.”

It was moments like this that made Alec feel in utter awe of Magnus Bane. He’d been around magic in one form or another for most of his life but it was always different with Magnus. For some reason the warlock’s energy tingled along his skin in ways he couldn’t explain but thoroughly enjoyed.

Taking his weapon of choice from Magnus, Alec slung the quiver onto his back. “Thank you. How…did you get them with the Institute’s wards up?”

With a rather devilish grin, Magnus opened a portal and Alec noted that it looked different from the others he’d previously opened, shimmering in tones of red and yellow like a literal rip in reality. “You mean the wards _I_ put up or strengthened?”

 _Good point._ “This…doesn’t look like the others.”

Magnus smoothed down the collar of his coat. “Are you asking me a question, Alexander?”

Alec pursed his lips together. “You just seem stronger that’s all. I—I just want to be sure you’re okay.”

Magnus gazed at him with his thoughtful dark eyes. “It has come to my attention that the stakes of what we’re doing—what everyone’s doing—are extremely high. Therefore I’ve decided to cease holding back as it were. Magic wise.” He placed a warm hand over Alec’s heart; the gesture filled with a kind of intimacy Alec was sure he’d replay over and over again when he was alone. “Watching you get hurt because of me was horrible and I said to myself _never again_. Now is not the time to be guarded because of past slights or worries.”

As curious as he was about Magnus’ words, Alec knew they were on a specific timetable but he _was_ going to ask about it later. “I support you and, whatever you’re doing. We all have to be stronger if we are going to survive this.”

“Thank you Alexander.” Magnus tapped his shoulder. “Let’s go and get this over with. Hopefully our friend will surrender, answer our questions and then we can turn him over to the Clave without incident.”

Alec snorted. “Since when has anything ever been that easy?”

“No one likes a pessimist my dear. Well Raphael is fond of them but I’ve often called his judgment into question over the years.” With a wink Magnus disappeared through the portal.

“Ah.” Alec rolled his shoulders and followed him.

Together they stepped out into an alley wedged between two tall brick buildings. A homeless man looked up from his pile of blankets but seemed rather unimpressed by what he’d just witnessed. Magnus snapped his fingers and produced a wad of cash, tucking it in his tattered dirty shirt. It was so effortlessly considerate that Alec swallowed thickly with emotion and focused on his boots instead.

_I care but I’ve never done it so…just so smoothly. Like it was interwoven into my cells._

The former barber shop was right on the corner, the broken windows boarded up with thick planks of wood. Someone had tagged them with artful graffiti of a hooded figure playing the drums while music notes danced all around him. The door was obviously locked but clicked open at the bidding of Magnus’ clever fingers. He pushed it open with a low whine and they stepped inside, immediately bombarded by the smell of dust, mildew and death. 

Barber chairs were still in place, covered with dirty white sheets. The counters were bare and the mirrors were grimy but other than that the place looked alright. Alec couldn’t help but wonder why it had closed. Perhaps the owners just didn’t want it anymore or were they driven out of business by a bigger company? He’d once listened in on a group of mundanes talking about how much the city was changing, and how they weren’t sure all of it was for the better. He could sort of relate; he still wasn’t sure the changes Clary had brought into his life were good.

Well except for the Magnus part of course.

“It doesn’t look like anyone has been here for a while.” Alec observed. “But then I guess he wouldn’t be tidying the place up.”

“Not unless he was a neat freak.” Magnus mused and moved towards the employee’s lounge, finding nothing but one lone table. “But you make a valid point. As does that overwhelmingly metallic smell coming from the bathroom.”

Sure enough slumped beside the toilet was a man with his throat slit from ear to ear, the front of his shirt covered in dried blood. His red snake eyes were open and staring at nothing, mouth frozen in a state of horror. Magnus sighed deeply and Alec inched around him for a closer inspection. His neck wound was extremely deep; whoever had nearly taken his head off. Only seraph blades could be that sharp with one blow.

“This is a Shadowhunter kill,” he told Magnus. “But I doubt it was anyone from the Institute.”

“Looks like Valentine paid him for his service. Poor fool.” Magnus stroked his chin. “Then again those black veins would suggest something much sinister than simply following orders. There is a…essence of leftover magic to him that I haven’t felt in many months. I’m not sure what it means.”

“I’m going to have someone from the Institute come and get his body. Isabelle can perform an autopsy; maybe it’ll give us more answers.” Alec fired off a text to his sister. “Sorry we couldn’t interrogate him.”

Magnus shrugged. “Odds are he wouldn’t have told us anything anyway. I would have tried to _make_ him but realistically he was probably way more terrified of Valentine than any of us. Fear makes people do crazy things.”

Alec could attest to that. “So…what do you plan to do for the rest of the day? We could hang out if you want. I could bring Nathaniel over too. I—I know I still owe you that date. I haven’t forgotten about it.”

Magnus smiled. “I didn’t think you had, Alexander. By all means if you and the rabbit want to come see me you’re welcomed to. How is he by the way? I trust Catarina’s cure is still working?”

 _And then some._ “It’s like he was never sick. He’s happy and smiling but I know he’d enjoy seeing you. You’re pretty much his favorite person, well after me and Isabelle.”

Laughing, Magnus motioned for them to leave. “You think he likes me more than Clary’s hair?”

Alec snickered. “I do especially since she got a haircut. But uh okay so I’ll go report all of this and then bring Nathaniel over.”

They were outside on the street when Magnus said, “I’d like that.”

“Hey before you go can I ask you something?” Alec rubbed the back of his neck. “What you said earlier about past worries. What did you mean?”

Magnus adjusted his gold blocky rings before speaking. “There have been times when I’ve _dampened_ my powers or not used them at full strength for various reasons. To stay off the Clave’s radar or seem more harmless than I am so that an enemy lets their guard down… Sometimes it happens without my knowledge and that’s what you were seeing before. I wasn’t rising to my full potential.”

Alec hummed. “Well if that was you at half power I’m still extremely impressed. Especially with the way you handled Luke and those Circle members that attacked your loft. But I understand. I’ve held back before too.”

“I knew you would. Until later, Alexander.”

In a flash he was gone and Alec was left alone with a thought provoking walk home.

The warlock was dead most likely killed by a Circle member after finishing whatever jobs Valentine had him do. Which made perfect sense because Valentine hated Downworlders but was smart and villainous enough to exploit them for his own gain, tossing them away like trash when they weren’t useful anymore. Perhaps it was more apt to say he did that to anyone he considered useless…like other Circle members. Having an allegiance to no one made him tremendously dangerous though he seemed to favor Clary, yet obviously wasn’t above putting her in danger either. In fact if he remembered correctly Jace said he’d ordered his demons to tear them a part.

Seemed more and more that Valentine just liked destruction. But what was his endgame?

As Alec headed to the Institute he passed people going about their daily lives; they were none the wise about him or about anything really. He sort of pitied them in a strange way. Not being able to defend themselves, having no idea of the dangerous they could continuously be in? It just made him really happy he had not been born a mundane.

There were a group of pre teens playing with a Frisbee in Battery Park practically right in the Institute’s yard but never going near it thanks to the wards. Alec jogged up the steps and pushed open the front doors, letting them close with a thump behind him. The opts center was a jumble of noise as usual and no one paid him any attention as he strolled to the main screen and typed in the coordinates to the barber shop.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Thomas lingering near a computer and just the brief glimpse of him made Alec twitch. One of the only blessings to not having contact with Magnus for a week was the knowledge that Thomas hadn’t either. Magnus had said there was nothing there between them but he couldn’t shake the feeling Thomas might press or somehow worm his way into Magnus’ heart.

_If this were earlier, if Magnus was still angry and hurt they’d probably already he together._

_It could still happen. Magnus could relapse or remember what an asshole you were and guess who would be there with open arms to comfort him?_

_Watch yourself, Lightwood._

“Hey, I got your text,” Isabelle said as she crossed over to him and touched his shoulder. “You and Magnus found the warlock responsible for the meat packing thing?”

“We think.” Alec explained. “Magnus isn’t sure but he was the one in the basement that day. Someone had killed him and we’re thinking the Circle. I want you to examine the body as soon as it comes in. It doesn’t look right.”

Isabelle’s interest was piqued. “What do you mean?”

He wet his lips. “His veins are black in an unnatural way, like he’s been pumped full of tar or something. He _is_ dead though so he won’t be going on a rampage later.”

She chuckled. “Good because the last thing we need is you getting knocked on your ass again.” A pause. “So you and Magnus went on another adventure. That’s nice to hear.”

Alec arched a brow. “I’m surprised you haven’t been bugging me about him.”

Isabelle twirled a piece of long black hair around her finger. “I thought about it but then decided not to. You weren’t moping you were working. If you’d been giving the side puppy dog eyes I would have immediately forced you over to Magnus’ loft to work out whatever was going on.”

Alec folded his arms across his chest. “We’re good but…there is weirdness like underneath and I…” He lowered his voice. “I think it’s because we almost kissed in that closet.”

Isabelle gasped and sucked in a squeal. “You did!? Why am I just now hearing about this?”

 _Because of your current reaction._ “It’s not a big deal…”

“Oh please.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s a big deal because of your history and the things you’ve been trying to repair. It’s also a big deal because you’ve never kissed a man before. If the tension because of your not kiss is somehow interfering you need to fix it. Talk about it. Have a long awkward conversation about it.”

“That’s easier said than done.” Alec exhaled and pulled her over to a small alcove. “Izzy, Magnus and I are in a good place right now. At least I think we are. But it’s also like we’re on the edge of something and anything could tip us one way or another. What if we’re tipped the wrong way? What if he goes back to hating me?”

“I don’t think he ever hated you, Alec. He was hurt and trying to protect himself and no one can fault him for that.” A beat. “If he truly wanted nothing to do with you he wouldn’t be hanging out with you or inviting you to fight bad guys. It’s okay though if you’re scared of taking the next step. Right now you’re in a nice place of middle ground and I get how tempting it can be to stay there.”

Alec rested his head to the smooth marble wall and let her words wash over him. Yes there was a certain safety in staying where he was now but he also wanted to move forward. He wanted to look into the future and see a world where Nathaniel could be safe, where they all weren’t hunted by Valentine and where he and Magnus were together. It seemed like such small things to ask for but there were hurdles at every turn. The Circle, his past transgressions, his _mother_. How could he be sure of anything?

“I was such an asshole to Magnus when the Lydia stuff was going on. Granted I was also struggling with who I really was and my attraction to him but he was a good guy. He pushed but I—I never thought it was malicious. It was kinda too much with everything else that was going on but you know…” Alec swallowed thickly. “Lydia and I—our relationship—what if I don’t know how to have a _real_ relationship?”

“It’s not astrophysics. Look you’ve done a lot to get where you are now with Magnus. Don’t chicken out. And don’t use work as an excuse to let things float. Remember how you felt when you thought you’d lost Magnus forever? Do you _really_ wanna go through that again?” She patted his arm and left presumably to help with the retrieval of the warlock body.

He was going to attempt to follow her advice.

Alec moved to put his bow away with his other weapons. “Hey Bloodmoon, go help Isabelle with a retrieval.”

Thomas saluted him. “Yes sir.”

_Jackass._

Walking briskly to his room, Alec found his son sitting in his play pen surrounded by stuffed animals. He was _talking_ to them in his baby gibberish but turned it towards Alec when he noticed him. Alec smiled and picked him up, kissing his chubby cheek. “Hey buddy, how would you like to go visit Magnus? Hm? He said we should come by. And afterwards we can read Aunt Izzy’s boring yet informative autopsy report.”

Nathaniel cooed and patted his face. Naturally he was on board especially with the former. “Let’s get going then.”

ᛟ

To be honest Magnus thought finding the location of the Book of the White would be more dramatic than it actually was. He assumed Ragnor would have hidden it inside of a volcano or on another planet when it’s _actual_ location or at least the person who knew of its location was perhaps worse. It didn’t make any sense to him how this person had come to possess the Book but then Camille Belcourt tended to get her fingers into all kinds of pots over the years. It was not beyond the realm of reality to think she’d somehow spirited the Book right out from under Ragnor’s nose.

She was good at taking things that didn’t belong to her simply for sport.

However now that he had concrete details he portaled to the Institute and breezed inside once the doors opened. 

“Magnus!” Isabelle noticed him first. “Did your afternoon yesterday with Alec go so well that you couldn’t wait to see him again?”

He smirked. “While it was fun that is not actually why am I here. Could you be a dear and round up the others please?”

Intrigued she left to do as he requested and he migrated to the opts center, leaning against the long wooden table used for meetings. Truthfully he had enjoyed Alec and Nathaniel’s company, it was hard not to now that they were on better footing. Yet there was an elephant in the room neither of them were willing to address and he wasn’t sure why. Never had an almost kiss shaken his foundations before. Any other time he would have quipped about it and then followed through with a real kiss, but he remembered Catarina’s words about making Alec come to him.

So he was going to let Alec kiss him. Or not kiss him. And then afterwards perhaps get a bit more…hands on.

Someone tapped his shoulder and he turned to find Thomas smiling at him. “Hello Thomas. How are you?”

“I’m good. How are you?” Thomas asked. “Haven’t seen you around for a while. Hope Alec didn’t scare you away by getting hurt.”

“No I was working.” Magnus smirked. “This is a business call.”

“Ooh what’s going on?” Thomas leaned closer to him. “Is it Circle news?”

Thankfully he was spared answering by Isabelle returning with Jace, Clary, Alec and Simon who probably spent as much time at the Institute as a Shadowhunter did. Alec lit up at the sight of him and glared at Thomas until he stepped back which was quite amusing. Magnus genuinely hoped that Thomas wasn’t in distress over his feelings but he wouldn’t lie and say that having two handsome men _glare_ over him wasn’t a real confidence booster. And it wasn’t like he was leading Thomas on because he wasn’t. He was just being nice.

“Hey.” Alec brushed his hand across Magnus’ back to draw him closer. “What’s going on? Izzy said you needed to talk to us.”

 _And here we go._ “I have good news and bad news concerning the Book of the White. The good news is I have finally discovered who has it. The bad news is…it’s Camille.”

Simon cringed. “Camille? My Camille? Well not _my_ Camille but the same Camille who turned me into a vampire?”

Magnus nodded. “That’s the one. After Alec and Nathaniel went home I started researching again and finally had a breakthrough. The last person in possession of the book was Camille. I don’t know _how_ but I’m positive she has it or at least knows where it is.”

Clary groaned. “And after what we helped Raphael do to her she’ll never tell us. This just gets better and better.”

Simon squeezed her shoulder. “I haven’t seen her since Raphael took over her Coven. Maybe he…got rid of her.”

“No, Raphael wouldn’t do that. He would lock her away where she wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone else _while_ using her punishment as a warning to other vampires.” Magnus said slowly. “I have an idea where he might be holding her. I am willing to talk to him if you wish.”

“We should all go.” Alec suggested. “Strength in numbers.”

Magnus smiled. “Raphael would never hurt me if that is what you’re thinking. We’re like family.” Alec appeared a bit perturbed so he clarified. “He is like a son to me.”

Clary flapped her arms. “I think Alec had the right idea though. We should come with you considering you are doing this for me. For us. Besides the vampires are our allies now and I will remind him of that just in case he’s forgotten.”

 _If that is what you want._ “To the Hotel Dumort then. Shall I portal us there?”

“Can I come?” Thomas inquired. “If you’re going with strength in numbers and all.”

The _no_ was on the tip of Alec’s tongue but Jace interrupted him. “Sure. We don’t know what we’ll be walking into once we get to talk to Camille. She could send her straight into a trap. Better to use you as cannon fodder than anyone else.”

Thomas chuckled. “Gee thanks.”

Magnus watched as the Shadowhunters armed up and when they were ready he made a portal that transported them straight to Hotel Dumort. At once they were surrounded by several well dressed vampires; foot soldiers that lingered awake during the day to make sure everything was alright. Magnus greeted them and then requested an audience with Raphael.

He didn’t have to wait long.

“Magnus…and Shadowhunters.” As always Raphael maintained an expression of utter boredom mixed with just a hint of amusement. “What brings you by? Escorting Simon home?”

Magnus snorted. “As much as I wish it were this is not a social visit. I need to speak to Camille. She has something important of mine and I would like it back.”

Raphael arched a brow. “Oh really? And what could she still possibly have of yours?”

“A very important spell book. I assumed it was lost but lo and behold she’s had it all along. I tracked it to her.”

“And you want me to just…let her out so you can talk to her.”

“No. If she is bound and gagged I’d say just remove the gag.”

“You’re asking for a great deal.”

“I know…and I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t important.”

Raphael cut his eyes to Alec and shook his head. “Fine. But you owe me. She’s in the basement chained up in a coffin. I’d imagine she’s very angry after all this time so be careful.”

Magnus nodded and down to the basement they went, weaving around expensive pieces of art and other shining coffins. There was one with an iv stand and a bag of blood, feeding a line under the closed lid. With a long suffering sigh Magnus snapped the lid open and there she was, regal in red, not even a hair out of place.

Very slowly her eyes opened and she hissed, sitting up to find several sharp weapons pointed at her head. “What the hell is going on?” She noticed Magnus. “Aw have you come to rescue me? After all this time? How long as it been? And why did you bring Shadowhunters?”

“Not long enough.” Magnus replied. “We are not here to rescue you, Camille. I want to know where the Book of the White is.”

She blinked. “The Book of the what?”

 _Oy._ “The Book of the White. I know you have it—a locator spell is the reason I’m here.”

Camille grinned and nothing good had ever come from a grin like that. “Now that’s not completely true is it? But okay I’ll play. I _think_ I recall having the book you are talking about however if you want it, I’m going to need something in return.”

 _Of course you are._ “Such as?”

Throwing her long legs over the side of the coffin, she slithered to her feet. “My freedom and…a rite of transmutation signed by my little vampire here.”

Simon frowned. “What the hell is that?”

Camille waved a hand. “A document basically stating you asked me to turn you into a vampire, thereby dissolving me of any wrongdoing. Give me this and you can have your little book.”

“No!” Clary exclaimed. “You killed him and you should pay for that.”

“Clary, it’s okay. We need that book to wake your mom up.” Simon responded. “It wouldn’t be my first option but I’ll do it. You take us to the book and I’ll sign your rite thingie.”

“Fine.” Camille snapped. “Magnus sweetheart, I’m going to need you to draft the rite.” She hooked her arm through his and a vein popped in Alec’s temple. “Shall we go to my apartment on the Upper East side?”

Even when they were together Camille was an acquired taste but back then he’d been too blinded by her beauty and her shine to really understand the kind of person she was. He assumed her simple good qualities would win out over her bad ones; a lesson that ultimately broke him in the worst way possible. She wasn’t evil but she’d been alive so long that she looked at everyone else as puppets for her pleasure. Unfortunately he wasn’t excluded from that list.

Sometimes it was hard to reconcile the woman he knew with the person she’d become. Fond memories could be a hell of a drug.

Magnus created a portal to her apartment and let her sashay through with him though she looked miffed to see the others follow. Per Camille’s tastes the place was overtly expensive from the parking garage to the hand crafted designs on the elevator walls. Her first library was impressive; the dark mahogany shelves filled with books and the walls lined with gorgeous art. There were no windows for obvious reasons.

Disentangling himself from her, Magnus moved to the large desk and started on the Rite. The sooner they got this over with the better.

“Are you okay?” Alec asked as he watched.

“I am,” Magnus said. “I am used to Camille’s antics by now. But…there _is_ a reason we hadn’t seen each other in 139 years yet lived in the same city.”

Alec touched his hand. “I’m sorry we dragged you into all of this. I wish there was another way.”

Magnus paused in his casting to curl their fingers together. “It’s fine Alexander. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.” Alec grinned and Magnus sighed. “Why are you so pretty?”

That made Alec chuckle, cheeks faintly pink. “So uh, how about I owe you one? For all _this_.”

 _Interesting._ “Okay. I hope you know I always collect. Eventually.”

“I’m counting on it.”

“Do my eyes deceive me?” The sound of Camille’s high heels were loud on the marble floor as she walked to stand in front of the desk. “Are you two flirting? I’d be impressed if it wasn’t so pathetic. But you certainly have a type, Magnus. Cute but dumb?”

Magnus rolled his shoulders. “As opposed to your anything with a pulse? And sometimes without.”

She smirked. “I won’t apologize for enjoying myself. Love is fleeting especially for our kind. Better to have fun and sample everything this world has to offer.”

“Doesn’t that get old?” Thomas questioned and honestly Magnus had nearly forgotten he’d come with them. “I mean if you find someone you want to be with for a long time, why deny yourself that? Why not just go for it and allow yourself to fall?”

Camille’s head swerved in his direction. “And who are you falling for? Though I think I already know the answer to that question. My, my Magnus aren’t you popular. So which one will you choose as your Shadowhunter boy toy?” She winked at Thomas. “I’d go for that one. At least he looks like he knows what he’d be doing and wouldn’t cry when you left him.”

Isabelle stiffened. “Say that again and you’re the one who’s going to be crying.”

 _Well this is quickly getting out of hand._ “Here. Your Rite.” With a flourish Magnus produce the parchment. “Now…where is the Book?”

Camille rolled her eyes and picked up a sharp quill. “Simon, is it? Prick yourself with this and sign in blood. As for your precious _book_ …it’s here somewhere. I don’t have the exact location but you all have a warlock in your pocket. I’m sure he can find it for you.”

Magnus tuned her out after that and went to the other side of the room. Camille got her signature and then departed and he silently thought about what he would tell Raphael when the time came. He was just about to scry for the Book when a crash sounded in the hallway and several men dressed in black rushed into the room. They carried silver runed blades that glinted in the harsh artificial light, their necks adorned with red Circle runes.

Jace took one look at them and lunged, instantly in fighting mode. It pretty much meant they all had to join in though Magnus doubted there would have been any talking or reasoning with them either way.

Isabelle’s silver whip cracked and Alec’s arrows flew; Simon going for regular and not very good punching while Clary did the best she could with the training she’d picked up. Thomas on the other hand wielded dual daggers like a pro.

The fight didn’t last long; not with their combined power and Magnus’ electric orbs blasted right into the Circle members’ chests. They were tossed into book cases and spread unconscious cross the floor within minutes. It was violent but effective.

“Oh geeze.” Simon stumbled but caught himself. “How did they know we were here? Did Camille sell us out?”

“No, she hates all Shadowhunters. She’d never help _any_ of them,” Magnus explained. “I suppose they could have tracked us somehow…or tracked the Book.”

He threw his magic out at the books and when it dissipated, one lone volume was left sparkling. An off white tome traced in gold with a blue bookmark nestled between the pages. Clary grabbed it and hugged it protectively to her chest.

Magnus was just about to suggest they leave before more trouble found them when a screeching sounded. It took him a moment to realize it was some type of alert on their phones, sans Simon. Flashed on the screen was the angelic rune in bright red.

“It’s the Institute.” Alec’s voice was edging into panic. “It’s under attack.”


	9. Game of Survival

Chapter Nine: Game of Survival

Certain Shadowhunters would pretend fear didn’t exist for them and Alec was usually one of them—to a certain extent anyway—but when it came to his family all of his walls tumbled down. The carefully built stoicism and clear headed man that he prided himself on being wilted like a dead flower, and he reached near mundane levels of anxiousness. Perhaps not as severe because he _did_ have his training to fall back on but inside his nerves were raw lines of turmoil. And realizing that his son was possibly in danger? Well no amount of control could siphon away all of his worry.

Thankfully he wasn’t alone and he didn’t have to shoulder all of the responsibly.

Magnus created a portal that spit them out directly onto the Institute’s lawn. The front doors of the building were wide open with one hanging crookedly off its hinges. He couldn’t tell if they’d been forced open or blown open and ultimately it didn’t matter. What _mattered_ was the state of the people inside.

Alec didn’t have to issue any orders because everyone understood the severity of the situation. They ran up the cement steps and inside to find the guards in the foyer dead, bleeding from serious stabs wounds throughout their bodies. The iced doors leading into the ops center were spattered with bright red blood and smudged handprints; they could hear a great commotion going on inside.

Together he and Jace forced the doors open to find a battle raging within. Shadowhunter against Shadowhunter or to be more precise, Shadowhunter against Circle member.

“Let’s do this!” Jace shouted twirling his sword. “They do not get to come into _our_ home and hurt _our_ people.”

With a shout Jace dived into the fray with Thomas close behind him. Unlike other Shadowhunters that stuck to a particular type of weapon—perhaps even himself included—Jace tended to make use of whatever was around. He preferred the sharp and pointed but would use a spoon if it was able to get the job done. Back when Alec had thought he was hopelessly in love with him he’d always marveled at Jace’s fighting skills. At the raw power he put behind every punch and every slash. Even now without the attraction Alec could admit his brother was a force of nature and he was so happy they were on the same side.

Though after their fight a year ago near the mouth of the City of Bones, Alec was confident he could kick his ass if it ever came to it. Hopefully however that would never happen. They were much better as a team.

Alec rolled his shoulders and lifted his bow; he yanked an arrow from its quiver and started to fire, striking whoever wasn’t a friendly in whatever body part he could. The power behind them sent the Circle members crashing to the floor, some crying out in surprise while others died almost immediately. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Isabelle lash out with her whip, turning it from slinky to solid staff in seconds.

She swept the legs of some guy out from under him and then kicked him in the face, ducking a punch thrown by some woman with long blonde hair. With a grunt Isabelle socked her in the stomach with her six inch heel and sent her skidding over to a computer console.

Clary still wasn’t a fully fledged Shadowhunter and there was a chance she would never be, but she was decent with a weapon. Or perhaps there were standing order not to harm her. Either way she was putting her training to good use and slashing her way through the fighting bodies while avoiding getting seriously injured. Though Simon was liable to use himself as a vampiric shield should she need it.

And then there was Magnus of course; the eye in the middle of a hurricane. There was a calmness to his movements, a bone deep confidence that obviously came from years of practice. When they’d first met Alec had marveled at his use of magic to defend himself but this was something different entirely. This was electric and red and angry—like he’d tapped into something deep from within. And he used it without discretion to put down their enemies. Some he threw into walls and others he hit with enough brute force to knock them out cold.

It was oddly beautiful.

When Alec ran out of arrows he slammed his bow over the head of a stocky redheaded man and caught the heavy sword Jace tossed to him, stabbing the man in the abdomen. Before he could turn around something rammed into him from behind—hard—and he was driven into the metal frame where their weapons were kept. A spike of white hot pain lanced him in the side but he ignored it to roll out of the way of the clunky beast tearing after him.

“What the hell is that thing?” Simon shouted as he body slammed a Circle member into the shiny wooden paneling of a wall. “Oh shit! There are more of them!”

The creatures weren’t Forsaken but honestly Alec would have rather dealt with them. At least they knew how to defeat them. This thing was, well it was grotesque. Large with three eyes and sharp claws and wrinkly skin. Yet there was something eerily familiar about it, something just a tiny bit human that made Alec’s skin crawl.

It roared and rushed for him, clipping him in the chest with a thick right fist. It brought the left down quickly but instead of touching him it hit a solid wall of shimmering blue energy courtesy of Magnus. Alec staggered backwards and swung his sword like a baseball bat, severing its head from its body. He watched Thomas practically leap onto the back of the second one, shoving his daggers deep into its meaty shoulders. It then proceeded to jerk around rapidly, trying to swat Thomas off while making him do his best impression of a rag doll.

Finn—one of their best—managed to get in close enough to slit the creature’s throat even though he was already battered and bruised, bleeding from a cut above his left eye.

It was Magnus that took down the third beast, using his magic to drive it back into one of the metal pillars with a sickening squelching sound. Literally. When he lowered his hands only the legs and arms were visible, jerking and twitching and leaking black goo.

Jace said, “Fuck…” and it took Alec a moment to realize they’d won. To realize that the bodies on the floor either dead or groaning were mostly Circle assholes though he did spy some of his friends as well.

Swallowing hard, Alec shook his head and quickly darted into the hallway and up the stairs to his room, the sound of his boots breaking through the silence. His shoulder smacked the wall as he rounded a sharp corner, air leaving his lungs in a rush at the sight of a bloody body lying in the doorway of his bedroom. Bile rose sharply in his throat but he forced it down and stumbled inside over to the bassinet, gasping aloud to find it empty.

_They took my son._

His heart was beating so fast he could feel it nearly jumping out of his skin. All of the adrenaline from before left him in a panicky rush, making the gash in his side burn red hot with a vengeance. He could feel the shortness of breath turning into hyperventilating; his head swam unpleasantly and he nearly doubled over from the sudden onslaught of pain. All of his training to be cold and emotionless meant nothing for in that moment he was headed for a break down.

And then he heard a tiny whimper.

Alec’s grip tightened on the hilt of his blade and he very slowly followed the bloody, sticky footprints to the bathroom door. Someone had seared a rune into the wood and he had to actually wrack his brain for one that would counteract it. For one that would let him open the door. With a shaky sigh he drew it on with his stele and the hinges shuddered, the lock and knob disintegrating.

The door opened soundlessly and there huddled against the bathtub was a pale and panting Raj with Nathaniel tucked against his side. 

Protocol went out the window. Alec dropped to his knees and pulled his son into his arms, burying his wet face into his dark curls. Nathaniel hiccupped and snuggled against him, tiny fist curling into the fabric of his shirt. It was all Alec could do not to sob though inwardly he was screaming and crying. The fear that someone had taken his son—someone like _Valentine_ —rocked him to his very core. Never had he felt so helpless as when he’d saw that empty crib.

“Ar—are you hurt?” He whispered.

Raj smiled and lifted his shirt to show off the hole in his stomach. “Got stabbed but I think you found me just in time. Unless we sit here talking and I don’t get healed.”

Alec managed a low chuckled. “I— _thank you_. Thank you so much.”

Raj nodded, strands of black hair falling into his face. “Yeah well…yeah.”

Footsteps sounded and a moment later Magnus appeared in the doorway. He took in the scene with piercing eyes that pieced together what had happened before jumping into active mode. “Let’s get you to a healer,” he told Raj, levering him up and letting him lean against him. “Alexander…”

“I’m right behind you.” Alec replied softly. _I should have used my stele to heal him but I just…_

Magnus brushed his neck with warm fingers and then helped a moaning Raj out of the room. Alec exhaled deeply and kissed Nathaniel’s cheek, rubbing his back in a soothing circle. It took him a second to realize _he_ was the one trembling and not his son but he supposed it didn’t matter in the end. _If it hadn’t been for Raj…_

“Hey…” He gently pulled back so that he could look into Nathaniel’s eyes. “You okay? Daddy’s got you. Daddy will always have you. I swear.”

Nathaniel was pouting and his little face was red but other than that he was completely unharmed. He wrapped his chubby arms around Alec’s neck and Alec hugged him again, squeezing his eyes closed and wetting Nathaniel’s onesie with fresh tears.

Getting up took more strength than it should thanks to his frayed nerves and throbbing side but eventually he was on his feet and heading to the infirmary. 

Isabelle met him at the door and kissed Nathaniel’s forehead. “By the Angel, is he alright?”

“Yeah thanks to Raj.” Alec wet his lips. “Not even a hair out of place.”

She sighed with relief. “Thank the Angel. I don’t know what I would have done if anything had happened to him.”

 _I know the feeling._ “It looks like one of the Circle members tried to get to him but Raj stopped him, getting wounded in the fight. Afterwards he locked himself in the bathroom with Nathaniel to…wait for backup I guess. I’m just glad we got back in time.” He paused. “Is—is everyone else okay?”

Isabelle rubbed her forehead. “For the most part. Clary is helping with the wounded while Finn and Thomas make sure the Circle members we defeated can’t escape. Jace is contacting the Clave for backup. Everyone else is doing what they can. As far as I can tell mom must have slipped back to Idris or something. Least she wasn’t here for this.”

_Small mercies…_

“Raj is going to be fine.” Magnus cross over to them and with a grin, smoothed Nathaniel’s hair down. “I’m going to have to do something nice for him, for protecting your rabbit the way he did.” His fingers flexed and dipped down to pry Alec’s bloody shirt from his side. “Alexander you’re bleeding.”

Isabelle jumped into action. “You need a healing rune before you pass out or something.” She reached for Nathaniel but Alec moved away, unable to let go of him just yet.

However his sister knew him probably better than anyone for she just smiled and shoved him over to the nearest bed. He sat down with a wince and tried to figure out how to take off his shirt when Magnus snapped his fingers and suddenly it was gone.

“Guess...I should remember that…for later,” he joked and Magnus smiled fondly at him.

Burning the iratze into his flesh, Isabelle watched as it called to the angel blood inside of him, helping to pull his torn muscles and skin back together. The pain eased and he took a much needed moment to just _breathe_.

“I’ll go get you a shirt.” Isabelle patted his shoulder and hurried out of the room.

Magnus sat down on the edge of the bed and gently brushed where Alec’s injury had been, making him shiver. “I’m glad you’re alright. Both of you. And here I thought Camille was the sharpest thing we would have to deal with today.”

Alec snorted. “I’d have taken much more of her _whatever_ instead of this. I…” He swallowed thickly. “I thought they’d taken him, Magnus. I thought Valentine had my son and I—I wouldn’t have known what to do next.”

Magnus entwined their fingers together. “We would have gotten him back, I can promise you that. I’d have moved Heaven and Earth to make it so.”

His heart fluttered with emotion and Alec leaned closer so that he could rest his forehead to Magnus’. Magnus’ free hand came up to wrap around the back of his neck and for a moment they just sat like that, with Nathaniel snuggled safely between them. Usually after a fight when the demon was dead he felt grounded by the sheer force of his will but this was different. This was a calming touch and warm skin, the smell of smoky cologne wrapping around him to push away the odor of death and sterile chemicals. This was a type of comfort he wasn’t used to after a battle; even his parents would simply tell him _good job_ and send him on his way.

This was…

_This was…_

“Alec.” This was apparently Jace interrupting them. “I—we have a problem. A big one.”

“Bigger than what we just went through?” Reluctantly Alec sat straight but he couldn’t go far; Nathaniel had grabbed onto Magnus’ necklace and didn’t seem too concerned with letting go.

Jace was frowning. “That depends. On a scale of one to ten where would you rate a bomb?”

 _You’ve_ got _to be kidding me._ “Did you just say a bomb? Like a _bomb_?”

Jace gestured behind him. “Come to the ops center and see for yourself. It’s underneath us and Malese estimates we have about ten minutes before it blows us all to Idris and back. She’s not sure the adamas in the walls can contain the blast since she has no idea what it’s even made of.”

Alec pushed down the turmoil and the apprehension rolling through his body and stood, gently prying the dangling triangle symbol from Nathaniel’s hand so that he wouldn’t accidentally choke Magnus. “Let’s go. Put the Institute on high alert. Again.”

It was a short walk back to the main area; there were still bodies littered across the floor, painting the normally white tiles red with blood. Isabelle was at one of the screens with a long sleeved dark green shirt for him which he managed to slip into by juggling Nathaniel from one hand to the other.

“What’s the situation?” he asked.

Malese—a recent transfer from their China Institute—made a face. “Our sensors detected an anomaly down in the bowels of the Institute and upon closer inspection it’s totally a bomb. The heat signature is off the charts; someone wired it into the mainframe which means even if the walls can contain the blast, our entire system will be gone. All of the data, files, basically everything we have.”

“Makes sense.” Jace growled. “Cripple us information wise and we won’t be able to protect the city or monitor attacks. Valentine could pop up anywhere and we wouldn’t know it.”

“Like how he did here…” Alec mumbled. “Alright so what should we do? If we called Luke it’s not like he can get a mundane bomb squad in here to disable this thing. We could evacuate and hope for the best but lose all of our information. And what if the adamas in the walls _doesn’t_ keep the blast in check? We could lose the whole block and have countless of casualties. Not to mention we would then have mundanes poking around to figure out the cause...”

Nathaniel, obviously picking up on his emotions whimpered so Alec lightly bounced him. “Shh it’s okay.” _Maybe I should have Magnus portal away with him somewhere safe…_ “We could—”

“Actually I think I can help.” Magnus cleared his throat. “It may be possible for me to suppress the blast with my magic if I concentrate hard enough.”

Alec blinked. “Suppress it how?”

Magnus gestured with his hands. “I’d create a shield of energy around the bomb itself so that when it explodes it won’t go beyond that space. Then if we’re lucky I’ll be able to portal it out into the middle of the ocean.”

That sounded good and yet, “What happens if you can’t portal it anywhere?”

Magnus gazed at him, eyes dark and almost a little sad. “Well at the very least I’ll be able to save your expensive computer system.”

Shaking his head, Alec latched onto his wrist before he could stop himself. “No. No way. Screw the mainframe. You’re not sacrificing yourself for a couple of computers.”

“It’s not just for the computers, Alexander.” Magnus whispered. “Besides it’s the best plan to date and we don’t exactly have ample time to argue.”

Jace inched closer. “I hate to say it—”

“Then don’t—”

“But he has a point,” Jace finished. “Alec we’re running out of time here and if Magnus can do something we should let him do it.”

For a moment Alec honestly felt betrayed that Jace—that his _parabatai_ —would suggest something so horrible but the practical side of him knew Jace was just trying to help. And that unfortunately he was right. Their options were limited and if they could somehow manage to survive and not lose the century’s worth of information they’d accumulated, they should go for it. But as far as he was concerned if it were between losing the Institute and _losing Magnus_ he would pick the Institute to go every time.

“Magnus I—I can’t let you do this.” Alec muttered into Nathaniel’s shoulder. “We’ll evacuate. Seal up the tunnels and salvage what we can afterwards.”

“I’ll be fine. I have to be right? I have that elusive date with you to look forward to.” Smiling, Magnus kissed Nathaniel’s cheek before turning and heading for the basement.

Alec bit his tongue so hard he tasted blood. “Wait, I’ll come with you.” There was no way he could let Magnus go off alone. Not to his…what could possibly be his…

Magnus motioned to Nathaniel. “You most certainly will not. You are going to stay here and continue comforting your son.”

Jace huffed. “ _I’ll_ go with Magnus and keep him safe. We’ll argue about how stupid this all is after we’ve not blown ourselves up. C’mon Magnus.”

_This is a nightmare. What if they both die? What if I lose Magnus and my parabatai? I don’t think I’ll survive if that happens._

Isabelle squeezed his shoulder. “They’ll be fine.” She typed rapidly on the keyboard and the camera feed switched from the garden to the basement. “We’ll be able to watch them from here.”

Sure enough Magnus and Jace appeared on screen minutes later, sprinting into the room and over to an odd looking metal case. Jace pried the lid off and there it was; an intricate looking device with wires that fed into the walls. The red digital clock had ticked down to a mere twenty seconds.

Everyone that had been milling about or checking to make sure the dead were really dead stopped to stare at the screen, some nibbling on their thumbnails and others whispering amongst each other. Alec said a little prayer to whoever was listening and let Isabelle take his hand.

Magnus said something to Jace and Jace smirked, gesturing grandly to the bomb. Magnus exhaled and pushed his magic out of his palms, the glittering silver energy surrounding the bomb like a mini dome. The clock hit zero and everyone watched in horrific fascination as the dome was expanded outward with a rush of shrapnel and flames, the sheer magnitude of it jostling Magnus backwards.

Alec gasped and the lights flickered; the power level dropping with a low hum before stabilizing. He could see the tremble in Magnus’ limbs as he worked to keep the fire in check, the flames pulsing and writhing with the overwhelming urge to be free. The intensity of the explosion was so large the walls were rumbling, sending books falling from shelves and glass light fixtures crashing to the floor. He was sure he felt the temperature spike or perhaps it was just his own out of worry. 

Magnus took a single step back and Jace reached for him, his lips moving but Alec couldn’t make out what he was saying. Then Magnus replied and slowly drew his right arm back, letting the fire get almost dangerously close to them. In a flash he’d swirled a portal into being and propelled it forward, letting it envelope everything in its path with a soundless whoosh. The ground shook and as the portal disappeared it created a back draft that sent Jace and Magnus toppling to the cement floor.

“Hey, go to Aunt Izzy for a just a little okay?” Alec slowly handed Nathaniel to her, prepared to take him back if he fussed. His son however seemed a bit more concerned with the overhead lights still shaking. Thankful for another small mercy Alec shoved his way past the gawking, chattering bodies and sprinted down to the basement as fast as he could. He threw open the gate and slid into the room; the walls were singed black and smoking but still in one piece.

He ran to Magnus first and helped him sit up. “Are you okay? By the Angel that was the most amazing thing I have ever seen.”

Magnus snickered. “I’m going to be feeling _that_ later no doubt. Cramps aplenty.”

Alec hugged him, gathered him close and hugged him what was probably too tight but he was just so _relieved._ And of course Magnus didn’t push him away. “You saved the entire Institute.”

Jace sat up with a grunt. “I helped. I…provided moral support.”

“Yes. _Don’t fuck this up, Magnus_.” Magnus’ voice was muffled against Alec’s chest. “Really helped.”

Alec laughed, just a little. “Come on let’s go and…try to figure out the hell happened. How the Circle got inside in the first place.”

The three of them trudged back topside and Magnus was met with actual applauds, something that he seemed to be quite amused by. He flopped into a chair and it was a testament to Alec’s exhaustion and determination to get to the bottom of everything that he didn’t even flinch when Thomas appeared to fawn all over Magnus like a groupie at a rock concert. He took Nathaniel back from Isabelle and got to work.

There was a small bit of chastisement however when Magnus conjured up another papoose for him to sit Nathaniel in. He’d just basically defused a bomb; using his magic for something so trivial wasn’t needed. Magnus had just waved him away and slouched.

But with his hands free Alec could check the wards and other camera feeds, ultimately discovering that the wards hadn’t been broken but instead lowered. Someone had deliberately sabotaged them. And this time they couldn’t pin it on Hodge since he was still in prison.

He was quickly scrolling through video of different rooms when suspicious activity caught his eye. Laurel Hardcastle, Nathaniel’s favorite babysitter entered a code that she wasn’t even supposed to have thirty minutes before the attack, lowering the wards and basic security. Alec watched as she wandered away from the console, looking around to make sure no one had seen her.

 _Fuck. Really?_ “It was Laurel. She took down the wards.”

Isabelle rubbed the back of her neck. “How many more traitors are we going to have to deal with? Why would she side with Valentine anyway? When would they even have met?”

Alec shrugged and kissed Nathaniel’s fist as he reached for one of the computer screens. “Who knows? She did spend a lot of time talking to Hodge. He could have romanticized the whole idea of the Circle. I can’t believe I trusted her with my son. We need to find her if we can and question her.”

“Can’t.” Finn said itching at his bald head. “She’s dead. Tripped over her body myself.”

 _I should be sad but I’m not._ “Well you get what you deserve when working for someone like Valentine. Now the question is _why_ did she open the Institute for attack in the fire place?”

“I can answer that.” Clary’s knuckles were bruised and she was sporting scratches across her cheek. “The Cup. It’s…gone. Simon and I checked after it was clear we weren’t going to be blown up.”

“This day just gets better and better.” Isabelle groaned. “I think it’s safe to say Valentine probably has the Cup by now. Which means he could already be creating his army.”

“If Laurel wasn’t dead I’d kill her myself.” Jace snarled. “What the fuck do we do now? We need to find him and finally take the fight to him.”

Naturally that was…one idea but Alec was a bit happy they didn’t even know where to _start_ looking for Valentine. “You contacted the Clave about back up right? We’ll wait until their new envoy arrives and go from there.”

“I should be out there.”

“Jace please. I know you’re upset and angry—I am too. That bastard wanted my son. But we all need you to have a clear head right now. We’ll find Valentine and make him pay. That’s a promise.”

ᛟ

Hours later when things were finally settled and the wards had been reestablished, Alec felt secure enough to perhaps get a shower and go to bed. He’d doubled those on guard and moved their fallen into the chapel for the Rite of Mourning for the funerals. Tomorrow the envoy would be arriving and while he respected the Clave he knew it would just open up a whole new can of worms. Whether good or bad it still remained to be seen. Lydia had been the very definition of what they considered a Shadowhunter so whoever else they sent would be more of the same. If they were lucky it would be someone with her temperament. At the very least she’d _attempted_ to be fair.

The journey to his room seemed to take forever and he remembered with a frown that it was probably still a mess. Though when he drew closer to the doorway there was no body or bloodstains, and upon peeking inside he saw the bathroom door had been fixed. In the middle of their investigation Nathaniel had grown hungry so Thomas had fetched him a bottle so Isabelle could feed him. She’d offered to put him down for the night and although it had been near torture to let him out of his sight, Alec had agreed.

So he was surprised to see Magnus hovering over Nathaniel’s crib, stroking his hair. Voice drifting softly throughout the room. He was singing:

_“L is for the way you look at me_  
O is for the only one I see  
V is very, very extraordinary  
E is even more than anyone that you adore 

_And love is all that I can give to you_  
Love is more than just a game for two  
Two in love can make it  
Take my heart and please don’t break it  
Love was made for me and you…” 

Alec wet his lips and decided he was so grateful to be witnessing this moment. To even _have_ this moment to witness. So much could have gone wrong. Really so much had with the wedding and everything. Perhaps he was luckier than he’d first imagined. “Hey…”

Magnus visibly startled. “Oh hello. I’m about to leave but I thought I would check on the rabbit before I go.”

Alec drifted over to find his son sound asleep. “You sung him to sleep.”

For the first time since they’d met Magnus actually blushed. “Yes well, everyone enjoys the classics. I also tidied up your room and fixed the door. I’ll be back tomorrow to wake up Jocelyn.”

“You’ve gone above and beyond for us. For me. I want you to know that I’ve very thankful. We couldn’t have done any of this without you.” Alec sighed. “Honestly I still don’t feel like I deserve your help or your forgiveness. All I can say is that I’ll pay you back anyway that I can. _And_ we are going on that date and it _will_ be wonderful.”

“I have no doubts.” Magnus reached up and cupped his cheek, smoothing a thumb under his eye. “For the record you’ve made me feel quite welcome this time around. Until tomorrow, Alexander.”

Magnus left and Alec closed his eyes, his cheek still humming from Magnus’ warm touch. Here was a warlock that had risked his life to save an Institute full of Shadowhunters who he wasn’t sure would do the same for him. Who’d dealt with his crazy ex to help Clary’s mother. Who’d somehow found it within himself to forgive Alec after the terrible way he’d behave in the past, after treating him so badly and marrying someone else, knowing all the while it would hurt him. Who’d helped heal his son without reservation.

Here was a warlock that was gorgeous and selfless and wonderful, and Alec had never wanted anyone more in his life. Yes there had been Jace but that was so small compared to this. Just a fantasy worth of feelings.

Smiling at Nathaniel’s peaceful face, Alec jogged out of his room and caught Magnus just as he was about to descend the stairs. He grabbed his upper arm and for a moment they just stared at each other bewilderingly. And then Alec kissed him.

Alec wasn’t exactly sure what he’d imagined their first kiss to be like—if it ever came to pass—but he hadn’t expected it to be so…sensual. He hadn’t expected Magnus’ lips to be so soft or for his left hand to tangle in Alec’s hair while is right gripped his waist. He also hadn’t expected for it to feel so _right_ , for it to shock every bone in his body with warmth and pleasure. _Finally_ being in the arms of the person he’d dreamed about for more than a year; it was indescribable. It was freedom.

Honestly Alec wasn’t even sure he was doing it right since he didn’t have much practice, but Magnus didn’t seem to be put off. He sucked on Alec’s bottom lip before slipping his tongue slowly into his mouth, and Alec’s knees immediately went weak. Alec moaned softly and Magnus’ hand tightened in his hair and pulled them closer together, their bodies pressed flush from chest to thigh.

Magnus tilted his head just so to deepen the kiss and Alec felt dizzy with pleasure and happiness as their tongue touched. His skin was tingling, his mind blissfully blank to everything else except the feel of Magnus and the taste of him as their mouths moved together. He shuddered when Magnus’s fingers worked beneath the hem of his shirt to touch the bare skin of his side. It was embarrassing how quickly his cock began to fill because of one single touch.

Embarrassing even more so because Alec knew Magnus could feel it.

“I…should be going…” Magnus said, knuckles dragging slowly along Alec’s happy trail.

Alec bit back a whimper and kissed the side of Magnus’ mouth. “Do—do you have to?”

Magnus chuckled, dark eyes sparkling. “No but I _should_. Today was a long day and we are both exhausted. I think a good night’s sleep is what we both need. Regardless of what…other parts might be recommending.”

Alec blushed but he was grinning. “Right. Heh um, so I’ll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams.”

Magnus smirked at him before walking away. “I’ll sure they will be,” he called back as he disappeared down the stairs.

ᛟ

By the time Magnus made it to the Institute the next day it was well into the afternoon and the place was packed with new and old faces. He’d spent the morning sleeping in and recuperating from the whole bomb thing, and chatting with Catarina about his current life choices. They both concluded Alec kissing him was the gold at the end of the playing hard to get rainbow. Truthfully he’d expected it to take much longer if it ever happened but he wasn’t upset about it. Quite the contrary actually. He was happy.

Everything about Alec was blunt and earnest while also managing to be secretive and shy. He was a walking contradiction so Magnus didn’t know why he was surprised by this new development but he was. When he’d left Alec’s room the previous night and heard footsteps following, he’d thought perhaps he was about to receive another heartfelt thank you. He hadn’t expected what turned out to be a very tantalizing first kiss. Normally a new relationship of their type would eventually lead there but theirs had been stalled before it ever really began. And hearing Alec say he wanted a second chance wasn’t the same as watching him act upon it.

Of course he’d idly mused to Catarina that he hadn’t played defense hard enough but she’d just laughed at him. Told him that when he wanted to be cold he was like a glacier and anyone willing to thaw him out meant business. He supposed she was right and it wasn’t like his toned down nature hadn’t thrown Alec for a loop because it had.

Yet he’d worked on being better or perhaps being less constricted. Magnus was sure he was still probably 80% tightly coiled but yes he did appreciate the effort. He appreciated that he had not had to make the first physical romantic move especially where they were concerned. If good things really came to those who waited then he was going to look upon this as a good thing. Even if in the long run nothing changed or moved forward.

As strange as it sounded that just happened sometimes.

What shocked Catarina more however than him being kissed by a gorgeous boy was his willingness to attempt to defuse a bomb with his bare hands. Technically. She’d chastised him for putting himself in that type of danger but he reckoned it was just another day in the fight to stop Valentine. Though his motives were mostly about saving Alec and his son, he wasn’t silly enough to think the Institute didn’t serve a purpose like some Downworlders. They were at war and information was just as much a key to winning as brute force.

And…well if he hadn’t been almost completely positive he could do it he wouldn’t have tired.

Whatever everything worked out and he still had all of his appendages.

On the wooden table in the ops center debriefing area was the _Book of the White_ so he migrated through the scattered throng of bodies to open it and idly flip through. The spells were old and powerful—just Ragnor’s type if he were being honest. Magnus didn’t know what Clary planned to do with the book after her mother was awake but he wanted it, and not just for sentimentality reasons. While no one was looking he was totally going to try to spirit it away. Better in his capable hands than someone with malicious intent.

“Magnus!” Clary pushed passed her fellow Shadowhunters—with Simon hot on her heels—to jog up to him. “Hey. How are you feeling?”

He smiled. “I’m good, thank you. Are you ready to wake your mom up?”

She exhaled deeply. “I am. Luke is having her moved from the infirmary to here. Are—are you sure you can do it? That the spell is in this book? Not that I’m doubting your prowess after yesterday of course.”

Magnus chuckled. “It’s quite alright. Yes I am fairly certain this spell is the right one.” He tapped a page. “And moving her out here will be good. We’ll need the space.”

“Good.” She pulled at her fingers. “I’m going to go and see what is taking so long. Be right back! C’mon Simon.”

Magnus watched them run off and scanned the language on the page, the hair on the back of his neck suddenly standing as he realized he was being watched. While he was used to eyes on him and being the center of attention he could sense this was different. Arching a brow, he glanced off towards the stairs to find Alec simply standing in place and, well, staring. It was odd and for a moment Magnus couldn’t help but wonder if he was having second thoughts about their kiss. Someone with Alec’s background and hang ups could have a moment of crisis and decide it was all too much. He’d seen it before.

As if pinched Alec jerked and strode purposefully with his long lovely legs over to where Magnus stood. “Hey.”

“Hello,” Magnus said warily. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah everything’s fine.” Alec smiled and drifted closer as if coaxed. “I just—I’m happy to see you. The envoy will be here any minute but after that I was wondering if you wanted to do something? With me.”

“I am actually a bit behind on my potions work for other people but if you don’t mind it being a little boring, we can go back to my place.” Magnus suggested. “You can read or watch tv. Or watch me if you’re so inclined.”

“I’d like that.” Alec brushed their arms together. “Look Magnus, with the Cup missing and Valentine no doubt building an army things are going to change around here. I’m not sure how but I thought you should know.”

“Should I be worried that my invitation is about to be rescinded?”

“No. Not as long as I am in charge. You’re _always_ welcomed here.”

Clary and the others bustling back into the room cut their conversation short but Magnus figured that was fine. He was eager to wake Jocelyn up and have that _done with_. It had been the stone around his next for more than a year now.

With Jocelyn floating in the middle of the room and everyone looking on curiously, Magnus picked up the Book and walked over. With a snap of his fingers his magic was pulsing and flowing over her as he recited the counter spell. It shuddered the protective barrier around her and when he demanded that it release its grip on her, the barrier dissipated and she opened her eyes with a gasp. Luke immediately stepped up to catch her before she hit the ground and Clary gasped with happiness. 

_There we go,_ Magnus thought to himself, sending the Book to his home with a thoughtless gesture.

There were hugs and the reunion was just as touching as he’d assumed it would be, but Magnus knew from experience they wouldn’t have much time to play catch up. Everyone would want Jocelyn’s ear but none more so than the Clave and they were not known for their patience. They would expect her to have some way to track Valentine or catch him and if she didn’t they would instantaneously question her allegiance. There was no middle ground when it came to them. You were either on their side or you were an enemy.

To say they were mad with power would be an understatement.

_I should say something to Jocelyn. Shouldn’t I?_

A hand caught his wrist and he was pulled away from prying eyes and into the elevator, the door hissing shut behind him. “Something on your mind, Alexander?”

Alec boxed him in against the shiny silver wall. “You.”

This close there was not that much of a height difference, not that Magnus cared either way. “Mm well as…warm as that makes me feel I doubt your colleagues would be happy to hear such. Aren’t you supposed to be playing the fearless leader?”

Alec’s pretty eyes dropped down to his lips, transfixed. “I don’t think anyone would begrudge me a few minutes to myself. To catch my breath. It’s just been one giant _thing_ after another and with the Cup missing it’s going to be all hands on deck until we find it or until Valentine kills us all. And after last night the only thing I can think about _besides_ that fear I felt when I thought Nathaniel was gone, is you.”

 _We have come a very long way since ‘don’t touch me in public’._ “Well I’m glad that thoughts of me can help quiet your mind.” Magnus tipped his head back just a little and smirked when Alec leaned forward to follow him. “And if you ever need to talk I’ll listen.”

“That goes both ways.” Alec replied softly.

He dipped down to obviously kiss Magnus but Magnus ducked just so to the side and smoothed his scruff along Alec’s cheek, grinning when Alec shivered and grabbed his waist for balance. The urge to bite Alec’s _Deflect_ rune was so strong it nearly bowled him over but he managed to just drag the tip of his nose along it before making the elevator door open so that he could step backwards back into the foyer.

It was a trifling move but totally worth it for the way Alec was currently looking at him through his ridiculously long lashes; like he could barely contain his desire. His pale skin was flushed, cheeks pink and chest heaving slightly. Magnus wasn’t sure what it said about him that he could come to enjoy getting Alec worked up. He wondered what it would be like to push him to the next level…if such a thing was to occur. Considering the simplest of touches could put Alec on edge it would probably be a grand time.

“Magnus…” Alec’s voice was low—nearly a whine—his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.

“Later.” Magnus promised with a cheeky grin. “Maybe. If you’re good.” Alec laughed and reached for him but Magnus caught his hands. “Go be Shadowhunter-y. I’m going to loiter and make sure Jocelyn isn’t having any adverse affects to her coma.”

ᛟ

Unsurprisingly it took a while to get Jocelyn up to speed on most of what was going on but it was clear Clary wanted to talk about the _Jace_ of it all in private. However Magnus noticed an odd thick tension in the air when it came to Jace and everyone else, and he wasn’t clear why until Maryse took center stage and ordered everyone’s attention. Magnus chose to linger in the background and just see what developed.

A very handsome brown skinned man was with Maryse in a neatly pressed gray suit with his hands clasped behind his back. Even without the runes he screamed Shadowhunter so Magnus wasn’t surprised when he was announced as Victor Aldertree, the new _Head_ of the Institute. That last bit though was shocking and a quick look to Alec and company proved it was universal. _Would Maryse go behind her own son’s back to set this up? What is she playing at?_

Victor started in on how the Clave was _very concerned_ now that Valentine had the Cup, and they wondered about the role his apparent _children_ had played in him acquiring it. There were to be interviews—read interrogations—for everyone directly and indirectly involved. The Institute was officially in a state of emergency and on a temporary lockdown.

_Maybe I can slip away before I’m noticed…_

“And all Downworlders are forbidden from entering the Institute without my prior approval. For those still present you are to vacant the premises immediately following your interview.” Aldertree said with a cutting smile. “Mr. Graymark I’ll speak to you first so that you can be on your way afterwards. I’m sure you have many robbers to apprehend… Everyone else dismissed.”

_Ah, he’s one of those. Of course he is._

Clary had tensed up like an angry kitten on Luke’s behalf but Jocelyn seemed quite sedate with the whole affair.

Magnus took great pains to slink around the crowd so that he could get closer to Alec, stopping dead in his tracks when Maryse grabbed Alec’s arm to make him listen to her. He couldn’t help but overhear their conversation.

“What did you do?” Alec asked. “What did you tell them about Jace?”

“I was just following orders. And I told them the truth.” She responded briskly. “Jace is Valentine’s son—”

“And you haven’t given a damn about that for more than a year.” Alec pointed out. “So what changed? Why do you suddenly care now?”

“The Mortal Cup is _missing_ Alec. Stolen right from under us by Valentine. Jace could have helped him. He could have been feeding him information this entire time.”

“Jace would _never_ do that. He hates Valentine more than any of us.”

“So he says. It is time to cut him loose and close ranks to protect this family.”

“Jace is my parabatai and he’s a part of this family.”

“Not anymore. Aldertree will deal with Jace and determine if he can be trusted. But if you ask me I think we already know the answer to that question.”

Alec blinked at her in disbelief before shrugging the hand she put on his shoulder off. He spied Magnus and walked away to leave her fuming. “Hey,” he said when he was near. “This is bullshit. Jace would never betray us to Valentine and I don’t see how banning Downworlders will solve anything. We should be working together now more than ever.”

 _I agree. But your mother turning on Jace because the Clave demands it is rather true to form. She is nothing if not dutiful._ “Well you know how the Clave is and those that follow their rules to the letter. You…know this more than anyone.” Alec frowned so he clarified. “Which I never faulted you for, Alexander. You had to be true to yourself and I respected that while going through…everything else.”

Rolling his shoulders, Alec shook his head. “You know I’ve been worried about Jace off and on since he found out Valentine was his father but this is worse. If the Clave turns against him he could be imprisoned or worse, de-runed. I can’t lose my parabatai, Magnus. It would be like losing a part of me.” A beat. “It figures. Things between us actually—well they’re better and all I want to do is—yet now there is more crap to deal with. You don’t—you don’t have to stick around for any of it. In fact I would almost rather you didn’t. I don’t want you in any danger.”

Magnus nodded and put both hands on his shoulders. “How about we just take this one day at a time like we’ve been doing? There is no need to rush or slow down just because you’ve got a shitty boss.” Alec snickered so he continued. “Last time we both faced our demons alone but this time we don’t have to.”

Sighing softly, Alec pecked his mouth gently in a chaste kiss. “You should go before Aldertree calls you for an interview. I know you’re legit so screw him. I’ll come by later.”

“I look forward to it.”

Magnus headed for the front of the Institute to find Thomas blocking (or perhaps guarding) the front door. However he just winked, looked around and then ushered Magnus outside before anyone was the wiser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact; my friend showed me a youtube video of Harry actually singing what he sings to Nathaniel in this chapter. It's a duet but his parts are pretty good. :)


	10. The Bonds That Bind Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amazing L_ecureuil drew some lovely art for this fic & I knew I had to share it with all of you. Please go drop some likes on it if you have some time!
> 
> First is [this one of Magnus holding Nathaniel](https://www.instagram.com/p/BSKLvB1AJ86/); complete with his favorite teddy AND Alec's little fluffy hair. <3
> 
> Next is [this one which is actually a scene](https://www.instagram.com/p/BSUjOdFgqCg/) from the previous chapter! I'll be adding it to the fic as soon as I have a moment.
> 
> Anywho enjoy the art and this update. :)

Chapter Ten: The Bonds That Bind Us

Nathaniel was on the floor squealing and clapping at the beeping, flashing toy in front of him and it was so adorable Magnus couldn’t help but smile. He was sitting on his comfortable yet expensive couch having banished the coffee table to another room so that Nathaniel was free to flail around. There was a protective magical barrier around anything that could cause him harm such as power outlets, sharp corners and the heavy bookcases. Curled up beside Magnus with his long legs slightly spread was Alec and he’d been inching progressively closer to Magnus since the moment he’d sat down. His right shoulder was now pressed against Magnus’ elbow where he had it perched on the back of the sofa. He smelled like fresh metal and roses.

“What are you going to do with all of these toys when we leave?” Alec asked with a smile. “Donate them or something?”

“You’re welcome to take them with you.” Magnus replied shrugging. “I’ve no use for them, obviously, and they do make the rabbit so happy. I suppose I’m spoiling him but it’s nice to be able to.”

“You know he likes you without the gifts.” Alec looked at him, eyes soft and caring. “You could just show up and he’d be happy to see you. We have that in common among other things.”

“I know but I enjoy spoiling those I care about,” Magnus said honestly. “I’d do the same for you—will do the same for you if given half the chance. For now though I guess giving you and yours a discount amounts to the same thing.”

Alec laughed and let his body slouch a bit more so that he could rest his head to the back of the couch. “I thought for sure Nathaniel would be clingy or still upset over the attack but he’s back to his usual self. Curious about the world around him and finding his toes utterly fascinating.”

Magnus nodded. “Babies are resilient little things and Nathaniel knows he is loved and very well protected. When a child has that feeling of security it’s sometimes easier for them to process bad things, knowing no matter what happens someone will always be there to shield them.”

Alec snorted. “So I’m still reeling over what happened and here he is giggling at his socks. Nice.”

Chuckling, Magnus dragged his fingers through Alec’s silky fluffy black hair just to watch his lashes flutter. There were so many places on Alec he was dying to touch; had been since they met and now he could. At least the safe ones…for now. “Something tells me you wouldn’t want it any other way, Alexander. Children should be free to _be_ children even as the world falls apart around them. It’s not always possible but in your case I think it will be.”

Alec hummed thoughtfully. “Aldertree thinks I should send him to Idris for _his own protection_ and I can hear my mother’s voice in his words. I—it’s not a terrible idea but I just feel like if I let him go stay with Lydia’s parents I’ll never get him back. They’ve made no qualms about wanting him and once they have him they can use Valentine as an excuse to keep him. The Clave would probably be on their side just to spite us Lightwoods.”

 _Well that won’t be happening._ “No one is taking your little boy from you. If you wish I could cast a protection spell on him? I should have offered sooner but I never thought the Institute would _actually_ be breached like it was a few days ago. Lesson learned however.”

“I—that would be wonderful, Magnus. Thank you.” Alec grabbed his hand and squeezed. “Knowing that Nathaniel has a bit of added protection means I can focus on the mess Jocelyn has helped make. We should have left her asleep.”

 _Ah, yes. That._ While Magnus hadn’t been back to the Institute since the ban effectively went into place, he _had_ been kept up to date on what was happening inside of its walls thanks to Isabelle, Alec, Clary and Thomas. He got four different views of the same events but the gist seemed to be Jocelyn was not happy to hear her long lost son was still alive. In fact she felt the exact opposite and implied it wouldn’t be the worst thing if he…disappeared. Naturally this caused a huge rift between the two Lightwoods still loyal to Jace, Clary and her mother.

What’s worse was that not only did Jace have Valentine being his father hanging over his head but he now had rumors that he was tainted with demon blood floating around thanks to Jocelyn. Shadowhunters that had fought side by side with Jace for years were now whispering behind his back. Magnus wasn’t expressively moved by his plight because there was something about Jace that just irked him, but he hated what it was doing to Alec. And he could see the hypocrisy of the way Jace was being treated as if his parentage suddenly canceled out his years of faithful service to his order.

Not to mention it was odd to see Jocelyn turning on her own child when she’d been adamant about keeping Clary safe.

“Are things that bad?” Magnus asked gingerly.

Frowning, Alec stared ahead at nothing. “They’re in turmoil. Aldertree seems happy people are turning against Jace. He’s always got this smug expression no matter what and by the Angel, mom has lost her mind. She’s acting like Jace has been actively working to sabotage us this entire time. She’s the closest thing he’s had to a mother and she just turned her back on him, never mind how it’ll also affect our parabatai relationship. She knows what losing him could do to me but she doesn’t care. Then of course there is Valentine and the danger he poses to all of us.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I snapped at Clary earlier. I accused her of ruining my family and I know I should feel bad about it but I don’t. I don’t know. We went from one screwed up situation to another so fast.”

_I knew Aldertree was going to be trouble. No one that handsome could possibly be completely without ulterior motives. Not to mention he was entirely too happy about causing discourse for Jace. I wonder why that is?_

Magnus tilted his head to the side. “You are obviously under a lot of pressure, Alexander. You are attempting to fix everything that is broken and that would weigh on anyone’s shoulders. It’s much like being in a sinking boat and trying to plug the holes with play dough.” His smoothed his thumb across Alec’s thick eyebrows. “Luckily you are not alone in your boat.”

Intimate touching between them was still very new but Alec strained up towards his hand with a barely there smile, needing the comfort only being tactile could provide. “Sometimes I forget how old you are until you say something so wise that would only come from an old man.”

Magnus laughed. “Perhaps I am too old for _you_ then.”

“Nah.” Alec got his _aw shucks_ expression, cheeks going faintly pink. “That thought has never even crossed my mind once. Hard to think about things like age when you’re having a crisis about your sexuality. But I like that you’re older. I—as the oldest I’m usually the one calling the shots or making the tough decisions and you know Shadowhunters aren’t famous for asking for help. With you it’s like finally I can get advice from someone who’s experienced different things and not just giving an opinion based on misinformation.”

“High praise.” Magnus teased. “But thank you. I understand what you mean. While I enjoy going out and pretending to be as young as my face projects, sometimes I just need to speak with people who remember the world as I used to. Catarina, Raphael and Ragnor when he was still with us though being dead hasn’t shut him up as totally as you’d assume. But they have memories which mirror my own and it’s nice to reminisce.”

Alec pulled himself up into more of a sitting position and angled his body towards Magnus’. “What about Camille?”

Magnus’ eyes dropped to Alec’s lips. “I don’t think Camille remembers _anything_ the way I remember it. That used to be part of her charm until I realized she was being callous and not coy.”

“What attracted you to her anyway if you don’t mind me asking?”

“She was beautiful and she had a sharp wit.”

“Then…what attracted you to me?”

“You’re beautiful and the first time I saw you I couldn’t take my eyes off you. The added bonus is everything I have learned about you since that night. Give or take a few instances of course.”

Snorting, Alec leaned forward until their lips were almost touching. From this close the green of Alec’s eyes looked like a glossy jade, his eyelashes long and curling upward. His skin was pale and flawless; he didn’t appear to have a single imperfection. Something that like probably would have intimidated a normal man but Magnus had once slow danced with Grace Kelly.

Besides beautiful things were meant to be savored, not feared.

Magnus smirked at his own thoughts and kissed him since that’s obviously what Alec wanted. Alec smiled into the kiss and Magnus gently bit his bottom lip, giving it a small tug, making Alec let out a surprised gasp. He immediately pressed for more so Magnus gave it to him, kissing him wet and a little dirty, right hand creeping up Alec’s taut thigh just to feel his whole body give a rolling shiver. Magnus had just squeezed the dip where thigh met hip and swallowed Alec’s incredibly sexy moan when the mood was broken by a wooden block hitting him in the chest.

“Well well,” Magnus turned his head to see Nathaniel grinning at them. “You’ve got some of your Aunt in you I see.”

“Bababababa!” Nathaniel waved his chubby arms and slowly eased down onto his stomach.

“He looks like he is about to launch himself at us,” Alec said a trifle breathless and dazed. “By the Angel, why is it suddenly so hot in here?”

 _Now that’s a compliment!_ “I suppose he would be within his right seeing as how our attention wasn’t on him for five minutes. And I’ll open the balcony doors.” With a snap of his fingers he did just that. 

With an adorable grunt Nathaniel slowly began to _creep_ across the carpet, scooting on his fat little tummy like a worm joyfully going about his way. He was so innocent and had no idea of the turmoil around him but that was a good thing. The moment you realized the world wasn’t all flowers and blue sky a part of you never recovered. Even if you went on to have a happy life, you never forgot the shift.

_I know I’ll never forget mine._

“He’ll be crawling soon I’d wager.” Magnus smiled. “Then you’ll really have to watch him. Wouldn’t want him to get into something he shouldn’t.”

Dragging a hand across his handsome face, Alec got up and went to linger in the open doors leading to the balcony. He closed his eyes and exhaled as a breezed fluttered his hair. “Guess it would make more sense to send him somewhere where he can get the attention he needs. When I was his age we lived in Idris and when my parents would go out hunting the Clave would send someone over to babysit. Nice older lady. I didn’t set foot into an Institute until I was four years old and by then I had a measure of what was expected of me.”

Magnus watched him. “Alexander I know you’re worried about Nathaniel’s upbringing but I think you’re doing a fine job. Children need stability yes but they also need love, and it’s clear to me no one loves this child more than you. He’ll grow up fine because you’ll be there with him every step of the way.” Standing he moved to stand beside Alec and rubbed his back. “In addition to the protection spell I could also arrange babysitting services if you want. Catarina would be ideal—she loves children—and if I begged hard enough she’d no doubt be willing to take less shifts at work to watch him. Your mother probably won’t like it but…”

Alec smirked as if to say _oh well_. “Let’s give it a try. Maybe we can work out some type of schedule if need be.” He looked down just as Nathaniel patted at his boots. “Look at you making it all the way over here,” he said picking him up. “Soon you’re going to be walking and talking and I’m going to have to think about your rune ceremony. Time moves so fast.”

 _Not as fast as you’d think, at least not to one such as myself._ “All milestones I’m sure you are looking toward to however.”

“I am but…” Trailing off Alec snuggled Nathaniel close and kissed his temple. “I’ve always known how dangerous being a Shadowhunter is but it’s my _life_. It was chosen for me and I wouldn’t change it. But I fight demons and Circle members and disgruntled Downworlders, and one wrong move could be the deciding factor of my life or death. Like it was for Lydia. I never thought about that before I had a kid, not how I should have.” Big sad eyes shifted to Magnus. “What if I die in this fight with Valentine and his army? I don’t want to leave my son all alone.”

“Oh Alexander.” Magnus took his right hand and tangled their long fingers together. “Nathaniel will _never_ be alone. Besides the fact that he has Isabelle, Jace and Clary—for better or worse, depending on how you feel about her—he has an entire amazing support system very ready to step up and do whatever is needed. And if Valentine somehow manages to destroy New York, your rabbit would still have me. I’d take him far away where he would forever be safe and care for him as if he were my own.”

Although Nathaniel couldn’t actually understand what they were saying he must have picked up on the tone because he whined and somehow managed to get a hold of Magnus’ necklaces—his favorite thing—and tugged.

“Bababa!” he shouted as if to say _stop being so melancholy everybody! I’m here and I’m cute!_

“See? He’s not worried.” Magnus kissed his tiny hand. “You’re one of the good guys Alec and if the movies have taught me anything, it’s that they always win in the end. You’re going to live a long life and see this one grow up to be an extraordinary young man.”

By force of will Alec pulled himself out of his gloomy mood. “You psychic now?”

 _Well…_ “No but I’ve pretended to be. Once. For a very glamorous French nobleman so that I could get a look at his jewels.”

The laugh that bubbled out of Alec’s mouth appeared to surprise him but it put a smile on that gorgeous face, so Magnus considered it a win. It also made Nathaniel squeal in solidarity though when he yanked on Magnus’ necklaces he nearly jerked them clean off. _Someone is going to be very strong when they grow up._

Just as Alec was about to give what would naturally be an extremely saucy reply, his phone beeped with the angelic alert rune. “Man what now? Well at least it’s not red so the Institute is fine. Must be something with Aldertree. I…gotta go.”

He said it like it pained him and perhaps it was wrong but it made Magnus’ chest feel warm inside. It was always nice to be shown you were wanted. “Of course. You know where to find me. And you…” He directed his words to Nathaniel. “Behave at least for daddy.”

Magnus kissed Nathaniel’s nose and Nathaniel patted his face. “Ooo!”

Opening the door to show them out, they nearly crashed into a frantic looking Simon. Or rather Simon nearly crashed into them. “Whoa! Sorry, hey. Hi. Hey Nate, what’s up?” Simon tickled his tummy and Nathaniel laughed. “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting but Magnus I _really_ need your help or Aldertree and Raphael are going to draw straws on who gets to kill me first.”

 _A warlock’s work is never done._ “What can I do for you?” Alec slipped out with a snort and Magnus closed the door behind him.

As usual Simon was caught between utter fear and utter panic. He was quite an odd vampire. “Okay. So apparently there was a thing with a vampire den snatching people off the street and feeding on them. The uh—leader? Yeah the leader said Camille turned her and then ditched her so she just basically turned whoever she wanted and ate whoever she wanted. Aldertree said someone has to pay for this and I—being _me_ —told him that Raphael was in charge now but that he knew nothing about the den.” Wringing his hands, he continued. “Long story short Aldertree threatens Raphael and then Raphael threatens me for ratting him out. He said if I don’t find Camille he’s going to remove parts of me that I really enjoy having. Since you know her so well I was hoping you could help me find her.”

Apparently the headache that was Camille would never truly leave him alone. And yes he wanted nothing more than to let her be wherever she was currently stewing, but when it came to Raphael’s safety he was willing to jump back into the scorpion pit that was her general orbit. “Fine. I was going to take a spa day but I suppose I could help you out instead although it pains me to be anywhere near the same continent Camille might be. You _will_ owe me however. Let’s go.”

Simon’s dark eyes were huge and filled with curiosity. “Where are we going?”

Magnus created a portal. “For starters? India.”

ᛟ

Upon arriving back to the Institute and putting Nathaniel into the arms of his new temporary babysitter—Malese—Alec migrated over to where Isabelle and Thomas stood seemingly deep in conversation. “What’s going on?” He asked by way of greeting. “I got the alert.”

Isabelle gestured to the flurry of activity going on around them. “Aldertree says that Valentine has been kidnapping mundanes from boxing clubs, gyms and dojos for his army. He’s now moved onto strong fighters instead of just regular people figuring they’d have a greater chance of withstanding the joining ritual. He wants us to go out and investigate some of the places where these fighters are being taken from.”

Alec sighed. “Okay. Where’s Jace?”

Isabelle favored him with a gentle smile. “When Aldertree told Clary she wasn’t to have anything to do with this mission, she and her mom had a fight about it and she took off. Jace went to help look for her. You know it’s not safe for her to be out there alone.”

 _Of course it’s not. And now we have one of our best hunters searching her_ her _instead of helping track Valentine. Perfect._ “Where do we start then?”

Before Isabelle could reply, Thomas cut in. “How’s Magnus? That’s where you were I’m guessing. It hasn’t been the same around here without him.”

Alec arched a brow. “He’s fine. Let’s go Izzy.” Without waiting for Thomas to reply Alec stalked towards the front doors knowing that his sister would follow.

She did. “You’re so adorable sometimes, big brother.”

He rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

She giggled as they walked through the park and towards the first place they were to stake out. “Sorry but it’s true. You know Magnus is into you but you’re still—for lack of a better word—cock blocking Thomas where he is concerned. It amuses me. But I’m glad that you have something else to focus on besides all the drama. Angel knows we could all do with a nice distraction every once and a while.”

 _You have no idea._ “Can—can I talk to you about something?”

Isabelle nodded. “Of course. What’s on your mind?”

Alec wet his lips and decided to just dive in. “I kissed Magnus. After the whole bomb thing? He was leaving and he’d _sung_ Nathaniel to sleep and I kissed him because I had no choice. If you’d _seen_ it...”

Isabelle practically bounced on her toes. “Alec that’s great! What was it like? Give me details! Is he a good kisser?”

Against his will he laughed. “It was—it was the kinda kiss you spend your whole life waiting for. At least that’s how it felt to me as much as I kinda don’t want to admit it.” He smiled rather goofily at the memory. “But since then it’s like this door has been opened and all of this _stuff_ has come rushing through. He looks at me or just brushes my hand and…it’s driving me crazy. _He’s_ driving me crazy.”

“Aw that’s so cute.” Isabelle cooed. “It appears as if your latent sex drive is finally waking up.”

“Izzy c’mon.” Alec chastised. “I’ve felt desire before.” The _for Jace_ didn’t need to be said.

“Hm I don’t know if I would call that _real_ desire,” she mused. “Not saying it was completely in your head but you’ve always known deep down that Jace was the safe choice because nothing would ever happen with him. So you could daydream about the what ifs and enjoy a bit of fantasy. With Magnus your fantasy could switch into reality at any moment and that makes it red hot. The anticipation is intoxicating, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” He swallowed hard. It was also sort of terrifying. “I should thank you for getting me to actually go after him. To apologize and hope for a fresh start. If I’d listened to my own thoughts on the matter who knows where we’d be? Hell he might even be with Thomas.”

“I doubt it.” She looped their arms together. “And you’re welcome. I’m so happy you’re happy, Alec. You’ve done so much for me and stood up for me so I’m glad you’re getting back some good karma. Wait until it’s naked karma.”

Alec huffed. “I’m trying not to think about that. It’s weird because we haven’t exactly had time to talk about what we are to each other. It’s like we just…fell into this comfort zone once things got better between us. I mean I guess we’re… _together_ but we haven’t even had our first date so? All I know is that I want to be around him all the time and help him the way he’s always helping us.”

Isabelle had heart eyes. “That is so romantic! I’m actually a little jealous.” She winked at him. “I can tell you that relationships don’t always make sense and that isn’t particularly a bad thing, depending on who you’re with. And it’s not like you and Magnus don’t have a history together. There was an attraction before you got married so none of _this_ is just coming out of nowhere. However since I know you, you should talk to him about labels and such. Tell him you want to be boyfriends.”

It sounded so easy and yet why did it make Alec’s palms sweat? Perhaps it was the ambiguous thought of rejection. Not like a few _great_ kisses meant they were engaged or anything. “I will I just…”

She pulled on the collar of his leather jacket. “He’ll say yes. Trust me. Theeen you can get to the really fun parts.”

He groaned in the face of her wide grin. “I’ve changed my mind let’s focus on why we’re out here in the first place.”

They came to a cream colored building surrounded by rusted barrels and multicolored crates, hidden behind what appeared to be a large water tower. There was absolutely nothing remarkable about it except for maybe the bouncer standing outside and the shouts coming from within. Alec wondered if they would be asked for id or charged a cover but the bouncer just nodded and opened the door for them.

Inside a fight was already under way; two very muscular men pounding away on each other while a crowd egged them on. The men were pretty evenly matched but as with most things one eventually came out on top, knocking the other one out and down. As the winner he strolled over to his friend to collect his money the crowd chatted amongst themselves about the fight. Probably wasting a bit of time until another contender popped up.

Isabelle was already smiling; whether from the fight itself or the size of the guy who’d won, Alec had no idea. But she did have a thing for swagger and tattoos. She complimented the guy on his moves and well from there things gothehehe interesting because while Isabelle enjoyed a strong man she also enjoyed showing off. So it was no surprise to Alec when she strutted into the “ring” to teach whoever he was a lesson after he made a quip about not fighting hot girls.

Naturally she laid him out on his ass while onlookers stared on in shock.

Afterwards it was only a matter of waiting for everyone to leave before dragging Mr. Unconscious behind a section of pipes so that Isabelle could don a rune to shift into him, thereby laying the perfect trap for whoever came to claim him. Alec hid but they didn’t have to wait long. A Circle member showed up not five minutes later but unfortunately he seemed to be much more afraid of betraying Valentine than he was of them, for when they questioned him he slit his own throat rather than talk.

“Shit.” Isabelle sighed and wrapped her whip back around her wrist. “How can they be so loyal to Valentine in such a short amount of time?”

“Don’t mistake fear for loyalty.” Alec rummaged through the man’s pockets but found nothing of note. “It makes sense that Valentine would tell them take death over capture. He’s paranoid and they’re scared of him. Dangerous mix if you ask me. Anyway we should get someone down here to get his body back to the Institute. Maybe they can check it over and find some clues.”

“I’m on it.” Isabelle pulled out her phone and shot off a quick text to their recovery team. “Done. Guess we move on to the next location and I’ll text Thomas to see if anyone else has made any headway.”

 _I doubt it. Aldertree is having us go about this all wrong. No one is going to talk._ “Since when did you and Thomas become such good friends?”

His sister kept her expression as innocent as she could manage and trotted out of the building. “I wouldn’t say we are _good friends_ but he is a…work colleague therefore we do have conversations. I’m not conspiring against you to put him with Magnus if that is what your brain is thinking. Thomas isn’t a bad guy though.”

 _That remains to be seen._ “Oh really?”

Suitably hidden from mundane eyes with a quick swipe of their runes, they left the alley the same way they came to be back onto the main street. Isabelle had to quicken her steps to keep up with his long strides. “With Laurel and Hodge betraying us I thought it smart to _really_ get to know some of our so called brothers and sisters in arms. Thomas has been around forever but he’s always been in the background. Just some faceless person we send out on missions and occasionally nod hi to in the hallway.”

The idea that Thomas was a traitor made Alec even angrier than his flirting with Magnus often did. “It would explain why he’s suddenly _everywhere_. Slipping himself into our lives more so that he can get information for Valentine. I’ll bet Valentine would want all of the details on the High Warlock of Brooklyn for instance.”

Isabelle weaved to avoid walking into a blue mailbox. “Maybe but you’ll be slightly disappointed to hear he’s clean. I checked his records and no one in his family has ever had dealings with the Circle, and he never spent any time with Hodge. No more so than we did.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s clean. It just means he could be good at covering his tracks.”

“So you don’t think he could just find Magnus attractive?”

“What? No. Of course he could. I’m just _saying_ it’s odd he didn’t try to make a move until…other things came to light. We should just keep an eye on him to be safe.”

“Fair enough. I’m going to be getting to know some of the others as well. We can’t afford another mutiny.”

Exhaling deeply, Alec decided to change topics. “Aldertree thinks I should send Nathaniel to Idris.”

Isabelle rolled her big dark eyes. “No one cares what he thinks. You’re not sending my nephew to live with his annoying grandparents. Neither of them.”

Alec smiled. “I’ll admit he has a point—the Institute is no place for a baby—but I couldn’t imagine him being that far away. Even with portals in the mix. And Lydia’s parents are nice but I don’t trust them, not with Nathaniel. And we know what mom and dad would do; turn him into a carbon copy of what they believe is a _model_ Shadowhunter. So…I might have found a solution. Magnus is going to ask his friend Catarina if she’d consider babysitting him. Like when we go out on really important missions and stuff.” He stopped as they came to the crosswalk. “He’d be safe with a warlock, at least one we can trust. And no one knows about her so he’d been kind of invisible.”

Isabelle mulled it over for a moment. “Not a bad idea. I wanna meet her though. Give her the Isabelle Lightwood stamp of approval.”

“That sounds…” Alec trailed off into a gasp as without warning the air was ripped from his lungs. He staggered backwards and his legs gave out, sending him crashing to the pavement hard enough to rattle his bones.

“Alec!” Isabelle knelt beside him, her face etched with worry. “Are you okay? What just happened?”

His head was spinning so rapidly he could hardly make sense of what was going on. Yet the void in his mind and heart told him everything he needed to know. “It—it’s Jace. He’s gone.”

She blinked. “Gone? I don’t—what do you mean he’s gone?”

Alec touched his parabatai rune. “I can’t feel him. At all. He’s _gone_.”

Isabelle helped him up and kept him pressed against her side, his long arm thrown around her tiny shoulders. “C’mon let’s get you back to the Institute. Maybe they know what is going on.”

It was a long walk back, one in which Alec played out different horrible scenarios in his mind. He knew Jace wasn’t dead—thank the Angel—but not being able to sense him was a different type of fear because it could mean anything. But usually nothing good.

Their link as parabatai acted not only to make them better fighting partners but as a sort of monitoring system when it came to pain or emotions. It was the deepest link one could have without being actual family, and to suddenly not have its low steady presence in the back of his mind chilled him to the bone. Left his chest feeling utterly hollow as if someone had caved a hole into the middle of it and scooped everything important out.

People often said when one parabatai died the other died with him, not physically but emotionally. That it was an ache that eventually scabbed over but never truly healed. Alec had no idea how he’d function without Jace and he never wanted to find out.

Surprisingly they hadn’t even crossed the floor of the ops center before Jocelyn was trying to get their attention. By virtue of everything she’d done to Jace so far, Alec was loathe to hear anything she had to say. Isabelle’s clearer head however prevailed. “We don’t have time to talk right now. Something has happened and— ”

“I know,” Jocelyn interrupted. “Clary was kidnapped earlier by Dot who is now obviously under Valentine’s thrall.”

“What? How did this happen?” Isabelle inquired with a frown. “I know she took off after our talk but I thought she was cloaked?”

Jocelyn sighed. “I don’t know. Luke and I tracked her to the art school she was supposed to attend and we had another argument. As she was leaving Dot appeared out of nowhere, created a portal and dragged her through it. I came back here to get help.”

Alec squinted at her. “And Jace went to find her.” It was a statement, not a question. “That’s why I can’t feel him through our bond anymore. If Dot is working for Valentine then Jace must have found them somehow, and since Valentine is cloaked that means Jace has to be wherever they are. Fuck. Valentine could be doing anything to him right now. We have to find him and _soon_.”

Jocelyn nodded. “That’s why I’m here. I can help with that.”

 _Yeah right._ “You expect us to believe you care about Jace? Especially after the way you’ve been acting towards him, turning everyone against him?”

She pressed her lips together. “My relationship with Jace is a complicated one, I won’t lie about that. But I _need_ to find Clary just as much as you want to find your brother. Our goals are the same so we should work together to get what we want.”

Glancing at Isabelle, Alec dug his nails into his palms to curb what he really wanted to say to her. “Fine. And how do you suppose we find them?”

Holding up a darkly colored stone with a rune carved into the face, Jocelyn showed it to them. “With this. Luke’s mother is an Iron Sister so she has access to it. She once told him about an ancient ritual that allows parabatai to communicate through their spirit bond. With this you could track Jace and we could find him _and_ Clary before it’s too late.”

 _Adamas…_ “I suppose we don’t have any other choice.”

Isabelle folded her arms over her chest. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not telling us everything about this ritual?”

Turning the stone over and over in her hands, Jocelyn looked at them. “There are some serious risks involved. This could be very hard for Alec on his mind and his body. The parabatai link is so unique and intertwined… Of the few that have tried this not many have come out of it alive.”

“No. He’s not doing it.” Isabelle said. “We’ll find another way to save Clary and Jace.”

“I don’t think there is another way.” Alec replied matter of fact. “And the more we stand around talking about it the greater danger Jace could be in. I _have_ to do this because I’m the only one who can. We’re stronger when we are together so Jace needs me. You know I’m right.”

“By the Angel…” Isabelle turned her back on him and raked her fingers through her long black hair. “I don’t like this. What if something goes wrong? Think about Nathaniel.”

“I am thinking about him. I’m always thinking about him.” Alec whispered. “Izzy you—you don’t know what it’s like to have a parabatai, how deep the bond goes. If I can save Jace I have to do this.”

She was against it; that much was dreadfully obvious. “Alec I swear if anything happens to you I will kick your ass.”

 _And I’ll let you._ “Okay, let’s do this.”

ᛟ

_“You said didn’t want to get involved in Shadowhunter business…”_

_“That’s right and I should have stuck to my guns, but no I let you convince me.”_

Throughout the years off and on Magnus had thought about that initial conversation with Jocelyn, especially anytime Clary seemed particularly against having her memories wiped. It never sat right with him; taking such a large piece of her without her consent. He was no stranger to memory altering spells but those were done at the behest of the requesting party, not some third party attempting to make their life easier. And yet every time he’d let Jocelyn convince him it was the right thing to do.

Just as he was sure she’d convinced Alec using his parabatai rune to find Jace was the _right thing to do._

She wasn’t a bad person but she was a lot more like Valentine than even she cared to focus on. Willing to do anything for her own goals without a care as to who got trampled in the process.

He’d just gotten back from India with Simon and was finding places for the things he’d recovered from one of Camille’s homes when Isabelle had called him frantic and upset because Alec was in trouble. Magnus had dropped everything and portaled immediately onto the Institute grounds, prepared to make quite a show of power if he wasn’t let inside. However Aldertree proved to not be a total asshole and bid him entry. He’d found Alec in bed in a comatose state.

The gist? Alec had used an adamas stone to track Jace through their link but went too deep and got lost. Slipped into a coma as his spirit hung in tatters, missing the parts that were _Jace_. And suddenly Magnus had once again been faced with losing someone else that he desperately cared about.

Being immortal meant watching the people you loved die—that was just a horrible fact. Camille would often muse if you didn’t care then you never had to be heartbroken, but unfortunately Magnus was not wired that way. He _cared_ , often too much and it usually came back to bite him in the ass. He’d watched friends die of old age and disease. Lost lovers to the ravages of time and each time he’d told himself never again. Why did he never stick to his own advice?

Magnus had tried to help Alec. He’d used every awakening spell he could remember along with ointments and paste but in the end nothing worked. The only thing his magic could effectively do was slow the dying process; keep his body working until ultimately that just wasn’t enough. Sitting by Alec’s bedside and watching him waste away little by little had never made him feel so powerless. He was the High _fucking_ Warlock of Brooklyn yet in that moment? He was just one man begging another not to die on him.

But just when things were at their darkest Jace had shown up like the big damn hero, bloodied and bruised with a hobbling Clary in tow. Once he was made aware of what was happening to Alec he’d made a beeline for him and with everyone looking on, saved his life. Just like that.

Like the Prince waking up Sleeping Beauty but without the kissing.

It was an extraordinary moment to behold, albeit bittersweet if Magnus was being honest. For him not anyone else of course.

Afterwards Aldertree showed up demanding answers of Jace and Isabelle had draped herself across Alec for a tight hug, so Magnus had drifted outside to the park bench a homeless man usually called his bed. He had sat down and that’s where he’d been for the past twenty minutes, his mind a jumble of different thoughts.

_I should head come. I haven’t fed the strays today…_

_So many stars tonight._

_Did I even tell Simon where I was going?_

“Magnus?”

The sound of his name being called snapped him back into the present. “Alexander?” He turned to see Alec standing behind him looking weak but none the worse for wear. “You should be resting.”

Alec ambled around to sit down heavily beside him. “I’ll be fine. What are you doing out there?”

Magnus gestured to nothing. “Just…getting some fresh air before I head home. How are you feeling?”

Alec sighed. “Exhausted but otherwise okay, thanks to Jace. He and Clary escaped from Valentine just in time.”

Magnus’ fingers twitched. “Yes. How fortuitous. I’m sure I’ll find the tale very riveting whenever I get a chance to fully hear it.”

“What’s wrong?” Alec asked slowly. “You seem angry.”

“Angry? You nearly died, Alec. I’m a little more than angry.” Magnus admitted. “You put yourself into a tremendously dangerous situation and you nearly _died_.”

“But I didn’t,” Alec said. “And yes I knew it was dangerous but we had to find Jace. And Clary. It was a risk but it was one I was willing to take if it meant making sure Jace was safe. He’s my parabatai.”

“I know that,” Magnus replied evenly. “But it doesn’t change facts. Do you even know how close you were to death by the time Jace finally got there? We all thought it was too late. I’d tried _everything_ but nothing was enough.”

“That’s not your fault Magnus.” Alec clasped his wrist. “Nothing could have brought me out of it except for Jace.”

 _Right._ “And the cause is the cure. Poetic. It was still stupid to willingly do such a perilous—”

Shaking his head, Alec stood and paced a bit. “You don’t understand. Jace is my _parabatai_ ; he’s a part of me. We’re connected deeper than you could possibly imagine. Our _souls_ are connected.”

Magnus wasn’t certain why now—out of all the times he’d heard the bond described in such a way—it cut _this_ time. Perhaps it was because he was emotionally raw and being reminded of how useless he’d been earlier still clung thickly to his skin like a dirty film. “You’re right; I’ll never know what that’s like.” Smoothing a hand across his hairy chin he got up. “I’m very happy that you’re alright Alexander. I should head home and get some sleep. It’s…been a long night.”

Alec stepped in front of him when he tried to walk away. For someone who claimed he didn’t readily pick up on social cues he seemed to grasp the tone of the situation pretty quickly. And he looked bruised and soft and oh so lovely that Magnus couldn’t have moved even if he wanted to. “Please don’t leave,” Alec said softly. “Don’t leave thinking that what you did didn’t matter. That you didn’t save my life just as much as Jace did.”

 _That’s a pretty picture but…_ “My magic wasn’t strong enough to pull you out. You would have died if Jace hadn’t shown up in the nick of time. It’s like you just said…your souls are connected and you needed him.”

“I need you too.” Alec exhaled shakily and wrapped his arms around Magnus’ shoulders, pressing his face into the hollow of his neck. “I felt you there, Magnus. Reaching out to me like a lifeline, giving me the will to hold on. I don’t think I could have otherwise.”

Appalled to find his lashes wet, Magnus smiled despite himself and wrapped his arms around Alec’s waist, pulling him as close as he could be. “Then…you’re welcome.” Alec chuckled but didn’t let go. “You _should_ be resting though. It’s okay. _We’re_ okay.”

Alec leaned back so that he could see Magnus’ face. “Are we boyfriends?”

Magnus blinked; he hadn’t been expecting that question. “I—do you _want_ to be boyfriends?”

“I do. I know we need to go on our date and probably talk more about the important stuff but, I do.”

“Alright. We can be boyfriends. We’re boyfriends.”

Alec’s grin was tinged with exhaustion but still bright, lighting up his entire face. “Good. That’s good.”

Magnus chuckled and began to usher him back towards the Institute. “Yes it is very good.”


	11. If It's Not One Thing

Chapter Eleven: If It's Not One Thing

It was hard sometimes for Alec to articulate the things he wanted to say, at least in a manner that didn’t immediately put people off. His mother thought being blunt was an admirable trait while his father often hinted he could tone it down a bit. Learn to play the game as others did with snide remarks and witty quips. But that was Isabelle’s department not his. And besides, his last name might have helped to get him the job of Head of the Institute but without his own intelligence and way of doing things, he wouldn’t have been able to _keep_ it for as long as he had. _Before Aldertree._ Running an entire organization that put their lives on the line daily wasn’t about being a best friend or the cool one; it was about making sure the people he was responsible for came home to their loved ones at night.

Unfortunately that couldn’t always happen but it could never be said he hadn’t bent over backwards to make it so either way.

Alec gave the Institute and being a Shadowhunter one hundred and ten percent and that would never change. Not even with someone else in charge…for the time being as he saw it.

“You should be in bed,” Isabelle said from her place leaning against the wall. “If anything big happens with Jace you know I’d tell you immediately.”

Alec shook his head. “I’m fine.” In truth he was firmly exhausted but knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep soundly with so much going on. Jace was back—as was Clary—but that just brought up new questions and Aldertree was determined to get to the bottom of them. Or rather he was determined to link Jace to Valentine anyway he possibly could. “Besides I want to talk to him.”

Isabelle hummed. “Are you feeling okay at least? You’ve been through a lot tonight.”

That was an understatement if ever there was one. “I’m okay. I’ll be better when this bullshit is finally behind us. I don’t see how Aldertree can honestly think Jace is in league with Valentine. It doesn’t make any sense.”

His sister shrugged. “He seems to be just looking at the facts in a flat way, thinking he knows best because he’s in charge. But you’re right…he doesn’t _know_ Jace the way we do. Though it doesn’t help that Jace’s own mother and adopted mother have apparently turned against him, or that the rumors of him having demon blood.”

Alec rubbed his forehead and the headache he could feel attempting to grow. “Do you have your stele on you?”

Isabelle nodded and came over without a word, pulling it out of her back pocket to activate his iratze rune. It was like a shot of caffeine to the system, disappearing his headache and exhaustion in one fail swoop. With healing it tended to leave a more natural feeling behind but he wasn’t in a situation to be picky. He just wanted things to go back to normal but what was normal? He wasn’t sure he knew anymore.

“Magnus leave?”

Stretching out his long legs, he glanced down at his hands. “Yes he went home. I think he was emotionally exhausted, which of course he’d be considering what I put him through. But we had a—a nice talk. We’re good.”

Isabelle nudged at his foot. “Anything you care to share?”

He opened his mouth to reply but the doors to his former office finally opened and Aldertree strolled out with his trademark smirk in place, flanked by two other Shadowhunters. Jace brought up the rear and he did not look happy one bit.

Alec was on his feet in seconds. “What’s going on? Where are you taking him?”

Aldertree arched a brow. “Jace Wayland’s interrogation proved insufficient so he is being reprimanded to the City of Bones so that he can undergo the Trial by Sword at the Silent Brothers’ earliest convenience.”

Alec blinked. “Are you kidding me? You _know_ Jace is innocent and yet you’re going through with all of this bullshit anyway?”

Aldertree sighed. “It was _Jace’s_ idea to involve the Mortal Sword. He feels it’s the fastest way to clear his name.”

Alec frowned and slowly turned his attention to Jace. “Is this truth?”

Smoothing a hand across his face, Jace nodded. “Can you give us a minute? I promise not to portal away or anything.”

Giving an amused smirk, Aldertree nodded and continued down the hallway with his two guards trudging behind him. Isabelle offered up a gentle smile and then disappeared around the corner to give them some privacy.

“This is insane.” Alec stalked into his old office, tempted to rake everything off of the desk. “It’s like the world has gone mad and there is no fixing it.”

Jace closed the door. “Look it _is_ the fastest way to clear my name, you know that. Whoever is touching the Sword can’t lie so no matter what Aldertree throws at me I’ll have to tell the truth. And he’ll be forced to believe me whether he wants to or not.” His head hit the door with a thud. “I want this to be over as much as you. Probably more than you.”

Folding his arms over his chest, Alec’s brows narrowed. “So what happened? How did you find Clary?”

Jace waved a hand. “I basically did a tracking spell. I don’t know why it worked for me where it hadn’t for others but it did…lead me to the docks but there was nothing there. Or so I thought. Just as I’m about to turn around and leave about ten Circle members surround me and drag me onto this ship that Valentine had cloaked. And there he is of course spouting his usual bullshit and asking me to join him. I told him to go fuck himself and demanded to know where Clary was.” Kicking off the door he moved over to a chair and sat. “Long story short Dot had fucked with her head and made her see things but in the end, Clary was able to get through to her. She created a portal for us off the ship and we ended up in the ocean. I could tell something was wrong with our connection so we set out to find you. Good thing we did.”

Alec exhaled before taking the chair across from him. “Yeah. The whole time you were on that boat it was like you didn’t exist. Like there was a hollow part to me.”

Although Jace’s expression was gentle, his eyes turned a bit hard. “You were an idiot to put yourself in that type of danger for me, you know that right? You could have _died_ Alec and then what? What about Nathaniel? How would I have been able to look him in the face knowing I’m the reason his father was dead?”

 _Ah…_ “How could _I_ have looked him in the face and talked about what it was to be a Shadowhunter while knowing I’d half assed my own part in it? Jace you’re my parabatai and I would do anything for you, but saving you wasn’t _just_ about you. It was about me and the kind of person I want to be. The kind of person I want my son to be proud of. If you think Nathaniel wasn’t on my mind when I agreed to use the adamas then you don’t know me very well.” He fiddled with his fingers. “I told Magnus beforehand that I was terrified of leaving Nathaniel alone. Of dying and leaving him without a father and a mother. I didn’t forget that conversation or feeling. But what kind of man would I be if I’d just shrugged knowing you and Clary were in danger? Knowing that I had the power to do something about it but just chose not to? I’ve never been that selfish of a person.”

Jace gazed at him. “I understand that I just don’t know if I was worth the trouble.”

Alec wet his lips. “You would have done the same for me because it is—in essence—what we’re here to do. Save people, the world and each other if it’s at all possible. Yes I’m a father and I am damn proud to be, but I’m also a soldier and I’m proud of that as well. Sometimes we have to set our fears aside and do what’s right for the greater good. Putting myself in harm’s way doesn’t mean I still wouldn’t’ fight like hell to make it home to Nathaniel, just like a mundane soldier would do for his family. It just means I know what I was born to do so I do it.”

Jace smiled softly. “True. You’re still a bit of an idiot though. But you’re the best idiot I have ever met and the best brother I’ve ever had.”

Alec chuckled. “Thanks. Hey and if you want to make my job easier you could always start thinking before you leap.”

Jace tilted his head. “After this you can pretty much count on it. Still I—I’m sorry that I put you in that situation where you had to do something stupid just to save my ass. Sometimes I forget that it’s not just about me anymore. I should have considered what could have happened…but Clary was missing and… I don’t know. We’ve all been fucked up since Valentine came back.”

 _By the Angel, ain’t that the truth?_ “I’m surprised you two were able to escape him.”

“We wouldn’t have if Dot hadn’t helped.” Jace rubbed the back of her neck. “He’s got an army, Alec. He’s filling these people’s heads with—with all kinds of crap about Downworlders and demons to get them to follow him. Some have their reasons of course but others? You can’t tell me they aren’t in it for glory or some misguided sense of justice.”

“And the Clave is wasting its time having you interrogated for no reason.” Alec rolled his eyes. “With the Mortal Cup and an army he could attack any time he wants, so what is he waiting for? What does he want?”

“Clary…and me by his side,” Jace whispered. “One big happy family. Standing on a mountain of skulls and drinking out of skull goblets with our skull necklaces on. He’s insane, and to think all those years ago he was the one raising me. It scares me to imagine how I could have turned out if things hadn’t gone differently. If I hadn’t been sent to live with you guys and embraced my apparent demon-ness.”

“You’re nothing like Valentine and everyone here knows it. Mom and Jocelyn might have their heads up their asses for now but who cares? Mom _will_ come around and if Jocelyn doesn’t, well you don’t need her anyway. You have a family that loves you and always has.” Alec reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “Try to remember that when Aldertree is goading you.”

Jace snickered but it didn’t push aside the worry he was obviously feeling. “Well I should get back to _his Highness_ before he sends someone after me. Hopefully this will be over soon and we can focus on finding Valentine before he kills us all.” He stood and pulled Alec into a tight hug. “Tell Magnus thank you.”

Alec was confused. “For what?”

Jace grinned at him. “For looking out for you when I’m too busy being, well, me.”

Snorting, Alec slapped him on the back and together they reentered the hallway to find Aldertree lingering but not within listening distance. Jace went off to join him and Alec huffed, wondering when things had started to go so wrong. Well they’d began to tilt the moment Clary showed up but really he couldn’t blame her for things that had been in the works before she was even born. Truth was a reckoning was always going to happen sooner or later. Shadowhunters weren’t meant to live peaceful lives.

Feeling sweaty and gross he decided it was finally time for that shower he’d been putting off. He made his way to his room and smiled at the sight of Nathaniel in his crib, babbling happily to his yellow bear. Isabelle was stretched out on Alec’s bed, feet up and wiggling as she thumbed idly through some random book. Since Laurel turned out to be a traitor, Alec was loathe to trust anyone with his son again except for direct family and perhaps Raj. And _maybe_ Thomas but he would never tell him that.

“Jace gone?” Isabelle inquired and he nodded. “I’m sure he’s going to be fine. The Silent Brothers are always fair.”

Alec perched on the edge of his bed and removed his boots. “Yeah.”

She poked him in the side. “You know while Aldertree is gone you could sneak Magnus in here for some naked fun times if you wanted. I won’t rat you out and it would probably relax you.”

He laughed despite himself. “Even with the healing rune I’m not sure I am up for that. Not to mention I don’t want _that_ to be _here_ where the others might overhear us.”

Smiling widely, she hopped up onto her knees. “Ooh so you’ve been thinking about it. I approve.”

 _Oh geeze._ “We um, we decided to be together. Like really together with a title. Boyfriends.”

Isabelle gasped and grabbed his shoulder. “Alec that’s wonderful news! Oh I’m so happy for you two; you’re such a cute couple.”

Alec didn’t try to hide his grin because he didn’t need to, not from his sister. “I’m trying to be more open and ask for what I want. The whole…parabatai thing sort of spooked him and I could tell he was going to pull away again. After all we’ve been through I knew I didn’t want that so I went for what I did want. It’s—we need to talk but it’s nice knowing we’re on the same page. Though…” Trailing off, he sighed dejectedly. “I can’t help but worry that I’m going to screw things up somehow. Say the wrong thing. Do the wrong thing.”

“You’re too hard on yourself sometimes.” Isabelle said gently. “And hey you don’t need to go at anyone’s pace but your own. Honestly is usually the best policy so if you don’t know what to say, just tell the truth. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and remember to be sincere. A romantic relationship is not like being work partners or whatever.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No. Overlooking the fact that I’ve never had a real romantic relationship before, what about our backgrounds? He’s a Downworlder and I’m a Shadowhunter and we say those terms don’t really mean anything, but they do. Relations between our two factions is better now but Valentine is working hard to change that. I hate to think that one day I’ll be told I can’t see him because he’s a warlock.”

“Ah that…I can relate to. I gave up Meliorn because I wanted people to take me seriously, but it should have never been about who I was sleeping with. It should have been about my performance as a warrior. Sometimes I think life would be easier if we were mundanes.”

Alec snickered. “Let’s not go that far. Anyway I should get a shower. Will you watch Nathaniel for me?”

She flopped back onto her stomach. “Of course.”

Nodding he kissed her forehead and then headed into his bathroom, closing the door behind him. He turned on the bright lights and pulled his t-shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor. The paleness of his skin made his runes look like black bruises and idly he smoothed a hand across the ones of his side. He had quite a few already though he’d met Shadowhunters that were nearly covered in them, signaling the battles they’d been in and how many times they’d needed new ones or fresher ones. Pretty soon Max would be receiving his first and things were just moving awfully fast. Hell before he knew it Nathaniel would be of age, and wasn’t that a scary thought.

Scary and sort of exhilarating to think about the man he would become. However at least there wouldn’t be any secrets hanging over his head to crush him one day. Everything that was happening now, he’d be made aware. Alec _was not_ going to hide the Circle from his son or his grandparents dealings with it. And he wasn’t going to downplay the role Downworlders were playing in helping stop a mad man. Hopefully Nathaniel was the beginning of a generation that didn’t just offer lip service about those that were different.

Rolling his shoulders, he removed the rest of his clothes and turned on the hot water, sliding under it with a low groan. It felt amazing as it cascaded across the top of his head—wetting his black hair—and dribbled down the back of his neck. While drifting in the nowhere space and basically waiting for Jace to help him, he’d seen memories he hadn’t thought about in years. Their first meeting and when they’d decided to become parabatai. For such a long time he’d assumed nothing would ever be as important as those moments but now he knew better. It wasn’t even that long ago and yet he’d grown so much.

Alec hadn’t seen Magnus in that fuzzy delirium but he _had_ felt him. Like a comfortable warmth at the back of his mind anchoring him to the here and now. Magnus was so—he was so _bright_ like shining star and yet there was a sadness behind his eyes whenever he assumed he was being left behind. And Alec was the idiot who’d put him in that position more than once. But by the Angel he was trying so hard to learn from his mistakes, to basically learn to trust an outsider the way he trusted those he knew. With Magnus it hadn’t been difficult to trust him at all and that was a bit terrifying.

Why?

 _Why_ did he trust a warlock with such deep parts of him?

Why had he been able to look into Magnus’ eyes and just know things would be alright?

_Maybe I just fall hard._

“Shit,” he said aloud.

Shit, indeed.

When he was finally done just standing under the water and letting his imagination run wild, Alec quickly soaped himself up and rinsed off. He washed his hair, worked out the shampoo and then did a final rinse before turning off the water and stepping out. He wrapped in a fluffy white towel and cracked open the bathroom door. “Hey Izzy,” he called. “You can go ahead and do…whatever. I’m done.”

He could just see Isabelle crawl off his bed and stretch. “Okay. Don’t stay up too late sexting Magnus. We have work to do tomorrow.”

Alec snorted but he was smiling as she left, door closing behind her. “Yeah because that’s who I am.” Exiting the bathroom he dried off and pulled on some pajamas. “Hey buddy. Ready for your dose?”

Nathaniel yawned and rubbed at his eyes. “Ba?”

Alec plucked the medicine off his dresser and they went through their little routine with Nathaniel drifting off to sleep moments later. The vial was almost empty and Alec supposed he wouldn’t need anymore. Still they’d return to Catarina’s when there was time for a follow up, and to see if she minded watching him when things were starting to get too intense.

Smoothing a hand across Nathaniel’s soft hair, Alec watched him sleep with a heart so filled with love he was surprised it wasn’t bursting open. He was determined to raise a happy child that could one day say _I’m proud of my dad_ and know it to be true. Know that Alec had done what he thought was right, fought for what he believed in and refused to back down no matter the odds.

Turning down the covers and falling into bed, he stared up at the ceiling before his eyes drifted to his cell phone. Isabelle’s words echoed in his ear and he laughed to himself but picked it up anyway, swiping at the screen. The text was sent before he could stop himself.

_Are you asleep?_

_Magnus Bane: Did you really just ‘you up?’ me?”_

_What?_

_Magnus Bane: Ha nothing. No Alexander I am not asleep. I am actually enjoying a nice bubble bath with a few martinis. You?_

_In bed. Finally._

_Magnus Bane: Things get rough after I left?_

_Kinda. Aldertree is an asshole and it’s obvious he’s out for Jace. But…I don’t wanna talk about Jace anymore right now._

_Magnus Bane: That’s a first. ;)_

_Ha ha I get it. I’ll try to rein that in._

_Magnus Bane: It’s quite alright. I find it sexy that you care so much about your family. Granted it’s not as sexy when being beat over the head with it but I get it._

Alec grinned stupidly. _I care about you too you know._

_Magnus Bane: And I you. ❤_

_So…are you really taking a bubble bath right now?_

The next text was actually a picture of Magnus and yes he was actually in his luxurious bathtub, surrounded by white fluffy bubbles and soft candlelight. Alec felt his stupid grin growing even more stupid and bigger but he couldn’t help himself. He was happy.

_You look very relaxed. I don’t think I’ve had a bath with actual bubbles since I was a kid._

_Magnus Bane: Oh then you don’t know what you’re missing. Someone in your line of work should be more willing to pamper themselves. Bubble baths, massages with scented oils…_

_Maybe you could teach me your ways then?_

_Magnus Bane: I could massage you with scented oils if that’s what you’re asking for._

Alec laughed and typed _Who would say no to that? Even I couldn’t. Not that I’d want to._

Their back and forth continued for quite a while—all throughout Magnus’ bath—and by the time he revealed he was turning into a prune Alec was yawning every three minutes. They said their good-byes and Alec dozed off almost immediately, his mind quieter than it had been all day.

ᛟ

Magnus hoped that if there were ever another time like that of the Circle that hopefully he’d be long dead before it happened. Alas it seemed as if he was going to be forced to live through it again, yet the stakes had never been higher. Years ago he’d only cared about protecting the Downworld and those closest to him. Now he had to worry about the Downworld and wily Shadowhunters with pretty eyes and soft lips. A small part of him hoped for the best but the darker part, the one that had seen so much knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

People were going to die and there was nothing he could do about it.

But that would come later. Today Alec was safe and there were no bombs to speak of so that was nice. Aldertree was turning out to be the jackass Magnus had prophesized but it was nothing new to him. Idris raised Shadowhunters always tended to be _purer_ than the others. Really the best thing any parent could do for their Nephilim child was move them into the real world, so they could be exposed to more than Alicante’s little bubble.

Aldertree was probably not a bad person but he obviously believed the hype about those with angel blood. He didn’t like Magnus meddling in their affairs—had gone so far as to tell him so—and thought his budding relationship with Alec was bad news. Thought they shouldn’t go about mixing because it never worked out in the long run. As if he knew…

 _“Don’t step out of line,_ ” he’d told Magnus. “ _Mr. Lightwood is not in charge anymore, I am. And I do things quite differently.”_

It was like having a fetus try to sass you while in utero. And the worst part was that because of the Accords Magnus was basically bound to his will…in a matter of speaking. Which made portaling to Monte Carlo for a month sound pretty good right about now, but of course that as just a fantasy. He couldn’t leave right when things were getting good.

What he could do however was shut the door in Jocelyn’s face when she showed up moments later, looking rather contrite. Didn’t stop her from knocking until he opened it again though.

“Magnus,” she said in surprise. “I know I’m not your favorite person right now but I actually came to apologize.”

He grunted but let her in. “I’m not sure what your apologies are worth these days my dear. A buck fifty perhaps.”

She sighed. “Things are spiraling out of control more than I planned.”

Magnus arched a brow and draped across his sofa. “You expect me to believe you _planned_ for any of this? For Valentine’s return? Clary falling head first into the shadow world with no knowledge on how to protect herself or her friends? If she hadn’t met Jace that night that demon would have killed her or worse.”

Jocelyn nodded slowly. “I know. I should have told her everything and I was _going to_ but there just wasn’t any time. And honestly I thought Valentine was dead. I never knew he would come back, steal the Cup and try to finish what he started years ago.” Shaking her head, she sat down across from him. “I—I’m sorry about Alec. About what nearly happened to him. I’m glad he’s okay.”

 _Hm._ “I believe you but I also know how manipulative you can be when it comes to Clary. Lord knows you pulled the same trick on me time and time again. It’s just luck things worked the way they did.” He rubbed his chin. “Unfortunately everyone’s luck eventually runs out.”

“Well you won’t have to worry about me or Clary for much longer if things go my way. The Clave has reassigned me to Idris and I’m hoping Clary agrees to go with me. She deserves to know where she truly comes from, and it’s probably safer there.” She explained. “I just wanted to come by and thank you for everything you’ve done for me. And for her. You protected her while I was asleep and I’m forever grateful. And I am sorry that I brought all of this mayhem into your life.”

Magnus couldn’t help but feel a bit like she was leaving them to clean up her mess but when the Clave called, you answered. “Going back to Idris as the former Mrs. Morgenstern won’t be easy. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

She snorted. “I guess we’ll see. The Clave is testing my loyalty after all these years and I suppose I don’t blame them. I did steal a very important artifact and keep it hidden for eighteen years. I doubt they’ll care that it was to keep it safe.” A beat. “Either way I’ll deal with whatever they throw at me. I haven’t exactly missed that side of my life but it’ll be nice to get reacquainted with it.”

 _Indeed._ “Well I wish you the best. And Clary too if she decides to go with you. A fresh start might do you both some good.” _And you’ll be away from Jace which I think you want very much._

“Clary’s been through so much this past year. I just want her safe and somewhere she can catch her breath.” Jocelyn whispered. “She wants to just jump into all of this but she isn’t ready.”

“With all due respect Clary has been handling herself quite well. She managed to bring the vampires and werewolves together to save a seelie. She’s been training and taking all of this very seriously, as she should.” Magnus told her. “She didn’t grow up a Shadowhunter but she _is_ a Shadowhunter and she’s been learning from some of the best. Alec and Isabelle are exceptional warriors. And Jace...if you like that sort of thing.”

“Jace is…” Jocelyn trailed off with a perturbed expression. “I know he’s my son and that I am supposed to—that I am supposed to love him unconditionally but I don’t _know_ him. Yet I do know what Valentine did to him because I’ve seen the results with my own eyes. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a mother scared of her own child? I felt so guilty, even more so after thinking he was dead. But there was also a deep, deep part of me that was…relieved.”

 _Shit that’s rough._ “I haven’t known Jace very long but he appears to be a stand up sort of person. He cares about his family and his friends; quite noble though I’d never say that to his face. This could be a case of nature versus nurturer with nurturer winning. For all of their faults the Lightwoods raised him to be thoughtful and dedicated to protecting others. If not all Downworlders are ruled by their demon blood the perhaps neither is your son.”

Jocelyn smiled faintly. “I’ve missed your advice. You always know what to say. After I’m settled in Idris I’ll have Jace over and really get to know him. This is our second chance after all.”

Magnus figured if more people actually _listened_ to his advice they’d be better off. As it was it seemed to go into one ear and right out the other. “Happy to be of service. I hope things go how you expect them to.”

Jocelyn stood and embraced him. “Thank you. I’ll send you a fire message and keep you informed on what’s happening in Idris.”

With the way things were going that sounded like a good idea. “Nice. Goodbye Jocelyn.”

Magnus saw her to the door and then closed it behind her, pinching the bridge of his nose. Jocelyn wasn’t his introduction into Shadowhunter business but she definitely kept him on the edges every time she needed help with Clary’s memories. Some warlocks went large chunks of their lives never interacting with a Shadowhunter but he supposed it was his destiny to do otherwise. Yet he was in deeper nowadays than ever before, even if you factored in Tessa and her issues.

“Oh well,” he said aloud. “You take the good with the bad. Helps that the good is gorgeous.”

ᛟ

There was a mundane saying: _If it’s not one thing it’s another_ and it basically translated to something always comes up. Usually something bad. 

Magnus had expected a visit from Alexander after Jace was squared away or whatever but when a frantic knock sounded on his door later that night he was surprised to find a badly hurt Raphael on the other side. As the details of his apparent torture came to light Magnus learned just what type of man Aldertree really was. A dangerous one. The Clave was filled with them but it always hit him hard how some of them actually saw Downworlders as creatures with no emotion. The asshole had mercilessly tortured Raphael for information on who was turning mundanes even though Raphael had no idea, though he suspected Camille. Yes he was the leader of the vampires now but even he wasn’t omnipotent. And if it were Camille doing the turning he still had no clue where she was.

Though honestly Magnus got the feeling some of it was about the mundanes and some probably about him being in the Institute without _clearance_ to help save Alec’s life. Still it pegged Aldertree as a dick willing to use horrific means to get his point across. Magnus would remember all of this.

Of course right after he was done healing Raphael Simon showed up and they nearly got into a fight over who sold out whom to Aldertree. In the end the only way to save both of their lives as well as all of the other vampires in Raphael’s coven was to find Camille and turn her over to the Clave instead.

It was a terrible catch 22 because naturally he wanted to save Raphael; he thought of him as a son and they’d been through much together. However for all of her many, many, _many_ faults Camille had been there for him for some of the roughest moments of his life. She’d saved him—literally—and it was that kindness that he usually thought about whenever she was at her worst. Those tender times she’d went out of her way to make sure he was okay, that he knew he was loved and appreciated. As few and far between as they were they _did_ exist and they did count for something.

But Magnus was a realist and it was obvious Aldertree was not fucking around. So…as much as it utterly devastated him he sent Simon and Raphael away under false pretenses and used Camille’s graveyard dirt to summon her.

It went as about expected first with idle threats, a play on his worst fears and then attempts at seduction on her part but Magnus did what he had to do. Sent her off to the Clave in a gilded cage and hoped they showed her a bit of mercy. Prayed more like it. They didn’t always execute their prisoners, there as a chance she’d be locked away for the rest of her immortal life. Was that better? Probably not.

With a bottle of bourbon in one hand and a glass in the other, he trudged out onto his balcony and sat down heavily in one of the chairs. The night air was chilly but comfortable and from this high he could see the twinkling stars that dotted the sky. His flowers were in bloom thanks to magic and they made the area smell fragrant, throwing off a sense of calm.

Magnus’ heart was heavy and filled with guilt even though Camille’s actions were to blame for her newfound circumstances. Having to choose between her and Raphael wasn’t an easy decision but he had to follow his heart no matter how painful the outcome. Raphael tried his best and truly cared about his coven. He was what they needed to stay grounded and they were thriving under his leadership. He had not deserved to die for Camille’s transgressions.

The alcohol was strong but made him feel warm inside. He wanted to get pleasantly drunk, listen to old albums and think about the good old days when he and Ragnor would cause harmless trouble.

Naturally that was when his cell phone went off.

“Hello?” he answered tiredly.

“Magnus!” It was Thomas. “Thank the Angel that I got you. We—it—oh shit.”

Magnus blinked, sitting up straight. “Thomas, is everything okay? What’s going on?”

Thomas swallowed hard. “No it—we were attacked. A demon got into the Institute and… It’s bad, Magnus. Really bad. People are dead. You need to come as soon as you can.”

 _Oh sweet Jesus._. “Fuck I’ll be right there. Thomas…is Alec alright?”

“He’s alive but…” Thomas replied slowly. “Just please get here soon.”

The call ended and Magnus cracked his knuckles before creating a portal and stepping through.


	12. What We Deserve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while since I updated last; I apologize. I was going to try for last month but got sick at the end of January so that put things on hold. Honestly I'd sort of lost my drive for this fic and even considered discontinuing it but your continued reviews and support changed my mind. I just want to thank you for still reading and commenting, I do appreciate it.

Chapter Twelve: What We Deserve

As Magnus entered the Institute he suddenly remembered a conversation he’d had with Camille ages ago about the dangers of connections, whether friendly or amorous. Of course at the time he’d simply laughed and spun her around the dance floor for a second time, careful not to step on the skirts of her bejeweled gown. But over the years he’d come to realize she hadn’t been joking but perhaps warning him of her true feelings when it came to attachments. She honestly thought they were frivolous and above people like _them_.

_“There is no time for such fleeting feelings when you live forever, Magnus. They’ll only cause you pain and who needs that melancholy disposition around their neck?”_

He remembered her grin afterwards had been shark-like.

Unfortunately she wasn’t entirely wrong and it was a hard lesson he’d learned. But if you shut yourself off from love and family and friendship what was really left? Were you really better off with just yourself and your self destructive habits? Regrettably he knew the answer to those questions as well.

Anyway while it felt like an odd bit of his past to suddenly recall he knew why he had. Since giving into his feelings for Alec he’d been awash in a mixture of happiness and trepidation. Before he could have walked into the Institute after hearing about a demon attack and been vaguely concerned for the Shadowhunters inside. Now he was anxious to find Alec—to see him—to know that he was one hundred percent okay. And not only that he also hoped the others were okay so that Alec wouldn’t be worried about them.

Love was grand but hard on the blood pressure.

He wasn’t certain what he’d expected when he’d arrived but the place didn’t look any worse for wear. No blood on the crisp clean floor of the ops center or bodies thrown into the expensive computer screens. The people were obviously haunted however; wandering around like ghosts without a purpose with unseeing eyes. Some just stood in place slightly trembling while others cried silently in a corner.

_Oh dear…_

Spying someone whose name he actually knew, Magnus made his way over to her “Malese, right?”

She blinked at him for a moment. “I—oh. Magnus. When did you get here?”

He motioned to the door. “A minute ago. Can you tell me what happened? Thomas said something about a demon attack.”

Swallowing hard, she wet her lips and began to nervously twist a lock of black hair around her finger. “Yeah a—a demon got into the Institute. We had no idea; it came in with a body Isabelle wanted to examine. Next—next thing you know the alarms are blaring and friends are _turning_ on friends and—and killing them. Wellky’s dead.” She sniffed. “Consensus seems to be Valentine made it with some new cloaking ability.”

Magnus nodded. “Did it just start randomly attacking people?”

She sighed and shook her head. “No—well, maybe? It entered a host and fed on its anger and rage. Made the person kill.”

 _Just what we don’t need, new brands of demon when the old ones are still a major problem._ “Is it still here?”

Malese shook her head again. “No Clary forced it out of Isabelle and killed it. They’re still in the Infirmary I think.”

Magnus squeezed her shoulder. “Thank you, sweetheart. I’m going to go check on them.” He patted her hand and left her where she sat, making his way up the stairs and around the corner towards the Infirmary.

Things made a bit more sense now, why Thomas had been frantic on the phone. Naturally Alec wouldn’t be fine if his sister had been possessed by a demon. Normal ones hitching a ride on a host left a residue that was often hard to shake off so he couldn’t imagine how an engineered one had left her feeling. He’d do whatever he could to help of course. He truly liked Isabelle and felt it was mutual.

Upon entering the Infirmary he found Malese’s shaky words to be true. Isabelle was stretched out on a bed seemingly asleep with Alec and Jace sitting sentinel on either side of her. Part of him didn’t want to intrude on this family moment but the other part knew he had to. That he’d been called to come over for a reason.

Because he was needed.

“Alexander?”

Alec’s head whipped in his direction so fast it was a wonder he didn’t get a stiff neck. “Magnus?” He stood on his impressively long legs and enveloped Magnus in a hug that could only be described as crushing, not that Magnus minded. “Wh—what at are you doing here?”

“Thomas called me and told me to come,” Magnus said into the material of his shirt. “He told me about the demon. Is Isabelle going to be okay?”

“Yeah I healed her.” Alec appeared opposed to letting him go. “The Healers want to watch her overnight and make sure the demon venom is completely gone.”

Jace cleared his throat. “Why don’t you two go somewhere quiet and talk. I’ll stay here with Izzy. It’ll be fine.”

Surprisingly Alec didn’t argue with him. He grabbed Magnus’ hand and led him to a dimly lit alcove with a padded wooden bench, sitting down as if he weighed a thousand pounds. “Normally I’d be pissed about Thomas going behind my back but this time I think I’ll let it slide. He’s still a dick though.”

Magnus smiled and sat down beside him. “I think he asked me to come for your benefit if it’s any consolation.” He paused. “Where is my rabbit? I trust he wasn’t hurt?”

Alec exhaled deeply and glanced to his hands. “Oh no Nathaniel’s fine, thank the Angel. Finn is watching him. I think he might have slept through—through everything.”

“What happened?” Magnus asked gently. “Malese said a demon got in, possessed people and used them to kill others.”

“Yeah. It had used mundanes first, maybe to lure us out to find it. We brought in a body to examine having no idea it was hiding inside.” Alec’s voice was rough and filled with audible pain. “Magnus I—I was possessed. I don’t even—it’s like a blank spot in my memory. I woke up on the floor with my hand covered in blood.” He made a tight fist. “I killed Jocelyn.”

Years and years of honing his expression to do exactly what he wanted it to do kept Magnus from reacting outwardly. Kept his gasp firmly under wraps. Inside however his mind was exploding with images of Jocelyn young and vibrant, showing up at his door pleading for his help with a toddler on her hip. Years and years of treatments for Clary, watching her face change and laugh lines appear at the corner of her eyes. Right up until their conversation just a few days ago.

And now she was gone forever.

“Oh Alec.”Magnus shifted and pulled Alec into his arms, sitting straighter so that when Alec slouched his head fit perfectly against his collarbone. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling right now.”

“Yeah well the last thing I should be doing is seeking comfort after what I did.” He attempted to move but Magnus held him in place. “Magnus, I don’t deserve it.”

 _My silly little Shadowhunter._ “You deserve this and more. What happened wasn’t your fault and you know this. The demon took control and there was nothing you could do.”

Alec looked up at him. “But I _should_ have done something. I’m a Shadowhunter for Angel’s sake. Killing demons is what I was born to do. If I can’t even do that what good am I?”

Magnus kissed his temple. “Alexander we live in a world now where the rules are changing. Valentine and his sick experiments are creating demons that we’ve never dealt with before. We have no information on them, no real way to track them. Unfortunately we have to learn as we go along and in the meantime there will be casualties. We are—in essence—at war.” _Nothing we do will change that._ “And you know you are much more than simply a Shadowhunter. An amazing warrior yes but that doesn’t define you. At least not in my eyes.”

“You’ve always seen parts of me that I couldn’t see for myself,” Alec whispered. “But this is different. This is…what do I say to Clary?”

“Clary knows you didn’t act maliciously of your own accord. No doubt she is hurting deeply but I don’t for one second think she blames you.” Magnus told him. “If anyone is to blame here it’s Valentine. He doesn’t care who he hurts when it comes to his mission, as we have seen time and time again.”

Alec fell silent and Magnus drifted into his own thoughts for a moment. He needed to find Clary and make sure she was alright. They’d grown closer throughout their time becoming reacquainted and it wouldn’t be right to not check on her wellbeing. Besides he knew what it was like to lose a mother and even if the circumstances were different it might help her to talk about that loss.

“What happened with Isabelle? And I thought Jace was in the City of Bones?”

“The demon jumped into her and Clary stabbed her. It made the demon manifest and then she killed it. Apparently while the demon was attacking here Valentine attacked the City of Bones and almost killed Jace and Aldertree. He _killed_ the Silent Brothers. He also…stole the Soul Sword and we don’t know why.”

“Well, shit. Alright we’ll put a pin in that until later.”

Before Magnus could stop him Alec slipped out of his embrace and got up. He paced from left to right for a few minutes, dragging long fingers through his black hair and making it stick up. “Look I have a bit more stuff to do around here, stupid reports and everything. I want to make sure Izzy is completely okay but…could you do me a favor?”

Magnus gazed up at him. “Of course, Alexander. Whatever you need.”

Alec rubbed the back of his neck. “Could you take Nathaniel to your place? Just for a day or two.”

Touched that Alec would trust him with his most prized possession, Magnus cut off his pacing and took his hands. “You have but to ask. He’ll be safe with me I promise. Though…” He grinned slightly. “You’re welcomed to come with him. I have room enough for both of you. Separate if it helps.”

It was small but Alec managed a little smile. “I’ll come by after Isabelle wakes up. Magnus I—”

Magnus interrupted him with a petal soft kiss. “It’s okay.”

With a shaky sigh Alec pressed their foreheads together and for a brief second there was nothing else in the world but them. Just their fingers entwined as time slowed and the sounds of a hectic background slipped away. And yet Magnus could almost feel the pain Alec was in as if he were transmitting it like a beacon. It was hot and sharp and piercing like a knife that had been held in the fire too long. 

Would Alec emerge just as darkened and warped? Only time would tell.

“Alright. See you later.” Alec kissed him again and then made his way back towards the Infirmary.

From the time they’d first met Alec—due to his own self hatred and the demands of his family—had played things close to the vest. Up until the wedding Magnus had made certain allowances for him because it was hard trying to change after years of having something deeply ingrained into your psyche. Even still Alec might probably never be the sort to literally jump for joy about something but that was okay. However seeing him now being so free with his anguish over Jocelyn, at least where Magnus was concerned, felt like another turning point in their relationship.

Like he knew he could be open with Magnus because there would be no judgment. It was humbling.

Scratching at his scruff, Magnus turned on his heel and went to Alec’s room. Finn was sitting in the rocking chair with a tablet on his lap, idly swiping at the screen. He looked up when the door opened fully and smiled. “Hey Magnus. When did you get here?”

“Not too long ago,” Magnus replied. “I’ve caught up on everything that happened. I’m happy you’re alright.”

Finn shrugged. “Got lucky maybe. Anyway you come to check on our littlest Shadowhunter? He’s been cool, only had to change his diaper once. Almost as bad as fighting a demon.”

Magnus chuckled. “I’ll bet. Actually Alec asked me to take Nathaniel back to my place. You can go ask him if you don’t believe me. I’ll wait.”

Finn waved him off. “Nah man it’s cool. Alec trusts you and I do too. You risked your life with that bomb and have proven you’re on our side. Besides I doubt you’d be so brazen as to just walk in and try to kidnap Alec’s kid.” Stretching he ambled out of the room engrossed in his tablet once again.

_Would I be that brazen? Maybe in the 80s._

Snorting he peered down into the bassinet and smiled at the sight of Nathaniel stretched out and sleeping peacefully, little thumb stuck in his mouth. He had no idea of the danger that had surrounded him or the utter sorrow that his father was currently going through. To be that innocent again; would it be a gift or a curse?

“Hey there little one,” Magnus said touching his cheek. “Your handsome daddy wants you to come home with me for a while. So…” Very gently he picked Nathaniel up and snuggled him close. “Don’t wake up later and scream bloody murder because he’s not around, okay? Otherwise I’ll be forced to conjure up many things to make you happy. Maybe I’ll do that anyway.”

Nathaniel slumbered on and Magnus smoothed a hand along his back, looking around the room to see if there is anything he should bring. Of course he grabbed his favorite teddy bear and the medicine provided by Catarina, shoving it into the pocket of his black jacket. _Eh anything else I’ll pop in._

When footsteps sounded in the hallway he expected Alec to loom in the doorway but instead it was Thomas. “Magnus hey,” he said smiling. “I heard you’d made it.”

“Hello Thomas. Thank you for calling me and telling me about what was going on. I just wish I could have gotten here sooner.” Magnus replied softly. “Perhaps I could have helped or detected the demon.”

Thomas pushed floppy strands of brown hair off his forehead. “Or ended up on the wrong end of a fist. It was pretty brutal. You know I’ve been here a long time and nothing like this has ever happened before. We always thought we were so protected, and now Valentine is just proving that was a lie. We were only safe because the Cup was missing.” He frowned. “Or maybe because Clary wasn’t around…not that I’m blaming her.”

Magnus hummed. “I think this was bound to happen eventually though. The odds of Clary spending her entire life knowing nothing about her Shadowhunter heritage are pretty slim. Things like that have a way of coming out sooner or later. Valentine wouldn’t have been able to go the rest of his life without forcing a confrontation.”

Thomas pouted. “You’re probably right. Guess that means I should try to get more training in. Be at the top of my game for any other bullshit that might happen.”

 _Couldn’t hurt._ “I think we all need to be at the top of our game these days especially if we want to keep up with Valentine.”

“So uh…I guess you know what happened with Alec.” Thomas wet his lips. “And Jocelyn. Clary left with Simon as soon as things were a bit calmer. Guess she just needed to be away from here.”

“Valentine has caused a lot of destruction and hurt a lot of people.”

“And it’s not even over yet. I’ve given Alec space since I’m generally not his favorite person, but is he okay?”

“Alec is…a survivor. I have faith he’ll be alright.”

“I hope he knows how lucky he is to have someone like you.” Thomas turned to leave, hand lingering on the doorframe. “I plan to be around if he ever forgets.”

As he walked away Magnus itched at his eyebrow and absently wondered if _that_ could ever morph into an issue. _We’ll pin that for later too._

“Come on rabbit; let’s get you back to bed at my place.”

No one stopped him as he walked through the Institute or when he got outside. Not that he was expecting to be tackled but you never knew with Shadowhunters.

Magnus created a portal and seconds later he was in the comfort of his loft. He carried Nathaniel into one of the spare bedrooms and placed him on the bed, shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it into a chair. Now normally he’d think the room was very stylish and decorated to his tastes but it wasn’t exactly baby friendly. And even if Nathaniel wasn’t going to be there but a few days he wanted him at ease.

Rubbing his hands together, he created a silvery ball of energy between them and fed it until it was about the size of a grapefruit. He then released it with a flick of his wrist and watched as it expanded outward with a crackle, much like a ward would do but a bit more dramatic. By the time it hit the opposite wall and disappeared into the night air his once fancy bedroom was now a fancy nursery with dancing bears on the wall, and a mobile made of shimmering starlight. 

“There.” He admired his handy work. “Wow. Never thought I would have one of these. Ragnor would be laughing his ass off right about now. That’s _not_ an invitation to pop in by the way. Maybe later.”

Just as Magnus was about to put Nathaniel in the crib his big pretty eyes slowly opened and he yawned widely, blinking sleepily.

“Ooh hello rabbit. Let’s hope you don’t freak out on me.” Magnus smiled nervously. “We’re good, right?”

Nathaniel eyed him for a moment and then said, “Ba?”

“Daddy will be here soon. He’s…going through some things. But I’m here and…” He cuddled Nathaniel close and picked up his teddy. “Mr. Teddy is here too.”

Nathaniel bumped his forehead against Magnus’ cheek. “Baba.” He yawned again and then settled, little hand curling into the material of Magnus’ collar.

Some warlocks didn’t like children and it was understandable, just like some humans didn’t like children either. But Magnus had always had a soft spot for them. He wasn’t sure why but the knowledge that he would never get to sire his own sometimes weighed heavily on him. It was a fact Camille had never understood; turning someone into a vampire was _like_ birthing a new being and yet she treated it as a means to an end. Would leave new vampires to fend for themselves—as she’d done with Raphael in the beginning—which was just cruel in his eyes. And yeah it wasn’t his responsibility to look after these young vampires, warlocks or even werewolves but he did because someone had to.

Standing here with Alec’s son in his arms he felt an overwhelming sense of protectiveness for him. Not to mention oodles of affection. He probably would have made a good dad.

“I suppose Alec already gave you your medicine. You look so much better, sweet pea. You can’t even tell you were sick at all,” Magnus mused as he dropped down into a comfortable arm chair with the baby. “How about we call Catarina tomorrow and make her come by and see you? Hm? I think you’d both like that. And she could stand to work a bit less.”

Nathaniel touched his chin, seemingly finding his facial hair quite interesting. Magnus smiled and kissed his fingers. “Oh you are so cute I could just eat you up. Would you like a story to get you back to sleep? Let’s see…” He paused. “Okay once upon a time there was a gorgeous, very powerful young warlock and his powerful yet not as handsome friend named Ragnor. They loved to get into mischief together to the point where they sometimes got banned from places…and countries. But in their defense back then stealing carriages and bringing statues to life was a prime form of entertainment. So this one time in Peru…”

ᛟ

There was exhaustion and then there was what Alec was feeling even _with_ his Stamina rune, which he didn’t have a name for. It was bone deep—nerve deep—and dragging him down into a space he’d never experienced before. None of his training had prepared him for _this_ and he felt like a ship without an anchor, mindlessly drifting in the dark. And tonight was just the beginning.

The Institute was secure again and Isabelle was going to be fine but that didn’t solve any of the problems they now had to contend with. Friends had killed friends. He’d _murdered_ Jocelyn and yet had no memory of it though that didn’t take away the feeling of her warm blood sticky between his fingers. Of seeing her body slumped lifelessly in Clary’s room. Of seeing himself on those monitors put his entire _fist_ through her _chest_. Yes he’d been possessed and controlled by the demon but he’d always assumed he was better than that.

Smarter.

Stronger.

_Better._

Walking through the Institute he felt like everyone was staring at him and judging him though it was what he deserved. He’d _killed_ someone and if they wanted to throw him into the City of Bones he would go without a fight. But while the others were whispering and critiquing they were also quick to remind him none of this was his fault. Just as they weren’t blaming Tobias for Wellky’s death.

Alec knew he harbored anger when it came to Jocelyn and how she’d treated Jace but he hadn’t realized it was so severe. The demon had sought him out because of this rage and now Clary’s mother was dead.

How was he supposed to look her in the eye after this?

What was he supposed to say to her?

His mother would probably call what he was doing as _running away_ but he just needed to get out of the Institute for a while. Aldertree would be slithering back in soon and honestly he didn’t want to deal with his snide, smug comments. That could wait until tomorrow. Besides his siblings were safe and the demon was dead so things were taken care of.

The night air felt refreshing but did little to wake him up. Still he continued on down the street like a man with a mission, blocking out the never ending sounds of the city until he was walking into Magnus’ building. Only then did his eye sight go a bit blurry and the muscles in his legs started to protest. It was as if his body knew it could complain because he was somewhere safe. A judgment free zone.

He knocked on Magnus’ door and smiled when it was opened. “Hey.”

Magnus returned his smile. “Hello Alexander. Come on in.”

Alec shuffled inside. “Am I too late? I mean is it too late for me to be over?”

Magnus waved a hand. “Of course not—I’ve been expecting you. Though you did miss the party Nathaniel and I threw. You son is well on his way to being the beat box champion of New York.”

Crinkling his brow in confusion, Alec chuckled tiredly and toppled down onto the sofa. “Well as long as he had fun. I hope he didn’t give you any trouble.”

“He was the perfect little angel. He woke up for a bit but I told him a riveting story about my past and he’s been out ever since.” Magnus studied him for a moment. “Though he’s probably due for a dirty diaper any time now. I take it Isabelle is alright?”

“Yeah she uh—she woke up and said her shoulder was sore but otherwise no trace of demon venom. In a few days she should be good as new.” Alec yawned. “At least one thing went right tonight.”

Magnus hummed at rubbed at the small crease between Alec’s brows, making him smile tiredly. “You’re exhausted,” Magnus pointed out. “Why don’t you get some rest? The guest room is all set up for you.”

Alec slipped forward with every intention to stand but when his forehead bumped Magnus’ stomach, he sighed and went still. “Can’t I just stay here? You smell good.”

“Well I suppose I could stand here for an hour. I am wearing my comfortable shoes.” Magnus combed his fingers through Alec’s silky hair. “But a bed would be much better. You could stretch out, get under the covers, hug the pillows. The thread count with my sheets has to be experienced to be believed.”

Alec could feel his eyelid drooping; the feel of Magnus’ fingers lulling him deeper and deeper into relaxation. “Are you using magic on me?” His voice was slightly slurred. 

“Yes I’m using my warlock wiles to get you eight hours of sleep. C’mon Shadowhunter.” Magnus hauled him up and gently ushered him into a bedroom. “You’d probably make an adorable drunk.”

“Maybe. I wouldn’t mind being drunk right now.” Alec clamored out of his jacket and kicked off his boots. “Least then I wouldn’t be feeling so fucked up. _Annnnd_ tomorrow I have to go back to the Institute and deal with Aldertree. Remember when I was in charge?”

“I do remember. I’m sure you’ll get the chance to be in charge again,” Magnus said as he turned down the covers. “You did a wonderful job and honestly, our two factions can’t survive with someone like Aldertree holding the reins. Especially not with Valentine in the mix.”

“Pfft that could be the point.” Alec struggled out of his t-shirt, letting it drop to the floor. “Maybe he wants war for the same reason Valentine does. He thinks he can win.”

“I am sure you will deal with Aldertree like you tackle everything else; with class and determination. He’ll never even know he’s gotten under your skin…if he does that is.” Magnus looked him over with an appreciative gaze and Alec wasn’t so punch drunk that it didn’t make him feel warm inside. “Mm.”

Alec wet his lips, happy for the distraction from his train wreck of a life. “I hope you’re right. But then you usually are.” He stepped closer and put his hands on Magnus’ shoulders. “Wisdom from old age?”

Magnus snorted. “Something like that.” His fingertips tripped across Alec’s _Promise_ rune and Alec looked down to watch, his stomach muscles fluttering. “I find people easy to read and I know that sometimes you actually put your stubbornness to good use, like when it comes to being a Shadowhunter. You care Alec, and that will trump other idiots with ulterior motives anytime.”

 _I wish I could believe that. I wish it was that simple._ “I cared about my family’s name and honor and look where that got me.”

“It got you a beautiful son in the end.” Magnus said softly against the sharp cut of his jaw. “And…it may have taken a while but it got us here.”

“Here is nice.” Alec grinned sleepily and kissed him. “I like here.”

Magnus snickered. “You’re adorable.” He placed his hand over Alec’s heart. “Beautiful.”

Alec swallowed hard; the day’s events pushing down on his usually strong shoulders. In the back of his mind he’d known he didn’t deserve Magnus—didn’t deserve his understanding or compassion—and now it was just becoming more and more of a reality. Turning his head away from Magnus’ earnest expression he said, “You know I’m going to screw this up, right? You and me.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because I already have once. I—I don’t know how to have this sort of relationship. Maybe I wasn’t built for it.”

“You’re doing fine Alexander.”

“Am I? I thought I was leading the Institute fine but I wasn’t. I thought I was a capable Shadowhunter who could take down anything but I’m not. I thought—”

Magnus silenced him with another kiss, one that made Alec hot and more than a little bothered. He pressed as close to Magnus as he could get, sliding his hands under the fabric of Magnus’ dark sweater to touch hot skin. Magnus purred—actually _purred_ —and it made Alec giggle because he was sleep deprived and because it was charming as hell. 

_I can think about this moment when I want to punch everyone in the face. Or when I want to punch myself in the face._

“And that is my cue to let you get some rest,” Magnus said with a smile, even as he lightly bit into the plush-ness of Alec’s bottom lip. “We’ll finish this another time. I wouldn’t want you falling asleep in the middle; might damage my ego.”

Alec moaned and clung to him like an octopus. “Trust me I’ll be wide awake.”

“Oh I totally believed you. But this is about _my_ ego, remember? So…” With a devious grin, Magnus slid his hands down to Alec’s belt, slowly sliding the leather from its silver buckle. “This is what we are going to do…”

Alec’s brain short circuited; his body literally jolting forward as Magnus popped the button to his jeans and pulled down the zipper. His skin flushed red and it took him a moment to realize Magnus was talking to him. He couldn’t hear anything over the pounding of his own heart, like a bass drum in his ears. “I—what?” He tore his gaze away from Magnus’ nimble ring-clad fingers to find yellow eyes watching him intensely. “God…your _eyes_ …”

Charmed, Magnus kissed him again. “Go to sleep, Alexander. Things will hopefully look better in the morning.”

As Alec watched Magnus leave he shook his head with a smile and shucked off his jeans before falling into bed. The sheets were soft and cool so he snuggled down and stretched out, mind focusing more on the leftover tingles still coursing through his veins rather than anything else. Part of him felt like a complete failure though and failures didn’t deserve happy thoughts about cute warlocks with warm hands. But he supposed he was lucky it wasn’t always up to him. That when you were at your lowest there were people to pick you up whether you wanted them to or not, because they could see the situation in an entirely different light.

If only he could stay in this cocoon of safety and quiet for the rest of his life. _But that’s not who I am. I will tackle this and Jocelyn’s death the best I can. I_ have _to. I am a Shadowhunter._

_And Magnus—Magnus is—_

He was asleep before he could finish the thought.


End file.
